Chapter 32
BLAIZE
Kadence still looked intimidated by my request, and I wanted to kill that douche who broke her heart. He did more than break her heart, but I would find a way to get Kadence the justice she deserved. Until then, I was vowing to give her everything she missed out on in life, one way or another.
I shuffled onto my bed, pulling my hair from under me as I watched Kadence stand on wobbly legs.
She kicked her legs over me, her hips straddling my chest as she looked down at me.
This woman was perfect. I didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but I would do my best to show her how worthy and beautiful she truly was.
“Grab the headboard and hold on tight. It’s going to be one hell of a ride.” She lowered herself on my face, hovering. “Princess, I said sit, not hover.”
I wrapped my hands around her thighs and pulled her down. She gasped, her hands grabbing the headboard slightly. When I said sit, I meant sit. If I died with her pussy on my face, then so fucking be it.
I flattened my tongue on her pussy, licking and exploring before plunging deep inside her.
The tip of my nose hit her clit, and I could feel the pleasure rippling through her.
She didn’t listen to me before about grabbing the headboard, but when she leaned forward, I heard the metal rattle as she moved her dripping cunt against my face.
“Oh, fuck,” she moaned. I grabbed her hips, preventing her from moving as I wrapped my lips around her swollen clit and sucked hard. Her body tenses as her pleasure got closer and closer, but I stopped before she fell apart, causing a whine to fall from her lips.
I pulled away from her slightly, seeing fear washing over her features. “Not yet, princess. I want to enjoy it more.”
Before she could say anything else, I dove back in.
She tasted divine. Sweet, with her natural musk.
I could stay between her legs for hours, bringing her orgasm after orgasm until I had my fill.
She’d let me, too. Her little fantasy with the sex machine had been living in my mind rent free.
I wanted to know how long she could last with the dildo pumping inside her, pulling orgasm after orgasm until she begged me to take her.
It was very much a reward and punishment.
Her thighs shook violently, as her orgasm barreled through her like a hurricane. I lapped her release up, cleaning every last drop before I tapped her thigh and she crawled off of me, straddling my hips.
“Holy…how? I didn’t think…” She trailed off, biting her lips, but I could see questions in her forest-green eyes.
“What is it, princess?”
“It’s stupid.”
“Tell me.”
She sighed, her expression shifting into one of absolute exhaustion, but not the physical kind. “I never expected sex to be like this or for me, to get off as many times as I do.”
I lifted her chin, seeing her eyes glassy. “Why not?”
“I used sex as self-harm, never really for pleasure, but all my partners only cared about getting off. Dom, he always made me feel…” She sighed. “He was a mistake. I just wish I knew before, y’know?”
I repositioned us so Kadence is sitting in my lap, and I gently caress her face, wiping the stray tear that fell. “He obviously wasn’t man enough for you, and if I ever see him, I’m cutting his penis off.”
“He’ll never find me again,” she whispered.
It would take a lot for me not to tell Hunter to find him so I could kill the bastard.
“He used to be everything I thought I wanted, but he was just a toy for me to use to hurt my father. It was my fault. Nothing bad would have happened to me if I was the doting daughter.”
Those four words triggered something inside me. It was my fault. “Never say that again. What happened to you is not your fault. I never want to hear those words fall from your lips again. You were attacked. It doesn’t matter what happened that led up to it.”
She rested her head on my chest, and I felt her tears hit my skin. “Thank you.”
“Of course. Now what do you say? We take a shower and enjoy the rest of the night?”
Kadence was sleeping peacefully in my bed.
After heated make out sessions, she wanted to shower to help her heated skin.
I spent three hours watching her sleep, running my fingers through her blue tresses and down her body.
My fingers would linger over the healing marks on her wrists.
The ones she made, and the ones I caused.
Guilt tugged at my chest, but I wouldn’t let it dictate how I moved on. She was slowly starting to forgive me.
I wasn’t worthy of her forgiveness. I told her I would burn the world for her, and I would. Kadence was a prize, and I wouldn’t let anyone, including my demons, harm her ever again. I’d do anything and everything I could to protect her, even if that meant protecting her from myself.
I slipped out of my bedroom and into my office. I was falling in love. It was something I never thought would happen again. I glanced at the picture of Olivia on my desk, her memory tugging at my heart as I grabbed my whiskey glass and decanter of whiskey.
“You’d like her, Livvy,” I muttered as I removed the stop on the decanter and poured myself a glass. “She’s sassy, like you.”
I swirled the whiskey around the glass before finishing it in one gulp.
Fear danced across my skin, sending a shudder down my spine.
Being in love was dangerous, especially with someone trying to rile me up.
They already knew about Kadence, and I did everything I could to keep her at a distance.
Whoever this was already used her as a pawn in their game, and they succeeded at getting a reaction.
I was fully intending on killing them for harming my people.
Emotions clouded my judgement and the feelings for Kadence vanished to the back of my mind after being replaced with grief.
I was the same woman I was after losing my wife and daughter.
If she didn’t have a panic attack and Hunter didn’t bust down there like a bat out of hell, or if Hawke didn’t snap out of his grief-filled haze, I would have harmed her beyond repair.
I wasn’t ashamed of who I was. I was in love with Kadence, but she would need to accept me for who I was.
Changing who I was wasn’t in the cards. I was a killer, and I’d continue to do what was needed if it meant protecting my girls, my club, and my motorcycle club.
The blood on my hands was permanent. I needed her to realize that before we both decided if this was what we wanted.
Hunter waltzed into my office with a shit-eating grin spread across her face. “So how’s lover's paradise? By the hickies on your neck, I’d say you had a party.”
I rolled my eyes, filling my glass with another hefty pour of whiskey. “What do you want, Hunter?”
“Why do you think I want something?”
I arched my brow. “It’s 3:00 a.m. The only thing people do this late is wallow with their demons.”
“That’s the difference between me and you, Blaize. You wallow, I accept. My demons are a part of me. Loud and screaming heathens that live inside me.”
“One day, those demons will make you do something you regret.”
“Nope. Cause I won’t fall in love. You’re not a cold-hearted monster, Blaize. You act like it, but you loved before—I never did. No one will fix the dead thing in my chest.”
“Mmhmm. Now what is it?”
“I found information on Kadence’s father and that gang in New York.
Nick Carpenter wants to know where his daughter is, but as far as everyone else is concerned, Caden is dead.
The Born Killerz initiated their new leader and pretended Liam Keller never even existed.
His death never mattered to them. Profit does. ”
“And her ex?”
Hunter laughed. “Is the ugliest motherfucker I’ve ever laid eyes on. Was Kadence blind the entire relationship? Her taste in women is a hell of a lot better than in men.”
“Focus or get out.”
“He’s not in New York. I already gave the surrounding territories his picture with no context. If they see him, they grab him and report to us. I traced his phone and his bank. I’ll see everything he does. I’ll find him for you so you can kill the bastard for hurting your girl.”
“I’ll make his death painful.”
“So, how is she?”
“Better, but still mad at me. I can see it in her eyes.”
She folded her arms across her chest, smirking, and I wanted to punch the grin off of her smug face. “You kinda deserve it, but it’s nice to see that look in your eyes again.”
I curved my brow once more, eyeing her. I had a mind to throw her out of my office, but she was the bitchy conscience I needed to ensure I didn’t fuck up…anymore. “And what’s that?”
“Being in love.”
My eyes fell to the framed picture of Olivia once again. “I’m going to fuck this up.”
“What?”
“Everything.” Hunter was one of the only people I’d let my guard down with, but I wanted to try with Kadence.
I wanted to try and be the woman she deserved, but I couldn’t change who I was.
“I kill people. Kadence doesn’t deserve that.
Don’t you think she wants a normal partner who won’t put her life at risk or come home with blood on her clothes? ”
“Kadence deserves whatever makes her happy, and that’s you. Olivia knew who you were, and still loved you. Kadence was on the receiving end. She knows what you are capable of, but she won’t run as long as you don’t push her away or have her on the receiving end of your anger again.”
“And if I fuck it up?”
“Then you learn from your mistakes. Aren’t relationships about communication and talking?
You’re asking the wrong person for relationship advice.
You want good advice, ask Hawke or Drew.
He has three partners. I don’t know how the hell he does it.
Annika is her best friend, and as long as you don’t hurt Kadence, I’m sure she’ll help you. ”
I laughed gently, thinking about the feisty brat that was ready to claw my eyes out. “If I did, Annika threatened to kill me. And with the way she looked when I went to her apartment, I believe it. She’s feisty.”
Hunter rolled her eyes. “She’s a brat, but she loves my brother, so that’s all I care about.”
“Go away now. I have a beauty to curl up next to.”
“Lucky bitch. If you ever want to rock her world, I volunteer for tribute.”
“Goodbye.”