Chapter 39
KADENCE
My arm ached as I adjusted the bags. Whoever said we were shopping lightly lied—that person being me.
I told Blaize what we were doing today and informed her that I would buy a few spicy outfits for us.
I was still planning a night where she could let go and focus on kink, but she needed to breathe for a minute.
“Okay, this XL coffee is calling my name.” Annika laughed as we took a seat outside the cafe.
“I have a question, and if it’s too much to dive into in public let me know.” She nodded. This had been a burning question for the longest time. “How do you know what you like? Like BDSM wise.”
“Oh wow, uhm, I already knew I liked being watched, but I didn’t realize how rough I liked it until we got a little older and out of high school. Who knew being thrown around like a rag doll and fucked senseless would turn me on?”
“Do you use toys?”
“Sometimes. They’ll use a vibrator on my clit or clamps to add pain to my pleasure, but I’m not big on pain.”
“Hunter said that Blaize likes to inflict pain. When we had our first night together, I liked the clamps and her spanking me, but I’ve never done anything intense. How do I know what I would like when I’m inexperienced with this community?”
She realized the question I was asking. “With BDSM, any aspect of it, consent is huge. If you want to try something, you could talk with Blaize about it. Communication is key. If you don’t like something, you need to let her know,” she explained.
“Like with my guys, I love when they are rough with me. I like slaps to the face with their dicks and small slaps with their hands, but nothing too intense. I have a praise kink and a small degradation kink, but certain words trigger me. I don’t like impact play.
Using their hands is fine, but with my trauma, I don’t like other objects.
My dad would beat me with whatever he could find, and being hit with a flogger or paddle makes me freak out. ”
“What’s a degradation kink? And praise is like good girl?”
“Praise is basically words of affirmation. My favorite with the guys is look at how beautiful you look taking us, you were made for us, or eyes on me, pretty girl, you’re doing so good.
Drew has a wicked mouth on him. Degradation is a little more intense.
I don’t like physical degradation, but they can add in, look at me, I own you, or my perfect cock sleeve or toy.
I like being called their pretty slut, but I can’t have them call me worthless, even if I know it’s a scene.
Theo called me his worthless cock slut, once and I cried for three hours. He was traumatized.”
“Poor Theo.”
She laughed. “The unofficial makeup sex was spot on. Make a list of things you want to try. There’s a lot within the community.
For you with your trauma, and I could be wrong ‘cause people like different things, but since you were raped, you might not like CNC or anything super rough. But again, people are different. Your limits are probably different from mine and healing could look different for you.”
My brows furrowed hearing CNC for the second time, and did a quick Google search on it. “Uh, maybe not anytime soon. Hunter said Blaize likes being in control, and that she’s more of a pleasure domme.”
“Blaize is a soft domme, too. She likes pleasure and she likes inflicting a little bit of pain, but she’s not going to force you to your knees or pull you by your hair. She’ll ask you to kneel or crawl, and things like that. And I only know because she used to perform at the club with Olivia.”
“She likes being watched?”
“That’s not a question for me, babe. Tell me, what else do you like doing with her?”
“I think I like degradation. I like it when she calls me her pretty little whore, and I may like the harsher words, too, but I melt when she calls me her good girl.”
She nodded. “Yep. You have a praise kink. Test the degradation kink with her. If you like her calling you her whore, then dive in.”
“That’s what I don’t understand. When I was raped, he kept calling me a whore, and the man I hit that night at the club told me to be a good whore and sit on his lap. But when Blaize does it, I feel like a schoolgirl fumbling over my words.”
Annika tightened her grip on my hand, giving me reassurance. “Don’t feel bad for what you like, Kadence. You trust Blaize. That’s what kink is all about. Sex, in general, is about trusting your partner.”
“I know. God, my therapist is gonna have a field day.”
“She’s cool. I am an over-sharer, so she knows in detail what I do with my guys. Whatever you do, I’ll be all ears for story time. And if she hurts you, I will kill her.”
“You don’t have to worry about that. We have mended the parts that needed it. She saved me from some creep that tried to kill me.”
She finished her coffee. “Let’s go. I want to try on this lingerie before my guys get home.”
Her SUV was in the parking garage, a ten-minute walk from the cafe.
Why we didn’t think about bringing the bags back there before getting coffee, I didn’t understand, but the break was needed.
My phone ran, and I grumbled, knowing I’d have to move everything to reach into my pocket.
I adjusted the bags on my arm, pulling my phone out and smiling at Blaize’s picture.
“Hi,” I chimed brightly. I heard a motorcycle revving and glanced behind me while Blaize talked. It was a biker town, so the sound didn’t faze me like it would’ve in New York.
“Hi, princess. What do you say we have a special night together? Just the two of us.”
“Yes!” I missed her. With everything going on with the Reapers and the person who attacked me, Blaize had been distant and shut down. I knew she was trying, but it wasn’t the level I wanted, and it made me feel selfish. “I miss you. Are you okay?”
“I am, princess. I’ll be even better when I can hold you.”
“I love you.” I glanced behind me again, seeing a shine of metal. “Shit!” Bullets flew and I grabbed Annika, diving forward. Blaize was shouting through the receiver. There were screams around us, but the bullets were meant for me.
When the motorcycle drove off in a cloud of smoke, I pulled myself up. “Annika, are you okay?” I looked over to see blood and a pained expression on her face. “No. No. No.” I scrambled, finding something to hold pressure onto her wound. “Hey, come on. Look at me.”
Her eyes fluttered open. “Ow. My guys are going to be so mad.”
I grabbed her phone, knowing Blaize was still on the line with me. I called Theo first. “Mariposa, my di—”
“Annika’s hurt. We’re at the mall. Someone shot at us.”
I lowered the phone to Annika’s ear. “Hi, my love,” she whimpered. “Drew and I have matching battle wounds.”