11. Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
Mia
F loating at the edge of my consciousness was the image of Tyler standing in the middle of the hospital corridor, too close to his ex-girlfriend. I’d gone through the concert motions, but the performance wasn’t my best effort. Being on stage was my escape from all the other shit. But every tune, every lyric reminded me of Tyler tonight, and it was driving me insane. The urge to punch him or kiss him was overwhelming.
Perhaps punch him, and then kiss him.
Jealousy was eating its way through my gut, and it was different from how I felt about his relationship with Mom. Too different. Because when he’d turned in the hall, there’d been an expression on his face I’d never seen before.
Guilt.
Whatever he and Katie were talking about had made him feel guilty. Had he betrayed my secrets? Made promises to his ex about a future once the baby was born and I was out of the way?
From Katie’s body language and how she’d looked at Tyler, her regrets over their breakup were obvious. And his face, God, the expression on his face before he realized I was there. Round two between them didn’t seem out of the question .
My gut clenched.
“You tired?” Tyler’s brow puckered before he helped squeeze me into the final outfit of the night. The second encore was usually my favorite because I could make the crowd wait for a minute or two while we flirted. Not tonight. I wasn’t in the mood.
“Sure. Yeah. Tired.” I’d held my tongue at the appointment and responded to the doctor’s questions with short, truthful answers. I even spoke to Katie a second time without being completely rude. Other than the sickness, the crying, and the expanding breasts, I could almost forget I was pregnant. Wouldn’t that be nice?
He studied me for a moment, and then we stared at each other, mute.
“You gonna talk to me?” he asked.
Since I’d come off the stage for my last change, I’d barely spoken to him. Normally, we were energized, almost frantic in our playful exchanges. The best kind of foreplay…as though we’d rip each other’s clothes off later.
“I’m talking to you right now.” I tipped my head at the stagehand who usually strapped me into the harness, and then we walked off together, leaving Tyler behind. Other nights, our playful banter left him watching me when I walked away, and I always threw him one last glance. Tonight, when I looked back, it wasn’t with my usual sassiness; and his eyes weren’t glued to me either. He was deep in conversation with Taryn and didn’t notice me at all.
I ground my teeth and flung out my arms, letting the stagehand buckle me into the butterfly harness. Whatever this feeling was building in my chest needed to go away. Jealousy. I had no time for jealousy. Tyler needed to be exterminated from my thoughts .
He wasn’t a knight in shining armor sent to save me. Even if he was this bright, saintly example of manhood, I didn’t need saving.
The harness yanked tight, and I was propelled toward the ceiling, arms out, wings flapping in the breeze from the arena’s cooling system.
I was Mia Malone, at the pinnacle of my career. Fans buzzed around in the darkened arena, filling up the space with an energy I’d kept at bay all night. When the lights flashed and the crowd burst with their frantic screams, I breathed a sigh of relief and let their enthusiasm flood me.
This. This feeling .
Who wouldn’t want my life?
Taryn eyed me in the mirror while the makeup artist removed my stage makeup and applied another coat for the club appearance. I had an hour to get there. Rebecca stood behind Taryn consulting a list of commitments scheduled for the next week.
“You’re exhausted.”
“I’m fine.” I held still in the chair and tried to keep my features neutral. If I went with Grady’s suggestion, I would agree with Taryn, admitting this life was all becoming too much. It was. But the work wasn’t doing me in or even the pregnancy. The baby daddy was the real problem. I’d never wanted to yank someone closer while also pushing them far, far away. Whatever feelings were sprouting, I needed to find some weed killer.
Then he could make eyes at his ex in the hospital hallway, and I wouldn’t care at all .
“You’re not fine. Tonight’s concert was lackluster at best. Social media is abuzz with how off you were.” Rebecca didn’t look up from her calendar, passing the clipboard to Taryn. “We’re going to cut some things. We don’t need you spiraling and being hospitalized.”
“One lackluster concert is hardly spiraling.” I rolled my eyes. “Give me some freaking credit. Almost eighteen months of this and I have one bad night? Sound the alarm!” I threw up my hands. “Mia’s on a downward spiral.”
“This have anything to do with Tyler?” Taryn crossed her arms and leaned against the wall, the clipboard back in Rebecca’s hands.
“Tyler? Please.” I shifted in the chair to catch a better angle of my makeup. Lighter for the club atmosphere, softer.
“I got frostbite from your conversation between the first and second encore. You know what I normally get?” Taryn gave her a pointed look. “Burnt from the heat between you two. Something is going on there, and whatever happened today threw you off. That’s my developing theory.”
“A lover’s spat can do that,” Rebecca said.
“We’d know.” Taryn laughed.
I had rarely seen them fight, but when they did, their animosity was obvious. Neither of them could focus on anything and were hard to be around. Was that me right now? Tyler and I weren’t fighting. And we weren’t lovers, not anymore. I frowned.
“You could do worse than him.” Rebecca’s voice was soft.
“Oh, I know.” I fluffed my hair and pretended indifference. “But there’s nothing happening. Just a bad night. Nothing to do with him. He’s too old for me, anyway.” The way he’d looked at Katie was burned into my retinas. I wanted to scrub my memory clean, give my brain something else to focus on. Usually, performing gave my mind the break I craved. Hadn’t worked tonight.
“We’re going to chat with Laura about your schedule. Okay with you?” Taryn rubbed her hands together and then slid them along the small of her back.
“Whatever. I’m fine. If you can convince my mother to slow down this madness, I’m not going to say no.” I couldn’t decide if I should be welcoming or fighting this suggestion. What would I do if I wasn’t pregnant?
The two of them filed out of her dressing room, and the makeup artist put on the finishing touches. I turned my face, watching how the lights hollowed me out and plumped me up. A roundness was starting that reminded me too much of my chubby past.
A knock on the door dragged me back to the present. “You can go.” I waved off the makeup artist. “Come in!”
In the mirror, my gaze connected with Tyler’s when he entered the dressing room. He was carrying one of my costumes, but I knew it didn’t need any work. The games we played. A hint of a smile touched my lips, and I swiveled the chair around, tilting my head.
“What’s up, Pretty Boy?”
“I came to ask you the same thing.” He shook his head and squinted.
“I’m living my best life.” I tipped my chin. “How about you?” I splayed out my hands and shrugged.
For a moment, he studied me in silence. “I’m working on it.” He glanced down at the costume and then back at me. “It occurred to me you might have misinterpreted what you saw between me and Katie in the hall. ”
“Misinterpreted?” I raised my eyebrows and rotated my chair back toward the mirror. “There was something to interpret there? Can’t say I noticed.” I smoothed my eyebrows and grabbed a cotton swab off the makeup counter, dabbing random places on my face. If he knew anything about makeup, he’d realize I was avoiding him. “I can’t remember why you two broke up. Why was that again?”
He twisted the scrap of fabric in his hands and didn’t meet my gaze in the mirror. With a deep breath, he made eye contact. “There’s nothing between us anymore. We’ve been apart for eight years, almost longer than we were together.”
“You didn’t answer my question.” The muscles in my face tightened in annoyance.
“I know.”
“I want you to answer my question.”
“I realize that.”
“Don’t be a dick. It’s a simple question. Why did you break up?”
“Maybe the answer isn’t simple. Maybe it’s not something I want to share. Maybe…you don’t need to know.”
“Fuck you. Never to each other, right?” My voice dripped with contempt.
“I’m not lying to you. Refusing to tell you something that has no bearing on our arrangement is not lying to you. I’m guarding my privacy. I’m maintaining the line you said you wanted between us.”
“I’m giving you a baby,” I hissed, swinging the chair around. “The least you can do is give me an answer.”
“Why are you asking?” He came closer, so close I caught a whiff of the jasmine lollipop he favored.
“Is she the reason you’ve been hiding out in Little Falls?” I narrowed my gaze. His attachment to that place made no sense. He was good at costume design, and he’d taken to the show without any blips. Why had he only done one tour with some second-rate theater company? There’d been a single entry, ten pages into a Google search. He quit the show early and needed to be replaced. One tour, cut short. A thrift store in Little Falls. Nothing added up, and I’d tried to count it so many ways.
“You have nothing to worry about with Katie. If that’s what this is about, you don’t need to worry.”
“Why would I worry?” I threw out my hands. “She’s like thirty-something. A nurse in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere New York. I’m the opposite.” I slid off the chair and sashayed over. The dress I’d changed into swayed against my thighs. “I’m young and rich.” With my finger, I drew a line down his chest. “Why would I worry about someone like her?”
He gave a sharp shake of his head, and when our gazes connected, I stepped back, surprised at the anger splashed across his face instead of the desire I expected. “Sometimes,” he said, “you really show your age.”
“You can leave.” Heat rose to my cheeks. “Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.” I spun on my heel and yanked open the dressing room door. When Tyler shifted past, not even bothering to argue, I caught sight of a familiar head of dark hair.
Cade Brewer. Finally, a stroke of luck.
“Cade!” I waved, a grin splitting my face. When Tyler half-turned back, surprise flickering on his face at my sudden change in mood, my grin widened. “Long time. Come on in.”
Pasha frowned and moved toward the entrance with Cade .
“It’s okay.” I motioned to Cade. “We’re old friends.” Friends wasn’t the right term, but I wasn’t going to broadcast he was a conquest in the hallway. We’d pretended to date for a few months almost a year ago, and I’d test driven him in bed. He was a reliable econocar, nothing too exciting, but not terrible either. Two celebrities passing in the night and occasionally posing for red carpet photos. My mother’s idea, of course. The public, the fans, needed to see me as well rounded. Too many had commented about my long work hours.
“I can’t believe you didn’t call me to say you were coming this way,” Cade said as soon as the door clicked shut.
“We always come this way. I’m from here, remember? What are you doing in Missouri?”
“Shooting a movie.” He lit a cigarette and turned to offer me a drag. “Thought you might have heard.”
“Cigarettes are bad for my voice.”
“Never stopped you before.” His gaze traveled over my body in a way I hated. Predatory, almost. The look reminded me of too many other men, too many other rooms. Cade hadn’t been like them though. Econocar. Reliably bland.
He dropped the partially smoked cigarette on the concrete floor and stubbed it out with his heel. His hand roved down my side, settling on my waist.
If Tyler saw this, he’d realize what I said was true. Men wanted me, valued me. Was Katie holed up in a dressing room with an international movie star? Nope.
With a tug, he yanked me flush against him. “You’ve put on a bit of weight in all the right places.” He cupped my breast. “As soon as I heard you were here for a few days, I figured you’d be up for another round. Last time we ran into each other, you were begging for it.”
I couldn’t help the laugh that burst out. That’s how Cade remembered it? He was still self-obsessed, but there was an edge to him tonight that I didn’t like. Cocky. Someone must have told him he was better than an econocar. He was never sharp before. I didn’t play with sharp men. They cut too deep.
“Begging for it?” There’d only ever been one person I begged because he’d brought me so close to the edge over and over, and it wasn’t Cade Brewer. Last time I met Cade in a hotel room, I hadn’t even climaxed. Of course, he had no problem reaching the finish line. Thank God my faulty condoms arrived after that encounter.
When I tried to wiggle away, he gripped me tighter and chuckled in my ear. “Feeling feisty tonight, are you? That’s all right. I’ll have you bent over the chair and crying out my name in no time.”
Bent over anything wasn’t my style, not that I’d ever told him why. I’d made it clear that item wasn’t on the menu.
“We’re not happening.” With all my strength, I pushed on his chest. A surge of panic rose in me when he didn’t move. “Let go of me.” His bulging muscles were new. Whatever role he was playing had to be one that required him to bulk up. Another strike of fear, almost terror-pierced me. Why had I told Pasha to stay outside the room?
He shifted his grip, pressing his hand into the small of my back, making me arch against him so I could feel how turned on our exchange made him.
“Don’t be a cock tease. God, Mia. It’s not like we haven’t fucked before. A quickie to release some tension. That’s all I want. ”
We’d never had sex like he just described. Hotel rooms. Beds. A hint of romance. Not a quick fuck in my dressing room.
“No, Cade. Okay? I’m not fucking you here.”
“I’ll make it good for you.” He licked a line from my collarbone up to my neck and bit my earlobe. “You’ll be screaming yes by the time I’m slipping into you.”
“No.” I pushed against his chest. “Pasha!” I heard the hint of panic in my voice, and the handle rattled. “Pasha!” I hadn’t locked the door. I never locked my dressing room.
“Who the hell is Pasha?” Cade breathed into my ear. His free hand tried to slide between my legs. “Come on, Mia. I know you’re wet. Don’t try to deny it.”
“Did you lock the door?” Definitely panic in my voice.
A sly grin slid across his face when he pulled back to look at me. “Of course. No interruptions.” He tried to kiss me, and I turned my head. His slobbery lips gobbled my cheek.
“Pasha!” I screamed his name in Cade’s ear, and he released me when the door burst open. Pasha had his forearm across Cade’s throat, and he was pressed against the wall before I could get another word out.
“I said no,” I whispered, and Pasha unleashed a string of Russian in Cade’s face. Was it cold in here? I looked around, dazed. There had to be a window open. But there weren’t any. My arms shook as I hugged myself, and I stared at them, stunned.
Tyler’s hand slipped into my hair, and he drew me to him. I clutched his biceps and closed my eyes.
“I said no.” Where had he appeared from? He’d been angry or frustrated or something. My nails dug into his arm .
“You said no,” he murmured in my ear. “He should have listened when you said no.”
When Cade had come on to me, I’d felt vindicated at first. But the truth was, I didn’t want other men.
Tyler’s lips grazed my forehead, and his palm smoothed down my loose strands. His fingers toyed with the collar of my dress. “I can mend this for you.”
I met his fingers on my shoulder, and I was surprised by the tremble when I touched the jagged edge of my dress.
“Mia,” Laura popped her head in the door. “I just spoke to Taryn and Rebecca.” She looked around the room, surveying the overturned chair and table before landing on me and Tyler with narrowed eyes. “What happened in here?”
I shrugged, letting Tyler fall away, let the incident drop from my mind, and I hurried to the makeup table to grab my clutch. “Nothing. Cade Brewer thought he’d try his luck. Pasha put him in his place. He must have escorted him out of the building.”
I hadn’t seen them leave, but the minute Tyler’s fingers slid into my hair, I hadn’t cared about anything or anyone else. My heart beat erratically in my chest, not quite back to normal, not quite believing what had almost happened. How many times would I be pinned into a corner before I learned to fight back instead of freezing?
“Cade Brewer,” Laura murmured and frowned. “Shame. He’s good PR, normally. Heard he’s become a crackhead, though.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tyler tense. I wanted to run my palm down his arm, tell him to let it go, shrug it off. That’s what I would do. What I always did. In my hand, my purse shook, subtle, but there .
“Anyway,” Laura said. “Appearance tonight at Club Zeal, then we’ll chat about scaling back. You weren’t great tonight. I don’t want people complaining on social media. It’s bad for future ticket sales.”
Ticket sales, right. Of course. Briefly, I closed my eyes, trying to find my way out of the lingering panic.
“Mia.” Tyler tried to catch my gaze as I breezed past him, my heels clicking on the concrete.
“I’m fine.” Under my lashes, I gave him a small smile. “It’s not the first time. I’ll be fine.”
His shoulders slumped, and the hand he had raised toward me fell to his side. My mother’s eyebrows raised, but she didn’t say anything.
I found the rip at my shoulder, and I glanced at Laura. “I need to change before we go.”
“What’s wrong with that dress?” Laura frowned.
“It’s dirty.” But the dress wasn’t dirty, and I wasn’t sure changing would wipe the sensation away.
Pasha fell into step beside me as we headed to my bus, and I whispered “thank you” in Russian. It was the only phrase I’d learned the last few weeks. I didn’t understand what he said in response, but his tone was kind and gentle. Tears pooled in my eyes, and I kept my head down while they slid down my cheeks.