29. Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Mia
F or months, I hadn’t worried about the flash of a camera or the roar of the press. In Little Falls, I wasn’t doing anything interesting enough for the paparazzi to care at first, and then I’d stayed housebound once my pregnancy was obvious.
As soon as my leg emerged from the back of the car, my gut clenched in anticipation. Pasha’s hand reached down to help me exit with something resembling grace. The baby weight was still heavy on my frame, but I didn’t look as pregnant as I had a week ago.
Keeping my head down, I rushed toward the side entrance of the DA’s office. My lawyer had gotten my deposition delayed in an effort to shield me from the press’s attention. Apparently, someone at the office had leaked my new deposition date. There was always someone making a buck off my back.
Led by Pasha, my cluster of bodyguards kept the press at bay. The exclamations of shock and surprise over my appearance would have normally had me smiling. But the questions that followed hit like bullets.
Mia, are you pregnant? When are you due? Mia, is Tyler Sullivan the father? Mia, did you know Kenny Connors was assaulting other girls and women? Mia, why didn’t you come forward earlier? Mia, have you reached out to the other victims? Mia, was the abortion you had a few years ago related to Kenny Connors?
Before getting out of the car, I’d put on my emotional armor, but the last question, just as I squeezed in the rear entrance, was like shrapnel wedging into my side, an infection waiting to happen.
Once inside the office, I took a deep breath and gave Pasha a wry smile. If only that interaction was the worst of it, this whole situation would be a breeze. Instead, I knew from the conversation with my lawyer last week that the deposition would be painful, eye-opening, and perhaps devastating. Would they tell me how many other women? I’d tried to research it online, but the case was closely guarded, and I couldn’t find much. A few names, ones almost as big as mine, had been dropped like pebbles across the speculative blog posts and news articles. The tentacles of his reach slithered underneath too many deals, so many albums.
I’d thought the week I found out I was pregnant was long, but this week, since my mother had been banished from my inner circle, had beaten it by a thousand miles. Taryn and Rebecca had worked tirelessly alongside me to put the right people in place to manage the collapse. We’d cut Laura off from everything but her own personal bank accounts.
Judging by the funds in my accounts, Laura paid herself extremely well, especially in the weeks after the subpoena was issued. In the moments that weren’t consumed with sorting out the mess left in the wake of firing my mother, I pored over the photos of Tyler on my phone and the few I’d managed to snap of our daughter. Calling Victoria my daughter still felt surreal. I’d spent nine months thinking of the baby as Tyler’s alone. But I was trying out this new thought process, determining whether it should stick .
As soon as my thoughts drifted to him, I remembered I’d forgotten to tell him the deposition had been moved to today. My fingers had hovered over the keyboard of my phone so many times in the last week, determined to text him, determined not to crack open the window in case the breeze of my feelings swept us both away.
I couldn’t go back unless I was sure I could be a good parent, the right parent for Victoria. While it felt as though Tyler was the only person capable of stitching my heart together, I couldn’t let my emotions overrule my head. A good mom. The best mom. Anything less than that wasn’t enough.
In the DA’s office, I insisted on having Pasha in the room for the deposition. The prosecutor had grimaced and then said, “I understand. You probably don’t go in many rooms without a witness or protection, right?”
“Sure…well…price of fame.” I grabbed my hair and laid it across my shoulder.
“The common thread in all these depositions has been, not necessarily fame, but the need to have someone close.” He eased into one of the chairs on the other side of the table and looked to her lawyer, to Pasha. “For a lot of the girls, it’s their mom or their dad. For others, like you, it’s a bodyguard or a boyfriend, or the like.”
“Are there a lot of us?” I whispered.
“He started working at the company when he was twenty-two. He’s fifty-one now. Twenty-nine years of having some form of influence in the entertainment industry.”
“Will you need me to testify?” I braided the tips of my hair, my fingers working furiously. Tyler. Lollipops. His hand gripping mine. I wanted it all. Why hadn’t I at least grabbed one of his favorite jasmine ones? I could breathe in the scent right now and gather my strength.
“Well,” he said, drawing his lined paper close, “we’ll see what you have to say. We haven’t charged him with anything yet. We’re gathering evidence, talking to victims and witnesses, figuring out the best course of action.”
“How did this…how did you know to investigate?”
He seemed to weigh his words before speaking. “The mother of his latest victim came forward.”
“The mother?”
“Yes.”
“The mom went to the police and reported him? Did the…did the daughter know?”
“Yes. Her daughter was afraid of what would happen, but her mother has been really supportive of her story.”
Supportive. “That sounds nice.”
“Are you ready to tell me your version of events?” A ghost of a smile flickered across his face.
“Yeah,” I said, letting my hands fall into my lap. “I am.”
On the way out of the office, I turned on my phone, which then exploded with notifications. I silenced everything without looking at them. Whatever the world thought of how I acted or what I looked like wasn’t important right now. There was one person I desperately wanted to talk to, but I couldn’t reach out to him. If I asked, he’d come. A bigger complication.
Turning to Pasha as we got closer to exiting the office, I said, “It was a mom that blew the whistle. Can you believe it?”
“Yes.” Pasha’s body was tense and alert as we neared the rear door.
“You can believe that?”
“Good parents put daughter first. Not career. Not money.” His hand rested on the small of my back as we paused at the door. “Child not always know what they need. This mother know her daughter need protected. So, she protect. Shield daughter, not make daughter shield.” The curving motion of his shoulders made it look as though he was encircling some absent person.
Tears sprung to my eyes at the simplicity of his words. If I went back to Victoria and Tyler, that was the kind of mother I wanted to be—one who put her daughter’s well-being above everything else. I would testify against Kenny if it came to that, so no one else had to worry about protecting their daughter from him.
I was beginning to realize what had bothered me about our silence all these years. He’d gotten away with it, yes. But if we’d come forward, if every woman who suffered such an incredible violation came forward, maybe there’d be less and less of them. You had to hope, right? Throw open the doors and let the light in. Don’t let the monsters skulk around under the cover of darkness.
Taking a deep breath, I gave Pasha the nod to throw open the exit door, hurling us back into the barrage of press. Through the sea of lenses, shouted questions, and microphones nudging me to say something, we arrived at the car. I collapsed into the back and breathed a sigh of relief. Then, a few of the questions sank in .
Had I heard them right? Digging around in my purse, I found my phone. From the front, Pasha tried to catch my eye.
“Okay?” he asked.
“Mmm…” I responded as I scrolled through the notifications and the car lurched forward. So many stupid people commenting on things they didn’t understand.
The video of Tyler outside his house was the worst bit. I hadn’t seen him in a week. So long. An eternity. After the third time I played it, the reality of the scene hit me. Victoria’s cry in the background, the smugness splashed across Katie as she came down from kissing his cheek, the shock on Tyler’s face. Apparently, I should have sent him a warning text after all. Sometimes I forgot how na?ve he was about the press.
One week . It had taken Katie one week to wedge herself into Tyler’s life. I’d expected it, but seeing it with my own eyes still stung. My hand shook, and I wanted to scream at my phone. He was mine. Other people could look at him, envy me, but they weren’t supposed to touch. No touching.
Except, he wasn’t mine anymore. I forfeited that right when I left. It wasn’t reasonable to ask him to wait forever, even if I wanted him to.
A cold sweat broke out across my back. Pasha navigated Nashville’s streets, headed toward my house, and my brain spun with the reality of what I’d done. Just like Katie, I’d left him. Would I turn up on his doorstep eight years from now trying to reclaim my place? Victoria would be eight. I’d have missed eight years . All those firsts. I was probably missing some already. The progression of a baby from bundle to walker would be lost.
As I came through the front door, Taryn peered around the island. “God, you’re so pale. It was that bad? I told you I’d come with you.”
Rebecca appeared at Taryn’s shoulder. “Mia, you look like you’re going to puke.”
“Have you been following the news? My mentions are out of control.” My hand rested on my stomach, and if I was being honest, I felt a bit like I might lose the little I’d eaten today all over the floor.
“We saw a few things.” Taryn hedged as she exchanged a silent look with Rebecca.
“Was one of those things Tyler being assaulted by his ex-girlfriend?”
“Assaulted?” Rebecca raised her eyebrows.
“Sure. There’s no way he wanted her to do that. Tyler doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. He would never have wanted me to see that, probably didn’t even want her to do that.”
But someday, he’d want someone to touch him like Katie had, would want more than a chaste kiss on the cheek in front of his house. My stomach clenched. Tyler had warned me that regret was desperate and ugly.
“You know him best,” Rebecca said. “I don’t want to be an asshole, Mia, but if you want to be with him, you gotta keep in mind he’s not going to wait around forever.”
“It’s been a week.” My voice was tight. “That’s hardly forever.” My mind swung back to the other comments I’d seen as I’d scrolled through. “I need to send him some bodyguards. He’s got my baby, and there are so many nutjobs out there.” I snatched the remote off the island and pointed it at the TV over the fireplace. “Do you think the press is still camped out at his house?”
Taryn and Rebecca were quiet behind me as I searched all the gossip channels .
Then he was there, almost as large as life on the screen. My heart thumped in response, and a rush of love followed. Was there a better sight in all of the world? All of the times he’d made my heart ache played on repeat in my mind—in the hospital, cradling our baby, knowing he’d protect me.
Katie slithered off him, demurring no comment like she had something to say. Even through the screen, Tyler’s annoyance was clear.
The vultures with cameras and microphones closed in on Tyler, obscuring the view of Katie as she left. I needed to send protection to him, maybe a PR person. The press would tear into him relentlessly, and the more anyone fed them, the hungrier they became.
For a moment, he looked overwhelmed and seemed to be searching the crowd for something or someone. Then he took a deep breath, and I could see him gearing up, preparing himself. I’d told him if the press came, he could say whatever he wanted. But I hadn’t thought he’d bother and that he knew better. No words would ever be enough to fill their hunger.
“Look,” he said. “If you’ll quiet down for a second, I’ll make a statement, but I’m not taking questions. You get what you get, and then I’m done talking about all this.” He held up a hand, and the crowd quieted. “Mia’s not here. I’m guessing you all know where she is since you’re here. You’re not going to get anything negative or salacious. That doesn’t exist in this situation. When you’re lucky enough to love someone and to have that love returned, you protect them, you protect that relationship. You protect it with everything in you. I completely and totally support what Mia is doing in Nashville. She’s incredibly brave for speaking the truth and for bringing all the awfulness into the light. I believe her. I believe all of them. That’s all I have to say.” He gave a wave and turned toward the closed door behind him.
When he opened it, Victoria started up another cry. Without a backward glance, he closed the door tight, sealing them off.
At the entrance, the reporters burst into another round of questions.
Is that Mia’s baby? Tyler, is Mia pregnant, or is that your baby in there? Are you two still together? Why aren’t you and the baby in Nashville?
The feed cut out.
“Oh, my God,” Taryn and Rebecca breathed in unison behind me.
“I know, all of those reporters are hounding him.” My heart beat a drum solo in my chest.
“But what he said…” Taryn murmured. “I think I’m swooning over a guy. Rebecca, is this what swooning feels like?”
“If I wasn’t swooning myself, I’d be insulted right now.”
“I shouldn’t have left him, right? That’s what you’re telling me.” I put my head in my hands and sank into the closest recliner. “God, I miss him. Seeing him on the screen, it’s like getting a taste of a drug you thought you might be able to kick and realizing you can’t do it.”
“Why did you leave him?” Rebecca asked.
I was surprised Taryn hadn’t told her. We’d had a long talk about it the other night when we’d been up late trying to sort out my finances. “I don’t know how to be a mother.”
“Oh, honey.” Rebecca came around the chairs and sank into the one opposite me. “No one knows how to be a mother. Everyone is a novice with their first child. Everyone.”
“That’s not good enough.” I shook my head and stared at Rebecca. “You know what my mother has been like. What if I turn out to be just like her? ”
With a sigh, Rebecca took my hands in hers. “Close your eyes.”
“Close my eyes?” I gave her a wary glance.
“Yes. Trust me.” Rebecca smiled.
Once my eyes were closed, I took a deep, centering breath. The breathing was a coping mechanism my mother had taught me when I’d first gotten famous. Remembering my mother hadn’t been all bad wasn’t what I needed right now. Maybe she hadn’t been all bad, but she’d been bad enough.
“Five years from now, if you could have anything you wanted, anything—what would it be?”
“Anything?” My voice cracked.
“What do you want, Mia?”
Tears slipped down my cheeks, and I wasn’t sure I could speak the words out loud around the lump in my throat.
“You can be happy, Mia.” Rebecca cupped my face and drew me close. “But you have to know what you want, and then we need to take the steps to get you there. Taryn and I will help you get there.”
“I want Tyler. I want my baby. I want to know I can be a good mom.” A sob escaped, and Rebecca pulled me close. Taryn’s arms wrapped around us both, and her soothing sounds circled us all.
“Will you go to therapy, Mia? I think we can get you there, but we’re gonna need help,” Taryn said.
“I don’t want to turn out like Katie or like my mother. I don’t want to regret her or him or any of this.” I sobbed.
“I know a person,” Pasha said from the door.
I hadn’t realized Pasha had come into the house. Someone else must be at the gate to the property. We were expecting an onslaught of press now that I’d inadvertently revealed my condition at the deposition, and since Tyler was harboring a baby, I was sure the crush of curiosity would be worse.
“You went to therapy?” I sniffed, taking a tissue from Taryn’s outstretched hand.
“Yes. Someone I love die. I need help. I go. Very good. You like her.” Pasha tugged his wallet out of his pants and removed a card.
“The choice is yours, Mia.” Rebecca took it and flipped it between her fingers. “But I think if what you want is Tyler, Victoria, and to know if you’re capable of being a good mother, then I think this is the first step.”
Tears flooded my vision as I looked between Taryn, Rebecca, and Pasha. “Make the call,” I whispered. “I don’t want to live like this anymore.”