Chapter 26
”Run it by me one more time. Kate invited you to a party?” Ben asks as he tosses a pillow up and down on the couch in our small apartment. I’m in my room looking through my closet. Mom has laid out some pretty clear rules. Ben and I can be alone in the apartment as long as we stay in the living room. If at any time he enters my room, she’ll come in, sit us down, and make us watch old school health class videos on VHS. I’m not sure where she intends to find a VHS player, but I never doubt the capabilities of Lizzie Roberts.
”She invited US to a party,” I peek my head out, ”and WE are going.”
”I don’t get it though. She just randomly up and invites you to a party, and you say yes. You don’t want to hang out with Briarwood kids” Ben’s argument is not wrong. I can’t exactly tell him that I want to go to the party to ensure Kate, Bella, and I guess Lisa, that I won’t spill what I saw. Plus, after our talk, Kate made the excellent point that I don’t really hang out with anyone or haven’t attempted to make any friends outside of Ben. I’ve had no interest in the matter. I really don’t want to tell him now I’m worried that I’ve become a little too focused on him. I tend to have a one-track mind. First, it was establishing myself academically. Once I accomplished that, Ben.
”I hang out with you.” I point out.
He stands and crosses the room without coming too close to my door. ”Yeah, but as established, I’m the exception,” he retorts smirking.
”I know. You are the only exception,” I sigh, pulling out a sweater dress. ”And while I like the way things are going, I”m a little worried.” As soon as the words leave my lips, the mood shifts. Fear flashes across Ben’s face.
”Worried about us?” He is quick to respond.
I abandon the dress on my bed and leave my room. We need to have this conversation face to face. ”I’m not worried about us. I like the way things are going with us. I’m really happy.”
”But?”
”But Kate pointed out that I only spend time with you. I haven’t made any friends unless you count Lisa, and I don’t think collaborative yelling matches equals friendship.” I can see he wants to come up with a quick response, but the benefit of Ben is he’s always considerate.
”Friends are overrated.” Or not.
”Ben,” I plea.
”I guess I get what you are saying, and while I’d like to think I am enough to satisfy all your intellectual needs, I’ve seen how you look forward to working with Lisa. You need school friends. I get it. But a party?”
”I have to start somewhere,” I shrug and give him a quick kiss before turning back to my room.
”Can’t you join a book club? You like to read.” He crashes back on the couch, and I hear the cushions puff from my room.
”Do you not want to go to the party? Rumor is it before you started dating me you went to a lot of them.” I didn’t mean it like that. But the silence that came after I said it made it loud and clear I said the wrong thing.
I peer out of my room, seeing Ben with his head down. I cross the room and stand in front of him lifting his head. “Ben?”
“I have to tell you something.” Ben’s voice sounds with defeat. My senses go on high alert. I know Ben. My Ben. The version of him I have seen in private conversations and with his family. However, just because I haven’t made friends at Briarwood doesn’t mean I don’t hear things. Or that Kate didn’t show me posts on the secret Instagram pages. I had a vague idea that Ben use to be wild, nevertheless surely it can’t be that bad.
The way he is looking up at me tells me different. His eyes are full of… shame. His regret is evident before he even speaks. “Before my mom, I was different. I partied a lot. I was drinking and cutting school and hanging out with people I shouldn’t have been. If you googled entitled rich kid, my picture was the first result. I didn’t take anyone’s feelings into account.” He pauses then takes a breath. “Then I found out about Mom’s cancer. You’d think that would’ve been enough to set me straight, but it wasn’t.” I can see he is scared to continue.
“Go on,” I encourage.
“At the end of last year, I got really drunk with a couple of guys, and we broke into the headmaster’s office.” Ben the Burglar.
“Okay. I’m assuming that ended poorly,” I say still processing.
“Yeah, obviously we got caught. My dad was livid, but Mom was heartbroken. It was on a treatment day, and she was already weak. Having to stand in front of her sobering up snapped something in me. I’d been selfish. Thinking only about how upset I was that I would lose her that I didn’t even think about what she was going through. Then here I was making it worse.”
My eyes tear up as he explains. He looks broken. “Ben.”
“No, don’t pity me. I deserved every bit of trouble I had coming. Dad was mad enough that he was going to send me away to boarding school, but Brody begged him not to. I didn’t know then that the doctors hadn’t given Mom much time. That we were literally fighting for time. Dad worked it out with the headmaster that I wouldn’t be expelled as long as I cleaned up my act, and I had to participate in the mentor program.”
It takes me a minute to process all of this information. Ben getting expelled. Is he only on good behavior to avoid being sent away? Where does that leave us? Our relationship? We are only together because he was my mentor. Forced proximity. The Ben I know has done nothing but live up to all his family obligations. Am I an obligation? A part of him cleaning up his act? Dating the nice girl?
“Hey, I see those wheels turning, and I have a few guesses on what you’re thinking, and the answer is no. To all of it.” He grabs my face.
“No?”
“No, I’m not only different because I have to be. No, I’m not only here because I don’t want to get sent away.”
“Mind reader, are you?”
“Amelia, I know you. I’ve spent the last three months trying to learn everything I can about you. You have been my bright spot in all of this mess.” He stands and pulls me in for a hug. I instinctively wrap my arms around him. “I’m not proud I messed up, but I’m glad I did. I’m different now. I needed to change. I needed to see all the things I was taking for granted. It makes me appreciate everything I have now.” He is respectably honest.
“Thank you for telling me.” I pull back and look up at him. “I know it wasn’t easy. I’m glad you are the you, you are now.” I really am.
He smiles down at me. “Yeah.”
“Yeah,” I give him a quick kiss.
“Does that mean that we don’t have to go to this party? Lizzie and Amelia movie night?” He sounds hopeful.
“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” After what he shared, I don’t want to put him in an atmosphere he won’t be comfortable in.
“Amelia, do you want to go? Because we can, you know. I’m not an addict, I’m not at risk of falling into old habits. I just don’t enjoy the party scene anymore. But if you want to go, I would rather I be the one to take you then Kate.” Why is he perfect?
“I don’t really want to go, but I feel like I owe Kate,” I sigh.
“Yeah, I don’t get it, but we can still go. Besides, there are some benefits to parties.”
“I’m listening.”
“I can dance with you.” And just like that, all is restored in the universe. My heart swells, and I feel like I am closer to Ben now than I was before.