Roughing It
When I awoke, I was alone in the clearing of tall grass surrounding me.
The world around me was hazy, like a mist hung in the air.
I rubbed my eyes, trying to see if my vision was the problem, but it didn’t change anything.
Since I’d never been away from home, I wasn’t sure if this was normal for the mountains.
I looked around, trying to find where Vasin had wandered off to.
He should be easy to find since he didn’t blend in with the rich green foliage, but I couldn’t see him anywhere.
Unsure of what to do, I decided to go look for him.
I grunted slightly as I stood, feeling stiff and sore, which was to be expected after riding a dragon and sleeping on the ground.
A well-worn deer path ran near where I stood, so I followed it aimlessly, not knowing where else to go.
I paused and tried reaching out to him mentally through our connection, but I couldn’t feel him at all.
The place in my chest I’d grown accustomed to being a hollow ache was now empty. Something had to be wrong.
When I tried again, a flash of anguish pulsed through my body, causing me to fall to my knees and gasp.
It felt like my soul was being torn apart, and nothing in this world would fix it.
What had once filled that space in my heart was gone, ripped away from me, never to return.
I let out a sob, clutching my chest, but rose to my feet.
Something told me I needed to keep moving, that it wasn’t safe to stay here.
I turned toward the mountains, knowing it was the only chance I had to survive.
Feeling utterly numb, just putting one foot in front of the other, something caused me to pause. Listening carefully, I heard a twig snap off to the right. I swiveled my head, closed my eyes, and let the forest speak to me. How I knew to do this was beyond me, but I trusted my instincts.
In the silence, I heard more twigs snapping, closer this time. I was being followed. I was in danger, and if I didn’t get away, I would die. Dashing through the trees, I didn’t question the need to flee.
Moments later, breaking out of the forest onto a well-used dirt road, I was face-to-face with Lord Everett and his army. I stood stunned in the middle of the road, paralyzed, taking in the sight before me.
Wait!
That man wasn’t Lord Everett. It was a different man altogether, dressed in the royal guard colors.
“You didn’t think you could get away from me that easily, did you?” he sneered, drawing his sword from its sheath. “Your men perished trying to give you a chance to get away, but it wasn’t enough. You should know, though, they died still professing their love for their whore of a queen.”
His words made no sense to me, but the pain they brought to my heart was almost as intense as the void in my soul.
I might not know who he was, but I knew he was going to kill me.
Turning on my heel, I took off running down the road as fast as I could.
I knew I couldn’t outrun him on horseback, so I looked for the perfect place to duck back into the forest. As I ran, the trees seemed to thin and become sparser, and the ground turned rocky.
I must be close to the mountain’s foothills.
The sound of hoofbeats drove me on. I tried to climb up a rocky ledge and out of sight before they gained on me.
“Don’t lose her. We need to bring back her head to the king and queen,” the crazy man called out.
I stumbled as my foothold came loose, and rocks cascaded down the hill below me. I scrambled to keep ahead of the shifting rocks, but the skirt of my dress kept getting snagged, slowing me down.
I had to get away. I couldn’t let them use me to control Vasin. Why hadn’t I asked Father to teach me anything I could use as self-defense? At the moment, I was as weak as a baby, and there was nothing I could do but run to stay alive.
“There she is! She’s climbing the ledge. Get her down before she gets away!” bellowed a voice from below me.
Unable to find a way to climb any farther, I just clung to the rock ledge, praying that someone would save me.
Then a thought crossed my mind—I didn’t have anything else to live for. My men were killed, my dragon slaughtered before my eyes, so what was left for me? Even if I made it back to my people, I would be a hollow excuse for a queen.
They were wrong about dying when your dragon is killed.
You don’t die right away. It happens slowly, painfully, and the feeling of being half a person tortured you to finally end it yourself.
If I were going to die, then let this last act of being their queen count for something.
I couldn’t protect the men I loved or my soul in dragon form, but I could save the future of my people.
Taking one last breath, I shoved off the ledge as hard as I could, pulling my last dagger out of its spot on my lower back.
I aimed true, falling right into the thick of the reaching hands below, vowing to take down as many of them as I could.
The air rushed past me, warm and gentle, soothing my worries and letting me know I’d made the right decision.
I would give my own life to save those of my people and their families, even if they never knew what truly happened.
My child would grow up without her mother or her fathers, but I was going to keep her safe.
It was my calling, my destiny, and I was doing something meaningful with my life.
Then the world went still, black, and silent. A glowing woman’s face shone before my eyes and then was gone before I could make out her features.
“Cassarah, come back to me,” Vasin said, waking me from the darkness.
I gasped, lurching forward, my open eyes gazing into a large golden gaze filled with worry. I frowned when I saw him, not understanding what he was doing here or how I was still alive.
Then I noticed the sun was just cresting over the treetops, flooding the meadow with soft light. Why was I back here? I’d been half a day’s walk toward the mountains, last I remembered.
“What just happened? You were crying and shaking a moment ago, then suddenly you stopped breathing,” Vasin said, pulling me out of my memories.
“That was all a dream? No, there’s no way it could’ve been just a dream. It was so real,” I said, wiping away the tears still on my cheeks.
Vasin watched me carefully, not sure what to do with me. Then he blinked slowly and settled his head in the grass near my side. “Tell me. I might be able to help you understand it.”
“I woke up, just like this, but you were gone. I went to look for you, but when I couldn’t find you, I headed for the mountains. On my way, I was caught by the King’s Guard and his men. He said something about killing my men and that I was next.
“I started running, but I wasn’t fast enough and couldn’t get away, so I began to climb up the mountainside. When I couldn’t climb any farther, I decided it was better to die than to live without my men and dragon.”
I could feel my heart racing as I relived the whole event.
“How can you be right here? I thought I lost you. The pain of you being torn away from me hurt so badly. Never have I felt a dream so real.” I started to hyperventilate, once again experiencing the pain of emotions I knew deep down weren’t my own.
“How could I know with absolute certainty that because you died, I would too from grief? Vasin, I don’t think it was a dream.
I think it was a memory. There is no way I could imagine the excruciating pain of losing you. ”
Vasin nuzzled his nose into my neck, trying to comfort me.
I turned and grasped his head and let fresh tears fall, tears that the woman in my dream never shed.
“My heart shattered thinking about five men I loved almost as much as you. Men who gave their lives to save me. I knew the fastest way for me to get back to them and be free of my pain was to die. The final tipping point was the desperate need to protect something I’ve never known before. ”
“What did you want to protect so badly that you would kill yourself?”
“My daughter and the people she would rule now that I was gone. I knew I was never going to see any of them again, but I was their queen, and if that was my only chance to do something, I was going to do all I could for their future.” I paused, thinking about that last thought.
“I don’t think I’ve ever felt that strongly about something. ”
“Sounds like you should be thankful for this dream. It showed you something important you needed to understand and learn about yourself.”
“It did show me the power that one woman had in her love for her people. I am a poor choice for a mercenary queen, but getting the chance to learn to love like that is worth a try,” I said calmly, feeling like something in my soul settled at this realization.
“Then I suggest that we start looking for them so you can begin your journey.”
I looked up at him and smiled. It was nice to have someone to talk to about things that were bothering me. I knew without a doubt he would be there for me.
We were no longer just a woman and her dragon. Ever since we harmonized, I’d felt the change. We’d become one being—heart, mind, and soul. Lumbering to his feet, Vasin stretched a little before unfurling his magnificent wings, letting me know he was ready to take off.
This time when I made my way onto his back, I could see where I was going, unlike last night. The morning sun had warmed up his cool, scaled flesh, so it wasn’t as chilly to sit on. Resting my feet on his shoulders, I rubbed my hand along his neck, letting him know I was ready.