Emotional Overload
“Let’s start today by showing you around our village,” Ballard said. “I’ll also need to introduce you to our recordkeeper, Sal. He never leaves his home, so he’s never at the meetings.”
The cabins in the clearing were just a small part of the Raven Rose clan that was tucked into the surrounding woods.
The records hall was a cozy two-story wooden building stuffed with all sorts of papers, scrolls, and books.
The roof had four hatches propped open, letting the afternoon light fill the place.
An old man sat at a desk strewn with papers, intently reading and jotting down notes.
He didn’t even notice us until Ballard cleared his throat loudly, breaking the silence.
“Oh, Ballard! What can I help you with today?” the older man said as he stood up and walked over to us.
“Sal, I would like to introduce you to Lady Cassarah, pair-bond to the black dragon, Vasin,” Ballard said formally.
Sal peered at me, squinting his eyes. “I see, so this is the new queen. I assume you brought her here to start her training. Is she literate?” he asked, turning to Ballard.
Then he seemed to reconsider. “I apologize. She was raised as a noble lady. I should’ve asked can she read and write more than her name? ”
There were many things I had learned to take in silence, but I couldn’t keep quiet when it came to my intelligence. I was proud of the knowledge I’d earned and wouldn’t let anyone look down at me.
“As a matter of fact, she can read and write her name in three different languages, thank you very much,” I snapped.
Sal turned back to me, his face unreadable. “Just your name? That is a pretty trick but not all that useful.”
I bristled at his words. The fact I knew three languages was unheard of for a woman. “I’m fluent in all three.”
Sal simply nodded, clasped his hands behind his back, and walked over to a bookcase, ignoring me. I looked at Ballard, but he watched silently as the older man pulled books off the shelf. Sal then walked back to me, thrusting three books and two scrolls into my hands.
“Read these, then come back to me in two days. We will see how much you actually understand,” Sal said before walking back to his desk, sitting down, and ignoring us.
Ballard grabbed my arm to lead me out, and I flinched at his touch. He let go of me instantly and motioned for me to follow him.
“What’s up with that old man?” I asked, exasperated, after we’d walked a little ways from his house.
“Sal’s memorized everything in that library.
He’s the one we go to when we need advice.
He will be an invaluable asset to you when you take the throne.
I would learn all you can from him while he is still with us.
He’s training an apprentice to take over for him, but she is young and doesn’t have his wisdom. ”
“I get that, but why must he be so rude? I didn’t do anything to deserve that kind of treatment.”
“You’re an outsider, and that’s all it takes for some.
Sal, especially, because he never sets foot outside that building and doesn’t know much about the real world,” Ballard explained, stopping to look at me.
“You’re going to meet many people, and some may warm up to you, but most will assume the worst. Are you prepared to handle that? ”
“Once again, I’m left with no choice in the matter. If I ever want to be treated like I belong, I have to find a way to deal with the cold shoulder,” I answered honestly.
“True enough. Come on, let’s go meet your horse.”
I smiled at that. “Now that is something I already know how to do.”
“Can you ride astride or just sidesaddle?”
“Sidesaddle.”
Ballard nodded and kept walking, not needing to say what I already knew. Sidesaddle would do me no good here.
We approached a long, low building full of stalls, but only a few had horses standing in them. Ballard walked over to a stall with a regal-looking black mare observing us as we walked up.
“This is Inali. She will be yours once you’ve been fully trained to ride.
She is specifically trained as a mercenary horse and knows all the trick riding you’ll ever need,” Ballard said, then walked to the next stall where a sweet chestnut mare thrust her head into his chest. “This is Grace, and she will be who you’ll learn from.
Once you’ve mastered the basics, you’ll be taught everything else with Inali. ”
“Trick riding?” I questioned.
“I’ll let you find out about that when the time comes… no sense in overwhelming you with too much information. Come on… this is the arena where you’ll learn your combat skills.”
“Combat?” I blurted. Proper ladies never learned how to fight.
“We’re not like the nobility who seem to think the fairer sex is stupid and unable to learn. Some of our best members have been women. They have skills that men could never achieve.”
“What kind of combat am I going to learn?” Hopefully, it would just be something basic.
“We’ll begin with archery, swordsmanship, knife fighting, and hand-to-hand. Once you have learned those, we’ll move onto the specialized skills.”
My mouth fell open in shock at how calmly Ballard explained this to me. Who could learn all of this in one year?
“Who is going to be teaching me all this?”
“You’ll have a few different teachers, but Cole will teach you archery, knife fighting, and other basic skills.
Abbott will teach you swordsmanship, hand-to-hand combat, and overall body conditioning.
Your horsemanship teacher isn’t back yet but should be along shortly.
Once they feel you’re ready, your final test will be the same as the other trainees.
You will be sent on a job and evaluated on how well you do. ”
“You must be joking. You can’t really think I’ll be able to do all this in a year and survive on a real job! I might as well give up now. I’m not cut out for this kind of thing,” I declared, panicking at the overwhelming task.
All I could hear was my mother telling me I would never be good enough.
How many beatings and lessons did it take to figure out where my proper place was in life?
This was a dream, and there was no way I could manage to accomplish this all in a year.
I hadn’t been able to become a perfect, proper lady, and I’d had twenty-one years of training for that.
“Is that really how you view yourself? Worthless of even trying?” Ballard asked, sadness showing in his eyes.
“What makes you so sure that I’d be any good as a queen for your people? Why do you keep pushing this on me?”
Not waiting for his answer, I tossed the books and scrolls at Ballard’s feet and ran out the door and into the woods.
I ran as fast as I could, tears blurring my vision.
I knew I was taking the coward’s way out, but I couldn’t handle being a failure again.
It was too much for me to bear. I wasn’t just failing my mother this time, I would be failing a whole group of people.
Finally, I stopped and collapsed on the soft, leaf-covered ground, gasping for breath. I didn’t know how far I’d run, but my burning lungs told me it was quite a ways.
“Cass.”
I looked up and found Vasin standing in a small clearing of trees right in front of me. I stood, rushing at him, then threw my arms around his neck.
“Cass, tell me what’s the matter? Your pain is overwhelming our connection. Are you hurt? I came to you as soon as I could.”
When I didn’t answer, Vasin curled his wings around us to create our private hideaway. He cradled me between his front legs, the warmth from his chest comforting me as I sobbed.
For years, I’d never let myself cry, having wasted so many tears pleading with my stone-faced mother.
Now they refused to be held back. I cried for all those times Mother told them to whip me, bridled me for days on end, beat Becka, and made me feel utterly worthless.
I was free from her clutches, but her words still haunted me, even so many miles away.
“I can’t do this. I’m not fit to be anyone’s queen. I’m not strong enough to do this. I’m worthless, a total disappointment. Everything I do is wrong, and nothing good ever happens to me. I’m always being used, even if it hurts me.”
“Does that include me?”
“Of course not,” I said, horrified at the thought.
“Are you willing to trust me? Even with your life?”
I looked up at him, gazing into his bright, intelligent eyes, and nodded. “I trust you completely.”
“Then trust in the fact I chose you. I know you will be the best queen these people will ever have. I’ve seen their past, and you are exactly what they need right now.
You were always meant to lead these people to prosperity and freedom.
I need you to believe that too, or all will be lost.” Vasin pulled back his wings and nudged me with his nose.
“Now dry your tears, and I will take you back to the village.”
“I don’t think I can go back there. You should’ve seen the look on Ballard’s face. He might be second-guessing his choice for the queen.”
“I doubt that. He has led these people all by himself for many years. I am sure he understands the challenges you’re facing. Now climb on my back. You have run a fair distance from the clan’s village.”
Moments later, Vasin dropped me off near the edge of the clearing, trying not to draw too much attention to our arrival.
“Thank you, Vasin. I feel much better now. I’m still not sure how this will go, but I trust you.” I smiled and scratched him just above the eyelid. He hummed his pleasure and nuzzled me before walking back into the forest.
Taking a deep breath, I made an about-face and readied myself for the conversation Ballard and I were going to have.
The front door was left open, so my entry was quiet as I walked into the now-deserted meeting room.
I peered around, trying to see if he was here when I heard voices from the kitchen.