Cassarah #2
I… was…
I… was… pregnant… with not one baby but two.
The world started to tunnel around me, my vision growing darker until I passed out.
“I didn’t mean to upset the poor thing,” I heard the queen say, her voice seeming miles away. “Here, lay her down. No one will bother us in my personal sitting room.”
Someone placed me on something soft, but my mind still refused to return to the world.
Hands lifted my head, and when it was set back down, I knew I was resting on someone’s lap.
Fingers combed through my hair as I felt magic pressing at my mental barrier.
Part of me wanted to stay shut in here where it was safe.
If I didn’t acknowledge that I no longer was the ruler of my own body, then what I’ve already gone through never happened.
Scene after scene of my reckless actions flashed through my brain.
I’d been carrying a child, and I didn’t even know it.
“Little warrior, let me in.”
I knew it would be Izel. He was the only one who would be able to enter my mind at this point besides Vasin. Being my pair-bond, I wouldn’t have been able to keep him out, so that left my consort.
“Tell me it was all a dream you fed me, and I’ll let you in,” I countered.
“You know I wouldn’t do that. As much as I want children with you, that isn’t the way I’d go about convincing you to consider it. Everyone knows now isn’t the right time, but it seems the fates had other plans,” Izel reasoned.
“Damn the fates,” I screamed. “How could they do this to me? I did everything I was supposed to do to ensure this didn’t happen. We are at war. How can I possibly do what needs to be done knowing I carry not one but two other lives inside my body?”
“Cassarah, this is not a conversation to have like this. Come back to us, and we will manage just as we have through everything else… together.”
I knew he was right. While I might be upset about this sudden twist in my life, it affected them as much as it did me.
Two of them would be fathers far sooner than we had planned.
It would make sense to be Jade and Abbott since they were the ones I slept with first. How far along could I possibly even be?
It’s only been a few weeks. Without the queen’s gift, I doubt I would have shown any signs for another few months.
Would that have been better?
Does knowing now change how I would have handled things?
“Cass, stop acting like a child. You are going to be a mother now, and while it might not be what you planned, this is how it is. Yes, this wasn’t something you saw coming, but it changes nothing about what needs to happen.
If anything, now you have more reason to finish things,” Vasin cut in, speaking the hard truth I needed.
“Get up, Cassarah. We are near the end of this, so you better finish what you started.”
I could feel Izel’s magic caress over me.
“You’re not in this alone, little warrior.
Let us walk through this with you. These babies already have eight fathers and two aunties who will do everything in their power to keep them safe.
” A ghostly image of him appeared in my mind with a hand reaching out to me.
“Trust us, just take the first step, and we will meet you there.”
Taking a deep breath, I clasped his hand and let him pull me out of the mental bubble I’d put myself in. As I opened my eyes, I found my men standing around the settee I was placed on. Izel helped me to sit up, but he pulled me close so I could lean on him as he wrapped his arms around me.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you all. That was just not information I was expecting to receive,” I apologized.
A maid approached with a goblet of water, which I took. Paxton swiped it out of my hands and took a sip of it first, paused a moment, and handed it back to me. “Can’t be too careful right now.”
“So you think drinking the poison yourself would be the right call?” I snapped. “What if there had been something in it, then you’d have died. Trust me when I say that would not have made things better.”
Paxton gave me a guilty look as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking and just reacted.”
Queen Catharine waved Paxton aside so she could speak to me, sitting on the edge of the settee.
“I’m so sorry, dear. I didn’t know you didn’t want children.
Sometimes, my excitement about things gets the better of me, and I don’t always take into account how you would feel about the news.
The world is changing, and not every woman wants to be a mother. ”
“That’s not it. At some point I do want to be a mother.
My hope was this war would be over before that happened, though.
Right now, all I can think about is how I’m going to put my children in danger.
In war, there is no predicting what could happen, and that is what had me so out of sorts,” I assured her.
“You know what would be good for you… a visit to the summer house. It’s out of the city, a little quieter, and has beautiful views all around.
That’s where I went when I was pregnant with both my children.
Then you don’t have to worry about prying eyes watching you blow up like a balloon and eat everything in sight,” Queen Catharine shared, patting my knee.
My jaw dropped at how easily she’d just offered a fantastic reason for us to leave the city.
If anyone heard about the trip, word would spread about my condition, which the Lost King might believe, or he might think it’s part of the plan to get me there.
In no other way has there been the slightest speculation that I could be pregnant.
“Thank you, Your Majesty. That’s such a kind offer,” I said, giving her an encouraging smile. “Only if it’s not too much trouble. I wouldn’t want you to feel obligated to offer that to me.”
“Nonsense, child,” she answered, waving off my worry. “I think a trip out there sounds lovely. We can even take the children, and you can start to see what it’s like to be a mother.”
Panic at the idea of the kids being there if something went wrong had me turning to her husband. When he noticed my attention on him, I gave a slight shake no, hoping he would step in and make some excuse.
“My love, while I’m sure you have good intentions, it’s still early in her pregnancy. Let the poor thing wrap her mind around it for a few days, then we can send the children up,” he reasoned.
The queen pouted but nodded. “I suppose you’re right. We still have eight months yet before she has to be ready. Keeping her calm and healthy should be the focus of this whole thing after such a spell.”
My body sagged in relief, knowing that innocent lives wouldn’t be in jeopardy.
While I didn’t trust Roulf to be honest about much, I didn’t think he was lying when he said if anyone touched the box the dragon heart was in, it would kill them.
That sounds exactly like something the Lost King would do to ensure he stayed immortal and protected from danger.
“Do you feel well enough to head back into the dining room? It would help settle you to get some food in your stomach. I know you probably feel like eating is the last thing you want to do, but it will help,” Queen Catharine urged, rising from the settee.
“Yes, of course, here I am causing everyone else to go hungry with all my drama,” I answered, motioning for Dayson, who was close by to help me up.
While I felt perfectly fine, the queen clearly expected me to act a certain way now that I was carrying a child, and I would pretend the best I could. Granted, it looked like my men were just as concerned about my situation as she was. That would be a conversation for later when it was just us.
I didn’t plan to be the woman who hid herself away while she created life.
I’d been instructed my whole life that it was unseemly for a woman large with child to be wandering about where people could see her.
There is nothing unseemly about creating life, and as Queen of Sheca, I wouldn’t be hiding behind any closed doors.
Dayson wrapped my arm around his as he led me back toward the dining hall, walking extremely slow. “Day,” I whispered. “You aren’t going to break me by walking at a normal speed.”
He glanced down at me as if he didn’t believe a word I just said but sped up to a normal pace. “It wasn’t just a shock to you.”
“I’m fully aware of that,” I agreed. “When we finish lunch, I plan for all of us to sit and talk. This isn’t just about me or you, there are nine of us directly affected by this surprise.”
“Are you happy?” he questioned.
It was a fair question, and I didn’t blame him for questioning that. “Now that I’ve had a moment to wrap my head around the idea, yes, of course, I’m happy. What makes me sad is the moment is overshadowed by the fact I have a madman to kill.”
“You mean we,” Dayson corrected. “We have a madman to kill. That duty isn’t resting solely on your shoulders, you know. The rest of us have more than enough reason to end him before this factor was added to the equation.”
“Let’s get through lunch, then we can all talk. I have a feeling the queen is going to smother me with all her good intentions.” I sighed, resting my head on his arm as we returned to the dining hall.
“All right, everyone, take your seats, and I’ll try not to share any more earth-shattering insights,” Queen Catharine said with a chuckle, sitting next to her husband.