23. Hammer
HAMMER
Achemical pregnancy.
That’s what she had.
We had.
A chemical pregnancy.
It didn’t matter how hard Merci worked to keep herself composed, I knew she was about to break.
Only two weeks had passed since we found out she was pregnant.
In that time, we kept the pregnancy to ourselves, having our own piece of heaven on earth.
Now, that piece, our baby love, was back in heaven with God.
Flicking away a tear, I wrapped one arm around Merci’s waist and held her hand. She kept swallowing back her tears, blinking rapidly. I wanted her to cry and get the shit over with so I could help her heal. The longer she held it in, the harder she was going to combust.
“Hey,” I called softly as the door closed behind the doctor. “Ms. Merci.”
Her head hung, shaking. “I’m f-fine,” she lied. “It’s… it was so early. I shouldn’t even—” A clipped sob escaped her before she covered her mouth. “I’m fine.”
Sitting in the bed next to her, I tilted her head in my direction. “Whether it was nine days or nine months, you carried our baby inside of you. He or she is gone now, and it’s okay to be sad about that.”
As if she needed my permission to break down, Merci finally did. Pulling her into my chest, I held her as she sobbed, holding back my own tears. Regardless of how I felt, I had to make sure my baby was good. If I could be counted on for nothing else as her man, it would have to be this.
“We just got them,” she sobbed, causing me to squeeze my eyes shut.
“Maybe God gave us someone so special He decided He wanted to keep them for Himself.” She sniffled as she clung to me.
“At least now, I’ll get to make you my wife before I make you my baby mama.
” That made her laugh like I hoped it would.
Cupping her cheeks, I wiped her tears away. “You gon’ be alright, sweetheart.”
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, gripping my wrists. “This is the one thing I’m supposed to be able to do, and I couldn’t even do this shit right. I got your hopes up for nothing, Hammer. I’m sorry.”
“What? Is you coo’, Ms. Merci? I won’t dismiss your feelings, but don’t ever say no dumb shit like that to me again.
This is not your fault at all. If we were meant to have this baby, they’d still be with us.
This is not your fault at all, sweetheart.
I promise, when we’re meant to expand our family, we will.
For now, it’s just the two of us, and that’s just as okay now as it was before we took those tests. ”
Even though she nodded like she heard me, her tears still fell. I held her until she was composed, and then we left. At the car, I got her inside and settled before walking a few feet away and calling my brother.
“You good, young one?”
“Nah, but I will be. I know y’all ain’t fuckin’ with each other right now, but it’s an emergency. I need you to call Ariel and get Merc’s number and address.”
He was silent for a while before agreeing to do as I asked. Less than two minutes later, he’d texted me both. I wanted to just pull up on him, but since he and his sons were convinced I was on some get-back shit, I called first.
“Hello?” he answered.
“Merc?”
“Yeah. Who this?”
“Hammer.” I paused, and when he didn’t hang up immediately, I continued.
“Our issues aside, I’m at the hospital with your daughter.
I’ll let her give y’all details about it, but she’s…
crying and shit, and I done tried, but I’on know what the fuck to do.
” Gritting my teeth, I released a shaky breath and swallowed hard. “I can take her to my home but—”
“Nah.” His voice cracked, and the OG that was known for sparing no one sounded like his world was about to crash at the thought of his little girl being hurt. “Bring me my baby. I’ll uh… text you my address.”
Instead of telling him I already had it, I said okay and ended the call.
When I got in the car, Merci quickly wiped her tears.
I took her hand into mine and kissed it, praying for her the whole time I drove to her parents’ house.
A part of me wanted to be angry at God, but I knew this wasn’t His doing.
Humans had a funny way of blaming Him when things went wrong in their lives, and I’d never been that type.
And even if this was His doing, I knew it was for a reason.
Even if we never knew the reason or felt as if nothing good came out of it, I trusted Him enough to know it was for our good, or His, at least.
Merci was so out of it she didn’t even notice where I was going until I pulled into her parents’ driveway.
She looked over at me with watery eyes as her mama ran to the car.
Merc made his way out, muttering about there being something wrong with his baby.
I didn’t hear him, but I read his lips as I unlocked the doors so they could get to her.
Merci gave me a quick hug before Neo opened the door.
“Stay with me,” she requested, taking my hand into hers.
My head shook as Merc made his way to my side of the car. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sweetheart.”
“Come on, baby. Let’s get you inside,” Neo said as I opened my door.
“I want you to stay,” Merci pleaded, and before I could respond, Merc said…
“He will,” surprising the hell out of me. I cut my car off and got out, and Merc waited until the women were inside the house to say, “What the hell happened, Hammer?”
“Early miscarriage. We took some home tests a few weeks ago, and they were positive. She had an appointment scheduled with her gynecologist next Monday, and we agreed we’d tell the family after Dr. Robinson confirmed, but we wouldn’t tell anyone else until after we made it through the first trimester.
” I looked toward the door as if I could see Merci in the house.
“She started bleeding heavily this morning. Cramping real bad. I took her to the emergency room, and they said it was a chemical pregnancy.” A breathless chuckle escaped me.
“Doctor said we wouldn’t have even seen the baby on the fucking ultrasound next week. ” My head shook before it hung.
“Sorry to hear that, son.” Merc patted my back and squeezed my shoulder. “Regardless of what happened between me and your people, I’d never wish anything like this on you and my daughter. This would have been—is—my first grandchild. I’m truly sorry for your loss, and ours.”
Licking the corner of my mouth, I swallowed hard. “She’s feeling… less than. The pregnancy was so early… I just want her to know that it was real and that it’s okay for her to mourn. That this isn’t her fault. I can’t do that by myself, so whatever issues we have—”
“They don’t matter right now.”
I agreed, then we made our way inside, where we spent a couple of hours getting her to process what had happened and calm down.
By the time her tears stopped, Ariel had made it back home.
She didn’t know the details, but after Cujo’s distress signal, she drove back home from Nashville.
Kneeling in front of Merci, Ariel cupped her cheek with pure empathy on her face.
“I know you’re not okay, sis, and you don’t have to tell me what happened. Just know I’m here for you, okay?”
With a soft smile, Merci nodded and leaned forward to give her a hug. “I’ll be fine, sis, but thank you. Seriously.” As Merci released Ariel, she looked up at me. “I’m ready to go home, Mr. Freeman. I’m tired.”
“Aight, sweetheart. We can go.”
They all held her close and loved on her for a little while longer before we headed out. As Neo held Merci’s hand, she asked, “You sure you don’t want to rest upstairs, baby?”
“Mm mm. I wanna go home with my man.”
Smiling, I resisted the urge to pull her into my arms. I’d never ask Merci to go against her family for me, or to choose me, but in this moment, she was acting like it wouldn’t have even been a choice, and she’d never understand what that meant to me.
“I ’preciate you calling,” Merc said, extending his hand for me to shake. “When you and my baby are up to it, we’ll have a sit down and talk.”
“Looking forward to it,” I replied, shaking his hand.
“We’re here for you too, baby,” Neo said, pulling me into her for a hug, which I truly appreciated.
“Thank you, Mrs. Lewis.”
“Call me Mama Neo,” she granted, holding me tighter, and that almost broke me.
We headed out, and the ride home was silent. I would have taken her to my place, but I figured she’d want the comfort of her own bed. Once I got her showered and comfortable in bed, I made her some tea because I knew she wouldn’t want to eat no time soon.
“I’ma let you rest,” I said, setting the tray on the nightstand.
“Com’ere,” she requested, holding my hand. Lowering myself into the bed, I held her waist. “How are you?”
“I’m good,” I said quickly. Too quickly to be believable.
Merci smiled with one side of her mouth as her head shook. “Liar.”
Chuckling, I wrapped my arm around her as she scooted closer. “Don’t worry about me, sweetheart. I’ll be fine.”
“This was your baby too. Your feelings matter, not just mine. I know you have to be strong for me, but I’m better now. I can be strong for you too.”
My eyes watered, but I knew I wouldn’t shed a tear.
“I’m hurt, but I’ll be good. I was excited about our baby, so I’m sad, but I know when the time is right, we’ll be able to expand our family.
I’m just trying to focus on making this shit make sense.
If I can logically work my way through it, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”
I could tell she wasn’t completely convinced, but she was convinced enough to hug me and bury her face in my chest. As I rubbed her back, she placed soft kisses on my chest and neck before releasing a shaky breath and falling asleep.