Chapter 5 Emi #3
His words would sound cheesy coming from most people, but the sincerity with which he says them resonates with me on a deeper level. I get the feeling that both of us are lacking the things that feed our souls, and I can’t help but wonder if those things might be something else we have in common.
The song comes to an end, and he punctuates it with a dip so low I can see the tips of my hair trailing on the marble floor.
People clap and whistle, but all I can focus on is his warm breath skating along my neck.
I want him to chase it with a line of kisses and I want the kisses to turn into so much more.
I haven’t felt this kind of need in so long I think I’d forgotten it even existed.
Before I can get too lost in my thoughts, Austin slowly pulls me back up.
I expect him to release me so we can return to our table, but as the band segues into a much slower song, he holds me flush to his body and begins to sway like we’re back in junior high.
If in junior high the boy I was dancing with had the body of a Greek god and sex appeal of all the Hollywood actors named Chris put together.
“Tell me something,” he says. “Why do you show up once a month to dance on a pole for a bunch of horny assholes?”
I arch a brow. “You have something against pole dancing, or is it just strippers you have a problem with?”
A wide smile reveals his straight white teeth. His model-like beauty and sheer magnetism take my breath away. “Neither. Considering my line of work, that would make me a huge hypocrite.”
My eyes flare wide as I try to think of what else he could mean other than what I think he’s implying. “You’re…a stripper?”
“And a fireman, darlin’. Sometimes I take my clothes off for money, and other times I slide down a pole and put more clothes on,” he says with a wink, a hint of his Southern drawl making an appearance.
“Wow, I have so many questions. Also, since you’re a fireman, I’d like to point out that I was right about the gallant knight thing.”
“Don’t change the subject. We’re not talking about me right now. My only point was that as someone in my part-time profession, the last thing I’m doing is judging you for your occasional moonlighting gig. I’m just curious as to why you do it. I have my suspicions, but I want to know if I’m right.”
“Why don’t you tell me what you think the reason is, and I’ll tell you whether you’re off base or not.”
Austin appears to consider this, or maybe he’s considering me, before moving a hand to the side of my neck, burying his fingers in my hair. His thumb strokes possessively over the line of my jaw, and his eyes capture mine with his intense gaze.
“I think there’s a side of you no one knows exists.
One you keep locked away from the rest of the world in a gilded cage.
But keeping her in there causes a pressure to build inside of you, and it grows and grows until you feel like you could split wide open from it.
So you found a way to let her out, to let her taste freedom.
It might only be for a few minutes, but it satiates her; calms her enough that you can put her back in that cage, at least for a little while. ”
My heart beats pick up speed. How does he know? He’s a virtual stranger and yet he sees into the deepest, darkest parts of me. He sees me. It’s just as comforting as it is unsettling.
At some point, other couples had joined us, slow dancing on this lazy Sunday evening. And somewhere along the line, Austin and I stopped swaying to the beat as everyone else was doing. His words had become the center of my universe, with the rest of the world and all movement in it fading away.
“Am I right?” he asks in gruff voice.
“Yes,” I whisper. “You’re right.”
I expect his cocky grin to make an appearance, for him to issue a smug “I knew it” or some other totally guy thing to say.
But his intensity never lifts, never even wavers.
If anything, it’s only grown with my confirmation.
It feels heavy, like a weighted blanket draped over my petite frame, and I welcome it.
“Tell me to kiss you, Emi.”
I expel a sigh of relief as though I’m being offered life-sustaining magic. “Kiss me, Austin. God, please kiss me.”
In a heartbeat his lips seize mine, claiming them as his in the middle of all these very nice, very proper people.
His hand plunges deeper to the back of my head, fisting my hair at the roots until a sharp sting fires off sparks across my scalp and between my legs.
I open to him, welcoming his tongue as it plunders and takes—
A deliberate clearing of a throat severs our connection with the sharp realization of our surroundings.
Austin lets out a soft curse, then apologizes to the couple next to us who’d issued the warning.
They don’t look upset, more conspiratorial with their knowing smiles and a wink of understanding from the older gentleman.
I stifle a giggle as we resume our slow dancing, but the look on Austin’s face is hard to read.
He doesn’t seem like the type to be embarrassed about PDA—frankly, he seems the type who wouldn’t think twice about fucking with an audience—but he seems almost bothered by the fact that we momentarily forgot where we are.
Placing a hand on his cheek, I turn his face toward me. “Hey,” I say, waiting until his eyes land on mine. “Let’s get out of here.”
Relief flashes across his handsome face, and in minutes we’ve gathered our things and settled the bill. As soon as we’re outside, he stops me on the quiet sidewalk. “I got carried away in there, and I’m sorry. I never meant to embarrass you.”
“You didn’t embarrass me, Austin. I was the one begging for you to kiss me, remember?”
“Kiss, yes. I’m sure you didn’t intend for me to practically maul you in public. Not in a nice place like this.”
Stepping in close, I trail my fingers across his strong jaw, reveling in the way his five o’clock shadow tickles my fingertips. “I liked being mauled by you,” I say softly. “Take me back to your place.”
“Emi…” My name sounds like it’s being ground into dust between his clenched teeth. “Are you sure?”
Am I? Do I really want to go home with a man whose mysterious understanding of my darker self causes me to feel unsettled and on edge?
If I were normal, if I didn’t have that darker self, the answer would be no.
But I’m not normal. I’ve known this about myself for some time now, and I’ve come to accept it, even if the rest of the world doesn’t.
So my answer to his question is an irrefutable and unequivocal… “Yes.”