Chapter 20 Emi #3
I can deny it all I want, but I know he’s right.
He still has my heart, and he damn sure still has command over my body.
And if I’m being honest with myself, it’s exactly what I want.
I want him to own me, heart, body, and soul, for the rest of time.
But I’m so afraid to open myself back up to being hurt again.
I hold my breath, waiting for what happens next. He brushes my hair away from my face, then caresses my cheek with the backs of his knuckles. “Emmélie,” he whispers.
My facade cracks. The tenderness of his touch, the desperation in his tone, and the reverence of my name on his lips…
It breaks my heart all over again, but I force myself to choke back the tears and turn to face him with steel in my gut.
“You don’t get it, do you? I opened myself up to you, I gave you everything that I am.
And then you shut me out, and you left me.
It’s the first truly villainous thing you’ve ever done, and it killed me. ”
“I’m sorry,” he rasps. “I’m so fucking sorry, I can’t even tell you.”
I can’t hold them back anymore. Hot tears trail down my cheeks—my heart’s screw you message to my brain’s determination to hold my resolve.
Austin moves to pull me in, but I raise my hands to his chest and block his advance.
Unlike the times when we played, he immediately steps back and gives me the space I know he wants to obliterate.
It’s there in his eyes, the pain and regret that echoes inside my heart.
“Emi,” he croaks out. “I’m willing to do whatever you need to take me back. But if there’s no chance—if you truly want me out of your life—then you have to tell me. Because there’s only one way I’ll ever walk out on you again. You know what to say.”
Raven. My safe word. He’s telling me to make a decision. To once and for all choose a life without him, if that’s what I want. Not through avoidance, but through conscious thought and action. I try. I swear I do. It’s on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t bring myself to let it fall.
He made a mistake, but then he stood up to my father and fought for his place in my life. I love him, and I know he loves me. He’s right: we are made for each other, and throwing this away would be the worst sort of tragedy.
Holding his gaze, I take the step toward him and my future. He releases a rush of air as he gathers me against his chest. His voice is filled with the conviction of a man with nothing to lose. “I will never leave you again. Do you hear me? Never.”
I sniff back the waterworks and lift my head to look him in the eyes. “Never again,” I repeat. “Swear it, Austin.”
“I swear on our mothers’ graves.” Apparently done letting me direct things, Austin scoops me up and carries me into the room, but I keep going, needing to get everything out.
“And no more deciding what’s best for me. I’ve had enough of that in my life, thank you very much.”
“Agreed,” he says, sitting on the edge of the bed with me curled in his lap.
Remembering all the times he’s made me repeat after him, I figure turnabout is fair play. “Say it, Austin. Say ‘I will not be a pompous ass who assumes I know what’s best for you.’”
“Baby, I swear, I will not be a pompous ass who assumes I know what’s best for you. What else do you need? I marked my body with your symbol, but I’ll ink your name on my ass like a branded steer if that’s what you want.”
I smile and trace my fingers over the images. “I can’t believe you did that. They’re beautiful.”
“No, they’re just pictures. You’re the beautiful one. And I plan on spending every day for the rest of my life showing you how much you mean to me, if you give me the chance.”
Looking up at him through my lashes, I bite my lip to try and hide my smile. “Okay, but you better not screw up again. Addie’s already threatened your manhood.”
“Yeah, I heard that earlier,” he says wryly. “Usually she’s just kidding around, but this time I have no doubt she’ll make good on that promise. She loves you, you know. They all do.”
“The feeling’s mutual. And for the record, she’s not the only one you’ll have to worry about. Break my heart again and I’ll make what she does to you feel like child’s play.”
He smiles wide, his dimples making their first appearance. “Duly noted.” He grows serious again, framing my face with his hands and touching his forehead to mine. “God, Emi, I missed you so damn much,” he rasps.
“I missed you, too. I don’t want to be without you ever again.”
“You never will.” We’re so close that his words are painted directly onto my lips. “I love you, baby, now and forever.”
“Show me,” I whisper into his mouth. “Give me the one thing only you can give me.”
“What’s that, princess?”
“My villain.”
Heat flashes in his eyes, and I feel my body sigh in relief as I recognize the beast in him rising to the surface. There he is, my dark knight, here to save me in the most deviant ways imaginable.
Growling, he lays me back and pins my wrists above my head. His body covers mine, his solid weight anchoring me to the mattress just as it anchors me in this moment. This moment where lines blur between good and evil and right and wrong. This moment where my hero becomes my villain.
This moment that is…my happily ever after.
Thank you so much for reading Merciless!