Chapter 10
WILLIAM
As my house came into view, anxiety immediately seeped into my bones.
After I lost Bethy, each week seemed to melt into one continuous reel of pain. I’d become an expert avoider, running from my demons, denying all that had changed.
To suppress everything, I let work consume me, staying late into the night. I even managed to smack on a fake smile sometimes. And for the days I felt especially brave, I’d rip out a few laughs with the boys in the workshop.
But that didn’t stop the darkness from creeping in when I was alone. Without Beth and Colt, the house felt bereft, a hollow shell that held the remnants of a past life; a loving, magnificent, fulfilling life.
I hadn’t heard from Colt in over a year, despite trying to reach out every single week. I sent all types of communication. Most efforts were blocked, though sometimes, on the rare occasion, a letter would be delivered or an email would go through.
It was infrequent, barely an acknowledgement, but it was something. The tiniest sliver of hope that made me hold on to our one-sided connection with everything I had, ensuring the gap never fully closed.
My latest message was an invitation to share Thanksgiving together, just like old times. I sweetened the deal by suggesting we gorge on Beth’s favourite chocolate tiered cake, laugh over old traditions and maybe rekindle some of that father-son relationship I had broken.
I wasn’t arrogant enough to think that, with one holiday, Colt would soften towards me. His lack of contact was proof enough of that. Though he wasn’t the only one working on himself that past year or so.
After I returned from Colton’s college, I knew drastic changes had to be made.
I distanced myself from Nikita, despite her concerns about leaving me at my lowest. I held firm, knowing I had to battle the all-consuming grief on my own. I could no longer rely on another to handle or distract me from my reality. We’d done that before, and it had only caused more sorrow.
Nikita and I still spoke sometimes, usually in passing—only surface-level pleasantries with some memories of Beth thrown in. Our interactions never went beyond that. Firm boundaries were set in place, and she no longer came over uninvited or barged into my home without a word.
It was a bittersweet transition. Although I was loath to admit it, even to myself, I still considered Nikita a good friend. Our actions weren’t born out of cruelty or maliciousness. I was just trying to survive… We all were.
I parked in the garage, turned off the car and remained where I was, reluctant to enter my home—an empty husk, with only memories to share my company with.
Then, something remarkable happened. I checked my phone when it flashed with a new message. A little bit of disbelief and an abundance of excitement ignited.
Colton: I’ll bring the cake.
I was giddy.
It had taken me the entire morning to prep the food and decorate the dining room just like Beth used to.
Inspecting my handywork, I gave an approving nod. I then checked on the turkey, grabbed a cool beer and popped the top, smiling widely. I’m going to see my boy.
However, anticipation soon turned into a nauseous pit at the bottom of my stomach. One hour turned into two until the light outside dimmed to make way for night. I’d stopped checking the time when the clock struck nine.
He wasn’t coming.
I’d sent countless texts that went unread. And multiple calls that were diverted straight to voicemail. I knew this was a huge move for Colton, to trust in me enough to surrender the chance to make it right. And I wanted it so badly. I fucking needed him back.
But not like this.
I was on the couch, an empty beer bottle in one hand as I stared at the blank screen of the TV. Ahh, I remember this position.
The dining table sat fully loaded in the next room, untouched with cold food that grew stale.
I shook my head and automatically switched off my phone, refusing to obsessively look at the device any longer.
I’d been silently hoping and fucking praying that he would call with some type of excuse—any excuse—knowing full well I wasn’t worthy of one.
I deserved the punishment, his brutal retribution. Yet, I hadn’t prepared for the aftermath of such a severe blow.
Colton truly hated me, right down to his very core, and it carved up my fucking soul to have the true knowledge of it all.
I inhaled a tortured breath, preparing to head upstairs. I’d deal with the mess later. At that point, all my energy had drained out of my body in an instant.
As I went to stand, a heavy knock sounded from the entrance. My breath rushed out of me so fast my lungs seized. I raced to the front, nearly tripping over my tipsy feet when I finally managed to wrench open the door.
I stood speechless as Beth’s favourite chocolate tiered cake was thrust between us.
“Not too late for a slice?”
I smiled through tears I hadn’t realised were there until that moment.