Chapter 30
COLTON
“You didn’t tell me she was engaged,” I said, closing in on Annette’s back. She flipped a glance over her shoulder before returning to her mindless gazing over the vast gardens, which irked me.
It had taken an additional forty-eight hours for my body to recover enough so I could make the trip to Serenity Residential Care Home.
By that time, I was well and truly brimming with impatience. Avery and Thomas both refused to help me. Which meant I had to source my own recon on Charlotte.
Coming to a halt beside Annette, I took an equalising breath, then softened my tone before repeating, “You didn’t tell me she was engaged.”
“Was I supposed to?”
I bristled. “You know I ask after her every time I visit.”
“So? Does that suddenly make you eligible for intel on her?” She looked up at me then, direct and clear. “If I had told you about Charlotte’s engagement, would that have changed anything for you, Colton?”
I knew what she meant, though I didn’t want to dissect all of that, so instead, I gave her my deepest vulnerability, my most treasured confession.
“I care for her. I love her,” I blurted.
“Why?”
Huh? What a stupid question. “What do you mean, why? You should know how magnificent she is. She is your daughter.”
“Exactly. Charlotte is my daughter, which means I know her both inside and out. But do you know her, Colton? Truly know her?”
I pursed my lips, getting pissed at her reasoning. But nothing ever stopped Annette.
“When’s the last time you had a deep and meaningful conversation? When’s the last time you laughed together?” Annette’s voice turned gentle, almost placating. Which made me feel fucking worse. “How can you love someone you barely even know?”
“I know her,” I said defensively. “From the very first time we met, I fell in love with her.”
“Are you in love with her, or in love with the idea of her?”
“Why would you say that?” I asked, almost accusingly. Why is she trying to talk me out of my own feelings?
Annette lapsed into silence, which put me on edge. I soon got impatient with the uncomfortable strain and said, “Come on, spit it out, old girl. Don’t hold back on me now.”
That seemed to work since she cracked a small side smile. “Fine. But don’t ever call me old girl again, little shit.”
I chuckled, then tipped my chin, suggesting she continue.
“I think over the years, you have built Charlotte up into this angelic being who can do no wrong. Someone who is completely faultless.”
“To me, she is.”
“Yes. For now. But hypothetically, what happens when she inevitably fails you?”
“You don’t have faith in your own daughter?”
“On the contrary. Charlotte is one of a kind, and I’m not just saying that because she’s mine. But you’re forgetting one vital component, Colt.”
“And that is?”
“She is human. Like the rest of mankind, she too will fail at times. So, with how much you claim to love her, tell me how you would respond when she inevitably lets you down?”
“She won’t,” I said, folding my arms tightly over my chest.
“One day, she will. What will you do then? Swear vengeance against her? Work to systematically destroy her?”
My breath caught. “I never thought you would throw my actions back in my face.”
“I’m not judging you, Colton. Far from it. I’m merely holding up a mirror for you to see your own reflection.”
A rock dropped to the bottom of my gut. “I’m unworthy of her.”
“I never said that.” She didn’t, but I believe it all the same.
“No. I say that. I vow to change, to improve myself, because me, as I am now… I understand why you’d want to protect her.”
Annette snickered. “I’m not trying to protect her. I’m trying to protect you, idiot.”
I stared at her blankly until she gave a soft sigh.
“I don’t want you to latch on to someone else, anything else, and use that as your reason or motivation for change.
I wish so much for you, my boy, but this is a war you have to navigate on your own.
Not one you can enlist others to fight for you…
Change, improve, heal, but most of all, learn how to love yourself before you freely give that away to anyone else.
Your love is a precious commodity, Colton. Don’t squander it.”
My lips quivered as I gave a sincere reply. “I-I don’t know how to do that.”
“Do what?”
“Love myself.”
“Now seems like a good time to learn.”
We soon turned inwards, our moods contemplative as I shifted and pushed Annette’s wheelchair along the concrete path.
I had a lot to unpack and think on, her insight challenging me to look at things from a new perspective.
It was true that, over time, I had subconsciously placed Charlotte on a pedestal. In some weird way, she had remained a steadfast figure, frozen in the exact same spot I had left her in. Being held in her arms was the final place where I truly felt safe, comforted and loved.
Of course, I held on to that, gripped on with every last ounce of strength I had. However, I now realised that that was not fair to Charlotte or me.
I cleared my throat. “You’re right, Annette.”
“I usually am. But to what are you referring?”
“My expectations regarding Charlotte have been unrealistic, and I’d never want to make you or her feel uncomfortable. Maybe I should stop visiting you for a while.”
Annette scoffed. “Why would you do that, silly boy?”
“Because I have feelings for your daughter. And I shouldn’t be visiting her mum without her knowledge.”
She chuckled. “You think she doesn’t know?”
“She knows?”
“Of course she does.”
“And she’s okay with it?” I asked sceptically. “When I left her, I was… brutal. I thought she would hate me.”
“Charlotte knows you visit me, Colt. And encourages it because she knows you bring me joy. So nice try, but you’re stuck with me forever, bud.”
We had found a comfortable medium, and since we were being brutally honest, I decided to continue with the same dialogue.
“Would you be okay with me reaching out to Charlotte? No nefarious motives, I promise.” Kind of.
“What? You’re asking for my permission?” Annette asked, her tone filled with amusement.
“I guess I am.”
“You’re a big boy now, Colt. Some would even classify you as an adult, surprisingly—”
“Smart ass,” I whispered under my breath.
“But to answer your question, sure, if that’s what you want. Reach out to Charlotte when she gets back.”
“Back? From where?”
She paused before signalling for me to stop. I followed the command and shifted to catch her wary expression.
“I thought you’d know since she’s been caring for you,” she said. “Charlotte has taken a travelling gap year through Europe.”
“Who with?” I managed to croak, although my instincts already knew.
“Her fiancé.”
There it was again, fate forcing me in another direction that I never saw coming. I had missed my opportunity.
Despite what Annette said, I was in love with Charlotte. Had never stopped since that one night we spent together. I tried so hard to forget about her, moved on with my life and lied to myself, to no avail.
Charlotte was so ingrained in my DNA, stitched tight into my memory, that I had no chance of moving on. Not really.
My muscles tingled, preparing for pursuit, wanting to hunt her down, wherever she might be in the world. But she was with another man, and happy.
How could I ever rob her of that? I couldn’t.
Which meant the only option I had was to let her go.
I mumbled a quick goodbye, too distracted and focused on getting out of there. Suddenly, I wanted to be alone.
As I shuffled away, Annette gently grasped my forearm. “She doesn’t love him, you know.”
“She’s wearing his ring. I think that might signify love.”
“She thinks she does… but her heart was broken a long time ago. And we both know you can’t give your heart away when it’s in pieces.”
I patted her hand before detangling her fingers from my arm. Without another word, I turned and left.
I was conflicted, questioning whether her words were supposed to give me solace or torture me further.
Either way, I knew what I had to do. I wouldn’t chase after Charlotte like I desperately wanted to. I was going to respect her decisions, even if those same choices led her away from me.
Annette’s words resonated deeply. I didn’t love the man I’d become. I hardly liked him. It was time I made a conscious effort to change that, first by picking up the shattered shards of my own heart and try piecing them back together.
And if the fates aligned and ever gave me a second chance with Charlotte, I’d move the entire fucking universe to be everything she needed, everything she deserved.