Thirteen
ALYSSA
ICAN’T BELIEVE this is happening right now, just when I thought my life was heading in the right direction. I finally met a guy who I actually like, like really freaking like. If I could admit it to myself, I might actually even love him.
This cannot be happening again. I barely survived the last time.
I don’t think I could survive this. Not to mention the fact that Zac would run at the first sight of just how much crazy I come packaged with.
I mean, why would he stick around with a freaked-out nutcase, who can’t even get a bunch of flowers without having a full-blown panic attack?
Well, that’s not entirely true. I got excited and swooned when I thought the roses came from Zac.
I was so excited I called him to thank him without checking the card first. As soon as he said they weren’t from him, the panic kicked in, the flashbacks started, and I was back to that place from two years ago.
I’m now sitting in a locked bathroom stall, the roses tossed on the ground, staring at me, taunting me. It can’t be him again. I know he’s still in jail, at least I thought he was still in jail.
Oh god, what if he got out? What if he’s not in jail anymore?
I spent six months of my life being tortured by him, all the while not even knowing who it was that was torturing me.
I can’t stop the shaking. I know I’m in the midst of a panic attack, but I can’t seem to do anything to stop it.
How did Zac manage to calm me so easily during my panic attack in his car?
This situation is much worse, with the possibility that I will have to spend my time locked in my apartment again because I fear what’s waiting for me on the outside.
It took me two months after he was sentenced to go outside again, and that was with Sarah, Reilly and Holly all holding my hand the whole time.
Remembering Reilly was still on the phone, I pull my phone out of my pocket.
“Reilly, I can’t survive this again. I just can’t. Make it stop… please make it stop,” I plead with one of my best friends.
“Lyssa, it’s not happening again, okay? Listen to me. This is just a misunderstanding. Zac and I are on our way. We’re almost there, just hold on.” Her voice is calm, the total opposite of how I’m feeling.
Just then, the thought of Zac seeing me like this, this mess of a person, hits me. He’s going to run. I will lose him before I even really got a chance to have him.
“Reilly, he can’t see me like this. I can’t let him see me like this.” My breathing is heavy and uneven.
“Who?” Reilly asks.
“Zac, he can’t see me like this, Reilly. He’s going to get one look at me and run. I’m going to lose him, aren’t I?”
There’s a loud bang and a growl that comes through the phone before Reilly clears her throat.
“Lyssa, umm, you most certainly are not going to lose him. And if he leaves you just because you had a little panic attack, I’m going to find him and feed him his own balls,” she says in her ever-sweet voice.
“I really like this one, Reilly, like really, really like. I don’t want to lose him. Oh god, why is this happening again? Just when I thought I could be happy, that I found my happy.”
“We’re just pulling into the hospital now. Where are you, Lyssa? I’ll come get you,” Reilly asks.
“I… I’ve locked myself in the ladies, just inside the emergency entrance. I didn’t know what to do,” I confess.
“Fuck!” I hear him loud and clear on the phone, in that deep and gravelly voice.
Then I hear Reilly yelling out, “Zac, wait up. It’s the ladies. You can’t just waltz in there, you know.”
Reilly sounds like she’s running. Before I can contemplate what’s happening, the door to the ladies bangs against the wall. The first thing I think is they’re going to be too late. He’s found me already. I see a pair of dress shoes stop at the stall door I’m locked behind.
“Sunshine, I need you to open the door, please.” It’s Zac’s voice. Is it really him, or have I somehow conjured his voice in my mind?
“Zac?” I ask so quietly I didn’t think he would even hear me.
“Yeah, sunshine. It’s me. Please open the door.” His voice sounds strained.
Timidly reaching up for the lock, I slide the latch across and step back to pull the door open. There he stands, on the other side of the door. I don’t even have the door open all the way before he’s pulling me into his arms. I can feel my body shaking. I can feel the tears running down my face.
Clinging to him as tight as I can, I beg, “Please don’t leave me. I’m sorry. So sorry. I’m not always like this, I swear, just… please don’t leave.”
Zac picks me up, walking to the far side of the bathroom.
He sits on the floor with me and I crawl into his lap.
I bury my face into his chest; my fingers hurt from how tightly they are clinging to the fabric of his shirt, but I can’t loosen them.
Zac strokes my hair while planting gentle kisses on the top of my head.
“Alyssa, there is nothing in this world that will make me leave you. We will always have tomorrow, remember?” he says so soothingly.
“Promise?” I ask.
“Promise,” he says while he continues to stroke my hair.
Just then, Reilly bursts through the door. “Jesus Christ, Zac, how the hell can you run so freaking fast?”
She’s kneeling down beside me, rubbing my arm. “Lyssa, honey, I’m here. It’s going to be okay.” Nodding my head, I don’t attempt to lift it off Zac’s chest. “We need to get you out of here. Come on, honey. Let’s go home.”
I lift my head to look at her. “Okay,” I get out.
Zac shoos away Reilly’s hand as he lifts my chin so our eyes meet. “Sunshine, let’s go home.” He stands up, guiding me to my feet, my hands still clinging so tightly to his shirt. “It’s okay. I’ve got you,” he says before lifting me into his arms and carrying me out of the hospital.
Stopping at the passenger side of his door, he looks down at me, still in his arms, still clinging to his shirt.
Shaking his head, he mumbles, “Fuck it,” before reaching into his pocket with one hand and handing a key fob to Reilly.
“You drive,” he demands before climbing into the back seat and settling me on his lap.
Moments later, I hear Reilly climb into the driver’s side of the car. A few minutes later, she turns and looks back at Zac.
“You’re sure you want me to drive this car, this very, very expensive car?”
“Reilly, for the love of god, just press home on the GPS and follow the fucking directions. It’s not rocket science. It’s a bloody car.”
Reilly starts the car and then turns to face the back again, this time to me. “Lyssa, do you want to go to Zac’s, or your place? You tell me where you want to go?” she asks.
Zac growls and answers before I can put together a sentence. “Reilly, I’m your fucking boss and gave you a direction. It’s your job to fucking follow it. Drive to my place, now.”
“You’ve been my boss for two minutes, Zac. She’s been my best friend for five years. My loyalty is to her, not you. You’d be best to remember that. Lyssa, tell me where you want to go before your beast here rips my head off.”
Looking between the two of them, I’m confused. Are they really arguing over me?
Staring into Zac’s eyes, I tell Reilly, “I want to go to Zac’s. Please take me to Zac’s.”
Maintaining eye contact like he can see into my soul, Zac whispers, “Home, we’re going home, sunshine.”
The drive to Zac’s was a blur. I buried my head in his chest the whole way, and when we got there, he picked me up and carried me. He held me tight as the elevator lifted to the top floor. When the doors opened, he walked me straight into his room with Reilly following suit.
Standing at the door to his room, he turns and looks at her. “Call Bray. Tell him I want him and Dean here now,” he orders, before shutting the door.
Zac walks with me into the en suite bathroom, turns the shower on and sits me on the vanity.
My fingers curl around his shirt as he steps back.
I’m not ready to let go yet. When I’m in his arms, it’s like nothing can touch me.
I feel the safest I’ve ever felt when wrapped up in him.
Putting his hands over the top of mine, he holds them there.
We stay like that for minutes, the room filling up with steam before he says, “Sunshine, I’m not going anywhere.
I will wait for as long as you need to feel comfortable to let go, but I’m not going anywhere. ”
After a minute, I slowly unfurl my fingers from his shirt.
Zac pulls my top up and over my head before reaching around and unclasping my bra.
Bending to his knees, he undoes my laces, removing my shoes and socks.
Pulling me to a standing position, he pulls down my pants and panties in one go.
The whole time, I stand as close as I can to him.
Zac’s eyes travel up and down my body slowly, before he strips his own clothing off.
Grabbing my hand, he leads me into the shower and under the spray of the water.
I stand still. I can feel my body begin to relax.
Zac reaches behind me and picks up a loofah and squirts some bodywash onto it.
He slowly works the loofah over my shoulders; his movements are slow.
He moves the loofah down my right arm and back up again, across my collarbone and down my left arm.
The scents of vanilla and raspberry fill the shower as Zac works the loofah over my body.
He pays extra attention to my breasts, and I can’t help but squirm with the sensations currently running through my body.
He works the soap down my stomach then kneels, running the soapy loofah down each leg.
When he reaches the apex of my thighs, I can’t help the moan that escapes my mouth as I feel the scratchy, soapy fabric rub against the lips of my pussy.
Zac looks up at me as though he is about to say something; instead, he shakes his head and stands. I audibly grunt, at which he fails to hide a chuckle.