Nineteen
ALYSSA
ZAC PULLS UP to the front of my townhouse.
The drive here has given me time to sober up, which has returned the nervousness of what I’m about to do.
Think of Zac. Think of Zac. Repeating that over and over in my head, I can see him on Christmas Day, opening a photo book filled with pictures of me in a range of red lingerie.
I’ve never felt more desired than when I’m with Zac.
He has unintentionally given me a self-confidence boost I didn’t know I needed.
It’s not like I hated my body image before he came along.
I knew I was attractive enough, more like a girl next door kind of attractive.
But Zac, he makes me feel like I’m more than that.
He has no shame in letting anyone and everyone know how much he wants me all the time.
I can see the outline of a growing erection in his pants.
The way he moves and tries to not so subtly rearrange his crown jewels also gives away that he’s a little turned on right now.
I’m actually not sure that he has an off switch.
It seems like he’s in a constant state of arousal.
I didn’t know it was possible for a guy to be so ready all the time.
Shit, these thoughts are just getting me all hot and bothered now.
I look over to Zac, and he gives me that trademark smirk.
His emerald eyes darken as he rakes his eyes up and down me, lingering on my heaving chest—which I’m sure anyone who cares to look can see the outline of my hardened nipples through the thin material of my tank top.
Dammit, get it together, Lyssa. You’ve got a job to do.
You can do Zac later tonight, many times over, no doubt.
“Okay, thanks for the lift, babe.” Leaning over, I quickly peck his cheek. My attempts at a quick escape are halted as he grabs my wrist, stopping my hasty exit from the car.
“Sunshine, if you think for one minute, I’m just leaving you here, then you’ve lost your goddamn mind!” he exclaims.
Turning the car off, he opens his door and as I’m conjuring up ways to get him to leave, he makes his way over to my side of the car, holding his hand out to help me out.
Ever the gentleman. I sigh, accepting his hand as I jump down from the car.
Bray has a big SUV Mercedes-Benz. I like it a lot; the seats are air- conditioned.
I mean, I didn’t even know you could get air-conditioned seats, but apparently, they exist.
“I think I’m in love with your car, Bray,” I say, turning to see Sarah, Ella and Bray all just staring at me, all three of them making the motions of eating popcorn, invisible popcorn.
Rolling my eyes at them, I turn back to Zac.
He has a weird, satisfied grin plastered on his face—I have no idea what that’s about.
But I know I need to get him out of here.
“Babe, you know I would usually invite you in and all, but you can’t stay. I just need two hours, tops.”
I turn to Sarah to see if my time estimate is right. She gives me a silent nod and a thumbs up, before returning to her imaginary popcorn. Dammit, okay, I’m gonna need to pull out the big guns to win this battle.
Facing Zac, I tilt my head up to look at him.
Blinking my eyes, I stick out my bottom lip and ever so quietly plead with the most sugary-sweet voice I can muster, “Please, Zac, don’t ruin your surprise.
I really want to be able to give this to you.
I promise I’m not leaving. I’ll wait for you to come back and take me home to your place.
And then I’m all yours for the rest of the night, to do with as you please.
” My voice morphs from sweet to sultry by the end of my plea.
“Fuck. Dammit, sunshine. You know it’s bloody impossible to say no to you, right?” He pulls at the ends of his hair. I know he’s torn between giving me what I want, and the need to protect me. Finally, he relents. “Okay, I won’t come in. But Bray’s staying with you.”
Just as I’m about to open my mouth to argue that Bray is not staying, he says, “Not negotiable, babe. If I’m not able to be with you, then Bray will be.”
I look over my shoulder to Bray for help, but the bastard just grins. Zac tilts my head up towards his. “Sunshine, please don’t ask me to leave you unprotected. I can’t do it.”
Great, it seems I’m not the only one who has mastered the puppy-dog pout.
“Okay, thanks, babe. Love you. See you soon.” “Ella, sweetheart, do you want to stay here or come back with me?” Zac asks.
It amazes me how this man, who I know can be ruthless as all hell, is such a big softy with his little sister. I envy how strong the relationships are with these three siblings. I wish I had that.
As a child, I spent many nights lying awake, dreaming of how different my life would have been if my mum didn’t die. If I had siblings I could count on to be there in hard times… When I have kids, I definitely want at least three, so they all have each other to lean on.
Hold the front door. Where the hell did that thought just come from? When I have children?
What the hell happened to the girl who would literally have a panic attack at the thought of having kids? Zac happened—that’s what happened.
I can see how much of a great dad he will be.
He stepped up and took over raising a thirteen-year-old girl and a seventeen-year-old teenage boy.
That could not have been easy by any standard.
But he has never made it out to seem like a chore; he’s never complained about having to grow up before his time.
He loves his siblings, unconditionally. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, he will love our kids the same.
I’m brought out of my thoughts as I zone in to Bray and Zac arguing. “Zac, take her home. She does not need this level of influence—trust me on this,” Bray is saying. Oh crap, he will let the cat out of the bag if he doesn’t shut up.
Looking over to Ella, I plead silently with her. She gets it immediately.
“Don’t worry, Bray. I’m going with Zac. I’d be bored out of my mind waiting around here anyway. It’s not like I haven’t seen or done these things with my friends before.”
I can tell she is just trying to rile her brother up. There is no way sweet, innocent, little Ella has done this, right?
“Take that back, Ella. You can’t say shit like that to me. Don’t think I won’t lock you up in that tower you live in and take away your keys.” Bray is fuming. I’m sure a whole lot of unhelpful thoughts of his little sister are going through his mind right now.
“Okay, I’m out. Got things to do. Leave your sister alone, Brayden. Let’s go.”
I know I’m a little demanding, but I need to get out of this situation before Zac questions what it is I’m really doing here. Walking towards my front door, I don’t look back. I’m doing this. I’m really, really doing this.
Okay, I can totally do this.
Sitting in Sarah’s room, I’m staring at my reflection in the mirror.
She has transformed me from your average, sandy blonde girl next door to a 1950’s pin-up model.
My hair is made up of big barrel curls, pinned back with diamante hair pins.
How she gives my hair this kind of shine, I will never understand.
No matter how many times I watch her and attempt to retrace the steps on my own, I just can’t seem to figure it out.
My eyes are smoky. She put on glue-on eyelashes, so my lashes are long, thick and dark—with dark eyeliner running along the bottom of my eyes before turning up into a wing on the tops of my eyelids.
She has contoured my face, giving me much more defined features than I would normally have.
My cheeks have a shiny, golden hue to them and my lips are painted in a bright red, wet-look lipstick.
“Wow.” Turning to Sarah, I say, “I think you have really outdone yourself this time.”
“Please, it’s easy when what you’re starting with is already a masterpiece,” she says.
I hug her tight. “I know I haven’t seen you as much these last few weeks, but I love you. You know that, right?”
“I love you too, and don’t beat yourself up.
I have been plenty busy myself over the last few weeks.
” A dreamy look briefly crosses her face before she continues.
“I’m so happy that you are finally getting your happily ever after, Lyssa.
If anyone deserves it, it’s you. That it just so happens to come wrapped in that fine piece of ass is a total bonus,” she says with a wink.
I laugh. “It really is one fine ass. I bet I could bounce a coin off it.” I make a mental note to enquire about what or who her busy is later.
“Okay, I can do this. We’re doing the pictures in here, right?
” I ask Sarah’s very gay photographer friend Tom.
I smile as I recall Bray’s internal struggle with letting the photographer in the room with me.
“Yes, hon. Ready when you are, beautiful,” Tom says.
I turn my face back to Sarah, partly so he doesn’t see the blush working its way up my neck and face, while also trying to steal some of my friend’s courage from her.
Sarah would do this without even batting an eye.
Me? I have to give myself internal pep talks and think about Zac, think about what his reaction will be.
Picking up the Victoria’s Secret bag, I head for the bedroom door. “Okay, I’m going to change in my room. I’ll be back in a sec.”
“I’ll help and also make sure you don’t chicken out and make a break for it.” Sarah’s laugh follows me down the hall.
Our rooms are separated by a shared bathroom. Opening my bedroom door, my steps halt, Sarah running into the back of me.
“What the…” She doesn’t finish the sentence. Or, at least, I don’t hear her finish the sentence as I take in the scene in front of me.
No, no, no, no. This is not happening. Closing my eyes and reopening them, I attempt to change what they see. It doesn’t work. This cannot be real; I must be dreaming. I’m frozen as I observe what used to be a somewhat orderly bedroom.
Everything has been thrown around, drawers opened…
My clothes are shredded everywhere. I mean, literally, they are in shreds like someone has taken a pair of scissors and just hacked right through them.
There is paint everywhere, red paint splashed all over the room, on the floor, on the walls—it’s even on the ceiling.
The message that’s written above what used to be my bedhead is what breaks my frozen stance and has me screaming at the top of my lungs. The message painted in what I’m hoping is red paint says:
I’m coming for you.
We will meet soon. xxx
OH MY GOD, all of my things, everything I have worked so hard to get, has been destroyed. Running to my wardrobe, I’m scrambling to the mess. No, she cannot have ruined it. I’m crying, rummaging, trying to find it. I can’t find it. Why can’t I find it?
Strong arms wrap around me and pull me back, stopping me from looking.
“No, I have to find it. It has to be here,” I say as I fight my way out of his hold.
“Shh, sunshine, I’ve got you. I’ve got you. It’s going to be okay.”
It’s not going to be okay; it’s never going to be okay. Why doesn’t he know? This is what my life is, one fucked-up situation after another. He would have been better off never having met me. But I can’t think about that right now. I need to find that picture.
“I need to find it. It’s here, somewhere. Please, just help me find it,” I’m begging for anyone to help me.
Sarah gets down on her hands and knees and starts digging through the mess. She doesn’t need to ask what she’s looking for; she already knows.
Zac is still trying to hold me still. “Alyssa, I’ll buy you another one. It’s okay. Please stop.” I hear his voice crack.
I turn to look at him, tears running down my face. “It’s the only picture of my mother I have, Zac! You can’t buy me another one!”
I feel defeated. Slumping to the ground, I curl into myself and let myself break.
Sarah wraps herself around me, whispering in my ear, “Lyssa, honey, you need to let Zac take you home. I’ll stay here. I’ll keep looking. I will find the picture for you and bring it to you. Please, just let Zac take you home, Lyssa.”
I can’t tell if it’s Sarah’s cries I hear, or my own. I’m only vaguely aware as I’m lifted into Zac’s arms, and he carries me out of the house.