Chapter 14
Iris
“Look, I’m not claiming he’s your soulmate,” Arden said. He opened the door of Selene’s bookshop. “I’m saying I ship it so hard that the postal service is going to file a complaint.”
Iris rolled her eyes at him.
He’d been like a dog with a bone since he’d shown up at her doorstep with cut-up pictures of her kiss with Finn all glued together into a collage on the front of a thick red binder.
And he absolutely would not listen to her insistence that the kiss was just for the cameras.
“It was fake,” she insisted once again.
“Oh, please. You two have so much unresolved tension, it’s giving me chest pains. And I don’t even have a heart.”
“Wait, you don’t have a heart?” she asked, gaping at him.
“Nope.”
“Is that why you’re so obsessed with heart-shaped things?” she asked as they stopped just inside of the door.
“Fun fact,” Selene said, coming up from somewhere in the back of the store. “The modern heart shape we see all over is actually the shape of a woman’s butt when she’s bent over.”
Selene seemed even more ethereal than usual. The air seemed to sparkle around her. Like she was, Iris didn’t know, recharged.
It took her a long moment to realize that the late-night howling from the werewolves wasn’t the only thing that happened on a full moon. All across the surface, covens and solo-practicing witches alike gathered under the moon to dance, to sing, to set intentions.
Iris had no idea what kind of magic Selene had been working on, but the witch was glowing. Even her hair seemed shinier.
“Well, what’s not to love about that?” Arden asked, eyes sparkling as he shot one of those devilishly charming smiles in Selene’s direction.
“Oh, don’t bother with that,” Selene said, waving at his face. “I’m immune to your charms. Tried, tested, and vaccinated.”
Arden was unfazed.
“That’s not immunity, darling. That’s denial with extra sass.” The charm was practically oozing off him. Iris wasn’t even in the path of it, and she could swear she felt some of it clinging to her.
“Who is this?” Selene asked, nodding her chin at Arden.
Was it just Iris’s overactive imagination, or was her witchy friend staying a deliberate distance from the demon?
“Arden. My demonic wedding planner. Arden, this is Selene, my co-conspirator.”
“Ah, yes. The witch trying to ruin my wedding.”
“I believe their utter lack of compatibility is what is ruining it. But, technically, I’m only ruining their engagement; the wedding is collateral damage.
” Her chin jerked up, everything about her primed for an argument.
Iris could already hear her spiel about the suffrage movement, bra burning, and the ever-present problem of the inequit-able division of labor in households.
Minus, of course, orcs. Who, apparently, were brutes in the streets, but lovingly attentive husbands and fathers at home.
“You know what? I think I sense longing buried deep in that cold, jaded heart.” Iris watched as Arden stepped closer toward Selene. Even though everything about her friend was sparking warning signs.
“You’re mistaken. That’s just the echo chamber where I keep my apathy.” Selene stepped closer to a display table, pretending that she needed to straighten the stacks. When Iris knew she was simply putting some space between herself and the demon who perhaps saw a bit more of her than she liked.
“Are you sure you’re not just scared of love?” Arden asked.
“No. I’m scared of glitter, huggers, and overhyped books. Love just has terrible PR.”
“Love is the most potent magic of all.”
Iris almost wanted to snort at that. Sure, mermaids were of the romantic sort. But that was cheesy even for her kind.
“Love is a neurochemical betrayal wrapped in bad poetry and cheap flowers.”
“You really don’t believe in love, do you?” Arden asked, the charm slipping to genuine concern.
“I believe in books, caffeine, petty revenge, and the inevitable heat death of the universe. Love is somewhere below those.” Despite her words, Iris could swear she heard a false note in her friend’s voice.
Arden watched her for a moment. “You know, if I planned your love life, I bet you could actually have one.”
“If I let you near my love life, I’d have to be fumigated. So, progress?” Selene asked, looking away from Arden to give Iris her full attention. Like if she tried hard enough, she could pretend the demon and his keen observations didn’t exist at all.
“Well, he hates the bugs and teeth. And the doll almost made him wet himself. But, no. No, he’s just … the same old Finn.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Arden said, pulling the binder from his chest to flash it toward the two women.
“Oh, yes, a carefully orchestrated pap shot. How romantic. That campaign manager of his probably even tipped off the press.”
“Thank you,” Iris said, vindicated. Even if her heart did a little flip each time she saw the pictures of the kiss.
“Oh, come on. Even you have to admit that Finn is leading man material,” Arden insisted. He gestured toward the table of romance novels she’d just straightened.
“Sure, if he is the main character in a cautionary tale about the subjugation of women. I mean, look at her,” Selene said, flinging an arm at Iris.
“She’s from a matriarchal culture. Even her own true form is, at a biological level, matriarchal.
Her body has to be excited and willing for there to be any sort of sex.
And you want to force her to become the pawn in some scheme among surface men?
” Selene’s tone was tight, borderline angry.
“Darling, it’s only a scheme if she doesn’t like him. And I, for one, see the look in her eyes when she talks about him. That’s not hate. That’s a spark.
“I’m not some mustache-twirling villain. I happen to think they’re perfect for each other. And if I’m right, that makes me a romantic, not a conspirator.”
“A man who was perfect for her wouldn’t force her to leave the ocean.” Selene, in her anger, took a step closer toward Arden. Iris swore the air sparked between them. She wasn’t sure if that was the witch’s magic or something more.
“I believe that honor belongs to Her Majesty the queen, not Finn.” Arden tucked his chin to look down at Selene.
There was a silence following that. Because they all knew he was right. Sure, Finn had wanted an advantageous marriage to a paranormal figure. But it had been Tatiana who’d volunteered Iris for the position, whether she wanted it or not.
“Anyway,” Arden said. His voice sliced through the tension in the store.
“For the seating chart for your friend here, I think we should place her somewhere strategic,” he said, opening up his binder.
“Close enough to witness true love conquering in the end. Far enough that her scowling won’t ruin the photos … ”
Despite trying to keep her lips in a firm line, Selene’s smile and snort indicated that she wasn’t quite as immune to the demon’s charm as she’d claimed.
“I mean, I’d consider putting her at the singles table. But we don’t want to risk her sparking an anti-romance rebellion mid-toast.”
To that, Selene rolled her eyes. “Why is he here?” she asked, her arms crossing as she nodded her head toward the demon.
“He shows up randomly and insists we talk about fonts and centerpieces.” Though why he wanted to keep her in the loop when she was so insistent on there not being a wedding was beyond her.
“Hmm,” Selene said. “Hey, we could use that.”
“Use what?”
“The wedding planning as a form of sabotage.”
“No, we cannot,” Arden insisted.
But Selene ignored him. “You could insist on absolutely unhinged centerpieces. Bioluminescent fungus comes to mind. It glows and smells.”
“Absolutely not,” Arden interjected. His handsome face was horrified.
“Set the color scheme as ‘rotting kelp’ or ‘barnacle gray.’” The tension slipped from Selene’s body as her ideas took shape.
“The palette is soft summer.” Arden hugged his binder closer to his chest.
“Insist on inviting every ex he’s ever had. With a plus-one. Say it is traditional that they regale you with stories of their first time being intimate.”
“That’s unhinged,” Arden said, reaching up to loosen his tie when Iris didn’t immediately agree with him.
“Have a signature scent for the event. Eau de Old Aquarium Water would be a good choice. Instead of a DJ, maybe consider a pod of melancholy dolphins …”
“Ooh, I know an eel barbershop quartet!” Iris said.
“You can’t be playing along with this,” Arden grumbled. “We have plans in place. Good, non-smelly plans.”
“Don’t listen to him. This is all gold,” Selene said.
“There’s an obvious flaw here,” Arden insisted.
“What’s that?”
“That if we get all the way to the wedding, nothing is going to stop it from happening.”
“Ugh,” Selene grumbled.
“It’s okay, darling, you can admit that I’m right.” He seemed immune to the concept of being cursed for life, because the guy shot a wink in Selene’s direction.
“I’m not your darling.” She turned back to Iris. “Okay. What plans do Finn and the PR guy have lined up now after your hard launch?”
“I’m not sure, but I do remember Finn mentioning that this was the crunch time, from now until the election, and that Finn’s calendar is jam-packed. I guess I assumed it was just Finn’s calendar. But it might be mine too, now that I think about it.”
“Well, it seems like the usual things will involve town halls, late-night TV shows, charity events …”
“And cultural events. The fae parade is coming up,” Arden supplied.
“I thought you weren’t helping,” Selene said.
“Hey, so long as we continue to do the wedding -planning as we agreed, I’m willing to toss out some ideas. Even if I still believe you guys are going to fall madly in love. Which reminds me, this was supposed to be a quick stop to stock up on books on our way to taste-test cakes.”
“Cakes?” Selene asked, perking up even more at the thought of sweets than she did over sabotage. Which was really saying something, since the woman was an evil master-mind when it came to dismantling a political marriage.