Chapter 20 #2
Perhaps she’d never given her mother enough credit in the past. She’d been aware of parts of her daughters that even they might not have seen.
How her eldest needed a man like Osiren to bring out a buried, playful side.
How Shelly couldn’t go live on the surface because she would be a vital bridge between the deep and the land.
And, yes, how her middle daughter who never saw a future outside of the ocean would come to love so much about the world above.
“That is the best of both worlds,” Iris said.
“Exactly.”
“Can I tell you something that I’m almost a little afraid to admit to myself?”
Shelly mimed locking her lips. “You can trust me.”
“There’s a lot about land life that I’m beginning to enjoy.”
“Told you!” Shelly said, shoving her shoulder. For just a second, she was the little sister Iris remembered. “It’s totally the books, isn’t it?”
“I’m not going to lie, that’s a big part of it. I’ve been reading like eight books a week. Did you know Caprica Coraline moved to the surface and has been writing like crazy ever since?”
“I didn’t. But I’ve never been into books like you. What else?”
“Well, the food.”
“Yeah, nothing beats the food. I always eat like a million street hot dogs when I go up.”
“Hot pretzels are my downfall.”
“Solid choice too. Anything else?”
“I’ve made a couple of friends. Selene, she’s this hilarious, jaded, sarcastic witch. And Arden—”
“The demon wedding planner?” Shelly asked.
“You know him?”
“I met him once a while back. He’s a trip.”
“He is. He’s planning a ‘summer season’ wedding for me. And then there’s a dryad in the building named Willow.”
“I’m happy for you. You never did have a lot of friends down here. Juna and I always worried about you.”
“Juna never had any friends either.”
“That’s not true. She’s always been close with the other children of the council members.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Because you were always doing your best to escape.”
“Escape?”
“Into your books. With Monty. On long swims by yourself.”
Shelly was silent for a few beats, seeming to sense that Iris needed a moment to absorb what she’d just said.
She’d never seen her life that way. Like she’d been trying to get away from it or avoid it. But maybe that was because she’d been in the thick of it.
Perspective was easier to gain from a distance.
And now that Shelly mentioned it, she had spent most of her life avoiding not only her duties as a princess but also the other merfolk, even—at times—her own sisters.
She’d always believed that she loved nothing more than the ocean and her life there.
But if she didn’t have any friends, close relationships with her family, or even any dreams or ambitions of her own, could she truly claim she loved it as much as she thought?
“It’s part of the reason why I was so surprised you objected so hard to going on land. I figured it was a chance for you to experience all those things in books: adventure, travel, friendship, love.”
“I love the ocean.”
“Of course you do. We’re mermaids. I love it too.
But I also really love the surface world.
I mean, have you seen how hot those shifter men are?
” Shelly fanned herself with her hand. “No one is making you choose between them, you know. You can love the ocean and spend time in the ocean but also live on land.”
“I guess.”
It hadn’t exactly taken a lot of work to get herself driven out to the beach so she could swim and see her family. No one was preventing her from doing that each time the urge struck.
If she wanted that balance, she could have it.
The question was: did she want it?
And if she were to dig a little deeper: did she want that with Finn?
There was no denying that there was some physical chemistry between the two of them. That said, she knew that attraction didn’t mean anything. It was just chem-icals, just bodies that recognized they might do some fun things together to a mutually enjoyable end.
Could she be content with that? A physical connection, but not a soul one? A marriage with passion but no connection?
“What has you most conflicted?” Shelly asked.
“I don’t know if I can spend the rest of my life plastering on plastic smiles and pretending I don’t see Finn being fake. Or flirting with gargoyles in front of me.”
“Come again?”
“He was talking to a gargoyle, and it was … flirty. For sure on her side. And then Finn dismissed me.”
“Dismissed you? Why?”
“So they could flirt in private, I imagine.”
“You imagine or you know?” Iris was sure her sister could read that answer on her face.
“Well, what did you say to him when you confronted him about it?” At Iris’s silence, Shelly sighed.
“Did you expect your fiancé to be a mind reader? Because I’m pretty sure Mom told you he was human through and through. ”
“It was rude. I shouldn’t have needed to tell him for him to know that.”
“Or maybe you just saw it that way because you were upset about what you perceived was flirting.”
“Listen, I don’t like this version of you. I want the sister back who always spoke before she thought.”
“Even she could see that you’re looking for reasons to dislike Finn.”
“Maybe,” Iris conceded. “But there are also some legitimate concerns.”
“Then how about I suggest you sit down and talk them out like two partners in a relationship would do? Instead of just tiptoeing around it and hurting your own feelings?”
“We’ll see. I’m not even sure I’m going back yet.”
Just then, there was a slam in the hallway, making both sisters straighten. They knew that slam. That was Tatiana herself. And she was unhappy about something.
“Oh, no,” Iris whispered. “Juna has Osiren in her room.”
“He’s been in her room every night. She doesn’t care. Actually, I think she’s happy about it. If anything, I think she figured out that you—”
“Iris Lanae Marivelle.”
“Uh-oh,” Shelly said, shooting her sister a grimace.
“Hello, Mother,” Iris greeted the queen as her bedroom door flew open.
“What have you done?”
“What?” Iris asked, stomach twisting. Had Finn said something? Had another news outlet published something embarrassing about her?
“The only reason you could possibly be here is if you bungled your relationship with Finn Westrock.”
“That’s not true. I could have gotten myself in -trouble with the law and needed somewhere to hide out,” Iris quipped.
But her mother was in no mood to entertain jokes.
“Out with it. What did you do?”
“She didn’t do anything, Mom,” Shelly said. She swam next to her sister, her chin jerking up.
“Then why is she here at this hour?”
“She missed us. And the ocean. Isn’t she allowed to visit?”
Tatiana’s gaze moved between her daughters—suspicious but not closed-minded.
“Is that so?”
“Yes,” Iris said. She did miss the ocean. And she had been wanting to reconnect with her family. The only variability was how much time she meant to spend down there.
It wasn’t a lie. Maybe just a small omission.
“In that case,” Tatiana said, holding open her arms.
The queen was not an overly affectionate woman. When she was offering a hug, you took full advantage of it.
Iris swam into her mother’s arms, letting herself be held, be loved. And for just a moment, she felt the cracks in her heart filling in.
“It was lovely to see you. But you need to get back to your fiancé before he misses you.”
Right.
She was relatively sure Finn wouldn’t miss her until Henry said they needed her for something. Like a real-life doll they could dress and prop up whenever it suited their needs.
“I haven’t been able to see Juna yet.”
“Yes … well.” Tatiana shook her head. There was a ghost of a smile on her lips. “I believe your sister is going to be indisposed until the morning. Perhaps the next time you visit, you can send a message with one of the gulls, so we can be sure to be available to you.”
It was then that it finally sank in that home would never actually be home again.
At home, you didn’t need an appointment; you didn’t need to tell people you would be around, because it was expected.
There was a little wobbling feeling in her heart at that realization.
Even if she’d always known that Juna would be the only one of them who would live in the palace for her whole life.
She and Shelly would be expected to move on, marry, have children, and lives of their own. They were meant to make new homes.
It was up to her to figure out where home was now.
Unbidden, the penthouse flashed into her mind. Her books cluttered the surfaces. Checkers was keeping her legs toasty. Selene and Arden were sniping at each other good-naturedly. Monty was perched on the coffee table, telling her the latest scandal involving the rich and famous.
Somehow, between mourning the loss of her life in the ocean and trying her damnedest to get back to it, she’d created a whole new one. With new faces. New connections. New hopes.
She wasn’t sure if Finn simply wasn’t there, or if she was choosing not to allow him to be.
One thing was for sure, though.
Whatever she decided to do with the rest of her life, it no longer involved the palace.
It was time to leave.
This time on her own.
She stayed for a while longer before saying her goodbyes. She visited the kelp gardens, her favorite shipwrecks, and soaked up all the things she loved most about the deep.
Then she made her way back toward the surface.
When she finally broke the surface, it wasn’t just her purse and dress on the sandbar.
It was Finn.
She watched the relief play across his face.
Then he was suddenly moving, reaching into the water, grabbing her at her sides, and pulling her up out of the water.
He looked at her like she was storms and shipwrecks.
But he pulled her closer anyway.