Chapter 28
It was with the awareness of a cat with a stolen fish that Casey stepped out into the goods yard after her shift. But there were no journalists waiting to catch her out, only a handsome policeman with a bunch of flowers and kisses that made her temporarily forget her worries.
“Aren’t you the early riser?” Casey said, smiling as they broke apart.
“I figured you might like backup when you left the store, just in case. Although, I did a quick sweep, and it looks all clear to me.”
She couldn’t hide her wide smile as she unlocked her bicycle and placed her flowers carefully in the basket on its front.
“I love that you did that; thank you, that’s so thoughtful.
And you’re right, I was nervous about what I might run into out here.
I’d got used to not having to look over my shoulder all the time; I guess I’d better start practicing again. ”
“Maybe you could shave your head and get a facial tattoo this time.”
“Don’t joke.” She elbowed him as they walked slowly to the entrance of the goods yard, the tick-tick-tick of her bike wheels like a countdown to entering the outside world.
She stopped at the gates, her pulse quickening.
Without needing to be asked, Ajay went out ahead, looking left and right, then he gave her a nod to signal that it was all clear.
It was dark and quiet, the roads not yet humming with commuters. The paths were slippery with frost that twinkled in the light of the streetlamps. The windscreens of the cars parked on either side of the street and in driveways were thickly white.
“I want you to know that I’ll understand if this is all too much,” she said.
She’d been thinking about it most of the night.
Worrying about how simply being near her could negatively impact Ajay’s life.
He’d already had to leave one place under a cloud.
Now that she’d outed herself so publicly it would be easy for any sleuthing YouTuber to find her, and by association, the people she was close to.
“What do you mean?” He was frowning at her.
“It’s just that, I’ve been in the spotlight before, and it isn’t nice. Last time it was only me they came after, but you were most likely caught on camera too in the book department, and I don’t want you to get sucked into my mess.”
Ajay slung his arm around her. “That’s very sweet of you, but I don’t ditch the people I care about when things get tough.”
“It wouldn’t be ditching. It would be self-preservation. What if they find out we’re together and start digging up why you had to leave London?”
He left a beat before answering and she was glad that he was considering her words. She liked Ajay a lot, enough that she’d rather cut ties than see his name dragged around the internet like hers had been.
“Thank you for giving me the option,” he said finally. “But I’ll take my chances.”
Even as her face broke into a smile, she worried that he was underestimating the lengths people would go to for clicks.
Still, if it all went tits up, at least it would only be temporary.
Come Christmas night, the meme would be gone and so would all the fallout associated with it.
Ajay would be safe from judgment by association.
“Will you be here for Christmas?” she asked, changing the subject. “Or will you go to your sister’s?”
“As a matter of fact, Tanzie is coming here.” His smile was warm, and Casey could see how much it meant to him.
“I didn’t think she’d go for it; my sister is a city girl all the way through, but she’s been down a few times since Jared came to stay and she’s kind of warmed to the whole farm-life thing.
” His expression was incredulous but no less pleased.
“Awww, it’ll be lovely for you all to be together. Does Jared mind not going back to London?”
“Surprisingly no. When he first got here, he was itching to leave, but it’s grown on him. Helping Nigel and Vern out with the animals has been a game changer.”
“Those two are pretty good at making people feel at home.”
“They’ve invited us over for Christmas supper.”
“Of course they have!” Casey laughed, her breath billowing out in a cloud. “Vern starts planning his ‘Christmas week’ menu in September. We usually go up there on Boxing Day for leftover turkey and cranberry pizzas.”
“You won’t be there Christmas night?” The disappointment was clear in his voice, and she didn’t mind hearing it.
They turned into the park as the sun was beginning to rise. Last night’s snowfall had been fleeting, but the dense clouds suggested it might be gearing up for another go.
“I’ll be working,” she replied, and was struck by the realization that while Ajay’s and Nigel’s families were celebrating together, she would be saying goodbye to Margo and the meme and potentially everything she’d known in this life.
Her stomach sank. She knew that there were no guarantees she’d find her way to Ajay in her changed reality, but she needed her life back.
She’d already lost so much time because of that stupid meme.
She pushed brightness into her voice. “But if I know Nigel, he’ll insist that you come along on Boxing Day too.
Those two are never knowingly under-catered, and Nigel is about to burst with glee that you and I have started seeing each other.
” Her words were lighthearted, but her soul was heavy with the worry that she might never meet Nigel—dear, lovely Nigel who had taught her how to defend herself, helped her into a job, and restored her faith in the power of friendship.
She was talking about a Boxing Day that might never happen.
“That would be great!” said Ajay, his enthusiasm jarring against her doubt.
“I’ve been trying to think of a way I could introduce you to my sister without freaking you out.
I know we’ve only just got together and the whole ‘meet the family’ thing is a lot for someone who’s been swerving commitment for the last few years… ”
Oh, for goodness’ sake—he wanted her to meet his sister. Could he be any sweeter?
“I’m not against commitment.” She laughed despite herself. “I’m against bad boyfriends.”
“I can’t argue with that. How am I doing so far?” he asked, flashing her a winning smile.
The lake was still frozen over, and someone had thrown seeds across the hard surface. Ducks and crows raced to hoover up the crunchy offerings.
Casey pursed her lips. “Hmm, it’s early days, but so far you’re already way ahead of anyone I’ve dated in my adult life.”
“Only your adult life?” He smirked.
“I had a brief but perfect three-week relationship with Roy in year seven.”
“Bloody Roy,” said Ajay, shaking his fist comically. “What happened?”
“Irreconcilable differences,” said Casey seriously. “He was team Busted forever, and I was all about McFly.”
Ajay nodded. “You were bedazzled by the new kids on the block, it’s understandable. I was too cool for either band.”
“Oh yeah? What were you into, heavy metal? Rap?”
“My Chemical Romance.”
“You were an emo?” she asked, smiling.
“If listening to The Black Parade on repeat for nearly half a year makes me an emo, then sure.”
She laughed. “Um, it does.”
“So, what does your Christmas Day look like? Aside from having to work the night shift.”
“Well, it starts early. I must be waiting outside the French doors in my pj’s by seven a.m., ready for us all to go into the sitting room together to see if Father Christmas has been.” She loved helping to make the magic real for Conner and Ellory.
“Always a tense moment; I hope he doesn’t let you down.”
“Oh, he never does. Father Christmas is very dependable,” she said seriously. “Then, after stockings, presents, and showers, Nate makes breakfast, although the kids have usually eaten their own weight in chocolate coins by then.”
“When me and Tanzie were kids, we were allowed to have chocolate for breakfast on Christmas and Easter morning; it was a big deal,” said Ajay.
“Same.” She smiled. It was one of the good memories she had of her family growing up. The fights would invariably start later in the day, but Christmas morning always had a wiped-clean feeling about it.
“And after breakfast? What comes next in the Smith household?” Ajay asked, breaking her reverie.
“Then Sylvie and Ken arrive at midday and chaos ensues in the kitchen as my brother and Sylvie prepare the great feast and Ken and I hide out in the sitting room playing with Conner and Ellory and their new toys.”
“You don’t help in the kitchen?”
She shook her head vigorously. “Nate is an absolute kitchen diva. Sylvie’s only allowed to help because her roast potatoes are unsurpassed and even my brother is not so deluded by his own cooking prowess that he’d deny the rest of us Sylvie’s roasties.”
“It sounds lovely.” Ajay sounded wistful.
“It is,” she said, letting the warmth of her appreciation flow through her. “Tell me about your Christmases.”
He thought for a moment. “They used to be loud when my mum was alive. Even though she was only one person, she took up so much space, you know? She had a presence; she could fill a room just with her laugh. Tanzie and I do our best, but Christmas feels smaller without her.”
“I’m so sorry. When did you lose her?”
“Four years ago. And then Tanzie and Jared’s dad split up, and then Bea and I were on a break, and then there were just us three.
That’s why I’m so looking forward to this year.
I think doing something completely different, all of us being in Weaverston together and being with Nigel and Vern; it feels like a long-overdue new chapter. Not that we’ll ever forget my mum…”
“Of course you won’t. But you’re allowed to make new memories too. That’s one of the things we’ve had to learn how to do, since Grace died.”
“That must have been hard.”
“Hardest for Nate obviously but yeah, it was. The kids were so little, they still are.” Her mind drifted momentarily back to that first Christmas without Grace, when they couldn’t conceive of how they would ever get through it.
“But time doesn’t stand still even when you think it ought to.
And the new chapters don’t take away from the brilliant chapters that went before; they just allow the story to keep going. ”
“Spoken like a true writer,” said Ajay, smiling.
—
Nate’s house came into view, and they slowed their pace even further, both aware that if someone wanted to collar her, this was where they’d wait. But the street was empty aside from the ginger tomcat from number 76 wailing to be let in.
“Can I see you later?” he asked. “I could pop by on my break?”
“That would be lovely.”
“If you have any problems getting into work, if that journalist is hanging around outside the store, just message me and if I can’t get there, I’ll ask someone else to pop by—”
“Thank you,” she said, cutting him off. “But I’ll be fine. I can handle myself.”
“I know you can. I just don’t like the idea of you being ambushed.”
“I think the press have bigger fish to fry than the whereabouts of meme girl,” she said lightly, and mentally crossed her fingers and toes. It had been nearly three years; surely there couldn’t be the same furor this time around.
As they kissed goodbye, Casey realized that she didn’t want to let him go just yet. “Would you like to come in?”
“Don’t you need to get some sleep?” Ajay asked, one eyebrow raised in amusement.
“I do…” she said, grabbing the lapels on his coat and pulling him closer. “But I’ll probably sleep better after some exercise.”
They kissed again. “Well,” said Ajay, their lips almost touching. “If you think I can help…”