Chapter 32
With a face and name—and address—to put to it, the meme had gone stratospheric. Casey had changed her phone number and closed her social media accounts, which placed her in a strange juxtaposition of feeling both completely disconnected from the worldwide web and being in the eye of its storm.
Journalists waited for her outside her home and the store.
She’d started taking a taxi to and from work after nearly being tipped off her bike by an aggressive influencer intent on baiting her into losing her shit and saying something that could later be used against her in the court of the truth according to cyberspace.
The last week had been a queasy trip down memory lane, the act of looking over her shoulder and jumping at shadows a muscle memory she’d have rather left in the past. The saving grace was that Nate and the children were mostly ignored by prying eyes.
She couldn’t have borne it if they’d been subject to the same scrutiny that she was.
“It feels like we’re starting us under a cloud,” said Casey. They were sitting on her sofa, her legs across Ajay’s lap, The Holiday playing on the TV. Cameron Diaz was trying to force out some tears in a snowy field.
“We get to decide how we do us, nobody else.” He was idly stroking her legs in her soft jogging bottoms.
The window in the wood burner flickered orange as the flames licked the glass, and the only other light came from the Christmas tree twinkling in the corner next to the breakfast bar.
“You say that, but we can’t even go out for dinner in case we get accosted. It’s like being under house arrest.”
“Hey, I like staying home! It’s cold outside and all the restaurants deliver,” he said, motioning to their empty plates on the coffee table and the silver foil containers stacked up on the kitchen counter. “Are you saying you’re not enjoying this?”
She smiled and rubbed his shoulder. “No, I’m enjoying it very much.
” She was—she was in cozy heaven, warm and comfortably drowsy with a belly full of curry and no place to be.
“But you have to park three streets away and sneak in via the alley round the back to avoid being seen. It’s not fair on you. ”
“Firstly, the alleyway is a public thoroughfare, so it’s not sneaking, it’s simply using a different entrance. And secondly, the reason I do it is not because of you, it’s because of me. It’s my suspension that I’m ashamed of; I don’t want it splashed across social media.”
“But my being in the spotlight is the cause of that concern. It’s exposure by association.” She ran a hand through her hair, grabbing a handful. “I hate the meme, it ruins everything.”
“Only if you let it,” said Ajay, reminding her momentarily of Margo. “So what if we have to lay low for a little while? It won’t be forever. And who wants to be out in this weather anyway?”
The rain had begun to lash the windows and drum on the roof.
“You’re right,” Casey said, squidging along the sofa to snuggle in closer. “I love how optimistic you are. I’m sorry for catastrophizing.”
He slung his arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “We don’t have it so bad.”
She nestled into him, determining to count her blessings.
“Right now, I feel like we have it very good indeed,” she said, allowing herself to bathe in the warmth of the man beside her and the glow of the wood burner and the security of being safely ensconced in her little cabin while the weather raged outside. Yes, this would do nicely.
Ajay’s phone pinged. He looked at it quickly, then smiled, turning the screen toward her so that she could see the picture of Jared and Tanzie grinning over two massive pizzas.
“Adorable! When’s he back?”
“Tomorrow afternoon. He was worried that Clara and Mildred would forget him while he was away. He made me show them a photograph of him.”
“Ha, I don’t think he needs to worry. Nigel says they follow him around like he’s Little Bo-Peep. He must be feeling more settled here.”
“I think he is, finally.”
“Has he managed to make any friends?”
Ajay rubbed his chin. “He met a couple of lads at the skate park, and they’ve hung out a bit. They seem nice enough, they’ve been up to the house. He was wary after the last time; he keeps away from that end of town in case he bumps into the other lads. I feel for him.”
“Me too. It’s tough to make friends, especially at Jared’s age. College will help.”
“Yeah. He’s seen a course on animal welfare that he wants to pick up when he starts.”
“That’s great,” she said, a sense of pride in the youngster swelling in her chest. “He’s a sweetheart under all that scowling.”
“Takes after his uncle.”
Casey snorted.
“I sort of feel like I’m living in The Holiday now that I’m a country bumpkin. What’s Surrey got that East Sussex hasn’t?”
She laughed. “Nothing at all. Are you spending the night?”
“Too right I am, I’ve parked three streets away—I’m not going out in this!”
His phone pinged again and when he lifted it, she saw the name Bea come up.
Ajay blew out a breath, and she felt him shake his head as though in exasperation before he put it away without opening the message.
Her jaw clenched, and her limbs stiffened.
She was sure that he must have felt her tense, but it was entirely involuntary, a physical reaction against the threat of broken trust. Why was his ex-girlfriend messaging him?
She wanted to ask, but then he would know that she’d seen it, and he might think she was prying…
“You know, you can just ask me,” Ajay said gently.
“Hmm?” She feigned ignorance.
“The message from Bea. I know you saw it, I felt you turn into a statue.”
Oh, for god’s sake! He was going to think she was one of those clingy, jealous women. “I’m sorry, I—” She may as well come clean. “I have trust issues; it isn’t personal…”
“Hey,” he said, adjusting on the sofa so that they were facing each other.
“I get it. Frankly, I’d be surprised if you didn’t have trust issues.
I only didn’t open the message because I didn’t want to give you cause to doubt me, but I think I made the wrong call.
Here.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket.
“Oh no,” she protested, holding her hand up. “You don’t have to…”
“I do,” he said. “I told you that you could trust me, and honesty, on my part, is required for that to happen.” He sighed. “Bea broke up with her partner, and she wanted us to try again.”
Casey sucked in a breath through her nose. There it was. She’d known this was too good to be true.
“I’ve let her down gently,” said Ajay. “We split up for all the right reasons. We didn’t love each other anymore, not like that anyway. She’s just lonely and, I don’t know, grasping at comfortable things. Here.” He held his phone out and opened the message for her to see.
She was mortified that she had made this lovely man feel compelled to prove his innocence, and yet she read the message with a greedy urgency.
She sounds lovely, A. Make sure you hold on to her. You’re right. I was just feeling a bit wobbly. Sorry for being an idiot. Give my love to Tanzie and Jared. X
It was the opposite of what she’d expected, and that surprised her. She wished she wasn’t a person who jumped to conclusions and anticipated the worst. She looked down at her lap. “Thank you. And I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He placed his forefinger under her chin and tilted her face up to meet his. “You don’t have to worry about asking questions, not with me. If you feel the need to check something, do it, and I will give you an honest answer.”
She nodded, feeling content, for now, to believe that he would be honest, and kissed him just as Cameron Diaz finally learned how to cry.
—
When Ajay’s breathing slowed into sleep, Casey pulled her pillows up against the headboard and reached for her journal. She spilled her conflicting emotions out across the page. She trusted Ajay. He was a good guy. The problem was that she didn’t trust herself enough to believe it.
The rain still hammered the roof, and once she’d excised her worries she tuned into the sound, let her imagination run—a stormy night, an isolated cabin in the woods, a woman unsure of what lurked outside in the darkness but equally uncertain of the dangers that lay within…
Ajay mumbled something in his sleep and turned over, flopping his arm around her thighs and laying a kiss on her hip before burrowing his head into the pillow and becoming still once more.
Pleasure bubbled up through her body. It was the single most adorable thing that she had ever witnessed.
Even in sleep he was delightful. She looked down at her journal and smiled.
How could she possibly channel the gothic after that?
Instead, she settled back down beside Ajay and let his warmth and his calm, steady breathing lull her away to the land of Nod.