Chapter 12
JOSH
“Oh God, that’s eggnog, right?” I ask.
“Yup,” Thea confirms.
“Do we have to drink it?” I ask.
We’re standing at the otter statue. The otter’s name is Julia. But I know nothing else about it…her…the statue. I don’t know why she’s named Julia, and I don’t know what she did to be deemed important enough to have a statue, commemorating her life in Rebel, Louisiana.
And now is not the time to ask. We are fifteen minutes away from the start of the relay race. The first big official event of Merry Mayhem.
And there are cartons of eggnog sitting on the table at the starting line.
“Honestly, it could go either way,” Thea says. “Merry Mayhem is never the same year to year. There’s usually a relay race, but the stations are different.”
“So what can you tell me?”
I’m going in blind here. We have not been allowed to go check out the other stations and can really only see this first table, and I’ve never even been here as a spectator.
Thea shakes her head. “Even the number of stations varies year to year. The rule is simply that we have to alternate. You do one, and then I do the next. The instructions will be at the station when you get there. You have to complete the task, but also do it quickly. So whoever reaches the finish line first, but has also completed all the tasks correctly, wins. If you miss a station or don’t do the task right, you get deducted points. ”
I’m bouncing on the balls of my feet and feel like I should do a few jumping jacks. “Give me an example of a couple of tasks,” I tell her.
“Okay, last year there was a station where we had to eat Christmas cookies, drink a glass of milk, and write a quick note to Santa.”
I blew out a breath and roll my neck. “So physical and creative tasks.”
Thea laughs. “Sure. I guess so.”
I rub my hands together. My work is kind of the same.
Yes, it’s a lot of physical stuff. Still, sometimes you have to be creative in how you calm patients down, how you get their cooperation, how you fit yourself and equipment into tight spaces, how you make something work ‘just for now’ to stabilize them just long enough to get back to the ambulance or to the hospital.
“I’m definitely used to thinking on my feet,” I tell Thea. “We want to be quick, but also careful. That’s what I do every day.”
She giggles.
The sound is so surprising, I look down at her. I want to kiss her. That thought hits me like someone smacked me across the face.
“Get your game face on, girl,” I say with a little growl.
She shakes her head. “This is just for fun. It’s not life or death. Take it down a notch.”
I turn to face her. “I’m either on or off. I give my all to everything I do.”
Her cheeks get a little pink, and I feel a surge of satisfaction for taking her mind exactly in the direction I intended.
I will definitely give my all to any activity she agrees to with me behind closed doors.
She wants multiple orgasms in a variety of positions?
I’ll deliver. She wants me to cook her dinner?
It will be the best thing she’s ever eaten.
She wants a movie marathon? I’ll movie-marathon the hell out of her.
She swallows hard. “I thought we agreed that it was more important that Sam and Ashley not win than that we win.”
I glance to my left, where all the rest of the contestants are lined up waiting. “Right. True.”
“So here’s what I’m thinking,” she tells me. “Jesse, Brad, Beckett, Sutton, and Max and Mitchell will be fine. Physically, they’ll be able to do all the tasks, and they’ve all been observers or participants before. They’re also all from here, so if there’s any Rebel trivia—”
“There might be Rebel trivia?” I ask.
She nods. “There has been before. Or things like matching holiday recipes with who submitted them.”
My eyes widened. “I don’t know anyone in this town. I can’t do that!”
“That’s what I’m saying!” Thea exclaims with a grin.
“So what’s your plan?”
“Muriel and Patty have lived in this town all their lives. They are a part of nearly every planning committee in this town, and they know every single person.”
I’m nodding. Got it. Muriel and Patty are going to crush any trivia or matching games.
“Ashley is not even from here, and Sam definitely leaned on Violet for that stuff. But Sam and Ashley have a physical advantage over Muriel and Patty.”
“So Muriel and Patty should win this one, but they’ll struggle with the physical stuff.”
“Right. The thing about this relay is that it’s got multiple levels. If someone’s not good at trivia, they might be really good at the physical stuff.”
“The perfect team would have both…” Her meaning dawns. “You’re going to ditch me?”
She shrugs. “It’s for the greater good.”
I clutch my chest. “I’m devastated.”
She grins. “No, you’re not.”
I’m not. This is actually fun. Those ladies will need a little help and, hell, so will I. Not that Thea won’t know the trivia answers, but I can’t try to beat two old ladies. I just can’t. I’d end up carrying one on my back and one in my arms across the finish line anyway.
I lean in. “Is this for the rest of Merry Mayhem or just for this event?”
“Well, there’s a scavenger hunt and an obstacle course planned in the next few days,” Thea says. “No way can Muriel or Patty do a rock wall.”
Yes, I remember how Nora slipped with that little detail, too. “And I’m guessing these ladies will absolutely know the best houses for scavenger hunt items.”
“For sure,” Thea agrees.
She probably will, too, but maybe Sam and Ashley won’t.
I haven’t looked at the list of activities. I don’t know what else is ahead. I’ve been way too wrapped up in this woman and just being here. But I love that she doesn’t want Muriel and Patty to struggle with the activities.
I slowly nod. “Fine. Let’s go find our new teammates.”
Thea smiles as if I just told her she’s won a year’s supply of frosted sugar cookies, and I realize I’m a goner. The woman could ask me to drink two gallons of eggnog, and I’d ask if she wanted me to also eat some figgy pudding. I don’t even know what that is, but I don’t want to.
“Muriel, Patty, this is Josh Evans,” Thea introduces me a minute later.
Patty pulls her cherry red sunglasses off her nose and nods. “Hello, Josh.”
She is a beautiful and sophisticated-looking older woman with deep smile lines around her mouth and eyes, and snow white hair that is curled in perfect waves away from her face.
She’s wearing bright red lipstick that matches the sunglasses and the silk scarf around her neck.
She’s otherwise dressed in all white, from the thin sweater to the wide-legged pants to the boots on her feet.
Interesting choice for an outdoor activity.
“Nice to meet you,” I tell her.
“You ever find those big shoulders are a problem?” Muriel, the woman to Patty’s left, asks.
Muriel looks much like her twin sister, of course, but Muriel is…
more. On top of her bright white hair, she’s wearing a multi-colored turban.
She’s got on grape-purple eyeglasses that dwarf her face.
She’s dressed in a long tunic in a multitude of colors—more purple, along with turquoise, hot pink, and orange—and black pants. Overall, she’s got on a pink fur coat.
“I um…” Her question throws me off. “In what way?”
“What kind of question is that?” Patty scolds.
“What? I’m just curious,” Muriel asks. “You want me to start with if he likes cat or dogs more?”
“You don’t need to ask him anything!” Patty says.
“Why can’t I ask him things? We’re human beings.
We are supposed to talk to one another. And I’m an old woman.
I don’t know how much time I’ve got left, so I feel like I should start with questions I actually want the answers to.
I don’t care if he likes cats or dogs, but I’m curious if having wide shoulders and big arms like those gets in the way.
When Russel and I would make out in the car, his wide shoulders were a hindrance to him reaching my—”
“Stop it,” Patty snaps.
“My zipper,” Muriel says. Then she shoots me a sly smile that says she didn’t mean zipper at all.
“I um…” Then I nod. “There have been two times when I needed to get into a car to rescue a victim, and I needed another paramedic to do it instead because my shoulders were too big to fit in the space.”
Muriel looks triumphant. “Exactly. You need lots of space to do your best work.”
Is that an innuendo? I look at Thea quickly. She doesn’t look shocked at all. I can only assume that it is an innuendo, and that’s not unusual for Muriel.
“My Russel had wide shoulders, and we got a big old SUV to accommodate.”
“Russel was your third husband, wasn’t he?” Thea asks. “You were married to him…later on.”
“What’s your point?” Muriel asks her.
“That maybe some of Russel’s trouble with reaching…everything…when you were making out in a car was that you were both old and not as flexible,” Patty interjects.
Oh my God.
“Well, I did start wearing more muumuus,” Muriel says. “That wasn’t just because I don’t like waistbands. You can go without panties pretty easily under a muumuu, and hiking it up is—”
“Stop trying to be shocking,” Patty interrupts. “These two came over to chat.”
“I’m trying to be helpful,” Muriel says. “Old people are supposed to share wisdom with younger people.” She squints at Thea. “You remember what I said about muumuus, okay?”
Thea nods. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop thinking about it, Muriel.”
Muriel chuckles.
I have to admit that I’m now picturing Thea in a muumuu with it hiked up around her waist, too.
“So, we actually came over with a proposition,” Thea says. “What would you two say about switching partners?”
Muriel slides up next to me and hooks her arm through mine. “Sure.”
Thea presses her lips together, clearly fighting a smile, but then she explains our thought process and the rest of the Merry Mayhem activities, leaving out only the part where we don’t want Sam and Ashley to win.
“We’ll be unbeatable,” Muriel tells me.
I grin. “Can’t wait.”