Chapter 16 Josh
JOSH
Well.
Shit.
That is not how a man should react when a beautiful woman is kissing him, of course. Especially when that woman is supposed to be his girlfriend.
But that’s exactly what this situation calls for.
This is Violet, not Thea. I should not be kissing anyone but Thea. Ever.
Fuck.
What can I do, though?
This entire town, her entire family, thinks we’re together. She thinks we’re together, or, I guess, that we should be, and since I haven’t had a chance to talk to her about it, so…
I go with it.
Even as I’m cringing inside.
I do not prolong the kiss, though. It’s five seconds, maybe.
Despite the pressure of her hand on the back of my head, I disengage. “We need to talk about this,” I say quietly.
I’m very aware that Sam and Ashley are standing only a few feet away.
Everyone is. I don’t want to expose this as a lie to anyone without talking to Violet first, but definitely not in front of the ex.
“Sure, I can’t wait,” Violet says, her smile bright.
“Okay, Casanova, we need to go,” Muriel says, tugging on my sleeve.
Thank goodness.
Violet lets me go. I immediately look for Thea, but she’s turned away and is in discussion with Patty, I assume about their strategy for the upcoming race.
I follow Muriel to the starting line, and she sits down in her sparkly pink cart. “You better focus,” she says, giving me a frown.
“What do you mean? I’m focused.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t have time for you to work through a love triangle while I’m trying to win this obstacle course.”
“It’s not a love triangle,” I insist. I look side to side. We can not have people think that. “It’s not…like that.”
“Now you’re just insulting me,” Muriel says, adjusting her goggles and wiggling on her cushions. “I’ve seen how you look at Thea.”
Dammit.
“How do I look at Thea?”
“Like she’s everything you ever asked Santa for,” Muriel says.
Well…fuck. That’s exactly how she makes me feel.
“You’re smiling like I’m brilliant,” Muriel says.
“You’re…insightful,” I say.
She points a finger at me. “Stop looking at your girlfriend’s sister like that.”
“It’s not like that,” I say again.
“Then stop kissing your girlfriend,” she says.
I sigh. “I’ve never kissed Violet. Well, before just now. It’s complicated, Muriel.”
Muriel narrows her eyes. “I like you, Josh.”
“Thank you, I like you too.”
“But that woman?” She points at Patty. “The one I drive nuts and fight with daily and know everything about, even things I wish I didn’t know?”
“Yeah.”
“Choosing a man over her would be the worst decision I ever made. I would never do that.” She crosses her arms. “Not twice in one lifetime anyway.”
Ah.
“Do not do that to Thea and Violet,” she tells me. “Not if you even think you care about one, or both, of them.”
I nod. “I don’t want to. That’s…” I sigh. “That’s not what this is.”
But if Violet wants to try dating, thinks this could be something based on…what? Me rescuing her? What her family has told her?...does that make this a love triangle?
Fuck.
“Fine,” Muriel finally says. “Just promise me that you’ll follow Thea’s lead. Don’t make her choose.”
I swallow. Then nod. “Okay.”
“Good boy.”
“Okay, everyone!” Nora says from the stage.
“As has been pointed out to me, our rules don’t specifically state that in the obstacle course, partners have to alternate like they do in the relay race.
Which means that both partners can participate in some of the obstacles, or one partner can do multiple obstacles in a row.
Obviously, our rules are a little looser than I realized,” Nora sighs, but she’s smiling, and the crowd laughs.
“But I don’t care! This is about having fun, not strictly adhering to a bunch of stringent rules. ”
“That should be the new motto. All fun, no rules,” someone calls.
That gets applause and more laughter.
Nora beams. “Great idea. I love that. Anyway, basically as long as both partners are here and participating to some extent, the obstacle course is whatever it’s gonna be,” she says, spreading one arm wide.
There’s more applause in response to that.
I like this town. It’s pretty laid-back. Yes, they seem to like their entertainment a little wacky, but they do seem to be in it for a good time more than anything else.
“And with that, ready, set, go!” Nora calls.
The jingle bells jingle, and we all run for the first obstacle.
Or, rather, I run while pushing Muriel, who is whooping like she’s riding a bucking bronco.
It’s only about a twenty-foot sprint, but we get there a few steps ahead of Thea and Patty, but a couple of steps behind Beckett and Sutton.
The first “obstacle” is more like one of the stations on the relay race.
There are six frosted sugar cookies and a glass of milk. The cookies look familiar, so I’m guessing they’re the ones we all decorated the day before. Muriel grabs a cookie, I grab another, and we start chewing as fast as we can.
I eat four while Muriel gobbles two. We share the milk. Then it’s onto the next obstacle.
Now this one is more like it.
This is Candy Cane Lane. It is a winding path made of white and red striped cardboard with six-foot-tall plastic candy canes dotted at various intervals down the middle.
We have to zigzag through the candy canes, picking up mini wrapped candy canes as we go—I’m going to assume whoever has the most at the end gets additional points—and avoiding the little elves that dart out from behind fake trees, cardboard chimneys, and giant stockings along the sides.
The elves are kids, literally dressed in elf costumes, and they clearly think this is the most fun ever. They giggle and wait until someone is nearing where they’re hiding before they jump out, obviously trying to be as in the way as possible.
Muriel begins making honking noises. I’m trying to shoo them out of the way, but the kids find that even more of a challenge, and we end up with two running in slow motion right in front of us.
By the time we’re finished with the lane, Muriel says, “The next one you do by yourself. Park me to the side.”
“Are you sure?”
She points, and I realize there’s no way for me to take her through the Tinsel Tunnel in her cart. I’m going to have to crawl through on hands and knees.
“Okay, but how are you going to get to the next obstacle?”
“I’ve got her,” Mitchell—at least I think it’s Mitchell—says as he and Max run up to the tunnel.
Max has already hit his hands and knees and started through the tunnel, so I simply nod, figuring all’s fair, and follow Max in.
I start on hands and knees, crawling through the curtains of tinsel and trying to avoid putting my hands in whatever the wet, chunky, sticky stuff is that’s spaced throughout the tunnel. I’m tempted to smell or taste it, but I don’t have time.
I also quickly realize that the tunnel gets shorter and shorter, and by the end, I am army crawling on my belly. And unable to completely avoid the wet, sticky stuff that, now that my nose is closer to it, smells like apple cinnamon and is possibly pie filling. Could be a lot worse.
When I emerge, I find that I’m not just behind Max but also Jesse, Beckett, and Thea. And tied with Sam.
Ashley stepped up and pushed Patty from the beginning of the tunnel to the end. She hands Sam a wet wipe and takes off toward the next obstacle.
Thea shoots me an indecipherable look as she grabs the back of Patty’s cart and starts after Ashley.
Our goal is to beat Sam and Ashley, but I suddenly have an inkling that Thea very much wants to beat me and Muriel.
At least me.
The next obstacle again allows Muriel to participate. She instantly grabs a handful of the popcorn in the bowl on the table and starts eating.
But I pause with my hand to my mouth, realizing no one else is chewing.
“Muriel, I don’t think we’re supposed to eat it.”
She stops and looks down the length of the table. “Oh, for fuck sake,” she mutters. “I’ve always hated stringing popcorn.”
But she picks up one end of the thread on the table in front of us and threads a needle onto it while I grab the other end and do the same. We both begin threading popcorn onto our string, alternating with cranberries, as quickly as possible.
But we are now behind Ashley and Sam, and Thea and Patty.
In fact, Thea and Patty have now pulled ahead of everyone. It’s clear that Max and Mitchell have never threaded popcorn before, or even threaded needles before. Muriel grabs one and quickly attaches the thread. Patty threads Max’s.
By the time our string is filled, we’re behind Jesse and Brad, as well as Beckett and Sutton.
I sprint to the next obstacle and find that again, Muriel’s going to have to sit this one out. I look at Max. “You’ve got her?”
He grins. “Sure.”
Mitchell is already halfway up the climbing wall in front of us. Beckett’s already at the top.
The objective here is to climb the wall, get the sack of presents away from the “Grinch” at the top, and climb back down the other side.
Piece of cake. In fact, I pass Brad on my way up. But Thea clears the top when I’ve still got a few feet to go.
“One massage and two pans of pecan rolls,” she is saying to her “Grinch” when I crawl out on top.
“Three pans and two massages,” he counters.
“No way.”
There are ten “Grinches” up here, one for each pair, I assume. They’re, of course, actually townspeople dressed in green furry coats.
Thea is negotiating with hers, but Beckett has a huge inflatable sword drawn and is literally battling his Grinch.
I look at the guy standing in front of me. “What am I supposed to do here?” The big red plastic bag of presents I’m supposed to retrieve is on the ground right in front of him.
“Well, you can try to fight me for it,” he says with a grin. “Or you can negotiate.”
He’s shorter, thinner, and older than me. I’m not going to fight him. Even after he points to the giant inflatable mallets lying nearby.
“If you fight, you get bonus points.”