Chapter 18 Josh
JOSH
It’s very easy to get Violet alone since everyone assumes that I’m her boyfriend and haven’t seen her since her car accident.
I cringe, but I use it.
We need to talk.
As soon as she puts her hand on my thigh under the table at Perks and Rec, I push my chair back and say, with a sweet smile, “Can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?”
Violet seems to think that’s a great idea and readily agrees. She leads me over to an area of the café that is all bookcases and armchairs gathered around coffee tables.
There are still too many people, though.
“How about outside?” I ask.
“Sure.” She slips her hand in mine, and I let her lead me out the front door.
I don’t look around to see where Thea is or if she’s watching. It’s been hard enough watching her wait tables, acting as if she barely knows me. We haven’t made eye contact or spoken direct words to one another since we left the football field.
I don’t know what she said to her friends, but I have been getting death glares from Andi. The looks from Nora are more sympathetic, which maybe makes me even more nervous.
“Sorry, I need these,” Violet says, slipping her sunglasses on as we stop on the sidewalk.
“Of course.” I’m aware that we are right in front of the window of Perks and Rec, and everyone inside can see us. But at least they can’t hear us. “I am really glad to see you and that you’re doing well,” I start.
She steps forward and takes my hand again. “Thank you. I can’t believe you’re the one who saved me. That’s amazing.”
I don’t pull my hand away, knowing those optics would be terrible. “I’m glad I was on that same road. But there’s something I have to tell you.”
“Okay.”
“I have had a great time with Merry Mayhem, and I love your family and your town.”
Her smile is wide and bright. “I’m so glad. They love you, too. They can’t quit talking about you. When Harley told me that you’re the one who was there when he had his stroke and that he’s been in touch with you all these months, I just knew this was meant to be.”
I shake my head. “That’s the thing.” I take a breath. “I can’t date you for real. There’s someone else.”
I see her brows lift over the top of the sunglasses. “Oh.”
“I’m sorry. The night we decided to do this, it was really about Sam, and you not wanting to face him alone. We didn’t really talk about what would happen after Merry Mayhem.”
She slips her hand out of mine and tucks both hands in the front pocket of the hoodie she is wearing. “You’re right. We didn’t. I was so focused on the fact that Chad was ditching me, and that this was coming up, that I just wanted to get through the weekend.”
“Yeah, and then when you had your accident, I didn’t want to make any decisions about what I told people or did without you,” I say honestly.
“That’s really decent of you,” she says. “What does your girlfriend think about all of this, though? You helping me out by pretending to be my boyfriend?”
“That’s…actually a new development,” I say. That’s not entirely untrue.
“So things changed between you just since I’ve been in the hospital? But you couldn’t do anything about it because you couldn’t talk to me about it, and you’d already promised to do this with me.”
“Pretty much.”
She laughs lightly and shakes her head. “You’re a really good guy, Josh. I don’t know many guys who would do that.”
“Well, I’ve told her the full truth about the agreement between you and me. And that we barely knew each other. That there aren’t any feelings here.”
“I see.” She frowns. “And she’s agreed to keep that to herself?”
“Yeah, for sure. She understood.”
“Wow, she must be great. And totally trust you. And be totally sure of your feelings.”
“She is amazing,” I say. “And I hope she’s sure of my feelings. I will say, she’s a little concerned now, though, about how you and I end this without it still looking bad in front of Sam.”
Violet sighs and shrugs. “You and I just say we broke up. I mean, seeing Sam here with Ashley actually makes me realize that we just weren’t meant to be.
And I’m glad we didn’t do something stupid like get married just because we’ve been together for a long time.
Or just assumed that that was as good as it was ever going to be. ”
I study her. That’s actually a great attitude. “You’re not bothered that he’s here at all?”
She laughs. “I wouldn’t say that. And I think it’s weird that he and Ashley are engaged already. But being in a car accident and a coma for a couple of days has a way of putting things into perspective. There are way more important things in my life than my ex-boyfriend and his new fiancée.”
“I have to say, I’m still really glad that Chad ended up being a jerk and I was able to step in for Merry Mayhem. I’ve had a great time.”
“Everyone says you have fit right in.” She studies me for a moment. “Does this girlfriend know how great you are?”
I cannot tell her that it’s Thea. These two women have a relationship, and it is up to Thea to tell Violet how she feels and what she wants. I have to follow Muriel’s advice here and let Thea take the lead on this.
But I nod. “I actually think she has very strong feelings for me. I just think she’s…scared.”
“Scared of what?”
I’ve thought about this, and I think I know the answer. Because I’ve felt the same way about the people who are important to me.
“She made some mistakes, and the people she loves were there for her and supported her. But she felt she had to make up for that. So, she’s spent a very long time being dependable, predictable, and taking care of others.
She’s always the person everyone thinks she is and expects her to be.
I think she’s scared of doing something that will surprise them and might disappoint a few people. ”
Violet smiles. “Well, I hope she takes that chance.”
“Yeah?” I hope Violet feels that way when she finds out that she’s one of the people Thea doesn’t want to disappoint.
“For sure. I know personally how great it is to mess up and have the people you love be there for you anyway. So I hope she gets to find that out.”
I really like all of Thea’s family, it turns out. “I really hope she takes that chance too,” I say.
“And I can’t imagine how anyone would think being with you is some kind of mess-up.”
And I really hope that Violet’s memory is, in fact, fully intact so that she remembers saying that when everything comes out.
The tension between Thea and me—and her stubborn determination not to look at or talk to me—is not a problem during the afternoon Merry Mayhan challenge.
The scavenger hunt takes us all around town, but the pairs are, obviously, split up.
Muriel and I come in third after Thea and Patty in first, and Beckett and Sutton in second place.
This leaves us with the issue of living in the same house and just across the hall from one another. The hallway where I stripped her naked and made her come before taking her into her bedroom and fucking her all night long.
Unfortunately, Thea doesn’t want to relive those memories. Apparently, even in her head.
She’s even avoiding her own house.
When I show up at her house after the scavenger hunt, Bruce and Bebe are there.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Bebe says. “But I took it upon myself to pack your things. Violet wasn’t feeling well and needed to lie down.”
Of course she did. She’s suffering from a major concussion.
And I was sleeping in her room.
“Of course it’s fine,” I tell Bebe.
I’m grateful that I didn’t need to dig out the condoms the night before, now for a reason even beyond how amazing it was to fuck Thea without one. God knows, in my haste to get back to her bedroom, I would have just upended my toiletry bag in the middle of the room.
“I don’t mean to insinuate that you can’t stay here with Violet,” Bebe says quickly. “I just moved your things so that she could lie down.”
I shake my head. God, I can’t stay here in Violet’s room with her. “No, of course. She needs time and space to rest. I was thinking maybe I should drive back to Autre.”
Bebe’s eyes go wide. “But there’s still a lot of Merry Mayhem left. No, you can stay over at Bruce and Harley’s. They have an extra room.”
I’m relieved. The drive to and from Autre is too far in case there’s a surprise challenge, but more, I want to be close in case Thea wants to talk.
This isn’t over between us. I’m not exactly sure how we’re going to fix this whole thing, but Violet and I are okay. Maybe once Violet tells her sister that, and about our conversation, Thea will come clean with Violet.
“That would be great if it’s not an inconvenience,” I say.
Bruce overhears. “Don’t be silly. We’re having people over tonight to play cards. You’re welcome to join. Or to just hang out with us.”
I’m actually praying for a surprise challenge, but anything to take my mind off the fact that I’m madly in love and can’t do a damn thing about it is welcome.
A few hours later, I am sitting on Bruce and Harley’s couch, nursing a very strong mix of something that’s supposed to be an apple cinnamon cocktail but is absolutely mostly whiskey.
Not that I’m complaining.
Bruce and Harley are playing cards with Brewser, Wilson, and Leo and Ellie Landry.
I feel perfectly comfortable around all of them, even after just a couple of days. I’ve always loved being with Leo and Ellie, and spending time with this group feels like being with them. They are no bullshit, warm, welcoming, fully accepting people. I love them.
But I can’t concentrate on a card game, so I brought myself over to the couch where I’m watching a Sandra Bullock Christmas movie.
The irony that the man she thinks she’s in love with is in a coma while she’s falling in love with his brother is not lost on me.
But I don’t change the channel.
I’m still keeping my phone close and alternately hoping for a surprise challenge or a text from Thea, but it’s nearly ten now and I’m starting to lose hope.
Ellie Landry sinks onto the couch next to me after they finish another hand of cards, and everyone takes a break to refill drinks and snacks.
“You’ve had a fun few days here in Rebel, sounds like,” she says, her eyes on the screen.
“I have.”
“They all love you. I knew they would.”
I nod and sip, swallow, then say, “I love them too.”
“I knew you would,” she says.
We are past the part of the movie where Sandra Bullock’s character has confessed to the family friend that she and the guy in the coma were never actually engaged or even involved.
Ellie is the only one in this room who knows my truth.
“How mad are they gonna be if I’m not in love with Violet?” I ask her softly.
“Violet’s a great girl.”
“I know. But she’s not the right girl. She’s not the one.”
“You’re sure? She just got home.”
“It’s not about her so much as it is about already finding the girl. The one. Someone else.”
Ellie reaches out and takes my glass from my fingers, takes a long drink of my cocktail, and hands it back. She doesn’t even grimace.
“Have you told Violet that you’re in love with Thea?”
It’s not just the whiskey that makes me react with absolutely no surprise to Ellie Landry knowing exactly who I’m talking about. Ellie always knows everything.
“No. I thought that was probably Thea’s thing to tell her. I did tell her there was someone else, though.”
Ellie laughs. “Oh wow, I give her about five minutes tomorrow to figure it out. She’s a smart girl.”
“For Violet to figure it out?”
“Honey, you’re a wonderful firefighter and paramedic, you’re funny, you don’t have a bad singing voice, and you’re a pretty decent shot on the basketball court from what I’ve seen, but you're a terrible actor. If you feel about Thea the way you feel about the other people in your life, you’re not gonna be able to hide it even if you try. ”
Ellie has known me for about two years. She is surrounded by people who live life loud and fully. They love hard. I consider everything she just said about me to be a compliment.
“I don’t wanna cause problems for anybody,” I say.
“And why not?”
I snort. “Because being a problem for people is generally a bad thing.” I should know.
“When you started going to the support group for gambling, were your friends and family happy for you?”
I confessed about my past to Ellie and Leo a long time ago. “Very.”
“And when you got your gambling debts all paid off, did they hug you and tell you they were proud of you?”
“Yes.” Leo and Ellie had also hugged me and told me they were proud of me.
“And when you went a year, and then two, without gambling, were they excited for you?”
“Definitely.”
“And when you got through the fire academy, were they happy and did they celebrate for you?”
“They did.”
“So even though you were a “problem”,” she says, making air quotes, “They still cheered for you and supported you and loved you, right?”
“Of course.”
“So you know, firsthand, that you can make mistakes and still be loved.”
I nod, my throat tight.
“Be a person who lives your life in such a way that when you find love and joy, the people around you are thrilled for you. You’re doing that, Josh.
And I can promise you that Thea Chabert lives that life.
You two being crazy about each other might surprise people for a minute, but they’ll be happy for you both.
Trust that you deserve this and that good people will believe that. And fuck the people who don’t.”
I sigh. But it’s definitely with some relief. What she says makes sense. If people care about Thea and me, they will want us to be happy. And I do believe that these people sitting at the table behind me, and honestly, this entire town, love Thea a lot. Anyone who doesn’t is an idiot.
“So it sounds to me like you’re saying I need a grand gesture for Thea,” I say.
Ellie’s eyes practically sparkle at those words. The Landry family loves nothing more than a grand love gesture.
“What I know is that you are going to be somewhere tomorrow where the entire town is gonna show up, there’s going to be a microphone, and a confetti canon.”
I laugh and feel a huge weight lift from my chest. She has a point. It’s not every day a guy is given a chance to confess his life with a confetti canon.
“Love you, Ellie.”
She gives me a wink. “How could you not?” Then she gets up from the couch, leans over, and kisses me on top of the head and says, “And now I know where I’m gonna be tomorrow.”