Chapter Four Leila #3
One of the perks of living in North Hollywood was proximity to Sushi Row on Ventura Boulevard, an unlikely place for the cluster of top-notch Japanese restaurants, most tucked into modest spaces in strip malls where they were abutted by nail salons and pet food stores.
A sleek L-shaped sushi bar dominated the footprint of Jane and Teddy’s favorite one.
Usually, Jane preferred a small table on the perimeter over the sushi bar, but this was an impromptu outing and they hadn’t reserved, so they were squeezed into two stools at the bar.
Peering through the glass barrier, Jane appreciated the organization of the ingredient containers and the elegant display of the vibrantly colored fish—red, pink, orange—on beds of ice.
The dexterous hands of the sushi chefs at work were mesmerizing.
It was all so efficient, orderly, and harmonious.
To Teddy’s left, a young couple had perched their infant in a child carrier on the stool between them.
Jane admired that they weren’t letting the baby interfere with living their best lives, but at the same time worried that this setup was precarious—it wouldn’t take much for something to send the plastic bucket with the squishy little bundle plummeting to the floor.
Jane shuddered, reminded of the time long ago when she was eating at a diner and parents in an adjacent booth changed their squirming, gasping baby’s diaper right there on the table.
Babies were messy, and parents could be so selfish.
As if picking up on her worry, the baby began bawling. Sometimes when she heard the shrill, agonized primal screams of babies, Jane thought she understood what could drive a beleaguered mother to infanticide.
She whispered to Teddy, “I hope they take their kid outside until it calms down.”
Teddy turned to the parents. “How old?”
“Twelve weeks. Sorry for the uproar. She’s got some lungs on her,” the proud father replied.
“All good—get her in a metal band stat!”
Teddy and the young family shared a laugh, and thankfully, they left soon thereafter.
Teddy took a swig of sake. “Jane, it’s like you’re allergic to babies.”
“I don’t have any maternal instinct. After all, where would I have gotten it from? My mother?”
“I think you do, Jane. That’s why a baby crying upsets you so much. It’s a deep-seated empathy.”
“Are you sure it isn’t just annoyance that someone is so selfish and entitled they cart their baby somewhere maybe it shouldn’t be? The way that baby bucket was sitting on the stool looked pretty dangerous.”
Teddy laughed. “Sorry, Jane, I’m sticking with maternal instinct and deep-seated empathy. You protest too much! I know you’ll be a great mother.”
This confounded Jane. It seemed so improbable. But maybe she should freeze some eggs. It was pragmatic; it might give her a modicum of control over something so essentially uncontrollable. In a perfect situation, she might be a good mom. But of course, perfect was impossible.
She brushed her hand against Teddy’s cheek. He loved little pets like this, and reflexively smiled—like a big baby.
“You would be a great father, that’s clear.”
“Yeah, I would for sure.” Somehow, coming from Teddy, this was sweet, not arrogant. “Between you and me, Jay, we’d have all the bases covered.”
As soon as they got to Teddy’s car, Jane spotted it.
“Teddy, there’s a boot on your car.”
“Oh, fuck me,” Teddy groaned.
“Why is there a boot on your car?”
“Are you seriously asking me that, Jane?” he shot back, exasperated.
“Yes, I seriously am, Teddy. Why is there a boot on your car?”
He gave her a withering look. “I guess there must be some tickets I haven’t paid. I don’t know.”
This was so foreign to Jane. Whenever she got a parking ticket—which was rarely—she would pay it immediately. “Why would there be tickets you haven’t paid? Parking tickets, or moving violations?”
Teddy got increasingly defensive, his volume going up. “Come on, Jane, why are you asking me this right now? I guess I forgot, I fucked up. Right now I just need to figure out how to get this fucking boot removed.”
Jane couldn’t stop herself from pressing on. “Well clearly you fucked up, Teddy.”
“Thanks for being so supportive,” he replied, dripping venomous sarcasm, which only spurred her on.
“What am I supposed to be supporting? Negligence? Irresponsibility?”
“You never cut me a break, Jane. You act like I’m a constant disappointment.”
“Not constant, but you sure as hell are right now.”
While he took a deep breath, assessing her with a look that somehow conveyed both contempt and affection, Jane pulled out her phone and opened a rideshare app.
“Let’s cool off, okay?” he asked in a softer voice. “Just give me a minute so I can deal with this.”
“You can deal with it. You don’t need me. I called an Uber. Three minutes away.”
Teddy stiffened, struggling to contain his anger.
“Fine. Thanks for standing by me, helping out. You know, you think you are settling with me, Jane? Well, the truth is I am the one settling with you.”
Jane gasped. “What?”
As he understood the cruelty of what he had said, Teddy relented. “Listen, for some reason, I love you, but you are a lot of work. Impossible to please.”
“If I am, well, I can’t help it.”
“That’s a cop-out, but fine.... Listen, once I get this taken care of, I’m just going to go crash at Keith’s.”
Now Jane’s fiery ball of anger burst and was replaced by a miasma of volatile emotions—anger, sadness, hurt, embarrassment—all coiled around her affection for Teddy. She was silent until her Uber pulled up and she turned to him.
“Well... I hope you can get this resolved soon, and—I’m sorry... about all of it.”
He looked at her, bereft. Teddy wore his heart on his sleeve and on his face. “Yeah, me too, Jane.”