Chapter 22 #2
Her gaze doesn’t waver from mine, and before I know it, we’re both in front of one another, and all I want is my hands on her.
“I miss books too.” She smiles real big.
I let my knuckles draw down her cheek, and she leans into my touch instead of away from it, sucking in a long, content breath.
Fuck.
“I was a huge nerd back then,” she continues. “Reading on weekends when others would much rather go to a party at some rich kid’s house.” She grins as though lost in her memories.
I want her to keep talking. Her voice is my own music.
Her fingertips go to mine, and she softly brushes against them as she looks at me. And I feel it, really feel her touch as though it’s everywhere.
“I miss the holidays.”
My other hand leaves her cheek and stretches around the small of her back, needing her near, wanting to kiss her, to forget the damn rule I have of never kissing a woman. Because that means more to me than sex, and I wish I could give her that.
Her chest climbs higher with her heaving breaths, her gaze as warm as her exhales fall across my lips.
“I miss my family, laughter, and genuine happiness,” she tells me, emotions imprinted on every word.
And the way she stares at me, it’s as though she’s reaching into my very heart and finding the soul that makes it beat.
“I miss feeling alive, like the way…” Her mouth trembles, as though she can’t seem to finish that sentence.
“The way what?” The pads of my fingers bite into her hip.
“The way I feel when I’m with you,” she breathes.
I inhale a shaky breath, dropping my hands away. “Don’t say things like that to me.”
“Why not?” She cups my cheek, and my eyes shutter to a close.
“Because it makes me want things I shouldn’t.”
“Like what?” she murmurs.
My gaze slams to hers.
“Like a woman like you in my life. In Sophia’s life.”
Her eyes widen.
There’s something raw and vulnerable in my voice, and I don’t try to hide from it because with her, it feels right to be this way.
“Everyone deserves to be loved, Michael.” She says it so frankly, as though it’s the truth.
“Not me, Elsie. Not with everything I’ve done. I don’t deserve it.”
“You do. There’s goodness in you too. I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it.” Her thumb strokes my lips. “I feel it right now.”
“What else do you feel?” My eyes grow heavy.
That question is dangerous. It holds the power to undo me.
“I feel your hands on me.” Her fingers skate up to the back of my head. “And I want…” Her lips shudder, her gaze unwavering.
“What do you want, little dove?” Willing to give her the moon shining brightly above.
“I want you to kiss me.”
Fuck.
How do I tell her that I can’t? That it means too much to give her something I haven’t given any woman in sixteen years, even while she’s the only one I want to give it to? But I can’t kiss her only to watch her walk away.
“I don’t deserve that, either. When you’re free of me, you’ll meet someone who can love you the way you should be loved.”
She peers down, her features sullen.
I grip her chin, tipping it up with my fingers. “If he doesn’t, I’ll give you my gun and you can shoot him. Or better yet, I will. I’ll kill anyone who hurts you.”
Her brows bend. “Is that your answer to everything? Violence?”
“It’s the way it’s always been.”
“What if it can be different? Would you want it?”
I’ve thought of it. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. It can give Sophia safety. A real life. But it’s never been in the cards for a man like me. This is my life, and I have to accept it. I’m technically the new king on the throne, but no one will know until the wedding.
“I can’t waste time thinking about things that will never happen. This is who I am. And there’s no changing that.”
She sighs, her gaze lowering to her feet. “Would it be okay if I still called Sophia when I’m no longer your wife?”
I drag in a long, tattered breath, looking up at the stars.
This woman. Who is she, and why the hell is she trying to take my heart with her?
“I-it’s fine if…” she stammers.
My gaze snaps to hers, and her mouth stays frozen on a part.
“Of course it’s okay.” I clutch her nape, slanting my forehead to hers. “It’s more than okay.”
“Good.” I can hear the smile in her voice. “She’s kinda growing on me.”
You’re kinda growing on me too.
ELSIE
Somehow, we’ve ended up on the large beach towel we left behind earlier today. His body’s curled around the back of mine, the wind softly billowing over our skin.
He holds me with a palm against my stomach, tucked into him as I stare out at the flickering stars above.
“How did you end up as Sophia’s dad?” I ask him, pivoting myself so I can face him.
It broke me to hear him say he doesn’t deserve to feel the love of a woman, because he does. He may have his faults, but he isn’t like the Bianchis. Like those men who hurt me.
His fingers stroke my face, tucking a piece of my loose hair behind my ears, his gaze making my stomach tighten.
In the days we’ve spent together, I’ve found myself softening for him, even when everything within me wants to run.
But not from him. Not really, not anymore. To help Kayla. That will always be my priority. Just like protecting his daughter is to him. I don’t fault him for that. She should be his priority.