Chapter 11 #2
“When he was there on top of me, trying to end my life, all I saw was you,” she tells me, her brows pinched tight, raw emotions spilling out her gaze.
Fuck. Why can’t this be simple? Easy. She wants me. I want her. But I can’t be with my sister-in-law, a woman too young for me. A woman who’d probably lose her life if she were ever mine. Being who I am, my father is not the only enemy I’ll have to face. More will come, and they will come for her.
I drag in a long breath, her eyes boring into mine, my knuckles stroking down the side of her face. My mouth lowers, just a few breaths away from her lips. I can almost taste them. Her exhales grow louder, my inhales tight and shallow.
I could have her. Right here. Right now. No one would know.
She groans as my lips brush against hers, just a little touch. That’s all it is. Her hands fist my shirt, and she pushes her mouth closer. And I taste her. Fuck, I taste her.
And I want more. My name slips out of her mouth on a moan, as though I deserve for it to be there.
“Fuck,” I whisper, my heart beating so loudly I know she can hear it.
What the hell am I doing? I’m a man who should know better. I’ve known her since she was fourteen, for fuck’s sake.
You bastard.
I grab her face with both palms and lift my mouth up to her forehead, kissing her tenderly. My lips remain there for long, agonizing seconds.
“You’ll never lose me,” I tell her, pulling back. “I’ll always be here for you.”
I peer back down at her, and her expression tightens, mouth formed in a thin line.
Harshly, she swipes under her eye and clears her throat. “Thanks for comforting me. I feel better now.” She releases a quick breath. “You can go.”
By the sound of it, all I did was make her hate me even more.
I know.
I was asking for it.
NICOLETTE
Hours later, and I haven’t slept a wink. Not when all I can think about is his lips almost kissing mine. But I felt them. Firm, soft…
He was close to breaking, but of course the bastard has to keep his resolve.
But that doesn’t stop me from replaying it over and over, pretending we actually kissed. That he gave in to me like a starving man would. But he never will. I realize that now. Because if he didn’t kiss me or touch me after that moment, he never will.
He’s never going to let himself have me, is he?
He’ll always be fighting it every step of the way.
It’s like he’s made up his mind, and nothing and no one can change it.
I know there are things standing in our way.
I know how people may see us. But none of that matters, not to me.
Nothing compares to the future I know we could have.
If I let myself imagine it, I can just see it: a house big enough for our four children, somewhere secluded. I become a vet and Raph does his Raph things.
I’m not na?ve. I know what a man like him does. I know he probably has blood on his hands. But I know his heart, and that’s all I care about.
We have a future. It’s there. Waiting for us. If only he could see it too.
I huff out a breath, turning to my side.
“Nicolette?” he whispers. “Are you still up?”
My eyes widen, and a knot forms in my gut. What the hell is he still doing awake? Seconds drift by and I stay frozen, shutting my eyes, hoping he thinks I was making noise in my sleep.
I hear him shifting, and suddenly my bed moves. I’m not facing his direction, but I think he’s on the bed.
Crap.
I can’t handle another close encounter with his mouth.
“I know you’re up.” A single finger brushes up my arm, and every hair there bristles in response. “How long are you gonna lie there and pretend to be asleep?”
I groan internally.
Damn it. Might as well get it over with.
I roll over and face the looming shadow of the man haunting all of my waking dreams.
He reaches for the bedside lamp and the room’s illuminated. He curiously assesses me with a tight expression.
“Have you slept at all?”
“I could ask you the same thing.” I pop a brow.
“Well, you didn’t ask. I did.” He narrows a concentrated gaze. “Now, tell me, have you been sleeping at all, because I could’ve sworn I heard you up last night too.”
“Don’t bark orders at me.” I sit up. “I’m not a child.”
“No…” His eyes harden. “You’re not. So start acting like it.”
“Fine,” I say, my voice defeated. “I haven’t been sleeping much.”
His gaze softens. And the way he’s looking at me…chills roll down my arms.
His chest widens with a breath. “Come on, put on your coat and shoes. We’re going for a ride.”
I jerk back. “Um…where exactly?”
He grabs a pillow and blanket. “When I was young, maybe six or seven, I went through a time when I couldn’t sleep well.
So my mom would take me in her car with my pillow and my favorite blanket and she’d drive around until I fell asleep.
Then she’d carry me into my bedroom, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up for school to the smell of freshly made muffins and pancakes. ”
“She sounds like she was a great mom.” A smile flickers on my face.
“She was the only real parent I had.”
The way his eyes stare into mine. The way he’s hurting. I can feel it. And I find myself hurting with him.
“It’s okay.” The back of his hand strokes my cheek, and I shiver. “I’ve accepted long ago that I didn’t have a father.”
You have me, I want to remind him. To scream it out loud until he finally hears it.
But I do no such thing.
RAPH
She’s in the back seat. I can see her from the rearview, huddling her head on the pillow against the window, the blanket flung over her body.
“I really don’t think this is going to work,” she challenges.
I just chuckle. “Why don’t you close your eyes and give it a try instead of fighting me at every step?”
“I kinda like fighting you.” Her mouth flirts with a hint of a smile.
“I can see that.”
Kinda want to watch you fight me while you’re pinned down on the bed.
Blood rushes to my cock, and it’s my own damn fault. With every passing minute, all I do is want her more.
I turn on the radio, playing quiet instrumental music, and get us on the road.
“Isn’t this dangerous?” she asks. “Won’t they find us?”
“Let me worry about that. Right now, all I’m concerned about is getting you to sleep.”
She sighs all dreamy as I stare at her through the mirror.
“How long have you been having insomnia?”
“It’s not insomnia.” Her brow arches, and her eyes gleam in challenge.
“Right.” I laugh. “So, what do you call it, then?”
“Ummm…” She concentrates with a playful look on her face. “A well-calculated attempt at staying alive? You know…with all the psychos trying to kill me?”
I blow a sharp breath. “How long has that been going on?”
“Give or take a year.”
“Jesus…” Anger spirals through the pit of my stomach. “I’m sorry.”
Her eyes grow with melancholy, as though wilting like a flower. “It’s my life now, whether I like it or not.”
“Well, I’m here now, tesoro mio, and I’m going to take you on a nightly drive if that’s what it takes for you to sleep.”
“Then what?” she whispers with a yawn.
“Then I’ll carry your pretty ass to bed and tuck you back in.”
“You think my ass is pretty?” Her teeth snag onto her bottom lip as she fights a grin.
“I think all of you is pretty.” The confession just slips out before I can stop it.
“I think all of you is pretty too, Raph.”
“Don’t ever put me and pretty in one sentence.” Amusement spreads across my face, and I smirk.
“Oh, shut up. Don’t ruin the moment.”
There I go laughing again. But that’s what she does: makes me happy.
Her eyes start to drift, and minutes later, she’s asleep, and this time I know she’s not faking it.
I drive for an hour before we return to the cabin. As quietly as possible, I reach for the handle and gently pull the car door. Carefully, being sure not to wake her, I scoop her up into my arms, and I swear she smiles as she burrows into my chest.
And here in the chill of the night, I watch her sleep. Nothing has ever looked so beautiful. It’s like she’s been created just for me. To love. To cherish. To protect. And I want to do all of those things.
With a sigh, I swing around, walk a few steps to the cabin, reach for the keys in my pocket, and open the lock. Gently parting the door, I move inside and lock up before placing her onto the bed. Somehow, she stays asleep while I remove her shoes.
It’s then that her hand reaches for mine, like she’s thinking about me even in her dreams. And instead of returning to my spot on the floor, I kick off my shoes and slide in beside her.
Just this once. Just tonight. That’s all it’ll be.
Lying on my back, I softly pull her up against me and loop an arm around her. Before I know it, sleep gets me too, and it’s the fastest I’ve been able to fall asleep in a while.