Chapter 14
RAPH
Hours later, and I watch her on the sofa, flipping from channel to channel, tugging up the blanket around her, avoiding me even while I’m seated on the other side.
She’s so beautiful, it hurts to look at her. To want her as much as I do without being able to be selfish and claim what’s mine.
I was this close to shredding her clothes. This close to forgetting why it’d be wrong. Because nothing about kissing her was wrong. And that in itself is a problem.
How could she not tell me she was a virgin? That changes everything. The knowledge that no one has touched her, that I could be her first and last… Fuck, the possessive bastard in me wants her all to himself.
But I could never take that from her. I don’t deserve it.
Years from now, she’s going to look back on her first time and wonder why it had to be me. Why did I hurt her by not wanting more than one night? I can’t do that. Not to Nicolette.
But the thought of her giving herself to someone else, maddens me with insane amounts of jealousy.
But I’ll endure. As long as she’s safe, I’ll endure watching her create a life with someone who isn’t me. Her safety is all that matters. And keeping her away from me and my family is the only way to get her there.
Nicolette Ricci will never be mine, no matter how much I want her, no matter how good it feels when she’s near.
My burner rings in my pants pocket, and I immediately retrieve it, seeing Michael’s number on the screen.
“Yeah,” I answer and her eyes immediately jump to mine.
“Listen,” Michael says in a hushed tone. “I had a hit on me the other day.”
I sit up straighter. My pulse slams in my throat.
“I’m fine,” he continues. “They didn’t get me.”
“Could’ve led with that…” I run a hand down my face. “Fuck. I thought you were shot.”
Nicolette throws her blanket off her and scoots closer, her gaze widening.
And even now when I look at her, my heart stirs to life, and all I want to do is erase every shred of doubt I have playing in my head. Because fuck, I want her. In my life. In my heart. In my bed.
I could love her. Really love her like no one ever has. With me, she’d never know a day without being cherished, without being appreciated. I’d give her everything.
Michael says something, but I can’t hear him anymore. Not when she’s looking at me, all pink-stained cheeks and wide-eyed.
She places a palm on my knee. “Is that Michael? Is he okay?”
And the fact that she still cares about my brother even after everything my father did makes me want her that much more.
My hand falls over hers and I squeeze it. “He’s okay.”
“Did you hear me?” Michael calls. “I said he wants you dead.”
“Who?” Our eyes stay connected as I go on. “The Irish? I know that already.”
“No, Raph. Our father. He’s looking to pin the hit on me on you.”
“What?” My nostrils flare, my breathing intensifying.
“Yeah. He’s blaming it on you. Trying to plant the seed in my head that you’ve gone against the family.”
“Fuck,” I grit.
My father really hates me. Why does that shock me anymore?
“But he has no idea that before I killed the guy, he talked,” Michael continues. “The hit came from him.”
I crack a knuckle. “He tried to kill you?”
My muscles tense with undulated rage. I rise to my feet.
Michael sighs harshly. “Look. I’m going to see what else he does. He’s talking to the men too. Trying to get them all against you. That’s why I need to take over.”
“Any closer to finding a wife?” I ask, knowing that he has to in order to take my father’s throne.
“I’m working on it.” I register a clank of glass and realize he’s most likely drinking. “He’s probably scared Nicolette will find you and talk. He thinks if you’re gone, she won’t have anyone else believe her.”
Every inch of me wants to go find him. To extinguish him for all the sins he’s committed against our family.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” Michael warns, as though hearing my thoughts. “Just…just keep her safe.”
I know he also wanted to add that I should keep myself safe too. I know my brother, and I know how much this family means to him. To all of us but one.
“I’m not afraid of him, Michael.”
“Never said you were, but right now, he’s in charge and the men are loyal to him. Once I take over, most of them will give their loyalty to me and we can figure out how far we want to take this.”
“He came after her, Michael.” I pause, staring back at Nicolette, her gaze softly assessing me. “There’s no coming back from that. He has to pay for this and everything else he’s done.”
I grind my teeth. It was his fault I went to war with the Irish. That Patrick’s nephew died. He has to pay for it all.
“I promise, brother, I will get you out with the Irish,” Michael assures me. “I will make it right. Just sit tight for a little more.”
“I won’t wait forever, Michael.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to.”
“Does Gio know about any of this yet?” I wonder.
“No.” He sighs. “And I don’t think we can tell him. I’m afraid if he finds out what our father did, he won’t be able to hold back, and our plan will fail.”
I consider that. He’s right. Gio is thirty about eight years younger than me and every bit the killer. He takes family loyalty seriously, and he won’t like what my father did.
“Okay. Let’s keep it between us for now.”
“Daddy!” Sophia calls.
My heart melts, a smile fastening to my face.
“I want to make calzones for dinner. Can we? Please?” she begs in her adoring little way.
That girl is my whole heart.
“I’ve gotta go,” he tells me.
“I know.” I nod. “Tell her I love her and miss her like crazy, will you?”
“You know I will. I’ll be in touch.” He ends the call.
My bastard father took that from me too. Being with my family. He took so much from me, and I want to take everything from him.
“Are you okay?” Nicolette’s tender alto penetrates through my tunnel vision.
And when she appears behind me, pressing her body against my back, her arms fastening around me, I instantly remember she’s the one who matters now. Not my need for revenge. That can wait. She’s the one I have to protect. I’ll hide out here for as long as it takes to make sure she’s safe.
I tug her hands to my chest and clasp them in mine. Her long fingers slide through my thick ones, and I stare at the difference between them. She’s a delicate little thing. How the hell did she survive on her own all this time?
I should’ve been there. I should’ve protected her. My heart tightens like a vise. She makes me vulnerable, and with her, I want to be. I know with painful truth that I’ll never want anyone as much as I want her.
“I called you,” I whisper, bringing her fingertips to my lips and kissing each one. “When you were gone. I called you to make sure you were okay. If I knew you were running because—”
“I know.” She squeezes my hands, leaning her cheek into the center of my back. “I couldn’t hear your voice without breaking, Raph. I had to cut the ties between us. It was easier.”
“None of this is easy,” I profess.
Wanting you as I do will never be easy.
“I know,” she breathes.
“I wish I’d been there with you. Knowing you were all alone… Fuck, Nicolette. It kills me.”
I can’t anymore. I can’t keep avoiding her beautiful face staring back at me. I slowly turn around, and my hands immediately cup her cheeks, cradling her soft skin, peering deep into her soulful eyes that always clutched on to my heart and refused to let go.
“I wish you’d been with me too.” Her eyes glisten like two achingly beautiful stars. “It would’ve been easier.”
Blood rushes into my head. A muscle in my jaw pops.
“Did someone hurt you?” My pulse pounds as I ask the question, afraid of hearing the answer.
She smiles dolefully. “Some tried.”
I shut my eyes and my throat closes in.
I can’t fucking breathe.
“It’s not your fault.” She places a gentle hand around my neck.
When I stare at her, all I see is a woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. One I couldn’t protect.
“Of course it’s my fault,” I tell her. “My father did this to you. My family.”
“You’re not your father, Raph. You never were and you never will be.” Her brows furrow, and she clasps her hand tighter around me.
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”
Falling for a girl too young for me is a prime example. Marrying a woman I didn’t even love is another. I know at the time I felt I had no choice, but… Fuck, I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore. Maybe I am somewhat like him. Maybe I can’t escape who I truly am.
“Can I ask you something?” Her eyes search mine as she waits for an answer.
“Anything.” My heart pummels in my chest as she bores her gaze so deep into mine, I feel my damn soul springing to life.
“Did you do something to Leo when I told you what he did to me?”
I jerk my head back, surprised at the question and why she had asked it all of a sudden. I haven’t heard that punk’s name in forever. Not since she told me what he did to her. I don’t want to lie to her, and I don’t know how she’ll take the truth.
“Tell me, Raph. Did you hurt him?”
“Do you care?” My heartbeats slam in my chest.
It’ll kill me if she feels anything for him. For any man.
I know that’s selfish. All I’ve been is selfish since the moment she walked back into my life.
One second, I tell her I can’t be with her, and the next, I have her in my arms, wanting to confess every sin I’ve ever committed, every thought she’s owned.
My emotions are like a damn jigsaw puzzle, and nothing quite fits where I think it should.
“About him?” She lights my heart on fire with her small laugh. “No, not at all. But I remember that two days later he came to school in crutches and a busted-up nose.” She bows a brow. “And I always wondered. Always hoped it was you who did that.”
I chuckle, clutching the back of her head and bending my mouth lower. I’m not even sure why, other than I badly want to kiss her again. Because that kiss we shared… My God, it was incredible.
I rub my nose against the tip of hers instead, inhaling her flowery scent. I don’t know if it’s her shampoo or just her, but damn, she smells like heaven.
“My, my, little one. Who knew you had a vicious side?”