Chapter 36 #2
They both move aside to let us in, and Dad struggles to lock the door behind us.
Mom tsks.
“I’ll do it. You go sit,” she tells him, annoyance laced in her tone.
It’s not like my parents to be annoyed with one another or even argue. They got along well. It’s one thing we had: two parents who loved each other. They just never loved me, and I always wondered what I did to make them hate me.
Raph doesn’t let me go, gripping my hand, letting me cling to him like he’s the only one keeping me afloat.
We make it to the living room, settling into the black leather sofa with a loveseat across from it.
The glass table between is bare. There was always a vase with fresh flowers atop it.
My mother loved to adorn the house with roses or hydrangeas.
But the house seems dead now. Like the life it carried has been sucked out.
They must still be mourning her.
“So…” Mom follows Dad to the loveseat. “What are you doing here, Nicolette? Why are you suddenly back? What do you need? Money?”
Her words are a knife to my chest.
I swallow over the lump in my throat.
Raph releases a low growl beside me, and I’m the one squeezing his hand now.
“I’m not here for money. I never asked you two for a dime. Why would I start now?” The anguish carries my voice, and I try to keep myself together.
“So what do you need, then?”
I scoff. “Did you guys even miss me? Wonder why I wasn’t back for so long? I mean, I wrote a note saying I’d be gone for a while, but so much time had passed, and…” I clench my jaw to stop from crying.
“And what?” Mom asks harshly.
“And neither of you even called me. Not once.”
“Well, my daughter had just died.” Her features harden. “We were very busy with that while you decided to abandon your family in their time of need.”
“I didn’t abandon anyone,” I briskly say, needing to justify my actions. I’m not heartless like she’s making it seem to be. “I had no choice. Bianca had some bad people after her, and I was a witness to something she did, so I—”
“Don’t you dare tarnish your sister’s name with your lies!” she hollers. “She can’t come back from the dead and defend herself.”
Not anymore, she can’t.
“It’s the truth, Mom! She’s not who you think she was. She did a lot of bad things, like sleep with Raph’s father!”
Dad grumbles, taking a swig of his beer, while Mom’s eyes widen.
“How dare you?” she barks, glancing at Raph, whose features are full of well-contained rage. “And you just sit there, letting her talk about your wife like that?”
He drags in a long breath, grabbing my hand and holding it in his lap. My mother doesn’t miss that. Her brows knit as she looks bewilderingly at us.
“Are you two…” She slaps a palm on her chest. “Oh my God… I can’t believe this.”
“Well, believe it, Bettina.” He lifts my hand up and kisses the top of it. “Nicolette means more to me than Bianca ever did.”
Mom gasps. Dad leans back and swipes the drop of beer from his mouth. I don’t even know if he’s actually present.
“Your daughter was too busy fucking my father and pretending to love me to ever be a wife,” Raph goes on.
“If that’s the kind of daughter you’re proud of…
” He leans in threateningly. “Then that says a lot about you. Your daughter was trash. She treated everyone like trash, unless she could use them.” He chuckles dryly.
“But you never saw it, or never wanted to. While Nicolette was here in this house being tormented by her while you let it happen.” He shakes his head in disgust. “You are an awful mother. You need to know that. And you, Bettina? You owe your daughter an apology for how you’ve treated her. She deserves at least that.”
Mom glances away momentarily.
“We treated her just fine. Go ahead. Tell him.” She has the audacity to look at me and say that.
My insides boil over, and I’m ready to blow.
“I can’t believe you have the nerve to say you guys treated me well.
” An angry laugh falls out of me. “Which part was fine, Mom? When you only ever told Bianca how pretty and smart she was? Or how about never signing me up for dance when I asked, while she had pictures of every one of her recitals plastered on the walls at home? Or maybe when you guys didn’t even bother showing up to my plays at school or ask me about my day?
I don’t even think you could name one friend I had. ”
My breathing burns through my chest even as I continue, needing to get it all out.
“Was it fine when I cried myself to sleep when my boyfriend tried to force me to have sex? Did you even care when I shed a tear?”
She slants her face downward, her jaw going slack.
“What happened, Mom? Making you uncomfortable?”
“This is out of line,” she reprimands, but her tone no longer carries that high and mighty attitude she started with.
“Why did you even have me?” I ask, tears burning behind my eyes.
“The condom broke,” Dad mutters.
I gasp under my breath.
Bianca was right. They really didn’t want me.
Raph continues to hold my hand, and right now he’s the only raft in this storm. If he wasn’t here, I’d crumble under the weight of my sorrow.
“Your mother cried for two weeks when we found out,” he offers, yawning with a hiccup, his belly rounder than I remember it in his white t-shirt with a big, brown stain on the chest.
“Shut up.” Mom swats him.
“What? It’s t-true,” Dad goes on, oblivious to my mom’s face turning red. “You wanted to get an abortion, and your mother wouldn’t let you.”
“You really never loved me,” I murmur, unable to hold back the tears. “You couldn’t even find it in your heart to love me after I was born.”
She tilts up her chin, fidgeting with her crimson blouse. “I didn’t want another child. It was not in the plans.”
“People’s plans change all the time,” Raph grits. “But decent parents don’t abandon their children when they’re actually here. Alive. Healthy. What’s wrong with you?”
His gaze burns with wrath. He starts to rise, and I follow him, realizing there’s no way she’ll ever apologize to me for anything.
I blink back my tears. They don’t deserve them.
“You will never see either one of us again. And if I see you anywhere near her, I will come back, and I will kill you both,” Raph warns. “You know what I’m capable of.”
Mom’s face goes pale. Wordlessly, she watches us leave.
And I know for certain this is the last time I’ll ever see them.