Chapter 13
GIO
She fell asleep about thirty minutes ago, and all I do is watch her. She’s so at peace, I don’t want to move and rouse her.
She said I couldn’t sleep over, but she said nothing about what happens if she’s the only one asleep. I could stay up all night if I get to have her like this.
My arm rests gently around her back, and I smile as I look at her. She’s so perfect.
My phone vibrates beside me.
Fuck.
I can’t let her wake up and throw me out. and I know she will. Grabbing it to shut it off, I see a text from Grant.
Grant
Donny is still in solitary. He may be there for a while.
Fucking great. I need to talk to the asshole, and I can’t do that when he’s in a damn hole.
Red groans softly, her body giving a jolt, her shoulders rocking with heavy inhales. In an instant, I lower the phone back on the bed and grip her tighter.
“Stop,” she whispers. “Don’t. P-please.”
Her voice is so low, I almost don’t catch it.
“Shh,” I say, realizing she must be having a bad dream.
“No, no. B-back away.” Her voice grows frantic, her features pinched.
“Red? Wake up. You’re having a nightmare.”
But instead, she thrashes in my arms and I’ve never felt so goddamn helpless.
“Sweetheart, wake up.” I shake her, but instead, her body shivers, rocking with tumultuous exhales.
“Please don’t,” she begs, and I instantly want to find whoever hurt her and rip out his fucking heart.
I gently shake her again. “Red, wake up now.”
But she doesn’t. Instead, she cries and tears swell in her lower lashes, tracing down her cheeks.
My heart instantly breaks.
“Help me,” she sobs softly on a barely there whisper. “Someone, help me.”
Fuck.
My pulse pounds in my throat.
“Red. Come on, baby.” I gently nudge her jaw, cupping her cheek, not wanting to scare her.
And in a flash, her eyes pop open and she jumps to a seated position, her exhales roughly leaving her lungs.
Her eyes dart around the room and she blinks faster. “I…”
Her thumb swipes under her lower lashes. And when she sees the moisture on the pad of her finger, anger takes over her face.
“You need to go. Now!” She roughly swipes the rest of her pain away from her eyes with the back of her hand.
I grab her wrist and drag her back to me. “I’m not going anywhere. Not when you’re upset.”
She swallows thickly and avoids my gaze.
“Who hurt you, Red? Just give me a name, and it’ll be over. He’s never going to hurt you again.”
Her brows tighten, and when she stares back at me, it’s through the eyes of a broken woman.
“It doesn’t matter,” she replies, her voice a bare whisper caught in the night. “It was a long time ago.”
“It matters to me.” I clasp her nape with a possessive grasp, dragging her forehead to meet mine. “Give me a name, bambina. That’s all you have to do.”
“I’m fine.” She backs off, lifting up her chin, straightening her spine. “I can handle this on my own.”
I hold her face in both hands. “I know you’re strong. But sometimes you don’t have to be. Let someone take the burden off your shoulders.”
Her chin trembles, a momentary crack in her armor. “I can’t.” She drags my hands off her face, then starts to rise. “I’m going to take a shower.”
“At this late hour?”
“I know. But it helps calm me.”
“Okay. But I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know.”
A brief, dim smile lifts a corner of her mouth right before she disappears out of sight, leaving me wondering what I can do to help her.
ISEULT
My arms are wrapped around my raised knees, my back against the ice-cold shower wall. The water spills onto the floor like raindrops against the windowsill, concealing my quiet tears as I cry.
How could I have been so stupid? How could I have fallen asleep beside him, and why did I feel so comforted by his presence once I woke up? I hated that I wanted him to hold me as soon as I opened my eyes and saw him. But I wanted it so badly. And instead, I ran.
I cannot want such things. And not just because of whose daughter I am. That’s not really the real reason, if I’m being honest.
It’s because… It’s because I’m afraid. There’s risk in opening up yourself to someone, to your trauma and your deepest fears. Because if you do, if you show them what you hide underneath and they leave, that anguish… It’s deeper than anything else.
And that guy out there? He wouldn’t want me if he found out the extent of my pain.
No.
He’d be the one running.
I can’t afford to let myself feel something for him—or any man—only to lose him in the end.
These nightmares and the panic attacks that I get come more often than I’d like, and I can’t seem to stop them.
I was seventeen when they began, and for nine years, I’ve endured them in silence.
Hoping no one ever discovers that I’m not the perfectly strong Iseult Quinn that they seem to think I am.
Working is the one thing that helps to keep the demons at bay. Killing. Fighting. It distracts me.
But this time, I wanted him to be the distraction. Which is foolish. No one can help me through this.
No. This is something I have to deal with on my own.
It’s enough that he’s sitting there thinking about how pathetic I am. Sad little woman who can’t keep her emotions in check.
And now that he’s seen me like that, it’s even more important he doesn’t find out who I am. He can’t tell anyone. My father can’t see me as a weakness. I can’t lose Caellach.
Taking a deep breath, I get to my feet and finish my shower before drying off and slipping into my clothes.
With anxiety beating through my chest, I pull open the door and head back to the bedroom like nothing happened.
He’s there, fully clothed now, sitting on the edge of the bed with his face in his palms.
“You okay?” He instantly jumps to his feet, concern flitted all over his face.
And I hate it: pity. God, I hate pity.
I don’t want anyone to worry about me. It was enough that my father did for years after the incident, and it took a long time for me to convince him I was finally okay, even though I wasn’t. I can’t disappoint him now.
“It was just a damn dream.” I wave off his concern, staring indifferently at him. “Don’t make a federal case about it.”
“Don’t lie to me, Red.” He comes closer, and I wait there, rooted in place like an idiot. His palm clasps my nape and pulls me in, his forehead meeting mine. “I know someone hurt you, baby, and I’m sorry we didn’t know each other then, because I would’ve done anything to keep you safe.”
My breaths catch in my lungs.
A raw ache hits the back of my eyes.
Don’t you cry. Don’t you dare do that.
I keep my head against his, not wanting to move. Not wanting him to see the tears coating my eyes.
You wouldn’t have been able to help me anyway. My own family couldn’t. He ruined me until I hated myself. And there’s no coming back from that.
I clear my throat, blinking rapidly before I pull back.
Quickly turning from him, I pretend I need something from my nightstand. “I’m not some princess who needs saving.”
Though I wish more than anything that someone had heard that girl screaming, begging for help, and come to her rescue. Maybe I would’ve turned out different.
“No, you’re no princess,” he says as strong hands clasp my shoulders, running down my arms until they wrap around my middle. His hot breath traces up my neck, goosebumps waking across my entire body. “You’re a queen who doesn’t realize that it’s okay for someone else to hold her crown sometimes.”
I bite down, emotions slamming into my throat.
I fight them. It’s what I’m best at. But it’s getting harder and harder the nicer he is to me. What the hell has become of me?
My cell suddenly rings on the nightstand, and I let out a silent sigh of relief. It’s exactly what I need to get away from him—this man who, in a short time, has unrooted all the things I’ve kept neatly hidden away.
Hiding is easy. Being seen…that’s what hurts the most.
Picking up the phone, I find that it’s my father. I answer immediately.
“Yes?” I march a few steps away, still not facing the man at my back, yet feeling his eyes on me like I did that night at the charity event.
I feel his presence behind me right before I hear him walking close, the heat from his body gliding up my nape.
“I need you back.” My father’s voice is tense. “We have a job in a few hours, and it requires you.”
“Of course. I’m on my way.”
“Alright. Bye, darling.”
“See you in a few.”
I didn’t want to say “Dad.” Don’t need this stranger to learn anything else about me.
“Are you leaving?” he whispers, his lips on the pulse thrashing in my throat.
“Yes. Work calls.” My reply comes coolly as I swivel around and finally look at him.
He inhales with disappointment.
I don’t want to leave either.
“You can crash here if you want,” I tell him. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Are you sure about that?” His deep baritone rushes over me, a feeling of warmth and desire and longing swaying through me all at once.
He clasps the back of my head and pulls my body flush against him. His gaze searches mine once. Twice. Then he kisses me. Slowly. Taking his time.
And I let him.
He drags himself back with a groan. “I want your number.”
He pins me with a demanding gaze, and maybe that works on the rest of society, but not on me.
“I’m happy for you.” The corner of my mouth tugs. “But you’re not getting it.”
“My God, woman.” His heavy palm grasps my jaw and his lips hover there, breaths warm and inviting. Too inviting. “Do you have to be so damn difficult?”
My lashes lower, enjoying his rough hands on me.
“So, let me get this straight.” I narrow a gaze. “You don’t like messes or difficult things.”
“I like you, though,” he breathes, his lips brushing over mine, my arms twining around his neck. “So I’ll wait for you right here until you return.”
Strong knuckles trail down my cheek.
“Hurry back to me, would you?”