Chapter 23
KAYLA
“Surprise!” The room erupts as I step into it.
People, so many I don’t even know, all smiling at me.
“Happy birthday,” Elsie whispers from beside me, squeezing my forearm with a huge grin.
I force one too, not having the heart to tell her how much I didn’t want this. I told them so many times, but my friends always have the best intentions. Unfortunately, they make a habit of not really hearing me.
“I know you said you didn’t want a party,” she goes on. “But your mom really wanted you to have one, and Jade and I figured a surprise would be fun!”
I laugh dryly. “Yeah, uh, this is great. Ish.”
She throws an arm around me, walking forward and dragging me with her through her den that is now fully decorated for a party.
Tables, a DJ booth at the end. Food, more than anyone needs in a lifetime, set at different stations.
This is definitely more than I ever needed.
I would’ve been fine with a quiet dinner with my friends and parents.
Jade rushes up to me, her son, Robby, running off with Sophia, who’s only a few years younger.
“I’m sorry if we went a bit overboard.” She grimaces. “But we figured after everything we’ve been through, we deserve to all celebrate something as important as your birthday.” She rounds her arms around me and gives me a little squeeze.
“Yeah, we do deserve it,” I echo her words, almost to myself.
“I heard about Chris.” Elsie changes the subject. “Kinda weird how he called Michael in the middle of the night and told him he had to leave ASAP. I mean, of course things happen, but I don’t know…it gave me a weird vibe.”
Me too.
“What did Michael say?”
I wonder if he told her what I told him about why Chris left.
“Not much.” She shrugs a single shoulder. “Only that he had a family emergency.”
I wonder if I should tell her more, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. Better not to involve them with anything that could be dangerous.
“Do you like the new guy?” Jade asks, sipping on a class of champagne.
“Not sure. I haven’t really talked to him. He kind of lurks around.” I laugh.
“There’s my girl!” Enzo swings his arm around Jade and kisses her temple, giving her a lustful gaze. “Come dance with me, baby.”
His arm curls around the small of her back and he kisses her—and not a quick peck, either. One of those open-mouthed, passionate kind that sears into your soul. And it instantly has me missing A. Wanting his mouth on me once more. Like in the closet. Where I can feel him everywhere.
“Okay, you two, get a damn room,” Elsie teases while grinning, clearly happy for Jade.
She deserves to be happy. And Enzo, he makes her feel that every day.
“Excuse me,” I say, clearing my throat, needing some air.
Because inside, I’m envious. Tears prickle my eyes as I head for the outdoors, running past Fernanda, who fixes the fancy red scarf around her throat. Not sure why someone needs a scarf, but she makes it work.
From the corner of my eye, I see my parents heading toward me. I give them a little wave as they approach.
“What a party!” Dad says. “Your friends sure know how to throw one.”
“Yeah, it’s nice.” I force a smile.
I force a lot of them these days. But with him—with A—that’s when every single one of them is real. I wish he were here, holding my hand, dancing with me. Like we’re a real couple.
Mom’s eyes water over, moisture building within them. “I’m so happy you and your friends are together.” Her chin trembles, but she saves herself from falling apart.
“Me too.” My heart lurches as I glance at both Elsie and Jade.
We escaped. We got the chance that so many girls never did. For that, I’ll always be grateful. No matter what we went through, we’re still breathing.
“Could you guys excuse me for a sec?” I say. “Wanna get some air.”
“Oh, sure, honey,” Mom waves off. “You go. Your dad and I are gonna get something to eat.”
“Oh yeah, we will.” Dad pats his rounded belly. “I hear there is lobster tail,” he whispers, making me laugh.
“Don’t forget the crab legs.” I grin.
“Alright, I’m gonna go stuff myself before someone else eats it all.” He chuckles.
Mom shakes her head, watching him go. She turns to me then, her expression growing serious. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”
Pretend.
My lips spread into the biggest smile I can muster. “Absolutely. Having everyone here is the best gift I could ask for.”
She nods and swipes a finger under her lower lashes. “It sure is a gift.” She clears her throat. “Anyway, you go and do whatever it is you need to do. Dad and I will be around. I love you, babe.” She squeezes my hand before she turns to join my father.
I look at them—together, happy, still so much in love. And I wonder if that will ever be me.
Before an ache builds behind my throat, I force myself in the opposite direction, hoping to actually make it outside this time.
“Hi!” Sophia bounces over to me.
Her light pink, puffy tulle dress and ballerina bun make her look like a little dancer. Her cheeks are stained with a hint of rosy blush.
“Happy birthday, Kayla.” She grins, her gaze shining brightly up at me. “You look really pretty!” She notes my black knee-length dress and the pair of nude sandals with a bit of heel.
“Not as pretty as you, though!”
She fans her lashes and purses her lips. “Thank you! Mommy did my makeup.”
“She’s very good!”
She nods, brows knitting. “She is. Not as good as me, though. Want me to do yours?”
“Oh, you leave her alone, princess.” Michael struts over, pushing off some hair off his forehead.
“She’s fine.” I give Sophia a little wink.
“I’m gonna go see if Uncle Gio will let me do his!” She practically bounces with excitement. “Uncle Gio!”
She runs over to him, and he grabs her in his arms, spinning her in the air.
“How are you doing?” he asks me, and suddenly I’m nervous.
Does he know what I’ve done? The others I’ve killed?
“I’m fine. I…uh, actually just wanted some air. Excuse me.”
“Has he called you?”
I stop and look back over my shoulder. “Chris?”
He nods stoically, his jaw clenching.
“No. I’m sure I misheard about his parents.”
“Maybe. But he did text me back and sent a photo of him with some old lady in a hospital. Could be his mom. Could be he’s lying. But we’re verifying.”
My spine tingles with a chill. Why would he go through so much trouble? Something gnaws in the pit of my stomach.
“Well, if he calls, I’ll let you know.”
“Watch your back, Kayla. There are snakes everywhere.”
His eyes are haunting as they stare at me for a second before he’s heading toward Elsie, grabbing her face, and kissing her like his life depends on it.
Could Chris somehow be involved in something bad?
No, I refuse to believe it. He may not have been A, but I don’t think he’d do anything to harm me. Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I just don’t know how to read people.
With a deep sigh, I rush out into the yard and breathe in the fresh air.
Finally alone. Only a few people mulling around, not close enough to bother me.
I stare out into the expansive yard, acres upon acres of land. All the Messinas own mansions. I don’t know why someone needs to have a home this big. I’d feel lost inside these walls. I prefer something cozy.
I drag my phone out of my small handbag and check to see if there are any texts from A.
But I find none. My heartbeats rap across my ribs, aching to hear his voice.
To feel him. To know him. I don’t know anything about him.
Not really. Not in the ways it matters. But I know he cares about me.
I can feel the way he does. And I want that all the time without hiding my feelings for him.
“Hey, Kayla.”
I gasp, turning to the sound of Cammie’s voice, her eyes downcast, her arms covered in the long, see-through sleeves of her dress.
“Hey, Cammie! I’m so happy you’re here.”
She shakes her head and looks as though she’s about to burst into tears.
“What’s wrong?” I place a hand on her shoulder, concern weaving through me.
“You told her.” She sniffles. “You told Jade about my cutting.”
“What?”
My pulse quivers in my throat. Jade would never break my confidence that way.
“Don’t deny it. It had to be you. Dr. Collins brought up self-harm rather discreetly, and coincidently after Jade mentioned to me how she noticed my arms and wanted to talk to me to help me. How could you?” Her tone rises, tears bathing her eyes. “I trusted you!”
My heart breaks watching hers do the same. I don’t want to lie to her. It wouldn’t be right. But I hate to think she’ll be even more upset with me. I take both her hands in mine and stare into her eyes.
“I’m sorry.” I’m crying now too. “I’m sorry you’re upset, but I’m not sorry I did it.
Because you matter to me, Cammie, and if I could prevent something bad happening to you, then it was worth it.
So you can be mad at me, but maybe, just maybe, I did the right thing.
Maybe I saved your life. Because I want you to be here. ”
“Why?” she snivels, shaking her head, wanting to rip her hands out of my grasp.
But I don’t let her run. I want her to hear me. To see herself the way I do.
“Why do you care what happens to me? I’m not Elsie or Jade. I’m not your friend. I’m a nobody! No one gives a fuck about me. Not even my own family!” She sobs heavily, and I take her in my arms and hold her against me.
“I give a fuck, Cammie. Jade gives a fuck. You’re loved.
You matter. Your life matters. And your family?
Well, they can go fuck themselves if they don’t see how special you are.
We will get you help. We will do whatever we have to for you.
And years from now, you’ll look back and realize maybe I did the right thing and maybe you’ll hate me a little less. ”
Her laughter is a blubbering mess. “I don’t hate you.”
“That’s a relief.” I pitch back, clasping both of her shoulders. “Jade told me she’s helping you find a job. How about tomorrow we go and find you some interview clothes?”
“Really?” Her eyes widen. “I was just gonna get some donation clothes from Helping Hand.”
“I think you deserve something that is just yours.”