Chapter 28
KAYLA
I don’t want to leave either. All I want is to make him put that mask back on and pretend. I want to return to a time when I didn’t know who he was. Didn’t know that he spent all this time lying to me.
“Get away from me, Chris.” My teeth rattle from how hard I bite down.
It can’t be him. All this time? How? How did I not even suspect it? Am I that stupid?
But he didn’t sound like A. Didn’t have those green eyes he has now. He made a fool out of me!
“You need to open this fucking door!”
He sighs, clutching my face with both palms, ignoring my pleas, forcing me to look at him and him alone. Those full lips drop closer, brushing against mine.
“That’s not my name. Never was.”
He kisses me. Just once. Just a touch of our mouths, and my soul weeps. It cries out for him, needing him, this man who’s made me feel as though things I once dreamed of are actually possible.
But now? All we have are lies. He isn’t A. Not my A. Yet he is. And reconciling these two things is getting harder by the second.
My head spins, trying to put all the pieces of the puzzle back together. How can he be Chris? I don’t understand.
“You can’t be A. How is this even possible?” My vision clouds, moisture building within my gaze.
“Just let me tell you everything before you leave, alright? Just give me a chance to make things right. Please, Kayla.”
His eyes search mine, helplessly begging for something I don’t know if I’m capable of giving. But he’s A. He’s been my A this whole time. How can I not hear him out?
“Fine.” I nod. “Tell me everything. But this doesn’t mean I forgive you.”
“I deserve that.” His eyes go downcast, and he exhales. “I need to start at the beginning.”
He takes my hand in his, and those tingles I’ve come to love whenever he touches me grow even stronger. Instinctively, my hand tightens around his.
“Kayla…” he whispers, my name a plea for mercy. “You’ve been a gift in my life, and I’ve never gotten one of those before.”
I suck in a breath, crying softly, caring so much for this man, hating that he’s never even had the things every person should. I ache to hold him and tell him that he’s the gift. That knowing him has made me a better person.
But I can’t say any of those things because he’s been playing me this whole time, pretending to be two people. He had so many chances to tell me, but he didn’t. I want to forgive. But how the hell do I trust him again?
“A, I don’t know how to do this.” My brows furrow, not wanting to lose him.
Yet I can’t forgive him. Not now. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
“I don’t know how to do this either, but you and I, whatever this is, it’s real.
” His gaze bores into mine. “And I need to know that for once in my life there’s a person worth fighting for.
Worth finding out whether I’m capable of things I never thought I was.
And you, little wolf, you gave me all that.
You changed something inside me. I can’t deny it. Even while I can’t put a name to it.”
“Why couldn’t you just tell me?” I cry, shaking my head.
“I couldn’t. Not at the time.”
“What’s your name?” I ask. It’s as though I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life.
His lips start to move, and I wait there, needing it like oxygen.
“My name is Adriel. And my mother is Fernanda… Fernanda Marino.”
“W-w-what?” My heart climbs into my throat. “I—I don’t understand.”
He pulls me toward the bed, and when I try to sit down beside him, he gently curls his arms around my hips and carefully settles me on his lap.
I try to get off, but he hardens his grasp on me.
“Don’t. Just stay. Let me be honest with you. Let me give you parts of myself I’ve never given anyone before.”
My heart’s heavy, seeing and hearing his anguish. And before I can stop myself, I lower my mouth to the corner of his and kiss him.
He breathes in sharply and snaps his palm to the back of my head. Keeping me there. Silently, our hearts beat as one. I’m afraid to move or breathe because in this moment, I forget he’s Chris. I forget that he’s lied. He’s my A, and he always will be.
“When I was a newborn…” he starts. “My mother gave me up. I’m Raph’s twin, and she didn’t want me. So, as soon as I was born, she gave me to some nuns, where I spent sixteen horrible years.”
I blink back tears, knowing this story is not going to end well. Not with everything I know about him so far.
“You once showed me your scars, but what I didn’t tell you is that I have mine.”
He lifts me a little and places me on the bed while he rises from it, dragging up his shirt and showing everything.
I throw a hand over my mouth, anguished at what he endured.
“I’m so sorry,” I pant, knowing the agony all too well. Seeing his scars, it makes me feel even closer to him. “Who did that to you?”
He returns to me, placing me back on his lap, an arm swooping around me.
“Those fucking nuns.” He scoffs. “All because of my mother. I vowed to kill her for leaving me at the hands of women who should’ve cared.
Who should’ve shown me what it meant to love and be human.
Yet all I found there was the cruel reality of human nature. ”
He forces his head back and sears his gaze to mine, and I feel it everywhere. This man, he makes me want to hold him in my arms, like a broken little boy who just needs someone to love him.
“I’m so sorry, A.” My throat closes up.
“Don’t be. I met you.” His smile is wrapped with melancholy. “I’d take another sixteen years of that torture just to meet you again.”
“You stupid man,” I cry, wrapping my arms around him and holding on. “Why didn’t you just tell me? I wouldn’t have told anyone. I’d have kept your secret.”
He chuckles gravelly, staring back at me. “My beautiful Kayla. Had I known you’d be the kind of woman I’d want to lay down my life for, I would’ve. But we don’t get second chances.”
Don’t I know it…
“How did you come to work for your brother?”
He snickers. “Well, he doesn’t know who I am. No one does. Except my mother now.”
“What do you mean? How does she know?”
“I tried to kill her the other day.”
“Okay. Wow. Do go on.”
“I didn’t end up doing it. Nicked her throat a little.”
“Oh, crap. Is that why she had a scarf on at my birthday party?”
“Yep.” He shakes his head with resentment ripping through his features. “I waited years for that day. Years to find her and kill her, and I couldn’t fucking do it. All because of that damn picture!”
“What picture?”
He reaches into his pocket and retrieves it, handing it to me.
“Oh my goodness. Is that you?” My gaze jumps between him and the photo of a baby and a woman who looks like a younger Fernanda.
He nods. “Apparently. She had it in her wallet, said she never forgot me. That she loves me. Can you believe that?”
I slant my head to the side and feel for him. “Maybe she does. Maybe she had her reasons. Have you asked her for an explanation?”
“Whose side are you on?” His voice trips with irritation.
“Yours, of course. But I don’t want you to carry this anger that she’s the root of if there is maybe a good reason for what she did.”
“No. There’s no good reason. She left me and never even looked for me. Not once.”
I nod. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” I lay my palm against the stubble on his cheek. “Tell me more.”
“I infiltrated my brother’s army, wanting to be close to them. To know their whereabouts so that I could make my move when I needed to.”
“Did you pick me? Or did Michael assign you?”
He laughs. “I wanted him to choose me. From the moment I saw you with that man from the alley—the one you killed, then called Michael to clean up your mess—I knew I needed to know you. Needed to have you.”
“W-wait.” I shake my head, drawing back further. “You saw me kill that guy?”
He nods. “I followed you after you saved that girl he was hurting. And once I heard he was assigning you a bodyguard, I was the first to volunteer. It was my way of making sure you didn’t get yourself into trouble.”
“So why did you stop? Why did you lie to Michael about your mother being sick?”
“Because…I hated the thought of you growing closer to someone else, someone who was me, yet wasn’t. I hated that you could fall for him, kiss him, and fuck him. Instead of me. I was jealous.” He scoffs. “I can’t believe I just admitted that.”
“You were jealous of your own self. You sound insane. You know that, right?” I tease, unable to stop smiling.
“I am insane, Kayla. Been for a long time. But with you, I’ve never seen the world clearer.”
“And your voice, your eyes… They’re different. How? I mean, I know contacts are a thing, but your voice is different than Chris’s.”
“I know.” He smirks. “I run a high-level tech company where I create lots of things like voice changers. I created a tiny black circle that sticks to the roof of your mouth and can change the pitch and sound of your voice to whatever level you desire.”
“What the…” My eyes grow. “Are you some kind of genius?”
“Some say that.” He grins.
“But wait a minute. The night I killed Fred, you were there. But…but I drugged you.”
“So you thought.” He grabs my jaw and growls. “You make me crazy, you know that? I’ve never been so out of control, so lost to my emotions, until you.”
“Stop distracting me. Tell me how you managed to un-drug yourself.”
He chuckles. “I never drank it. I knew you’d try something.”
My mouth pops wide. “But you were at the house taking a shower.”
“I drove back with my other car. Not the one I use as Chris.”
“I can’t even process this right now.”
“I know. It’s a lot, and I’m sorry.”
It’s beyond too much. It’s like I’ve been thrown into a loop and I can’t stop spinning.
My eyes go to the tattoo on his chest, the one I once wanted to see.
A gravestone peeks proudly in between what looks like two dark-hooded figures, like monsters, the moon high above.
A black crow sits obediently at the center of the stone.
And on it are the letters RIP with the letter A right below.
“What does it mean?” I ask, tracing the letter.
“It means I’m dead. But with you, I’m reborn. And I wanna stay that way.”
I place my cheek against his beating heart until something hits me.
“Shit… Michael.” I sit up straighter, slapping a hand around my mouth. “The thing I told him about your parents. Oh my God… He’s gonna come for you! He’s gonna kill you, A. What have I done?”
His smirk grows. “You’re worried about me?”
I roll my eyes. “Of course I’m worried about you. I may want to stab you right now, but I don’t want anyone else to.”
He laughs, and his entire face brightens before it turns dark and brooding. He searches every inch of my face, his eyes cast with a tender ache.
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Of course you do.” I pick up his massive hand and place it against the center of my chest. “We’re both so used to feeling unwanted, unloved. It’s easy to get used to that. But you deserve someone’s tenderness and affection. I want to give you that.”
His eyes fall to a close for only a moment.
“I never knew, Kayla. I never knew how it felt to have it.” His eyes glaze over. “Not until you.”
His fingers slice into my hair, and gradually, he brings my lips to his, a breath between them.
“What now?” he asks, like he’s afraid I won’t forgive him.
But, see? I have already, because how could I not?
“Now we just focus on finding them. Until then…I wanna do this.”
With a palm to the back of his neck, I pull him in, and I kiss him slowly, tenderly, just like he deserves.
With a growl, he fists my hair and takes the air from my lungs as he kisses me back with everything he has and more.