Chapter 42
KAYLA
A flash of light zaps in and out of my vision, and there’s a groaning sound that I think is coming from me.
With my lashes flickering, I gaze through the slits of my eyes at the blaring lightbulb staring down.
My brain’s foggy, and I can’t make out where I am. Shivering, I attempt to sit up, my vision adjusting to the white walls I’m trapped in.
“Hello?” I whisper, but my voice comes out all croaky and screechy.
Blinking a few times, I find wires coming out of my arm.
A hospital. That’s where I am. But why? I close my eyes and think to the last thing I remember. The call from Cammie… Prince.
“Oh, God…”
She shot me? Did he? I don’t remember exactly, but I remember everything else.
“Sophia!”
I startle at the thought of her being gone. Where is she? She can’t be gone!
I remember A. He came for us. He had to have gotten us both out. When I try to move this time, my stomach aches.
“Shit,” I mutter, and as I do, a door opens, and that’s when I see him.
My mouth moves of its own accord, picking up into a smile. Am I dreaming? Is A really here?
“You’re awake.” His brows snap, and he hurries to the edge of the bed, settling there. “Hey, baby bird.”
His sharp intake of breath stops my heart from beating. His knuckles brush down my face as he bores that heavenly gaze into mine.
“Don’t you ever scare me like that again.”
I let out a small, weeping laugh, placing my hand in his. And I hold it, my soul trembling from the overpowering emotions.
“You mean you missed me?” I tease.
Instead of answering with words, he drags his mouth to mine and kisses me so slowly, so tenderly, the backs of my eyes sting.
“I can’t live without you,” he whispers, the heat of his breath making me feel more alive. “Does that answer your question?”
With one hand curled around the back of his neck, I hold him to me and cry because I can’t live without him either. Somehow, this man has become so much more. I’d give him anything, give up anything, to be in his life for the rest of mine.
“Are you in any pain?” He pulls back and gives me a once-over.
I shake my head even as I grimace.
“Liar.” He grabs the call button and presses it.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting you more meds.” He gets to his feet and paces, grabbing the back of his head. “I can’t believe you went into that house without me.” He grinds his jaw. “Kayla…why would you do that? Do you know how crazy I was when I saw your car outside?”
With a sigh, I pat the spot on the bed beside me. “Come sit with me.”
Roughing out an exhale, he returns to me, and instead of simply sitting there, he lies beside me and gently moves my head across his chest.
“I thought she was in danger, A. I couldn’t just leave her there.”
“That fucking bitch,” he growls. “I swear, Kayla, if I could kill them both all over again, I’d have much less mercy. But I couldn’t afford to do what I wanted to them, not with you and Sophia in danger.”
“How is Sophia? I was just thinking about her.”
“She’s fine.” He kisses my temple. “Keeps asking about you. She told me she asked Santa to make you better.”
“Aww, seriously?” Moisture builds in my eyes.
For a moment, I imagine it. A little Sophia of our own. But us as parents? That’s not our path. It can’t be. We’re not cut out for that life, too bruised and broken to parent anyone.
A man in a white coat struts in, with a nurse not much older than me behind him. He scratches the salt-and-pepper hair behind his ear.
“Ms. Jenkins, we are all happy you’re awake. How are you feeling?”
“Alive,” I laugh even as it hurts to.
“That is always a good sign.” He clears his throat uncomfortably, and that’s when I know something else is wrong.
A notices the shift in his demeanor, his eyes bouncing between the doc and me. “What is it? What do you need to tell us?”
“Well…” He glances down at me. “Are you comfortable with me discussing things with your boyfriend present?”
“Yes. Whatever it is, he can be here for it.”
“Alright.” He nods. “Your surgery went well. We did get the bullet out. However, because of where the bullet hit, I’m afraid that your…”
“Please, just say it,” I tell him. “Trust me, nothing can scare me at this point.”
He stares with kind brown eyes. “I’m afraid you won’t be able to have kids of your own because of some internal damage the bullet caused.”
Something heavy and cold and all-consuming hits me all at once.
“Oh.” I force a tendril of a smile. “I see.”
Anguish creeps up my throat until it becomes hard to mask these emotions I didn’t think I’d feel. Because I didn’t want them. I didn’t want kids. I said that over and over again. But why?! Why is my heart ripping in two?
“We have a counselor on staff who will speak to you. If there’s anything I can help with, any other questions, just let the nurses know.”
“Mm-hmm.” I widen that smile, widen it until my face splits, until he thinks I’ve gone insane.
Or maybe he can see right through me.
A squeezes me closer to him, because he knows. He always does.
“I’ll leave you both to it. You should be able to go home tomorrow night, assuming you’re not in major pain.”
“Great! Thanks. Can’t wait to get out of here.” My tone goes all shrill.
I need him to leave!
His expression tenses as he turns with the nurse and they both leave us.
As soon as they do, this heavy, blistering swell of my feelings hits me like a tsunami and I sob against Adriel’s chest.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, holding me tight.
I don’t even care if I can barely breathe. Because I’m dying on the inside.
“I didn’t want them.” I wipe briskly under my eye as I look back at him. “I told you I didn’t want kids, so why the hell am I crying?” I laugh through the roar of my tears.
“It was taken from you. That’s why.” He cradles my face in his tender palms. “It was taken and you lost the choice, and I’m so fucking sorry, baby.”
He’s never called me that before.
It only makes me weep harder, and I do just that.
“We can have them if you want.” He kisses the top of my head. “We can have kids. We can find a way.”
Blinking back, I say, “But you don’t want kids.”
“I want whatever you want, little wolf. So if you want a baby, then we’ll figure it out.”
“We?”
“Yeah.” The back of his hand glides softly across my jaw. “It’ll always be we now.”
My chin quivers, not knowing how I’ll survive this pain. So much has been taken from me. But when I feel his embrace, I realize that through the hell of my despair, I’ve found more than I ever thought possible.
I found love.