22 Thilar
Penny slept so deeply beside me. Any lesser being could have easily mistaken her for dead, but I had been listening to the steady, slow rhythm of her slumbering heartbeat for hours.
When she finally stirred, it took everything in me not to run my hands down the entire length of her body, roll her over, and pleasure her again to completion.
But depriving myself of the thing I wanted most—that base desire—would need to become a constant if I was ultimately destined to be separated from her.
I could not see a way the monrian council would allow us to be together.
I still belonged to the monrian collective and they would dictate my future.
Straying could mean a number of things. Punishment. Banishment. Perhaps worse.
Penny gradually came to and nuzzled herself against my chest with a weak little moan.
She looked divine when she slept. Serene.
After seeing so many different sides of terror and dread on her face on Mekah, serenity and smiles was a welcome sight.
It brightened everything about her and I never wanted to see that light dim again.
She opened her eyes, looking up at me through her lashes. When she realized where she was, she gave me a lazy smile and wrapped her arm around me, nudging closer.
“That,” she sighed. “Was the best sleep I’ve had in years.”
I swept a few strands of hair from her face, breathing her in. “I welcome you into my bed anytime you need.”
She craned her head to look at me again. “What if I need you every night?”
“Then I will leave my door unlocked.”
Something washed across her face. Not happiness and not quite surprise. Something more steady and subtle. Gratitude, perhaps. Contentment.
“Thilar,” she whispered. “Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
“I… I’m glad I met you. And not only because you are probably the only reason I didn’t die on that rock. Because…” She paused to take a breath. “Never mind. I’m just thankful you found me, is all. You’ve been protecting me since we met. I just want you to know how much that means to me.”
“I will protect you until we part ways, Penny. I promise.”
That gracious tranquility soured on her face and she lowered her eyes as if I’d offended her and she was trying to hide it. She nodded and then pulled a very familiar mask over her expression as she sat up.
“When will that be?”
“We should be in Tallian space now. The Edda will not be far. The council resides there. If Yuros is as thorough as he seems, he will have already begun sending his personal reports and observations to them.”
“And this contract of theirs?”
“Yuros will meet with the prince in the comms room. They will get paid. And then Yuros and his men move on to the next contract. I’m sure they have many lined up.”
She went silent for a long while, but despite not using her voice, I could feel her thoughts running rampant. I wished she would tell me exactly what it was she was thinking, but I was also afraid to ask. Afraid to feel something around those thoughts. Around her emotions.
I had never been afraid in my life. Not like that. I could face a hundred nozun without fear. I could fight a war. I could look death in the eyes.
But I couldn’t contend with hurting Penny and, if the way her pulse changed and the way her scent shifted was any indicator, she was in pain over the prospect of the two of us separating and never seeing each other again.
In one hand, I had my people. My codes. The laws under which I was produced, built, and obligated to honor. In my other hand, I had Penny. A rogue meteor in what used to be a straight and obvious path. She’d turned my eyes. Stollen my attention. Damaged the armor I’d spent a lifetime forging.
Wordlessly, my arm tightened around her waist, pulling her tighter to me as if she was about to get sucked out of an air lock.
I did not understand what was wrong with me and I did not know how to fix it…
When Penny finally returned to her room, my own room felt emptier. The cold suddenly bothered me when it hadn’t before and I craved the touch of her skin and the sound of her breath sighing from contented lungs.
They were all things I would have to learn to live without unless I planned on stealing a ship and taking her deep into space with me.
We’d be vulnerable, with no allegiance to any faction to aid us.
My people certainly wouldn’t forgive such an act and I could not even fathom what her people would think.
The delicate relations between the races of the expanse would not tolerate such a thing and I could not put her in that position.
It was stupid of me to even think it, but the idea still raddled around my brain as I walked into Yuros’ quarters.
He was standing at a round table going over a hundred columns of information at once, one hand rested behind his back as his other sifted through messages and contracts in various languages.
“You summoned me?” I said.
Yuros sighed and swiped the messages away, leaving a holographic map of the quadrant floating in their place.
“Prince Kaelth expressed gratitude toward you for activating your koff khar. He’s been wanting Pek-Tol eliminated for a long time. And one of his former royal guards was imprisoned on that port many cycles ago.”
He pulled up a holographic profile of a Tal’velarian male with a unique, deep-red coloring that definitely set him apart from others of his kind. A red hue I knew quite well.
“Caelis Veyl,” Yuros continued. “We captured footage of him commandeering a shuttle in the midst of the attack, so we’ve confirmed that he survived. The prince has already offered a contract to find him. And, he’s decided to vouch for you in the event of your meeting with the clerics.”
I inclined my head. “Please send him a thank you on my behalf.”
“I already did. The Edda is en rout to meet us near Jar’tool where we will spend our leave before we go after Caelis.
” He stared at me as if waiting for a reaction.
When I displayed none, he continued. “Although we all assumed our former, more primal traits to have been bred out of us, I can see that you’ve bonded with Penny. ”
“I can sever the bond,” I said. “Where our ancestors let it control them, I will not.”
“It doesn’t have to control you to hurt when it breaks.”
“We both know it is not permanent. It never was. I can ween myself off her presence.”
“Of course you can. But we also both know that the makers used those hormonal markers and instincts and mutated them to make us stronger in other ways. Those bonds were the foundations for what we are now. The priestesses on Kalhor would keep you moon-bound in a heartbeat simply for showing signs of ancient traits leftover in your DNA.”
“They’re just superstitious.”
“It doesn’t matter. We’re not supposed to feel the kind of attachment you’re feeling and yet, here you are.”
I shifted my stance from foot to foot. “In your opinion, what will the council do with all of this information?”
“They haven’t commented on any of my messages. I think they want to speak with you directly. You will know when we’re on approach. In the meantime, go see Penny.”
“Sorry?”
“Should the council see this as a learning experience, they’ll want as much from you as possible. They’ll want to know about her. Everything you can give. So, spend time with her. You may not be able to do it again.”