Chapter 17 Evan
SEVENTEEN
EVAN
Last night took its toll on me and today, I’m exhausted.
After the heart to heart with Isaac, he invited me to spend the night.
We still haven’t had sex, but the foreplay is definitely moving in that direction and it’s getting harder to stop.
Part of me is ready to take that next step with Isaac, but a bigger part is worried about how he’ll react.
I wasn’t lying when I told him I don’t have much experience.
Other than my college boyfriend and a couple of one-night stands, Mike is the only other person I’ve slept with and he tore me down to the point where I’m not sure I’ll ever be whole again.
Isaac is patient and says he’s fine with taking things as slowly as I want. Mike would say similar things then rip me apart when he changed his mind. Every time I put Isaac off, I wait for him to get mad and tell me he’s had enough of my crap.
It doesn’t help my self-confidence to know I’m keeping a big secret from Isaac. If it ever comes out, it will be the end of us. No matter what, I have to keep my ever-mounting debt from him.
“Good morning,” Hope calls from the other room when she arrives thirty minutes earlier than her eight-thirty start time.
I’ve already been here an hour. I couldn’t sleep so I got up early, left Isaac a note, and rushed home to shower and change.
There was no reason to sit around the house waiting to begin my day, so I came in early.
“Good morning,” I respond, walking into the larger room. “You’re early.”
“I have to leave a little early today for that appointment.”
“Oh, yes, sorry, I forgot.”
“It’s fine. Here, I brought us a treat from the new bakery down the street.” Hope hands me a coffee and a small, white bag.
“Thank you. What do I owe you?”
“Nothing. My treat. Enjoy.”
I open the bag and see a cherry Danish. One of my favorites. “I appreciate it. This looks and smells wonderful.”
“I ate my Danish in the car. It was divine. I considered eating yours, too,” she admits.
“Hey, no backsies,” I tease, hugging the bag close to me.
“You’re a mess,” she laughs.
My phone dings with a text, so I set the bag on the edge of Hope’s desk and dig out my phone. Not even technically at work and I’m already getting texts. When I slide my phone open, I see Isaac’s name instead of an employee needing something. I don’t even try to hide my smile as my heart races.
Isaac: Good morning, Sexy. I missed waking up next to you.
Isaac: Thank you for the sweet note.
Me: Good morning. Sorry I bailed. I couldn’t sleep.
Isaac: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah. Last night was… a lot.
Isaac: It did get a little heavy.
Isaac: We balanced the stressful conversation with a little… FUN!
Me: FUN is an understatement.
What we did was make out like a couple of horny teenagers.
It was more than fun. It was exciting, hot, sexy, and better than any make out session I’ve experienced.
It was hard to leave the warmth and safety of Isaac’s bed this morning, but part of me was hesitant to face him.
I know he isn’t anything like Mike, but a small part of me still fears he will reject me or tell me how boring I am in bed.
Isaac: It was sexy as fuck, and I can’t wait to do it again… and more.
Isaac: When you’re ready. No pressure.
Every time he says things like that another brick falls from the wall I’ve created. I believe him. I trust him. Standing there, staring at my phone, I realize for the first time, I truly believe those thoughts. I do trust Isaac and I believe he loves me.
Isaac: I have to be at the airport early Saturday afternoon to leave for our away game. I’d like to take you out Friday since we won’t see each other for a couple of days.
Isaac: I know it’s still a few days away, but I need to make a reservation and want to make sure you’re available.
Me: I’d like that.
Isaac: Good. I’ve been wanting to take you to my favorite place. Can you meet me at my house around seven? We can take one car and then you can spend the night.
Me: It’s a date!
I add a few heart emojis.
Isaac: Have a good day. I love you.
Me: You, too. I love you.
When I finally pocket my phone and look up, Hope is staring at me with a knowing look on her face. Without a word, I pick up my bag and coffee, turning for my office. Three steps later, Hope speaks.
“Not so fast. That was quite a smile. Something you want to share?”
“Nothing to share,” I lie.
She scoffs, “Right. Look, I tend to play mama bear to Carter and his friends, so I’m just going to come right out with it. Was that Isaac?”
“Wh-what? Why would you ask me that?” Not only do I sound completely unconvincing, but I don’t even bother turning around to look at Hope. How does she know about us? This is bad. This is really bad.
“He’s a great guy. You two make a cute couple.”
“No. It’s not like that. We’re friends.” I’m sure she can hear the terror in my voice.
“Evan, is everything alright?” she asks, coming to stand in front of me.
If she didn’t hear the fear, she can see it on my face and her demeanor changes.
“Hey, what’s wrong? If I’m wrong about you two, tell me.
I thought I picked up on a vibe between you when we were setting up the office.
He’s stopped by the office a few times and I’ve seen you two talking in the hallway. ”
“Is it obvious?”
“Kind of.”
“Shit.” I drop into the nearest chair and set my breakfast on the desk next to it. “You can’t tell anyone what you think you know.”
“You mean what I know I know,” she teases.
“Hope, please,” I beg.
She pulls over a chair and sits, facing me. “What’s going on, Evan?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“You can’t tell me that you and Isaac are dating?”
“Shhh.” I frantically look around the office to make sure no one else has walked in and overhead our conversation. “Please. It’s a secret. No one can know. No. One.”
“Okay. I won’t tell anyone. I’m sorry if I put you in an awkward position. I think you guys are perfect for each other.”
“I think so, too, but…” I trail off, not wanting to tell her Isaac’s private business.
“Isaac isn’t out,” she finishes for me. I nod. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep it to myself.”
“Thank you.”
Hope returns to her desk, and I go into my office, closing the door behind me.
I hate having the door closed, but I need a few minutes to compose myself.
What the hell am I going to do? I can’t tell Isaac that Hope knows.
Can I? Should I? Great. One more secret to add to the list. Boyfriend of the Year.