Chapter 28 Isaac
TWENTY-EIGHT
ISAAC
When I leave Evan’s apartment early the next morning, I’m still reeling from this new knowledge about him.
We all have our vices. Look at me, I can’t get enough fast-food or boy bands, and I’m forcing Evan to keep us a secret, but thousands upon thousands of dollars in debt for brown liquid is insane.
If he hadn’t shown me the shelves of unopened bourbon in his closet, I would have worried that he has a drinking problem, too.
Although, as much time as we spend together, I know he never gets completely wasted and there have only been a few nights he’s had more than a couple glasses.
Still, part of me questions if that’s why he’s dating me.
I hate that thought. I don’t want to wonder if Evan is with me for my money.
I know better, but that doesn’t keep my mind from going where it shouldn’t.
This morning, I pretended to be asleep when he left for work. As soon as he was out the door, I bolted. I’ve been driving aimlessly for the past forty-five minutes, too worked up to go home. It’s not like I’ll be able to relax. I’ve got to get my head on straight before practice.
My experience with Devante wasn’t much different than Evan’s experience with Mike.
They both used us in some way. I chose not to share much with Evan for a couple of reasons.
One, it’s been three years and I thought I had moved on, and two, Devante used me for my money unlike Mike who used Evan as a metaphorical punching bag.
Devante expected me to pay for everything–dates, his bills, anything he needed.
I was young and dumb and fell right into his trap.
He even convinced me to buy him a car and get a credit card in his name.
When we broke up, I let him keep the car and all the stuff I bought him.
I closed the credit card but didn’t ask him to pay me back for anything.
It wasn’t worth it. I cared more about keeping my sexuality a secret than I cared about the money.
It pains me to admit, I paid him hush money, too.
I gave him five hundred thousand dollars to keep his mouth shut about our relationship.
No one knows that. Tyson knows about everything else, but not the hush money.
I keep that to myself. It’s an embarrassing admission that isn’t anyone’s business.
It's barely eight in the morning when I find myself parking in front of Tyson’s condo.
I shoot off a quick text telling him I’m here, so he will buzz me in then I take the elevator up to the top floor.
He has a modern penthouse condo on the top floor of a seventy-five-story building overlooking Miami Beach with breathtaking views.
When I step off the private elevator and into the hallway outside the penthouse, he is waiting for me in the open doorway.
“You look like hell.”
“Thanks.”
“Come on in.”
I follow him into the spacious room with floor-to-ceiling windows and panoramic views.
It’s a huge open space. Down one hallway is the master suite, a small living room, and a home theater.
Down the other are five bedrooms, and five bathrooms, one for his sister, Grace, and one for each of her four children.
After her husband died in a small plane crash several years ago, Tyson bought this place, so she’d have a somewhere to live when she relocated to Miami to be close to family.
His parents and her in-laws have their own apartments in the same building.
“Where are Grace and the kids?” I ask, walking into the quiet space.
“Grace took the kids to school. She’ll be back soon. Coffee?”
“Yeah, thanks.”
He pours us each a cup and gestures for me to sit on the couch. I sink on the soft, leather surface and take a long drink of the hot coffee. I’m not sure why I’m here. Hell, I didn’t even register the drive here.
“Something on your mind?” he asks when I’m quiet for too long.
“Too damn much,” I reply with a shake of my head.
“Did something happen between you and Evan?”
“Sort of.”
“You aren’t making this easy, Isaac,” he growls.
“I’m trying to figure out what to tell you. I don’t want to say something that’s going to embarrass or hurt Evan.”
“That tells me quite a bit.”
“What exactly does that tell you?” I snap.
“That whatever happened might be eating away at you, but you still love him and it didn’t damage your relationship.”
“We didn’t break up or really even have a fight. He has some money problems. We spent hours last night working up a plan and budget. If he follows it, everything will be fine, and he can fix the issue.”
“I’m not seeing the problem.”
“I tossed and turned all night. All I can think about is this is a repeat of all the shit I went through with Devante.”
“Did Evan ask you for money?”
“No.”
“Did you offer him money?”
“No.”
“Did anything that happened last night or at any time in your relationship give you the impression that Evan wants money from you?”
“No.”
“So, what you’re telling me is Evan is nothing like Devante.”
I don’t bother responding. He’s right. Evan is nothing like Devante.
He pays his own way and the first thing he said last night was he will not take money from me.
Instead of trusting his word, I let my past get the best of me and refused to trust him.
Looks like Evan isn’t the only one with trust issues.
“Thanks for the coffee.” I leave my mug on the counter and rush toward the door.
“What are you going to do?”
“Go talk to Evan. He needs to know the truth about my past. He trusted me with his secret. I have to trust him with mine.”
“See you at practice,” Tyson says following me to the door. “Don’t let hot office sex make you late.”
I step onto the elevator and flip him off right before the door closes.
Less than an hour later, I’m standing in the hallway outside of Evan and Hope’s offices, wiping my sweaty palms on my shorts and trying to calm the anxiety that’s been building the entire drive here.
Admitting what I allowed Devante to do is like admitting weakness and I never want Evan to think I’m weak.
One last deep breath before I walk into the office.
Hope is sitting at her desk and I can see Evan in his office, typing away on his computer.
“Good morning. You can go in,” she tells me.
Slowly, I walk the short distance to the doorway and knock on the jamb. Evan looks up from his computer and smiles.
“Good morning,” he greets, standing up and walking to me. When he gets close, his demeanor changes. “Are you okay?”
“Do you have a few minutes to talk?” His face falls as he nods and turns to step away from me. I reach out, gently grabbing his arm and pulling him to me as I enter the office and close the door behind me. “It’s not about you. We are perfect.”
He instantly relaxes against me, wrapping his arms around me and melting some of my nerves away. This is what I need. His arms. His touch. His encouragement, even when he doesn’t know he’s giving it.
“Let’s sit.” We sit on the small couch opposite his desk, where he likes to kick off his shoes and work in the afternoons. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”
I dive into a diatribe about Devante, our relationship, and all the things he did to me. I even admit to paying the asshole off to make him go away. Then I tell him the words that are going to hurt. I know because thinking them hurts me, but I have to be completely honest with the man I love.
“Ever since last night, all I can think about is ‘here I go again, letting someone use me for my money.’ I know it isn’t true and you aren’t doing that, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop the thoughts.
It’s been eating away at me to the point I barely slept last night.
” I continue by telling him about my visit with Tyson this morning.
“I love you, Evan, and I’m sorry I let my past push me to a dark place, where I convinced myself you were going to do the same. ”
Evan is quiet for too long. He stares at the floor, out the window, at the painting on the wall, everywhere, but at me. I can see the hurt in his eyes. After minutes that start to feel like hours, he finally looks at me.
“Is that all? Are there any more secrets about you or your past that you’re keeping from me?”
“No. That’s it.”
“Good. I don’t have any other secrets, either.
That means, it’s time to move forward and stop letting past mistakes run our lives.
We both made mistakes, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love each other.
Relationships are about trust and communication.
Now that we’ve finally communicated effectively, we can build a strong foundation of trust and love.