11
Sagan
I hoped that Darren could turn that family around when I saw at least a dozen men give that asshole looks that they agreed with me and he was a psycho.
“I will stay,” Modren said as he joined us. He gave me and Darren an intense look to listen to him. I was glad when Darren accepted the backup.
Part of me wanted to say Belinda should stay too, but she shook her head as if knowing where my mind was. So Modren was enough?
I wasn’t sure, but after giving Darren one more hug—and flicking off the guy who’d called me a psycho—I went with the guards to be escorted back out.
Benson stopped us when we reached the plane and the guards had left us. “I think you should take this chance to let Eloise fly. She needs it. You both do.”
I couldn’t hide my shock and Belinda was amused for some reason.
Benson didn’t meet my gaze, looking away and scrubbing the back of his neck.
“I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Dad’s mentor lives about a thirty-minute flight from the castle.
He’s got a private landing strip and wouldn’t think twice if I called in saying I wanted to land because I’m testing out the planes after what happened.
“Fly with Belinda so she can cloak you—this can be the regular excuse even. Me doing normal checks on all of the planes. Trying out the new planes. Even with other guards. They don’t need to know you fly as Eloise, just without other eyes and to work with Belinda.
Or I’m teaching Fraser to fly after he’s upset about your parents.
“There are lots of ways to spin it that make a lot of sense. Worst case, his landing strip might need to be repaved so it doesn’t fuck up wheels and a better explanation if we make it a regular thing.
But Darren’s too overloaded to figure this out.
” He snorted. “Especially now. Fuck that crazy and Eloise needs this.”
“This is the Benson I fell in love with,” I whispered before I even realized it, shocking all three of us.
I cleared my throat when he slowly met my gaze with wide eyes.
“You used to always see me for who I was and truly care—know I needed special care.” I stepped away when he moved closer. “But then it changed.”
He swallowed loudly. “I don’t know when.”
I pressed my lips together. “Yes, you do. I told you how I loved you and you lied to me. Then I accepted Kole and you always chose Elira, letting me think you were just nice to the next queen, but you actually loved the snake who made my life miserable—the woman who wanted to take my place and my parents actually liked better than me.”
He grabbed my arm when I went to turn away. “That was never true. None of it.”
“But I didn’t know that, and you weren’t man enough to put me first when I did you,” I said, finally getting something off my chest that I’d needed to say.
He dropped my arm like I’d burned him, and maybe I did, but not physically. “I’m sorry.”
I let out a slow breath. “I believe that, but it changes nothing.” I looked away when I saw in his eyes that things were different now. I’d known that since we learned my parents didn’t want me to be queen.
Something changed with him. He’d basically said it that night.
Like now that he knew my father might not object to us being together because he hadn’t wanted me to be queen, Benson could see us having a future. Except that was something I could never want. That was… Toxic wasn’t a strong enough word.
It really wasn’t.
“I’ll cloak us so we can undress and shift,” Belinda instructed, knowing it was time to move on.
She moved in front of me and kept my gaze.
“I can cloak while shifting because of my age. Never forget that you cannot. No matter your power level, you will not be able to until you are hundreds of years old. It—certain things cannot happen. Shifting takes all your power.”
I nodded like I understood, but I didn’t because shifting was easy. And it didn’t take focus, but Belinda knew best, so I listened to the warning.
I always listened to whatever Belinda said. Smart people who wanted to live a long time did.
She nodded when we were set and started undressing. Benson muttered something about his life being wild as we tossed our clothes at his feet and he still looked away even if he couldn’t see us.
It was amusing to say the least… But it was amazing to fly as Eloise. I hadn’t in… Long enough that I couldn’t remember. At least a year. Maybe two? The last time had fallen through.
No, the last couple of times, and each time I tried to remember, I just realized it was another time that something had come up and we never did. My parents had scheduled another event for me to attend. Another lecture for me to give.
Another “learning experience” for me, which was really a hoop for me to jump through to be worthy of being King Rhys’s heir. Except he’d never wanted me to be. So what was the point?
Luckily, Belinda’s magic would hide our noise as well, but she was startled when I let out a pained roar. Eloise and I realized at the same time that it wasn’t about things coming up.
It was that my parents had intentionally put obstacles in my way as punishment for being a monster. They were always doing something so I couldn’t let Eloise out because they blamed her for ruining their lives. It wasn’t just Father. Most of the luncheons or lectures were Mother.
I really hated them both in a way that I didn’t think I could ever express and I wasn’t feeling guilty about it anymore. I thought I was getting pretty damn valid at this point for hating them.
They need to rot wherever they are.
“At least they’re where the bad gods are and they’re laughing at your parents saying they didn’t give you two dragons,” Iris said with evident satisfaction.
I hadn’t thought of that and neither had Eloise. It helped us both to calm down and just enjoy our time flying.
The long time flying. A dragon didn’t go as fast as a plane, and Belinda actually knew where we were going since Benson had brought up the plan with her bouncing around ideas. That was why she was amused.
Well, there was more to it. There always was with Belinda, but I understood at least now she knew what was going on. I knew I was still missing pieces, but I was fine with that.
I really was.
I was tired but also exhilarated when we arrived, Benson far away from the plane talking with a man I vaguely recognized. He was someone from when I was much younger I might have seen a few times.
I wasn’t really sure, but didn’t want to open any more cans of worms and instead just got dressed and on the plane.
Belinda frowned after we did and I didn’t understand until Benson joined us and we took off.
He kept glancing back at me like he wanted to say something or might ask me to sit up there with him.
But he didn’t say anything… Until we landed. Then he asked if we could talk privately.
Away from Belinda.
“No,” I bit out, making it clear that I wasn’t remotely about to have the type of discussion with him that I could see that he wanted in his eyes.
No, just… No.
Which was how I somehow ended up heading to Thorn’s room? I wasn’t sure, just understanding that Benson equaled love and my heart, and Thorn was anger and something without a future.
Someone I didn’t have to worry later about hurting like Joris or Onyx.
That was all I could think about with everything else swirling all around me.
He felt me coming or—I wasn’t sure, and I wasn’t sure I cared, but the door opened before I reached it. His nostrils flared as he eyed me over and something was in his eyes as he stepped aside to let me in. “You’ve been flying.”
I almost tripped over my feet and I gave him the look he deserved. “Yeah, I’m here to baby trap you, which isn’t a thing with dragons.”
His lips twitched as he closed the door.
“Why are you here, Sagan?” He leaned against it and crossed his arms over his massive chest. His blue eyes curious, but a lot of other emotions simmering in them, looking extra blue with his wet hair hanging in his face and the blue streaks of his water dragon standing out.
“You’ve made it clear you want no part of me. ”
“Like you don’t deserve that,” I threw right back. I snorted when he didn’t respond and pulled off my sneakers. “I need a shower.”
“And yours isn’t broken.”
“Nope.” I reached for my shirt next.
His nostrils flared again. “I need one too.”
The fuck he did when his hair was still wet, but since I was there for his attention… I wasn’t going to argue. “I’m not going to deny you.” I took off my bra and headed for the attached bathroom, feeling better already when he groaned.
And then almost chuckled when I heard the seams of his clothes tear. Probably his shirt, but it was definitely the ego boost I needed.
He was on me before the water even warmed up, his huge hands moving over my stomach as he kissed my shoulder. “Fuck, I’ve missed you.”
I swallowed the shiver, remembering what this was. A large part of me still hated him for breaking my heart or at least injuring it badly. This was about getting something good for my mental health.
Not intimacy with someone who saw being my mate as a downgrade from the life he was born into. Remembering that and hearing the words he’d said to me echo in my mind disconnected my emotions besides lust and I just enjoyed his touch.
Nothing more.
We moved under the water and I noticed he still had on his boxer briefs and socks. He seemed to as well and grumbled as he yanked them off, tossing them over the glass wall and ignoring when they landed with a loud plop on the tile floor.
Idiot.
“Where were you flying?” he asked as I reached for the soap.
“Shut up,” I grumbled. “I’m not here to talk.”
He chuffed at the dismissal, but again… What did he fucking expect? Enough time had passed from what he’d done and we could just be okay?
That wasn’t the type of thing that just went away with time. More like got worse because he didn’t fix it.
Could men really be so stupid and not understand that?