Chapter 30 #2
I’m not a child! He can’t stop me.
The front door closes, and he charges, taking me by the neck in both hands and forcing me to the window.
“You think you’re the only one who’s ever fucked up?” he howls. “You think you’re the most important one here?”
I fight him, then press my hands against the window frame, trying to push myself away.
But he forces me to look outside, at the people racing to move cars off the street and carry boards to Mariette’s. “They’re more important than you and me and everyone in this house!” he bellows. “Because they can’t protect themselves!”
He releases me, shoves me into the middle of the living room.
“You got two jobs in this life, Dallas!” He stalks back up to me, the rest of my family staying back in the foyer. “Love someone and be of service, and if you leave to do anything other than that, you’re just going to wind up right back here, because nothing else matters!”
I wince.
“Ever!” he screams. “You’re a sanctuary or you’re nothing!”
I break, my hands going to my hair as I bow my head to hide the tears.
A sanctuary? Is he kidding? No one comes to me for comfort.
I always knew that no one should.
“I let her die,” I tell him.
There’s silence; no one says anything.
“What do you mean?” Macon asks.
Dropping my hands, I stare at the floor, my breathing calming and my face relaxing. If this gets them to let me leave, then fine.
“I was alone with her that day.” I see my siblings inch into the room. “I heard the crying, I heard the chair scrape against the floor. I heard it fall.”
Macon’s brown eyes darken, and I don’t know if he’s pissed or just pissed he never knew. They were all aware I was in the house with her that day, but they assumed I was just as unaware as them.
I force down the pain in my throat. “I’d gotten so used to it being a threat that maybe I didn’t care anymore or maybe I didn’t think it was really happening.
” I shake my head, afraid to look at Iron.
At Liv. “But part of me wanted it to.” Tears spring up again, and I don’t know why.
“I thought, maybe anything was better than the pain of losing Dad and the pain of our situation here, and maybe adding more pain would just make something give once and for all.”
I don’t know if it makes sense. It wasn’t a clear train of thought, but I just remember sitting on the stairs and not wanting her to suffer here anymore. Not wanting to be in this house like this anymore.
No one says anything, and I know it’s over now. They’ll never trust me again. Lifting my eyes, I meet Macon’s. “I ignored my suspicions,” I tell him. “I froze. I didn’t go to her.”
I wait for him to yell or punch me. I can stay long enough to get what I deserve, because just like that day on the stairs, I want it. If they hate me, the pain will be enough fuel to run.
But he doesn’t. He simply lowers his eyes and shakes his head a little. “I always wondered why she picked that day.” He glances over to Army. “She’d been alone with me, with him, by herself…But she picked you.”
“Because like you,” I tell him, “she knew she couldn’t count on me.”
“Or she knew you’d survive it.”
What does that mean? I was thirteen years old.
Macon looks at me, almost amused. “You don’t remember what she used to call you?”
No, I—
Then, I remember. “Everest,” I whisper, memories playing in my head. “Like I was difficult or impossible or…”
“Unshakable,” he says.
“Immovable,” Army adds.
Macon sighs, his body relaxing. “You never cried, Dallas.” He smiles a little. “Like, ever.” He gestures to himself and the others. “I had lots of emotions. Army was always empathetic. Trace definitely cried.”
“Fuck you,” my little brother grumbles as Iron tries to hide his smile.
Macon tells me, “You never cried.”
Because I was broken. Not normal. Not because I was unshakable or strong or grounded.
“She could’ve waited till she was alone,” Macon explains, “but she didn’t want to be alone. She waited till she was with you.”
Sadness slams me again, and I look away to fight the burn at the backs of my eyes.
“She was always going to do it, Dallas.”
“And I was never going to be what you wanted me to be,” I retort. “I don’t care about anyone.”
I wasn’t Everest then, and I’m not now. They love me, and they’re trying to make me feel better, but what I told Iron was correct. I wanted to keep the Bay out of Ames’s hands, not because I really gave a shit.
“I stayed because I wanted to beat him,” I point out, “not because I care about any of this, and I can’t stay anymore, knowing that piece of shit won. I’ll kill him. I’ll make it worse.”
“You can’t stay, because you’re hurting,” Iron tells me.
“No.”
“And you want to escape the pain,” he goes on. “Like you always do.”
“I don’t give a shit about any of this!” I cry.
“Then what do you want?” Army asks.
I dart my eyes to him. “Out!” I yell. “I want out of this house!”
Striding around them, I grab my backpack off the floor.
“What do you want out of life?” Army presses me.
I bolt for the front door. “Fuck you!”
But Iron is there, blocking my way, and Trace and the girls give us a wide berth.
“Answer the question.” He glares at me, blocking the door. “Answer it and you can leave!”
“I want out!”
That’s what I want!
“Tell us,” Army demands. “Say it!”
Stalking back into the living room, I throw my backpack at him as my pulse races. He shoves it out of the way before it hits him.
“One thing in the world you can have,” Iron shouts. “What is it?”
Goddamn them…
“What do you want?” Army growls.
What do I want? What do I fucking want?
Where would I be this second if I could?
I roar, launching my foot out and kicking the sideboard table sitting underneath the window.
“I don’t want anyone else to touch him!” I bellow at the top of my lungs as my mother’s glasswork topples over. “I don’t want anyone else to have him!”
The words just spill out as if, if I say them with enough fury, I won’t feel them.
I swipe my hand over the vases, sending everything to the floor.
To my surprise, no one stops me.
“What do you want?” Macon asks calmly.
I kick the sideboard again and again. “I don’t want him to become his father.”
“What do you want?” Iron repeats, almost in a whisper.
I push at the table, but my strength is gone, and I’m so tired.
Tears fill my eyes, and I turn around, leaning back. “I don’t want to lose him.”
I shake my head, shame covering every inch of my skin. I just want to disappear.
If I could be anywhere in the world this second, I’d be up in my bed with him and nowhere else.
In a moment, Macon is standing in front of me, his hands holding my head up.
“You love him,” he says.
Keeping my eyes shut, I can’t even look at him. Barely, I nod, my heart in my fucking throat.
“I need to hear you say it.”
“Fuck.” I shake, knowing they all must hate me for this. “I love him.”
I twist my head out of his hold, trying to hide. I know it’s not what they want to hear, and they’ll probably despise him more for making me run. And hate me for failing them again.
I thought being in love was giving up control, and maybe it is, but perhaps I understand now. My father was the one person my mother was afraid to miss. When he was gone, it finished her.
I’d rather love Callum than not. I know what I’m missing now. He fucking ruined me.
Every decision I’ve made since him was because of him. I love the way he looks at me.
I love the way he kisses me.
He got me to talk in a way no one else did, and I don’t want him to be without me.
Macon backs up, his voice crisp and clear. “Let’s bring him home, then,” he tells everyone.
My stomach flips, my chest swelling with a rush of adrenaline.
What?
I pop my head up, glancing at Krisjen and my siblings, their expressions the same as mine. “Are you serious?” I choke out to Macon.
His murmur is just for me. “This could be it.”
The Tryst Six motto, reminding us to never waste a day. To never leave a moment with regret. We’ve all failed to remember it at one time or another, but I needed to hear it. If I die tomorrow, I want him tonight.
“Gear up,” he tells everyone. “Let’s go get him.”
“Right now?” Army gripes, throwing out his hand to remind us all of the storm outside.
But Macon is already climbing the stairs.
“Macon, it’s lockdown!” Trace reminds him.
“And we’re getting our fucking treasure back, too!” he shouts back at us.
I lock eyes with my sister, my heart stopping for a moment.
Then a smile spreads across her mouth, her eyes gleaming. “Let’s do this!” she shouts.
Everyone mobilizes, and I nearly fly up the stairs. This is going to be fun.