Chapter 13
MADDOX
It was my day off, and I was dressed in a Santa suit, collecting donated toys.
It was something I'd always avoided, but it wasn't too bad.
I enjoyed talking to the kids, I just had to remember to stay in character and throw out a "Ho, Ho" every once in a while.
The satisfying part was seeing the pile of toys expand.
Eve had said her goal was for the floor to be covered, and I was fairly sure that would happen. At some point, my parents stopped by with Sofia, who wanted to stick around and help.
I was pleased that so many guys from the department jumped in too. Frank would be happy that we were involved in something like this, and I didn't mind.
Sofia walked around the growing pile. "There're so many toys."
"These are going to families that don't have a lot for the holidays," Mom said.
"Can I give a toy? I want to help," Sofia asked.
I nodded, pleased she wanted to help. "We can go shopping later to get something."
A family came in with shopping bags full of new toys. Sofia rushed to help them unpack.
Sofia needed to see others giving back to the community in order for her to understand that there were people in need, and she was more fortunate than others.
The parade had ended some time ago, and I wondered what Eve was doing. I knew there were awards given for the best performances, and I assumed she had to stick around and ensure that was finished.
Outside, people walked on the sidewalks, ducking in and out of shops, stopping for lunch and snacks, carrying shopping bags. Holiday music played from speakers, and it felt festive. I felt good, happy even.
This year, I wasn't hiding at home, wishing the holidays would come and go so I didn't have to pretend to be okay. Not that anyone was convinced anyway. Everything seemed easier, and I couldn't help but think it was Eve that made things better.
The door opened, and Eve walked in. Her eyes widened at the covered floor. "I can't believe how many donations we got."
"It's been busy all day," Steve said.
I tugged the itchy beard down since we didn't have any kids in the hall at the moment.
Eve moved closer to me. "How are you, Santa?"
I stretched my neck. "I'm about ready to take this suit off."
"I'm surprised you kept it on. You didn't have to." Her gaze was filled with respect.
I shrugged, feeling a little uncomfortable under her scrutiny. "The kids seemed to like it."
"It has to be hot," she murmured.
"We've been busy since we unlocked the doors," Steve said.
Eve walked around the room, talking about what they had before this morning, and what she hoped to collect for the kids.
"How do you plan to deliver the toys?"
"I thought families could pick them up, but I'm getting messages that some people don't have transportation. This is my first year doing this. I'm not sure how it's all going to work."
"If you need help transporting items, we can help. Just let us know when," Steve said.
I nodded. "I'm sure the rest of the guys will be on board."
"I can't thank you enough for stepping in. I'd originally planned on having just one person here, but it's clear that we needed more," Eve said, chewing her lip.
I was sure she didn't like when things didn't go according to plan, but in this case, it worked out. "We were happy to help."
A woman came inside. "Where should I put this?"
Steve approached her.
"I thought you didn't like this part of the job," Eve said to me.
Sofia helped Steve empty the bag of toys.
"It's good for me and for her."
Eve smiled. "She's getting into it, huh?"
"She wants to buy her own toy to donate."
Eve placed her hand over her chest. "I love that. What a sweet girl."
I never thought another woman could love Sofia. But Eve genuinely seemed to like her. "Since you're here, I'm going to duck into the bathroom and change out of the suit."
Eve touched my jacket. "I'm going to miss seeing you in this suit. it's kind of sexy."
I gave her a dubious look. "If you really like it, I can bring it home."
Steve called her over to ask her a question.
I ducked into the bathroom and changed out of the suit. I'd been dreading dressing up as Santa and waving from the top of the truck. But it was fun. Seeing those kids smile and run for the candy was the highlight of my morning. But it was equally as satisfying to collect toys.
People in the community genuinely wanted to help people. I was lucky to have my parents and my brother to help with Sofia. But others didn't have the social or financial safety net that I did. I wanted to help others who weren't in that same situation.
After I placed the suit in Eve's office, I saw a flyer on the bulletin board about a grief support group that met in Telluride. It was for single parents. It would be good for me to talk to others in the same situation.
I pulled off one of the info sheets and tucked it into my back pocket. I felt more open to trying new things. I wanted to get past this heavy haze of grief. I wanted to do better with Sofia. She deserved a dad who was happy, healthy, and whole.
I hadn't been showing up for her in the way she deserved. That was changing now. I would be the dad she needed. I'd stop thinking I had to fill her mother's role. That was unrealistic and defeating. I couldn't be Marla. I could only be Sofia's dad.
When I returned to the hall, it was empty.
Eve gave me an apologetic smile. "I sent the guys home."
I shoved my hands in my pockets. "You need me to stick around?”
"I think I'll be okay. Most of the donations were during the parade. It should be quieter now."
Sofia placed her hands together. "Can we get a new ornament for our tree now?"
I smiled at her. "Sure."
"You'll want to go to the Christmas Shop. Tell Clara I sent you. She's amazing at finding you the perfect ornament," Eve said.
"I guess we're going to head out then."
Eve waved. "Thanks again. You guys have fun."
I walked with Sofia across the street to Christmas Town. The store itself was on the corner facing the square with the large tree and Santa's workshop. Hopefully I wouldn't have to work a shift as the town Santa.
I was fairly sure I'd give in to whatever Eve needed me to do. I'd never admit that to her though.
Sofia grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the door. I opened it, letting her skip ahead of me. Her eyes widened. "There're so many decorations."
A woman appeared in front of us. "Welcome. I'm Clara."
"Maddox." I threw a hand over my shoulder. "We were helping out at town hall."
Her gaze lowered to the logo on my chest. "I heard the fire department helped with the toy drive."
I nodded. "I was the guy in the Santa suit."
Sofia nodded. "Dad made a good Santa."
"I bet he did." Clara smiled at Sofia, then said to me, "Thanks for stepping in. Natasha was really worried when Ford couldn't make it."
I inclined my head. "Happy to help."
Sofia bounced on her toes. "I helped too."
Clara clapped her hands together. "You two were such great volunteers, I'd love to help you with something. What can I do for you?"
"I want a new ornament," Sofia said.
I thought back to our decorations. Marla had chosen them. Maybe we needed our own. "I think we need a whole new look for our tree. Can you help us with that?"
Clara's eyes lit up. "That's my specialty."
She led the way around the store where there were themed trees. "Let me know if you like anything."
I let Sofia look carefully at each option. There was a wilderness tree with different animals and twigs, then an ocean-inspired one with seashells.
Sofia stopped in front of one that had traditional characters like Rudolph and Frosty. "What about this one?"
"This is a classic tree, with all the characters you know and love. But it's tastefully done," Clara said, holding up a snowflake for me to see.
Sofia picked up the ornaments that were nestled in red buckets under the tree. "What do you think?"
"I love them."
It must have been the right thing to say, because Sofia nodded eagerly.
"Do you want one of everything? Depending on the size of your tree, you could probably go with two." Clara pulled out a container with sections that could hold various ornaments.
"Let's do two. We can always come back for more if we have bare spots."
"I'll wrap the ornaments and have them ready for you if you want to grab something to eat first."
"Can we get hot chocolate and look at the tree in the square? You know the one by Santa's workshop?"
"Of course." I was enjoying the present moment with my daughter.
I wasn't worried about what anyone expected me to do.
I didn't have to put up the fake tree we had when Marla was alive or use our old decorations.
"What do you think about getting a live tree?
There're some in the parking lot for sale. "
"A real tree?" Sofia asked while I checked out.
"It's going to smell like pine, and the needles will make a mess on the floor." Real life was messy too. "We'll have to remember to water it every day. Can you help me with that?"
Sofia nodded solemnly. "Yes."
Clara smiled. "You two are sweet."
I'd never had anyone say that to me. Sometimes I got comments about being a good dad, but her compliment hit differently today because I'd made the conscious decision to be a better dad.
We finished checking out, and then we stepped onto the sidewalk, the wind pulling the door as I tried to shut it behind us.
Sofia lifted her face to the cloudy sky, the wind whipping her hair around. "Are we going to get snow?"
"I haven't checked the forecast lately." I'd been so caught up in the parade; I hadn't had a chance to do that.
"Miss Eve is leaving," Sofia said.
"We should talk to her," I said as I took her hand and led her across the street. "Are you done for the day?”
Eve turned with a smile. "I think that's it.”
Sofia dropped my hand and took Eve's. "We're going to get hot chocolate. Will you come with us?"
I expected Eve to list all the tasks she needed to do. It's not every day you run a parade in your own town. "You know? That sounds lovely. I'd love to go with you."
Sofia beamed.
Eve was a good addition to our life. A female figure outside of my mother Sofia could look up to. I tried not to think about what could happen if whatever was brewing between us fizzled out. Would we stay friends?
Eve shifted her attention to me. "As long as your father doesn't mind, of course."
I smiled. "Do you want to go to the coffee shop or the diner?"
"I'm starving," Sofia said dramatically.
I barely restrained myself from rolling my eyes. "Of course you are."
"I don't know where you put all that food," Eve said.
"Dad says I'm a bottomless pit."
Eve laughed, and I wanted to remember this moment forever. The wind was gusting, and it was bitter cold. But at the same time, flurries were falling from the sky, and everywhere we looked, shoppers were carrying bags and talking and laughing.
Everyone was happy, and it was easy to fall into a general sense of well-being. I just hoped it would last. That we'd have our first Christmas where we could breathe easier and let go.
"Let's get something to eat at Merry's Diner." Then I paused. "Unless you want to go somewhere else."
"Merry's is perfect," Eve said, falling into step with us. "Did you find an ornament at the Christmas shop?"
"We got enough ornaments for the whole tree, and we're getting a real one this year," Sofia said all of that with wonder in her voice, as if she hadn't considered that we could make new traditions and do new things.
For so long, I thought it was necessary to continue the traditions we created with Marla.
That moving away from them would mean we'd forgotten her.
But now I saw it as a rebirth, a way for us to move on together and make new traditions.
I'd keep the memory of Sofia's mother alive while we made new ones.
"There's so many different options. I get overwhelmed when I go in Clara's store. What did you get?" Eve asked.
"She helped us find the perfect ornaments. There was Frosty, Rudolph, Santa, and even the Grinch." Sofia listed the characters on her fingers.
"Your tree is going to look amazing. Is this the first time you've ever gotten a real tree?" Eve asked as we crossed the street and headed for the red-and-green neon sign declaring the restaurant to be Merry's Diner.
"I think so," Sofia said.
"I haven't had a real tree since I was a kid."
Eve nodded. "I think you're going to love having a real tree. They smell amazing."
"I can't wait!" Sofia said with an extra skip in her step.
I opened the door for both of them, having a vision of doing things like this more often.
It was a scary idea but also exciting. I wasn't ready to go there yet. But I could see it as a possibility now, and that was a huge step forward. I thought moving on from Marla would be a betrayal, but now I saw it as living.
We could hang out during the day, and then Eve could come over at night. For the first time in a while, I was excited about my life.