Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
SIENNA
The next two days passed in a haze, mostly spent in the bedroom and the kitchen where August insisted on feeding me up in between orgasms.
Now reality was creeping in and I felt an odd sense of deja vu as I waved goodbye to him from the doorway just like I’d done to our friends only a few days ago.
Of course, he was coming back. He’d promised as much to every inch of my body the night before.
…And that morning too.
I trusted him. Hell, I loved him. I could only assume that the ridiculous amount that I missed him already, despite it being less than five minutes since he’d driven away, was a side effect of the love I harboured.
But if he wanted to stay here in Lavender Creek with me then he had to have his own future, his own life here beyond me. And that meant going to the screen testing for the football commentator job he wanted in the city.
It didn’t stop me from moping though.
The house felt too big without him in it, the sounds hitting the walls all wrong and my own footsteps putting me on edge.
I tried to distract myself, making coffee, baking a cake, playing with Muffin, and then burning my mouth on the cakes I’d made when they came out of the oven and were still a little too hot to eat. Nothing helped.
I sighed, reaching for my phone as I flopped back onto the sofa. Maybe it was time to do the thing I’d been avoiding for weeks — check my notifications.
The familiar icons re-loaded on my screen as I took my phone off of Do Not Disturb for the first time in ages and then left it on the side while I snuggled Muffin so that I wouldn't have to see the influx of messages and missed calls pop up.
After about ten minutes, during which Muffin wriggled free from my grasp and trotted away without remorse, I peeked at the phone and blew out a long breath.
Over a hundred missed calls, likely from various members of the press looking for a comment, a handful of text messages from people I hadn’t spoken to in years who were either looking for an inside scoop or just genuinely concerned about how I was holding up with the news leak, and more notifications on my socials than I knew what to do with.
Well, at least it would keep me distracted.
I started with the app I used the most frequently, surprised by a few DMs from other celebrities expressing their sympathy and wishing me well, and the surprises kept on coming.
Sure, there were some notifications that spewed the usual toxicity, but the vast majority of people seemed shocked that the press had published something so intrusive and a discussion about the right to privacy public figures should still be entitled to have had taken off, with more than one article on my feed on the topic.
All in all, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d feared.
The messages were easier to clear than all of the comments and tagged posts. Sadly it was hard to keep with those on a good day, but I posted to my story for the first time since Louise had whisked me off to Calgary, thanking everyone for reaching out.
Having the attention of this many people could be overwhelming, and I disliked it on more days than I enjoyed it, but now that I was removed from it on my ranch in the country, it felt nicer somehow. Like I wasn’t alone, but still had enough distance to keep my head clear.
My phone rang in my hand and I jumped before smiling, seeing that it was Louise.
“Hey,” I answered and her face appeared on the screen.
“You’re posting again,” she stated and I laughed. “I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks. It felt like the right thing to do. Most people in the comments were actually really supportive.”
Lou nodded, spooning a lump of what looked like chocolate fudge brownie ice cream into her mouth. It was her favorite, so she only bought it when there was something to celebrate or when she was sad, otherwise she said it was too easy to eat multiple pints of it in one go.
I held off on asking her about it, she would tell me what was wrong when she was ready.
“How’s things with August?” she said and I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face.
“Good. He’s gone right now.”
“He’s gone? Oh, Sienna, I’m so sorry.”
I shook my head, realizing how that must have sounded. “Sorry, no, everything is fine. He’s just gone to Calgary… for a job interview.”
Lou gasped, spoon drooping half-way to her mouth. “He’s staying?” I nodded, biting my lip. “Well, it’s about time you two stopped messing around and got together already.”
“Maybe you guys were right,” I mused and she waved me off, nearly dropping her phone in the process and I had a view up her nose for a second until she righted the camera.
“Of course we were.” She rolled her eyes. “So what are you going to do now? August has some job in the city, but what about you?”
I shrugged. I had been working on some songs for a while, but nothing felt right. “I’m not sure,” I hedged and Louise speared me with a look that said don’t insult me. I sighed. “Okay, I’ve been working on something but it’s just so… different, to what I’ve released in the past.”
“Different can be good. I thought you wanted different?”
She wasn’t wrong. “Yeah, I did. Do. I’m just not sure the fans will feel the same.”
Louise shook her head, pointing at me with the spoon. “Don’t worry about that. You just do what feels good and the fans will follow, one way or another.”
“Are you going to threaten people into buying my music, Lou?” I teased and she nodded in mock seriousness.
“What are friends for?” We laughed and then her eyes flicked up, presumably reading some other notification that had just come in. “I have to go, but hey, send me the song you’ve been working on. You know I’ll always be honest about my thoughts.”
I nodded, unsure if I’d actually follow through. I wasn’t sure if this music was ready for public consumption yet or if it needed longer to stew in my mind. “Sure.”
“Okay, looking forward to it.” Louise blew me a kiss and hung up abruptly. Luckily I was used to her fast changes of pace.
For a moment after she’d gone, I sat and stared into space, going back and forth about actually recording what I’d been working on and sending it to her, before deciding to bite the bullet and just do it.
I hadn’t really touched my guitar since the time August had found me with it, but music was my therapy and right then I could use more than a little consoling as I tried to sort out everything in my mind into some kind of sense.
Guitar in hand, I sat back onto the sofa and let my fingers move over the strings absently, warming up as I tried a few chord progressions and tweaked it until I got to something I liked.
The lyrics had been coming to me in pieces over the past couple of months, snippets of feeling that I’d been weaving into new melodies that I wasn’t sure would ever see the light of day but maybe it was time to see how they sounded outside of my own head.
I flicked onto the voice memo app and hit record, strumming a few times to get the rhythm right before I opened up my notes app and found the song I’d been slowly writing.
It was about love and hope and loss and reconciling the bad with the good as a new day begins with a chance to start over. Maybe something inside of me had hoped all along that what I had with August, this life we were starting to build, could be a reality one day.
My voice was husky, a little rough from disuse, but this recording was only for me really. I always liked to go back and listen to my first draft of a song and hear the little changes from then to the finished piece.
The last chord vibrated through the wood and into me as I hit the red stop button and, before I could chicken out, sent it straight to Louise.
Less than ten minutes later, she responded.
Louise: New era and I am HERE FOR IT
Louise: If you’re really not sure about it, how about a test audience?
Louise:
August
Calgary couldn’t have gone any better. The journey had been smooth sailing and I was surprised by how stifling being back in a city felt, everyone bustling to get to places, avoiding eye contact.
I’d become used to the easy ambience of Lavender Creek, but I couldn’t deny the excitement that had been building ever since the screen reading.
They’d loved me, and I’d loved being there. Having the joy of football without any need to play was actually relaxing. I’d been a little worried that I’d miss it, but a big part of football for me was the energy of the crowd and, with commentating, I still got to experience that.
I was only a half hour from the ranch when Lisette messaged me to instead come straight to The Sage and Thistle.
An odd request, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know how she’d got my number, but I signaled anyway and drove into the town to park.
Maybe she wanted to give me a warning not to break Sienna’s heart, much like Louise had done.
Or vaguely mention she knew good places to hide a body, like Cade had brought to the party.
Stretching my legs after the long drive was a relief. My knees had stiffened and my back popped when I stood and reached into the truck to grab my phone and wallet.
It was good to be back, but I wouldn’t feel like I was truly home until I wrapped my arms around Sienna.
My heart quickened at the thought and my steady steps towards The Sage and Thistle sped up a little, hoping she might be inside.
A sign on the door had a different kind of excitement rising up in me, though.
Open mic night – $5 entry
Was Sienna going to sing? If it turned out Lisette was the one on stage I’d be amused, but admittedly disappointed.
The door swung open under my palm and the music hit me. Nobody turned to look at me, and I could understand why — they were all too mesmerized by the blonde woman climbing up onto the small stage with a guitar on a strap slung over her shoulder.
Sienna.
She looked up, not seeming to mind the yellow spotlight that illuminated the single stool as it cast her hair golden.
Then she started to sing, the rhythm of the guitar reaching into my chest and cracking me wide open as her face tightened and I remembered holding her the last time she’d picked up her guitar as sobs wracked her body.
“I won’t think of you til morning
At least that’s what I’ll say
When I’ve got my red lipstick on
Pressing kisses to your cheek
It’s only when the sun goes down
That I start to feel weak.
Around you, near you
Say it louder ‘cos I can’t hear you
All I see is your lips as you speak
My heart’s race in time with yours
Our hearts chase it’s not beating any more
My heart’s race in time with yours
Our hearts chase it’s not beating any more
My heart’s gone and run away from me
Taken over so easily
I see your eyes dancing in front of me
Can’t hear your sighs love set me free
Around you, near you
Say it louder ‘cos I can’t hear you
All I see is your lips as you speak
My heart’s race in time with yours
Our hearts chase it’s not beating any more
My heart’s race in time with yours
Our hearts chase it’s not beating any more
Loving you was never easy
Loving you was never easy at all
Loving you was never easy
Now I’m sure our time has come”
I wasn’t sure when I’d moved to sit with Lisette in the corner, or how I’d made it there without tripping over because my eyes were too glued to Sienna’s performance.
She lowered the guitar and applause broke out, a loud wolf-whistle coming from the woman beside me as she hit end on the video recording she’d been taking.
“She’s really somethin’, huh?” Lisette beamed with pride, a few stray tears on her cheeks leaving track marks in her make-up.
“She’s everything,” I rasped, trying to speak around the lump in my throat as Sienna walked off the stage and spotted me at last. “You were incredible,” I murmured into her hair as I pulled her close. “Seriously, that was—”
“I love you,” she said, cutting me off and leaving me with my mouth open for a second before my smile took over my whole face. “I wrote that song for you — and my dad.”
“I love you.” I pushed a strand of hair out of her face, cupping her jaw gently as I raised her lips to meet mine. “I think he would have loved it. I know I did.”
“Okay, okay,” Lisette said, pushing in between us as she grabbed her granddaughter. “Quit hogging my baby.”
My eyes met Sienna’s over Lisette’s shoulder and the tears that swam in her eyes seemed good, happy, and not for the first time I wondered how I’d got so damn lucky.