Maddox
BEFORE
I knock again and wait. It’s still early, but I’ve been up for hours and I can’t stop thinking about this. When I get an idea in my head I’ve just gotta see it through.
Unfortunately for Ian, that means being woken up at like eight in the morning. I know he worked last night. Real unfortunate for him because I need to see him.
I knock again.
I don’t think his mom is here. Her car is gone and Ian said she’s been spending less and less time at home.
I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
They have a weird relationship. Not that I have room to talk.
I mean, my mom isn’t the worst. She loves me.
I think. I know she doesn’t love that I like men, but that ain’t changing anytime soon.
I knock one more time. On the last knock the door swings open. “Oh, fuck yeah,” I groan, biting my fist.
Ian glares at me, shirtless, his pale skin smooth and flawless. I have some tattoo ideas for his body. I have a lot of ideas for him actually. One of them I want to see through today. “What the fuck, Maddox?”
“Sorry, I know you worked late last night but—”
“No buts. Just bed. I’m going back to sleep.”
He turns back inside, shutting the door.
“Wait, wait.” I hold it open and okay, yeah, my eyes do a slow crawl over his body.
“Damn.” I reach out, smoothing my hand over his chest. “I’m thinking a galaxy right here.
” Nearly blacked out with planets and stars.
He needs to work himself up to it, though.
He’s gotten a few tattoos now since we’ve been hanging out.
Last time I tattooed a pelican on his leg.
Ian loves animals. This piece will be rough, but I think he can do it.
We’ve hung out nonstop, pretty much. If I go more than a day or two without seeing him, I get itchy. I just like being around him. “What do you want?”
“I’m going on a day trip and I want you to come.” I want to take whatever this is to the next level. He hasn’t kissed me since that first day we met. I’ve wanted to, but I just freeze up with him. I’m nervous. I’m never nervous.
“What? Where?”
“I want to go to a beach.”
“A beach? In upstate New York?”
“Lakes have beaches. Come on.” I grab his hand and pull him back to the doorframe. “There’s this little tourist town a ways from here. It’s not that long a drive. Just the two of us.” The defiance in his eyes softens. “Please.”
He inhales through his nose then flicks his eyes, rolling them. “Let me shower quickly. You can come inside. My mom’s not here.”
I follow him through the tiny apartment. It’s pretty bare. Nothing extraordinary. A small TV sits on a stand with a loveseat couch. “Go shower. I’m going to snoop through your shit.” I grin.
He shakes his head as he disappears down the hall. I find some pictures on a shelf and stop to look. There’s one of a woman and a man holding a baby. I know he’s an only child so I’m assuming this is Ian.
I see another of a boy with shocking platinum-blond hair.
I wouldn’t think it’s him, but I can see it in his eyes.
He must be about ten here. Then another with Ian graduating.
His mother’s there next to him, and it should be a happy photo.
Neither of them is smiling, though. There are shadows in his mom’s eyes that weren’t there in the previous photos.
Then I see one of those funeral cards in a frame.
The man in the baby photo. This must be his dad.
I know Ian said he passed away when he was in high school.
I decide to look down the hall. I hear the water running in a room to the left, and I see another room with the door open.
His mom’s room. Staying the hell out of there.
Then I find another down the hall next to the bathroom and slowly open the door.
A smile springs to my face. Ian’s bed sits disheveled.
I walk inside and instantly smile. Art is posted all over his walls.
I know it’s the one thing that keeps his mind busy.
Ian’s a worrier. He’s always talking about what-ifs and all that shit.
What’s the point? Shit’s going to happen whether we want it to or not.
Why spend your energy worrying about what could be. Just live.
I see his deodorant and some cologne on his dresser. He has a desk scattered with pencils and paper. I smile seeing the lion he was drawing that first day we met. I open a drawer and see a few more sketchbooks.
I turn to his bed, going to his end table and opening it. “Oh, hello.” A small bottle of lube sits next to a massaging wand.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
I snap the drawer shut. “What? I told you I was going to snoop through your shit.” Oh, damn. Damp from the shower, a towel is wrapped around his waist. I lean back on my hands taking in the gorgeous view. “Don’t worry. I didn’t see your prostate wand.”
“Fuck off and get out. I need to change.” My eyes drop, drinking him in. “Maddox!”
“Right, fine.” I stop in the doorway and watch him. “If you ever need a friend to play with, I’m right here. It’s always nice to share your toys.”
He slams the door in my face.
We’re nearly there and Ian’s been quiet for most of the drive. He fell asleep for a little and that’s when I felt bad. “How late did you work?”
“Midnight.” He breathes. “It’s fine.”
“Sorry.”
“No you’re not.” He looks at me with a soft smile. “We almost there?”
I see where I’m looking for and turn down a street before pulling into a parking spot. “Here.”
He looks ahead at the dock with the lake spreading out. It’s warm now and will only get hotter as the day goes by. I get out of my jeep and hear his footsteps behind me. Now he’s wearing a navy-blue sleeveless shirt and a pair of jeans and sneakers. Not exactly beach wear, but that’s okay.
“Have you been here before?” I take off my slides and shove them in the back seat. “I’d take your shoes off. You’ll get sand everywhere.”
He listens, taking off his sneakers and socks and placing them in the back seat with mine. I head down to the beach. The hot sand under my feet. The smell of the lake. I wish it were the ocean, but this lake is big enough to pretend. “Yes, I’ve been here.”
We walk in silence until we’re almost down to the water. I sit in the sand and lean back on my hands, and Ian sits cross-legged, elbows on his knees, hunched forward a bit. “You couldn’t relax to save your life.”
He frowns, moving his legs out in front of him. “Shut up.” I watch him for a moment. I like hanging out with him. I love to tease him. He’s fun to rile up. “What?”
“Do you think about that kiss?”
His head swings to me. He short-circuits. “What?”
“You heard me, Ian.” He swallows, looking forward, and just nods. “Then why haven’t you tried again?”
“Why haven’t you?” he dares.
“I’ve been waiting on you to make the first move.”
“I don’t make moves, Maddox. I listen and follow direction, all while I know shit’s going to go wrong but I’m powerless to stop any of it.” Ian’s jaw tightens as he looks back out to the water. “I want you almost as much as I envy you.” The admission paints his cheeks red.
“What?”
His eyes scan me again, something softer just for me in his lake-water eyes. “You’re brave and daring. You don’t let anything stand in your way, and I’m here working a shitty job with no idea what the fuck I want to do but too afraid to do anything about it. Nothing scares you.”
I move closer to him, my fingers brushing his. There’s something heavy here between us I can’t name. All I know is, I’ve never felt it before. “That’s not true.” I nearly choke on air as his eyes meet mine. “You scare me.”
He snorts. “No I don’t.”
“If you didn’t scare me, I’d have kissed you by now. I’m afraid to fuck this up, Ian.”
“Why?”
“Because I like you. I like you a lot, and I’d really like to kiss you again. And then keep kissing you. Then maybe you can stay the night with me and we’ll keep kissing. Maybe more if you want.”
“Are you asking to be my boyfriend?”
I weigh my options. “My boyfriend, or if that’s too much for you, my really good friend who kisses and touches me exclusively.”
“You want to be my exclusive friend?”
I smile wide and lean in. Our foreheads almost touch. I’m warm here in this pocket just for us. Our lips hover and I can see the fire in him to pull back and not let me have my way.
When he finally leans forward, it’s not gentle. It’s a brutal press of our lips. Hungry and desperate. Ian crumbles and I grab him, pulling him closer, my fingers in his hair.
He snaps back, breaking the kiss. I don’t know much, but I know I want to do everything I can to keep the look in his eyes he has right now. “So, exclusive friends, then?”
He rolls his eyes and puts space between us. “My boyfriend’s an idiot.”
Ian must still be shaking the sand off his jeans.
We stayed out there for a few hours, and I told him about the shop.
My plans. Anna’s going to be my receptionist. I was going to teach her to tattoo but she can’t draw for shit.
I don’t care what she does, but she will be at the shop.
She could be a well-paid door greeter for all I care.
I take care of my people, and Anna is people. She was the people.
Until Ian.
I’ve asked him to try tattooing. He’s done a little here and there and I think he’s getting the hang of the machine. For all his pessimism he’s a great learner. Fast, and follows directions clearly. He’s fucking brilliant.
“Did you lose the bulb up there?”
“Fuck off, Maddox.” I hear him from the bathroom and smile.
“I could have helped, you know.”
The door opens a crack. “No. Thank you.” He shuts it again.
Instead of driving back home we decided to rent a cheap room for the night.
I wasn’t sure what time my mom was coming back tonight, and I know Ian avoids us hanging out there.
I flip through my phone and look at some designs I’ve done.
Ian hasn’t seen the galaxy tattoo I’ve planned for his chest yet.