15. Julian
FIFTEEN
JULIAN
Orgasms with your best friend are really fucking fun.
I feel him before I open my eyes, his weight and warmth pressed against me. All we did last night was join Alexander and Xia for dinner, then we came up here to watch some movies.
Well, we were more focused on each other than the movies.
Last night felt like Ian was reclaiming all the lost time we’ve had over the years of our friendship.
While it all felt fucking good, like really good, I couldn’t help the ugly little voice in the back of my head telling me this isn’t real.
That Ian’s just scratching an itch, and I’m here, more than willing.
I don’t want him to break my heart.
I’m tangled up with him now, and his breathing is steady. His head rests on my chest while my hand smooths along his spine. Rain thunders against the house again. It started late last night and hasn’t let up much.
He wakes slowly, blinking up at me with a soft grin. “Morning,” he murmurs. I expect him to roll away, but he tucks himself more against me. Then I feel his tattooed hands tracing the ink on my chest, unhurried and familiar yet new and exhilarating. He looks as happy as I feel right now.
I press a kiss into his hair. “How are you feeling?”
He doesn’t make a move to let me go. Instead, his fingers idly trace my skin and he grins a bit when he skims over my nipple. I half expect him to take it into his mouth, but unfortunately his lips don’t press to my skin. “I feel really good.”
“Me too.”
His hand drifts lower, careful for a moment, until I slip my hand down to rest on the curve of his ass “Can I ask you something?” he asks softly, his fingers still mapping a path over my chest. I nod. “What do you prefer?”
“In bed?” He nods, still with that soft smile, as he drags his knuckles gently down the center of my chest. “I don’t care. I’m open to anything. I’ll try anything once. Well, except like, rough stuff. Not into pain.”
“Ironically.” He smiles, tracing the wraith on my chest.
“That’s different.” His chin lifts to look at me. “It is. I don’t know. Tattoos don’t bother me. But while I’m having sex . . .” I swallow. “All pleasure. No judgement at all, but it’s just not my thing.”
“Do you have a preference?”
I shake my head. Ian can have me any way he’d like. “You?”
“I prefer to bottom, but I like both too.” He smiles softly then leans in, pressing a lazy kiss to my chest. It’s like his fingers are trying to memorize every inch of my skin. Then his eyes darken. “How long have you and Elijah been hooking up?”
Where the hell did that come from? “What?”
“I’m just curious. Did you have feelings or—”
I study him. “Are you jealous?”
“Fuck no,” he says fast. Too fast. “I just thought—never mind.”
“Holy shit, you’re jealous!” It’s all making sense.
I thought Ian just didn’t like Elijah for some reason.
Holy shit, has he been jealous this whole time?
I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t know what that means.
“Oh my god, that’s why you always sound mad when he comes in.
” I grin so wide it hurts. Fuck, I can’t believe this.
This is too funny. “I just thought you hated him.”
“I don’t hate him, and I’m not jealous!” he says when I laugh harder. “I’m not! I’m just asking. I want to be respectful if you both—”
“You had my dick in your mouth last night, I think we’re past being respectful. Damn. Jealous Ian. I love to see it.”
“Fuck off, I’m not jealous of stupid handsome Elijah and his stupid thick black hair or beard. I can grow a beard too you know! Stupid paramedic with his stupid license to help people like a goddamn Superman! He’s the worst.”
“A real villain.” I pull him against me, tucking him inside my arms as he fights me. “You’re adorable. I’m telling him the moment we get back. He’ll love this.”
“You better not!” His lips purse as he pushes me away. Fuck me, he’s so cute.
“If it makes you feel better—”
“Probably not—” I kiss him hard, the sound of his moans sending a thrill through me as he melts against me.
Then I pull back, fingers cradling the back of his head. “We’re not together. Just friends with benefits for a bit.” I shrug. “Nothing serious.”
“And this?” He swallows. “How serious is this?”
A knock cuts through the room. “Mr. Ian, Mr. Jules.”
“Mr. Jules.” I snort. “You locked the door, right?”
“Yeah,” he says, pulling away from me.
“Uh, yes?” I call out.
“Mr. Ian’s bag arrived this morning. I’m sorry, I wouldn’t bother you but I know it’s important.”
Ian’s eyes widen. “Holy shit,” he says to me. “Uh, thank you! Thank you, we’ll be down soon.”
“There’s breakfast down here as well if you guys are hungry.”
“Uh, thank you.” She’s like a mom. Well, I mean she is a mom, but I like the warm way she is with us. “We’ll be right down.”
There’s something there in Ian’s eyes. An edge to him now, as if her voice snapped him out of some trance.
“Hey, I’ll go grab it if you want to shower.
” I’d like to shower with him, but there’s something going on with him and I don’t want to test the weight of whatever it is.
We’re finally getting somewhere and I don’t want to undo all the progress. I’ll give him a minute.
“You sure?”
“I got it. You go. I’ll shower after.”
He nods, getting up, and I slip on my pants and a fresh T-shirt and head downstairs. I’m not sure how many rooms are here but I feel terrible for Xia and Alexander. Owning a business is hard work. I wish there was something we could do.
“Good morning. I’m so sorry to wake you both up, but I know how important this is.” She smiles brightly. “I’m so happy his bag was found.”
“No, thank you for telling us. He will be happy.”
“So, what are we doing today? Any fun plans?” Her warm smile feels like a hug. I like this place. I know this wasn’t the trip we planned, but I do like it here. I like them.
“Xia,” Alexander chides her.
She shoos him away and waits for me to answer. “Um, I don’t know. It’s raining again so probably just hanging out.”
“You know there’s a place close by. A rage room,” he says.
“What?”
“We go sometimes and take Violet. It’s a lot of fun. Great stress relief. It could be good for Ian. Let out some of his frustrations. It’s called a rage room,” Xia explains.
“She’s a beast inside those rooms.” Alexander smiles at his wife. “It’s kind of scary.” She slaps his arm playfully. “It is a lot of fun, though.”
“A rage room?”
“It’s not too expensive either. They have a splatter-paint room, but that one’s more pricey,” she says. “And less violent.”
“It’s indoors and only about ten minutes from here,” Alexander adds.
“Thank you, that sounds nice. I’ll look into it.”
“Will you both be here for dinner? I can take requests if there’s something you’d both like.
” Alexander doesn’t chide her this time.
Instead, he watches her, and knowing now what this place means to them both and how much she means to him, I understand him a bit better. He just wants his wife to be happy.
And she wants to have people here again.
“Uh, yeah, we’ll be here. Anything’s fine, though. We’re not picky.”
“No seafood.” She smiles. “Dinner at six, then?”
“Perfect.” I thank her again and head up the stairs. When I open the door Ian’s wrapped in a towel. “Mm, perfect timing.” He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
I place the bag gently on the bed. He stares at it. Then laughs.
And we’ve gone manic. “What’s funny?”
“Nothing. Just . . . my brain.” He shakes his head. “I was thinking, what if I opened it and ashes went everywhere?” I blink at him. “Then I pictured shaking ashes out of all my clothes.” He laughs to himself. “He’d think that was hilarious,” Ian adds. “Sorry.”
He opens the bag and the urn is still safe, wrapped in his sleep pants. “He loved the ocean.” He holds the urn, smoothing his thumbs over it. “He used to pretend the lake near us was the ocean.” He tells me about the shop. The hours. The distance. Guilt bleeds through every sentence.
“Does he have family still there?”
He shakes his head. “His mom moved. I’m not sure where. She hates me,” he admits. “After he died, she blamed me.”
“How? You weren’t even driving.”
“She told me if I’d been sober, I could have driven, but that wouldn’t have mattered.
None of it matters. It was Maddox’s jeep, and no one drove his jeep.
He worked so hard for the things he had and cherished what he worked for.
It’s one of those things, right? If one second of that night was done differently, everything could have changed.
It’s a sick game of what-if that makes your brain hurt.
Every day you’re making all these little decisions, but you never know where those decisions are going to lead you.
Are you making the right ones or are you stepping closer to doom?
One day you’re helping your boyfriend with his shop, and then you go to a party.
Next thing you know, a bunch of people you know are dead. ” He swallows.
And sometimes you wake up one day and decide to finally get a tattoo, and that day changes your life forever.
“Can I ask how you have ashes if you also go to a cemetery?” I don’t want to push, but I want to know more about this.
A faint smile hits his lips. “They have a plot at the cemetery. It’s where his grandparents are. She buried half his ashes there, then she gave the other half to Anna, and Anna gave them to me.” He holds the urn in his hands. “I need to get better, Julian.”
“You are.” He sets the urn down on the TV stand then takes his towel off with a smirk.
My eyes drop to his soft skin. “I was going to tell you I found something for us to do, but I kind of want to do this instead.” He laughs, but I don’t find anything funny about the gorgeous body in front of me.
I grab him to me, groaning as he slides into my lap.
My hands land on his ass, giving him a squeeze.
His arms circle my neck. “What do you want to do today, Jules?”
I want my lips on every inch of his skin.