Chapter 6 Closer Than Before #2
It was how difficult it suddenly became to convince myself that Eli had been completely wrong.
Almost
The teasing from Friday’s meeting should have disappeared from my mind over the weekend.
Instead, it followed me everywhere.
Every time Liam placed my coffee beside my laptop without asking, Eli’s voice echoed in my head.
“Old married couple.”
Whenever we reached for the same notebook or instinctively divided another task without discussing it, I remembered everyone laughing around the conference table.
I told myself they were simply joking.
They didn’t know what was happening inside my head.
The problem wasn’t the joke.
The problem was that I couldn’t stop wondering why it embarrassed me so much.
Monday arrived with another long evening scheduled in the Honors Center.
Professor Monroe wanted the final presentation polished before the university’s review panel later that week.
The rest of the fellowship had completed their assigned sections earlier than expected, leaving only Liam and me to refine the main presentation and rehearse the delivery.
“We’ll finish this tonight,” Professor Monroe said as she gathered her folders.
“You’ve both earned a break.”
“I’ve forgotten what breaks look like,” Eli replied.
“They’re mythical creatures,” Mason added.
Kai laughed.
“I think they only exist in the business school.”
Liam looked genuinely offended.
“That’s an unfair stereotype.”
“So you’re taking tomorrow off?” Eli asked.
Liam hesitated.
“...No.”
“Exactly.”
Everyone laughed.
One by one, the others packed their bags.
Owen reminded us not to stay too late.
Kai wished us luck.
Eli pointed dramatically toward Liam before leaving.
“Remember.”
He grinned.
“No arguing about fonts.”
Liam rolled his eyes.
“I make no promises.”
The door closed behind the others.
Silence settled over the Honors Center.
Outside the large windows, darkness had already swallowed the campus.
Only the scattered glow of streetlights illuminated the empty walkways below.
I opened the latest version of our presentation.
“We’re almost finished.”
Liam pulled his chair closer to mine so we could both see the screen.
“I know.”
His shoulder brushed lightly against mine.
Neither of us moved away.
For nearly two hours, we worked through the presentation one slide at a time.
We shortened paragraphs.
Adjusted graphs.
Removed unnecessary animations.
Changed colors.
Practiced transitions between speakers.
Every improvement felt smaller than the last.
Eventually, Liam leaned back with a satisfied sigh.
“I think...”
He closed his laptop.
“We’re done.”
I stared at the final slide for several seconds.
It looked different from the presentation we had started weeks earlier.
Cleaner.
Stronger.
More confident.
“So this is it.”
I smiled.
“Our impossible project.”
“Our almost impossible project.”
He corrected gently.
“We’re still presenting it.”
I laughed.
“Good point.”
The room fell quiet again.
Without the constant sound of keyboards and discussion, the silence felt strangely noticeable.
I glanced toward the clock.
Almost eleven.
“No wonder I’m tired.”
“You’ve been running on coffee for weeks.”
“So have you.”
“True.”
Liam stood and stretched, his shoulders stiff from sitting too long.
“I’m getting more hot water.”
He picked up both empty mugs.
“Tea?”
“Please.”
A few minutes later he returned carrying two steaming mugs.
“No coffee tonight.”
He handed one to me.
“You actually listened to Owen.”
“I’m capable of growth.”
“I’m proud of you.”
He smiled.
“I appreciate your faith.”
We settled back into our chairs, no longer focused on work.
For once, there wasn’t another deadline demanding our attention.
The feeling was almost unfamiliar.
Liam looked toward the rain beginning to tap softly against the windows.
“I always liked rainy nights.”
“Really?”
He nodded.
“They make everything quieter.”
“I can think better.”
I looked outside.
“My mom always says rain makes people honest.”
He smiled.
“Does she?”
“She says people stop pretending they’re busy.”
“They slow down.”
His expression became thoughtful.
“Maybe she’s right.”
Another comfortable silence settled between us.
Not empty.
Just... peaceful.
Finally, Liam spoke.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“What were you like in high school?”
I laughed softly.
“That’s random.”
“I know.”
“I’m curious.”
I wrapped both hands around the warm mug.
“I wasn’t very interesting.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“I was.”
I smiled faintly.
“I studied.”
“I worked.”
“I fixed computers.”
“And?”
“And...”
I shrugged.
“That was pretty much my life.”
“No sports?”
“No.”
“School dances?”
I shook my head.
“I skipped them.”
“Dating?”
The question caught me completely off guard.
I looked down into my tea.
“No.”
“Never?”
I forced a small smile.
“I was kind of busy surviving.”
Liam didn’t push.
He simply nodded.
“I understand.”
“What about you?”
I asked after a moment.
“Were you always this...”
I searched for the right word.
“Confident?”
He laughed.
“I fooled you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I wasn’t confident.”
He smiled at the memory.
“I just got good at pretending.”
I frowned slightly.
“You?”
“Oh, absolutely.”
He leaned back in his chair.
“I spent most of high school terrified someone would figure out I was different.”
The room seemed quieter somehow.
“I knew I liked boys.”
He said it simply.
Without shame.
Without hesitation.
“I just didn’t know what to do with that.”
I listened without interrupting.
“So I smiled.”
“I joined clubs.”
“I got good grades.”
“I acted like everything was fine.”
He looked toward the dark windows.
“It was exhausting.”
I thought about everything he had shared during the mountain retreat.
About loneliness.
About coming out.
About rebuilding relationships with his family.
“I can’t imagine.”
He smiled sadly.
“I hope you never have to.”
My chest tightened.
If only he knew.
For several seconds, I couldn’t seem to breathe normally.
He noticed.
“You okay?”
I nodded too quickly.
“Yeah.”
“You looked somewhere far away.”
I stared into my mug.
“I was just thinking.”
“About?”
I almost lied.
Instead, the truth slipped out.
“How lonely that must’ve been.”
Liam looked at me quietly.
“It was.”
Another pause.
“But loneliness changes when even one person truly sees you.”
His words settled deep inside me.
Before I realized what I was doing, I spoke again.
“I think...”
My voice sounded unusually quiet.
“I’ve been lonely too.”
He didn’t interrupt.
He simply waited.
“I’ve always had my mom.”
“And I’m grateful.”
“But...”
I searched for words that suddenly felt impossible.
“I’ve never really let anyone know me.”
“You all think you do.”
I smiled weakly.
“But...”
“There are parts of me...”
My voice faded.
He leaned forward slightly.
“What about them?”
I looked at him.
His eyes held nothing except patience.
No judgment.
No pressure.
Just quiet understanding.
For one terrifying moment, I wanted to tell him everything.
That every confusing feeling I’d spent years hiding had become impossible to ignore.
That somewhere between coffee rituals, late-night study sessions, shared projects, and quiet walks across campus, my heart had quietly chosen him without asking permission.
That I no longer knew whether I was more afraid of telling him the truth or never telling him at all.
The words sat painfully close to the surface.
“I...”
My voice barely existed.
Liam didn’t look away.
Neither of us moved.
The room seemed to shrink until it held only the two of us.
Outside, rain continued falling softly against the windows.
Inside, neither of us spoke.
He leaned forward just a little more.
Not suddenly.
Not dramatically.
Slowly.
Almost cautiously.
His eyes searched mine as though asking a question neither of us knew how to voice.
My heart pounded so loudly I wondered if he could hear it.
I didn’t move.
Neither did he.
The distance between us became impossibly small.
I could see the tiny flecks of green hidden inside his hazel eyes.
I could feel my own breathing becoming uneven.
For one suspended heartbeat, it felt as though the entire world had stopped.
Then—
The Honors Center door swung open.
“There you two are!”
Eli’s cheerful voice echoed across the room.
“I knew I’d forgotten something.”
Liam immediately leaned back.
I practically jumped out of my chair.
Eli stopped halfway across the room, looking between us with complete confusion.
“...Did I interrupt something?”
“No.”
The answer left both Liam and me at exactly the same time.
Eli raised one eyebrow.
“That was suspiciously synchronized.”
He looked around until he spotted the forgotten flash drive sitting beside the projector.
“There it is.”
He picked it up before looking back toward us with a grin.
“I’ll pretend I didn’t see your secret font meeting.”
Neither of us answered.
Still smiling to himself, Eli waved and headed back toward the door.
“Good night, married couple.”
The door closed behind him.
Silence returned.
But it wasn’t the same silence as before.
Neither Liam nor I knew where to look.
The moment had vanished.
Whatever had almost happened remained suspended somewhere between us, unfinished and impossible to name.
I lowered my eyes to my untouched mug, wondering whether I had imagined everything.
Or whether Eli had interrupted something that neither of us had yet found the courage to understand.
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