Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
AUbrEY
“The sky’s beautiful tonight,” I said, scooting back to sit against the bulkhead.
Tipping my chin up, I tried only to see the stars above us and not Rye’s blue eyes, which was difficult because he sat facing me, his elbow resting comfortably on his raised knee, still watching me.
The night was silent. A warm breeze barely rustled the trees through Stillwater Pass behind us, and it felt magical. In early May high up in the mountains, we should’ve still been clutching jackets around us with hats and gloves this late at night. And I was surprised it wasn’t raining, but the sky was clear, and the silver stars sparkled like they’d been set to music.
Rye agreed with a quiet hum as I leaned back further and relaxed into the pillows he’d stacked behind us. I felt his heavy gaze on the side of my face as he took the plate from my hands and set it on top of his picnic basket.
Oh, who was I kidding? I felt his stare in every cell inside my body, down to my pink toenails, which I’d hurried to paint and dry after I closed up the shop today. For what earthly reason, I had no idea. Why would he see my toes?
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so at ease though. Being with him was easy and comforting somehow. Maybe because he hadn’t exactly been shy about how he felt about me. I knew he’d protect me to within an inch of his life if necessary.
He’d always been kind of a quiet kid. Observant like he was now, but there was no kid here. Rye Graves was all man. Masculinity radiated out from the middle of his chest. He was alluring, and I felt safe and warm.
Thoughts of taxes, my shop, and the twins flitted from my mind, like dust in the wind.
“What ideas do you have for the ranch?” I asked, sliding flat down on my back so the stars and Rye’s voice were the only two things I could sense.
He lay next to me, not touching me, but I felt him all the same. Like the left side of his body had been set on fire, he warmed me so much I was glad I’d worn short sleeves. He smelled good, too, like some kind of sexy, mossy scent mixed with the leather of his truck’s seats and the stiff felt of his hat.
“You ever heard of regenerative or restorative agriculture?” he asked.
Still looking up at the stars, I said, “No.”
“Well, now I don’t wanna put you to sleep, but basically, it’s a more responsible way to raise cows. You let the land and the animals work together naturally, how it was done years ago. There are ways to make it all work in my favor, so that the land can actually sustain the cows, and they can enrich it instead of destroy it and our environment.
“It would also bring in more money eventually. I’ve trolled the internet till my fingers were sore, and I’ve called so many ranch managers. At this point, they might shoot me on sight ’cause I’ve annoyed ’em all with my questions.”
“How did you become interested in this? I guess I’ve never really thought about how meat production affects the rest of the world.”
“Flippin’ channels. I saw a documentary one night after a big argument with my dad. No matter the subject, he and I don’t see eye to eye on much. I couldn’t sleep that night, and I turned on the TV, and it was like a sign or somethin’.”
“You didn’t go to school for agriculture?”
“No. Didn’t go to college at all. It wasn’t for me. The land teaches me all I need to know. Although, dirt don’t know much about business, so that’s one area I could stand to learn more about.”
“I’m not a business genius,” I said, “obviously, but I might be able to help you with some of that.”
“My dad deals with that side of things now, and he has people on the payroll to help him, but someday, the business will be my responsibility, so I might just take you up on that. In the meantime, there’s some farms up in Oregon I can learn a lot from, but my old man won’t ever allow me to leave the ranch long enough to get it done.”
“What’s he gonna do? Fire you?” I giggled but caught myself and slapped a hand over my mouth. I didn’t giggle. I hadn’t giggled in twenty years.
Gently, Rye tugged on my arm and pulled my hand away. When he slipped his fingers between mine and squeezed, they were as warm and strong as the rest of him. Held within his, my hand looked like a little girl’s.
“This okay?” he asked quietly.
Gathering what little courage I could, even though I was certain I’d lost my mind, I whispered, “It’s okay. For now.”
It felt okay. More than okay. Some kind of buzz seemed to be building between us, and it almost startled me when I realized how much I liked the feeling.
He squeezed again and tucked our hands between our bodies, and then we just lay there, both of us thinking a million things and saying nothing.
Finally, because it was burning a hole in my mind and because I kind of liked it, I asked, “Why do you call me Spitfire?”
He chuckled, and I felt the rumble shake the bed of the truck.
“Well, the fire part ’cause you’re bossy and stubborn. But the spit part… You remember the watermelon-seed contest we had at the ranch? You were probably twenty-two. Twenty-three maybe, but I remember you spittin’ those damn seeds so far, and you got ’em in the bucket too.”
I laughed and nodded. I did remember that. I beat all the cowboys and won a gift card for thirty bucks to a rib joint in Jackson.
“I dunno why, but that day has always stuck with me. I laughed so hard. And the smile on your face when you won? You glowed with pride.”
“Rye, you were just a kid then.”
“Yep.”
“Don’t you think it’s weird that you remember that stuff, but my husband never did? It doesn’t feel weird to you that I’m so much older than you?”
He got serious and became still. “It ain’t like I was pinin’ for you when I was ten. Back then, I just thought you were my brother’s friend’s pretty girlfriend and that you were nice to me. It wasn’t till probably high school that I thought of you differently. But by then, you were livin’ your life.”
Turning on his side, he swiped my hair behind my shoulder with one finger.
“I love your hair,” he said. “The color and the texture. It’s soft but strong, and that’s how I’ve always seen you. But I’m not a kid anymore, Aubrey. There’s a few years between us, sure, but I’m a man now, and you’re one hell of a woman. There ain’t a damn thing wrong with me wantin’ you. And it wouldn’t be wrong if you wanted me too.”
Want? No.
The word didn’t do justice to the feeling taking over every inch of my body. His nearness made me stupid with desire, something I hadn’t felt this strongly in a very long time. Maybe ever. I wasn’t only attracted to him because he was an insanely good-looking man and had the correct body parts to do to me all the things I’d been starved of, and it didn’t hurt that when he looked at me, his eyes quite literally sparkled like the bright night sky.
But it was his goodness, his eagerness, and his hopefulness luring me in deeper than I’d let myself be lured in over twenty years.
Suddenly, I needed him like the blood in my veins needed to flow. Sexy me time could be right now if I let it.
A parade of people and neighbors flashed in my head: the perfect moms from the PTA when the boys were in school, whose husbands actually participated in their kids’ lives and who looked down on me because mine hadn’t, my parents, fellow business owners in town. And every single one of those people, in my head at least, disagreed with the indecent things I wanted Rye to do to me. And the surprise and betrayal I knew I’d see on Benji’s and Micah’s faces if I slept with a man who wasn’t their father? All of it had me feeling like I might pass out. My heart had become a jackhammer in my chest.
But just one more kiss. What could that hurt? If there was another reason to explain why I’d found myself in the bed of a ridiculously handsome cowboy’s truck, I’d completely forgotten what it was.
“Can I tell you somethin’?” I whispered because what I wanted to say was entirely too scary to admit, and if I spoke too loudly, I might ruin the magic.
I couldn’t bear that. It had been so long since I’d experienced anything remotely this magical, with Rye’s eyes on me and the twinkle lights he’d taken the time to set up for me illuminating the dark forest.
Was the magic coming from Rye? Or was it because someone finally wanted me physically? I had to be honest with myself; it felt amazing, and it was trying to make me brave.
“You can tell me anything,” he said softly.
“I… I don’t understand what I’m feelin’ right now.”
He whispered back, his mouth hovering beside my cheek. “What’re you feelin’?”
Still staring up at the stars, I didn’t dare move my head or even my eyes. If he looked in them, I’d lose my nerve.
“I feel…” Clearing my throat, I licked my lips. “I want…”
His breath rushed out in a warm puff that caressed my neck, and he lifted our hands onto my stomach, low, over the waistband of my jeans.
Pressing down lightly, his fingers flexed around mine, but he let go and slid his hand to my hip, his elbow expertly placed to elicit more of the want he kept talking about. “What do you want, Aubrey?”
“Oh God.”
What the fuck was I doing? You’re a mother! You’re old. You cannot be serious right now.
But my heart was pounding . Lungs pumping. Aw shit. Heart attacks happened younger in women than in men. Maybe I was having?—
“Before you freak out about it, this ain’t part of our deal, but it’s just you and me here, Aubrey. We can be together right now, live forever in this moment, if you just say the words.”
Oh Jesus, when he said my name like that, over and over, tingles spread from the base of my throat to all kinds of inconvenient places.
But what would people think?
“Say it, Aubrey,” he rasped in my ear, the scruff below his mouth tickling my jaw.
I dared to peek at his face, and I wasn’t sorry I did. His eyes, so blue, seemed darker somehow, and his eyelashes hid them from me slightly when he blinked slowly, like he wasn’t freaking out like I was. The sharp cut of his jaw flexing with tension was the only thing giving him away.
I imagined his mouth on mine again. From our kiss earlier, I knew his lips were soft. He parted them as I stared at them, and I moaned softly. He could destroy me between my legs with that mouth.
“Say the words,” he begged, nuzzling his nose beneath my ear.
Shivering at his touch, I whispered, “I don’t think I can. It’s been so long.” And now drivel came out of my mouth. “I can’t orgasm. I haven’t had a good orgasm in, God, over ten years. Not one that makes me lose my mind. Every time I get the opportunity, I get so stressed out, and I hate my body. I’m in menopause, Rye. Like, this is real old-lady shit, and it’s all I can think about, and I can’t come! What’s the point of sex if you can’t come?”
I gasped when I realized what I’d just said, and I wanted to crawl underneath his truck and then beg him to run me over. Covering my face with my hands, I contemplated crying or screaming. Either would’ve been appropriate.
But I didn’t get the chance, because when I peeked out around my fingers, he was above me, his legs straddling mine, and the look in his eyes was feral.
“The point of sex, with or without an orgasm, is to feel good. To make the person you’re with feel good. Stress release. Cure for anxiety. It’s a way to tell someone you love them. Take your pick, but if you say what I’ve waited my whole adult life to hear, I will make you come so fuckin’ hard the stars in the sky will disappear.”
“Y-you don’t understand.”
Pulling my hands away from my face gently, he locked his eyes on mine. He clasped both my wrists in one hand, and in the slowest, sexiest gliding movement, slid his other hand into my jeans, beneath my underwear. “Don’t I?”
“I don’t even know if I…” I groaned miserably. “This is so embarrassin’, but I don’t even know if I can get wet enough for you. I’ve heard that, you know, that older women have trouble?—”
The little breath I’d been able to drag into my lungs rushed out of me as he cupped his hand over my pussy possessively.
“You ain’t that old.” The quiet growl rising from deep within his chest made my barren insides clench with anticipation. “And you’re plenty wet for me.”
All the fear and anxiety I’d held in for ten years, the disgust I had for my mom body, my menopausal and cancer-surviving body, it all swirled so quickly inside my head that I felt dizzy again.
“Oh God. Oh jeez. But I didn’t even say it yet.”
“Mm,” he rumbled, “I’m still waitin’ for you to say the words, but I figure I can give you a little taste of what you’ll be missin’ if you don’t tell me what I wanna hear.” He extended one long finger between my pussy lips and breathed deeply as he slipped it inside me.
I wondered if he could sense my desperation, the desperation currently sucking his finger in deeper. Could he sense the wildness trying to talk me into letting this continue? Did he know the agony he’d cause if he pulled his finger away and stopped touching me?
Was I really that beautiful to him, with a five-inch scar down my belly, cellulite everywhere, and?—
He withdrew his finger slowly and smeared the wetness over my clit, and then he began to rub. His eyes never left mine, and even though I wanted to hide and cover my face or close my eyes, I couldn’t.
He had me trapped in his cobalt gaze, but when he replaced his finger with two more, they didn’t feel like fingers. They felt like?—
“Oh my God.” I gasped. “Oh. My. God. How… how are you… doin’ that? More ,” I demanded. “It feels so good. More fingers. More everything. Please .”
Leaning over me, he pressed his lips against mine and whispered, “Not till you tell me.”
His mustache tickled my upper lip and his beard scratched against my chin when I almost sobbed, “What? What do you want me to say?”
“Tell me you want what I can give you.”
“What, your cock?”
“No, although that’s one option, but tell me what it is you want right now .”
“I want to fucking come ! I want you to fuck me with your tongue and make me feel so goddamn good that I have no choice but to come. I want it hard and fast. I wanna explode in your mouth.”
“As you wish,” he breathed and tilted his head, his tongue sliding into my open mouth easily.
I closed my lips over his and sucked on them, nibbled them, and opened wider for him while I worried the heat he’d caused inside my body would melt his truck bed and I’d burn with it and cease to exist.
The rhythmic thrusts of his tongue and the way it dueled with mine made the whole bottom half of my body tingle and had me imagining other kinds of thrusting, but the kiss ended way too soon as he slipped his hand out of my underwear and moved quickly down my body.
Pulling the shoes off my feet and then the jeans from my legs, he caught my high-waisted tummy-control briefs with them, and suddenly, I was bare beneath him.
I didn’t have time to feel self-conscious because he descended, fixed himself firmly between my legs, then hooked them over his impossibly wide shoulders. I felt the soft, well-worn cotton of his T-shirt under my calves as he pumped two fingers inside me again and lapped and sucked at my body like a man dying of thirst.
“Ohmygod. Ohyeah. Ohno. I can’t… I don’t know how to…”
“Let go,” he ordered between licks. “You are so fuckin’ beautiful right now that I can barely breathe. Your body is so sexy. Your voice is gonna make me come in my jeans, and the look in your eyes has me questionin’ the existence of the devil.”
I moaned and whimpered and called out his name as he fucked me with his fingers and mouth. How was it even possible that I felt an orgasm building already? My thighs shook around his head, and I clutched his hair in my hands, rolling my hips again and again.
Anybody could have driven by. Those bitchy, judgy PTA moms. A hiker could have emerged from the forest. Maybe someone had. I wouldn’t have noticed because my entire body felt like it was being lit from within.
I couldn’t think. I couldn’t worry. I could only feel.
For so long, I’d felt like I had disappeared. I was a mom, a daughter, a friend, and a widow, but I hadn’t been beautiful or desirable to anyone. Sometimes, I felt invisible.
Tonight, in Rye’s arms and in his eyes, I had reappeared.
I was unhidden.
“Come for me, Aubrey. Better yet, come for you?—”
The first orgasm had me convinced I’d been right about that heart-attack thing. Was it normal to come that fast? It made me realize just how deprived I’d been of anything that felt good.
The second made me laugh uncontrollably for five minutes while he kissed every inch of my body, until slowly, he began his delicious ministrations again with those naughty hands between my thighs.
I’d never been so aroused. Cum flowed between my ass cheeks as he fucked me again with his tongue and fingers slowly, swallowing everything I gave him down his throat, moaning wildly and urging me on.
The wet noises my body made while he rained heavenly orgasms down on me were so far from my comfort zone, I couldn’t even remember where my comfort zone was, but I couldn’t be bothered to care because his truck rocked in the dirt while I begged him to set me free, straining higher and harder to reach another release than I ever had in my life.
And the third orgasm he gave me when he slid his free hand beneath my shirt and splayed it wide over my chest between my breasts, pressing me to the truck bed and holding me still as he sucked my clit between his lips, adding a third and then a fourth finger to the violent implosion building inside me, made me clench around those thick fingers so hard that I’d surely cut off circulation.
I came again, tears leaking down the sides of my face and screaming his name so loudly, I’d probably scared all the cows at his ranch fifty miles away.
Not once did he ask me to return the favor, but little did he know, there was nothing in the world I wanted more. What exactly did he think I’d been reading every week at my romance book club?
If there was one thing I’d learned to do well from all those books, it was how to give amazing head.