Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
RYE
Monday night, after my parents had finished eating the chicken cacciatore the indomitable Calla Graves had slaved over for hours (we knew because Mama told us), I cleared my throat.
“Mama, Dad, I need to talk to y’all.”
When they weren’t entertaining company, we ate in the kitchen, at the little table I’d grown up eating on.
Mama had filled the house with fine things she loved, but she’d never gotten rid of this kitchenette. It was the heart of our family, and I could still see the crack in the wood my dad had repaired with putty when I’d gotten pissed at Junior for sitting on my favorite hat and crushing it. I’d pushed him so hard he fell against the table. It slammed against the wall, almost taking out our brother Shelby’s arm, and made a hole in the drywall. The table cracked right down the middle and nearly broke in half.
“What would you like to talk about?” Mama asked, straightening her empty plate and silverware in front of her.
I looked my dad in the eye and took a deep breath, all the happy memories of growing up on this ranch swirling like dust devils in my head.
“I quit.”
Those memories had been trying to make me lose my nerve and change my mind, but I knew deep in my bones that the path I’d been laying out for myself was the right one.
“The hell you do!” my dad boomed, and he threw his napkin onto his plate. It soaked up leftover tomato sauce and turned the folded paper towel a dirty red color.
Mama intervened. “What’s this all about, Ryder?” When I looked at her, she nodded. “Maybe if you explain, Daddy will understand it better?”
“Yes, ma’am.” My eyes found my father’s again, and they flashed the same blue as my own when I was mad. “I’ve made an offer on land I’m plannin’ to buy, and I’m gonna start up the regenerative cattle project you want nothin’ to do with.”
My dad stood, pushing his chair out behind him with his legs. It scraped across the floor. “This ranch is called Graves and Sons! What the hell you think I’m gonna do without even my youngest workin’ here with me?”
“See, that’s part of the problem right there, Dad. I’m just your youngest. To you, that means least. If Junior and Shelby don’t want anything to do with the ranch, then you’ll take what you can get with me. Ain’t that right?”
“Son—”
Dropping my napkin on the table, I stood too. “No, Dad. Let’s be honest with each other. It’s about time, don’t you think? You don’t want anything to do with my ideas, but I can’t continue in this line of work doin’ the same damn things every other cattle rancher has done for ages. There’s new ways. Better ways. And if I don’t go off on my own and show you, you’ll never understand.
“But I’m done tryin’ to make you understand. I need… I need my own goddamn air. My own land. I need to prove to myself that I’m not just Grady Graves’s son. It’s time I planted my own roots.”
His enraged stare didn’t convince me he understood at all.
Throwing my hands up in the air, the frustration I’d felt all my life while I’d waited for him to notice me began to break loose from my chest. “I don’t get it! You’re the youngest in your family. The baby just like me. So why all my life have you treated me like I’m nothin’? Like I’m not good enough. Smart enough. Strong enough. All I’ve ever wanted was to honor your legacy.”
“Yeah, I’m younger,” he clipped, and he swung his arm out. It knocked over his empty beer can, which almost fell over the edge of the table, but Mama caught it. “And I had to scrape and climb to make this business and the lifestyle you take for granted.”
“Take it for granted? How have I ever done that?”
He bristled, shaking his head. “You wouldn’t know the first thing about buildin’ somethin’ from the ground up. You’ve had it easy.”
“Easy?” I laughed. “If you think workin’ for you was easy, maybe dementia’s settin’ in. You’re right. This ain’t my business. Ain’t my ranch. You never let me forget it. I didn’t build it. You did. And dammit, I’ve always been proud of you for that, but you’ve never been proud of me for anything. Nothin’ I do is ever good enough. So I’m done. I love you. God knows why some days, but I’m just done.”
I downed the rest of my beer in one long gulp, then crushed the can in my hand. “Oh, and I’m takin’ Presley and Blue with me.”
My dad said nothing, and Mama reached a hand toward me.
“No, Mama. You can’t patch this one up. Thank you both for givin’ me a job all these years. I couldn’t have done this without your generosity, but I’m out. It’s time I go somewhere I’m appreciated.”
“Son,” my dad said again, and I wanted so badly to hear regret in his voice that I actually imagined I had, but it was only a manipulation he thought might make me change my mind. “I didn’t mean to?—”
“I know you think you didn’t mean to run me like every other cowboy who’s ever worked this land, but you did. But that’s all fine. You taught me everything I know about this business, and I’m grateful. You gave me a foundation to build on, and that’s what I plan to do, so with the deepest respect, boss , I quit.”
Mama’s soft voice broke through the rough air between Dad and me. “What are your immediate plans, Ryder?”
“I’m leavin’ in a week. I’m gonna drive up to Oregon, to those farms I’ve been tellin’ you about. There’s a lot I can learn up there. I’ll be back before the drive, and that will be my last contribution to G&S. I’ve already worked it out with Presley. He’ll take over for me until y’all can find a new foreman. He even agreed to move into my cabin temporarily so he can be close when you need him.”
My dad turned and yanked his chair back, then sat silently. He scooted his legs under the table, looking defeated, which was something I’d rarely witnessed.
“I’ll still be close. Wisper’s only an hour’s drive away. If you need me, I’ll always be here for you. I love you both, but I gotta do this.”
Finally, Dad’s eyes met mine again. “There’s nothin’ I can say, is there?”
“No, sir. My mind’s made up.”
He nodded solemnly and stood again slowly. He pushed in his chair, walked around the table to kiss Mama’s cheek, and then he shoved out the kitchen door.
I watched him go, thinking his exit tonight was no different than any other day. As much as it hurt, it was also what made me know he’d be fine without me. Graves & Sons Cattle would continue. It would always be the Wyoming institution my dad had made it into, just without the “sons.”
Maybe Junior would make a reappearance. He hadn’t been home in a long time. He’d grown up in the business, too, but he’d given up our way of life for a chance to do something different and make his own money. But plans change. I was proof of that, so I’d call my oldest brother and see what he was up to. Maybe if he came home, it’d lessen the blow I’d just dealt my dad.
“Ryder,” Mama said softly.
“Look, Mama, I know what you must think but I?—”
“You don’t know a damn thing, son. Sit down and listen up.”
Being treated like a child by my mother made my blood boil, but deeply ingrained manners wouldn’t let me react. “Yes, ma’am,” I said, and I sat. I relaxed my shoulders and waited for the verbal slap I was about to receive.
“ I’m proud of you,” she said, and I about fell out of my chair.
“What? You’re?—”
“Proud of you,” she said again. This time she smiled. “Daddy will come around. He may never get on board with your ideas, but he’ll see the hard work you put in with the Lee brothers.”
“How do you know?—”
“I know everything, darlin’. You can’t hide from your mama. And after some time, your daddy will see the benefit of your choice too.”
“Thank you for sayin’ so. I don’t know if you’re right, but I love you.”
I listened to the crickets chirping outside while she studied my face, probably trying to determine how serious I was about this new venture.
Finally she said, “I know you love me, son, and I love you. I hope you’ve thought this plan all the way through. I don’t know if Wisper is where you should go, but a man needs to find his own way whether it works out or not.”
Way to be supportive, Mom. Hadn’t she just said she was proud of me?
“You always were a stubborn thing,” she said. “Always had to do things your way. Remind you of anyone you know?”
Yeah, it sure did.