Chapter 10
Deranged
Raven
“Okay, spill. You’ve got that look. What is it?”
I peek at her from under my arm, playing dumb. “What look?”
Her eyebrows lift and she looks thoroughly unimpressed. “The one that screams, ‘I’m spiraling and overthinking.’”
I sigh dramatically and roll onto my back, staring at the ceiling like it owes me an explanation. “It’s not like that. Kane’s existence is pissing me off.”
Rachel’s mouth twitches, and I can see the amusement flicker in her eyes, but she wisely stays quiet as I sit up, rubbing my temples.
“He’s annoying,” I continue, the words just spill out like I’ve ripped open a dam. “He’s never serious about anything. He’s bossy, smug, and he thinks he knows everything.”
I let out a breath and roll off the bed, pacing the room like a caged animal. The energy needs to go somewhere, and apparently, lying down isn’t cutting it.
Rachel watches me like she’s watching her favorite TV show. “Yeah, why don’t you tell me how you really feel?”
I stop, whipping around. “I just did.”
Rachel hums, full of judgement and not an ounce of subtlety. “Mmm. Sure. I happen to know you also think he’s gorgeous. I know you get all hot and bothered every single time he looks at you. And I definitely know you’re in denial about your feelings for him.”
I scoff. Loudly. “Excuse me?”
But she’s already smiling ear to ear.
“All you’ve done is think about sucking his face off. Or maybe…” She pauses for effect. “... you’re wishing to suck something else off.”
Heat rushes up my neck like I’ve been set on fire, and I gape at her, choking on my own air. “Rachel!”
She just grins, looking way too pleased with herself. “Just saying, babe. Own it.”
“Oh, absolutely not.” I throw my hands up like I’m warding off a curse. “Nope. We are not going there. Delete that thought from your brain. Burn it. Bury it. Immediately, no.”
Rachel winks. “Too late.”
Groaning, I grab a pillow and hurl it at her head. She dodges like a damn ninja, cackling.
“You could not be further from the truth.”
“And you’re in so much denial,” she sings, tossing the pillow right back at me.
It smacks me right in the face.
The thing is, she’s not wrong.
These are feelings I haven't really examined, nor do I want to. I like things the way they are and the moment that line is crossed, everything changes.
And that’s not an option.
Besides, we’re in another country. I’m going home eventually. And Kane? He’s the kind of man who leaves a mark and I’d rather not find out firsthand just how hard he’d be to forget.
“Oookay, Miss Perfect, let's talk about how you have a boyfriend at home who refuses to commit, and you’re over here with an equally gorgeous man willing to commit to at least one good orgasm.” I give her a pointed look, crossing my arms. “Are we going to dive into that while we’re at it?”
Rachel’s smug expression vanishes, and her mouth opens then closes. Like a fish gasping for air.
She exhales loudly, visibly regrouping. “We’re just friends. And you’re right about one thing, it’s definitely complicated.” She hesitates, absently playing with the edge of her coffee cup. “Bobby’s great, and he’s going to propose… eventually. He just has a few…” She pauses. “Commitment issues.”
I tilt my head, arching a brow. “A few commitment issues?”
Bobby is a fucking joke. He’s been stringing her along for years. It's the same story every time she brings up taking the next step. He pulls away, going radio silent for days, sometimes weeks. Then, like clockwork, he shows back up, acting like nothing happened. And she forgives him. Again.
“Okay, fine. More than a few. But it’s not all bad.”
She groans, and her tone shifts, softer now, like she’s trying to convince herself.
“And yeah, I know Cam’s hot. We’ve been over this. I'm not blind.” She gestures vaguely. “I love knowing that I don’t have to worry about him making a move or reading into things. I can actually breathe around him. I’m not into Cam like that.”
I stare at her for a beat.
Then I deadpan, “You’re so full of shit.”
With a sigh, I place a hand on her arm, squeezing gently. “For what it's worth? You don’t have to decide anything right now. Just… do what’s best for you, not what anyone else expects. And don’t waste your time feeling guilty about it.”
I get it. I really do.
I was stuck in my own hell for years before the universe practically had to drag me out of it. And once I was finally free, I could breathe again. I saw things for what they really were, not the watered-down version I convinced myself was okay.
I hate seeing her go through the same thing.
“I just don’t want you to waste your time on someone who’s never going to give you what you deserve.” I pause, letting the words settle. “Whether Cam’s in the picture or not.”
Rachel’s expression shifts and I can see her defenses deflate a little. “I know you’re right. I do.” She swallows hard. “But it’s… hard. And as much as I hate to admit it, I'm scared.”
Her voice drops, quieter now. “What if things end badly? What if someone gets hurt because I walk away? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. And what if I leave Bobby and still end up with nothing?” She hesitates. “We still have good days, ya know?”
I do know.
I lived in that limbo for too long, clinging to the good days, pretending they outweighed the bad. Pretending it was worth staying. It never was.
“Yeah, I get it.”
She looks relieved, like she expected me to push harder, but I know better. You don’t walk away until you’re ready and no one can make that choice for you.
I give her a small, knowing smile. “I feel the same about Kane.”
Rachel’s head whips toward me so fast, I think she might get whiplash.
“Oh, we’re talking about Kane now?” She smirks.
I roll my eyes. “I just mean… I really enjoy being friends with him. He’s obviously hot and fun, but at the same time, I promised myself I wouldn’t date anyone.
I didn’t come here to find a man. I came to spend time with my best friend, explore the countryside, and to find out whatever I can about my family. ”
Rachel nods, watching me closely.
Then, like a switch flipping, she grins. “So… let’s go out tonight. No boys, no complications. Just fun.”
“What are you thinking?”
Rachel’s smile turns downright wicked. “Let’s just say… I know a place.”
I grab my phone and type out a text to Kane to thank him, before I forget. I know once we go out, I won't be worried about my phone.
Me: Heyyy. Thanks for the tour, I had a lot of fun! Even though you made me eat haggis. I’m still a little sweaty just thinking about it.
I see the dots pop up, only for them to disappear. Just as I'm about to put my phone down, his reply comes through.
Kane: You’re welcome. I knew you’d like it. But I also wouldn’t make you eat something that was gross… I'm a little wounded.
I roll my eyes, biting back a smile. Wounded? Please.
Me: Do your feelings always get hurt so easily? I think there’s something that should be able to fix that.
His reply comes through almost immediately.
Kane: I thought I smelled something funny at dinner. You might want to shower before you decide to do anything else. … & enlighten me, what could fix me, Princess?
My mouth drops open. RUDE.
Me: EXCUSE ME?! I do not smell. You have NO idea how much I hate trying new food... I know, I know, it's stupid. But I still hate it. ... I’m a child, I know. Stop laughing.
Kane: Who said I was laughing
I can feel the smugness dripping off that text.
Me: You’re laughing. I can hear it.
He leaves me on read.
I stare at my phone, waiting, watching the screen like an idiot. The little bubbles pop up again… then disappear.
And then nothing. He's such an annoying, insufferable man.
I drop my phone onto the bed with an exasperated groan, rolling onto my stomach.
If I’m being honest, I was sweating when he was trying to talk me into eating that.
I don’t know why I have such a fear of trying new food, but I do.
Another mystery to add to The Book of Raven: Unsolved and Mildly Embarrassing Edition.
Although… he did manage to talk me into it faster than anyone ever has. Rachel included. Maybe it was the accent. Or the voice. Or the way he said my name. Or just him. Ugh.
I groan, pressing my face into the pillow. Nope. Not going there. I probably should’ve just said thanks and left it at that. But no. Every time I talk to him, I apparently forget how to function. Even forming sentences is a struggle because that damn voice of his scrambles my brain.
And don’t even get me started on his smartass comments. Those really push my buttons. Then there’s the fact that every time he opens his mouth and tells me what to do, I want to punch him in the face. And maybe also kiss him.
Yup, this is exactly why I'm not dating. If we stay friends, he can be like an annoying older brother. A much older brother… I don’t even know how old he is, anyway.
While we’re adding to the list of things I don’t know about him, let’s go ahead and tack on why the hell he gets under my skin so badly. If I didn't know any better, I’d think that he was doing it on purpose.
Usually, people don’t get to me this easily. But Kane is slowly becoming the exception to every rule.
I sigh, debating if I have the energy to go out tonight. If we don’t make plans soon, I’m clocking out.
“Rach, are you going to shower?” I yell from the bed, too lazy to get up and find her. I think she’s in the kitchen, but who knows.
Rachel sprints into the room like she’s being chased. “Yes! Just a quick rinse, I promise! Not even washing my hair. I’ll be fast, and then we can leave. And… calm your tits, it’s only seven!”
At least she knows the clock is ticking before I officially tap out.
I groan, sitting up as my phone buzzes.
Kane: Okay, I won’t make fun of you too badly. I’d still recommend a shower, though.
For hygienic purposes, obviously.
Did he really just—?
Then another text comes through.
Kane: And maybe I like the smell of sweat??...
I blink. Is this guy for real?
A laugh bursts out of me before I can stop it. Half the time, I genuinely can’t tell if he’s joking or dead serious. It’s infuriating. And yet, I can't figure out if that’s a good or a bad thing. He keeps me on my toes, which is probably dangerous.
I roll my eyes, but my body, the traitorous whore that she is, doesn’t get the memo.
My pulse kicks up a notch and there’s that stupid flutter in my stomach. Every time his name pops up. It’s like my body and my brain aren’t on speaking terms anymore.
Me: Okay, you did NOT just say that.
That explains so much about why you’re struggling to find women…
But don’t worry, I’m an excellent wingwoman.
Ask Rachel!
I smile as I hit send.
Kane: Who says I'm struggling?…
Of course he’d say that.
Me: How rude of me.
You probably have a girlfriend tied up in your basement right now. Just waiting until she’s ripe from all that stressing. Is that when you go down and have your way with her???
… honestly, everyone has their kink. It's okay! Don’t be shy!
There’s a pause. Then…
Kane: Wow, that was…
…Everyone??? What’s yours?
I snort, biting my lip as I stare at the screen. Shit. I didn’t mean to go there!
I can already feel my face heating up.
What is with this guy? One second, he acts like I exist just to test his patience, and the next… he’s flirting?
Sure, we shared an earth-shattering, time-stopping, universe-altering kiss. The kind of kiss you write about in your journal and tell your best friend in mortifying detail. But maybe he was just drunk. Maybe ‘kiss an American’ was something he wanted to cross off his bucket list.
Emotional whiplash. That’s what this is.
I don’t know why I even care. Men can fuck all the way off… unless I say otherwise.
I take a deep breath.
Me: You’re out of control.
Kane: Oh, I assure you, Princess, I'm very much in control.
Right.
My eyes roll so hard I nearly give myself a headache.
I toss my phone on the bed and grab my shoes. If I don’t get them on now, I’ll never hear the end of it from Rachel.
Me: Yeah, sure you are, Mr. Perfect.
Kane: Well, perfection comes naturally to some of us.
Me: Naturally insufferable, more like it.
Kane: Insufferably charming, you mean?
Me: Is that what you call it?
I’d for sure describe it a little differently…
Kane: I'm intrigued, go on…
Me: We don’t have time to unpack those control issues, sir.
We’re headed out for the night, so that might have to wait for another day. Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll survive.
Kane: You’re right,
‘Tour Guide Kane’ is exhausted after working so hard today.
Me: You can’t be that tired… you didn’t even finish the itinerary we paid good money for.
We were promised a castle.
Kane: Does the Princess always get what she wants?
Me: Usually.
Kane: Noted
Kane: Don’t worry, I always keep my promises.
Me: Just keep your weird food away from me, and we’ll be fine.
Kane: Can’t make any promises about that. I like them sweaty, remember?
Me: UGH, you’re impossible…
Kane: Don’t forget charming!
I'm clutching my phone, still grinning like an idiot when Rachel walks back into the room, raising her eyebrows.
“What did he say?”
I read her the messages between giggles, and her eyes widen. By the time I finish, she’s shaking her head, and her lips are twitching.
“He’s a deranged weirdo,” She laughs. “But, like… kinda charming in a messed-up way.”
I shake my head, still smiling. “Yeah, well, I'm not falling for it.” I pause. “Still funny, though.”
Rachel disappears into the closet. “Mmm-hmm. Keep telling yourself that. Now, get your ass up. We’re going out.”
I sit up, reaching for the shoes I never put on. What even was that conversation? I'll admit, he is funny, in an infuriating sort of way.
Rachel walks past me toward the door, grabbing her phone off the table. “Are you ready? Waiting on you.”
“I’m coming!” I grab my phone and follow after her.
I pause, glancing toward the couch. “You know, we could just stayyy.” I drag the word out dramatically, attempting to lure her back inside. “Sit on the porch, have some wine, talk about life. You love that kind of stuff.”
Rachel stops mid-step and levels me with a look. “Bitch, we are going out. Let's go!”
I groan but let her drag me toward the door. As we step outside, I punch in the code to lock it, only to hear a sharp beep of rejection.
I frown. “That’s weird.”
Rachel crosses her arms, unimpressed. “It’s six numbers. What’s the hold up?”
“Fine,” I huff, stepping aside. “Go ahead, Einstein.”