Chapter 40 I’m Sorry What?
I’m Sorry What?
Raven
Iclose the door behind me, leaning against it as I exhale slowly. My heart is still racing, and not just from what happened with Kane, but from everything else that’s been thrown at me lately.
A small laugh escapes before I can stop it. The absurdity of it all hits me like a bus.
I press my fingers to my lips, still tingling from the memory of his kiss. God, that kiss. That kiss is going to haunt me in the best and worst ways. It’s burned into my bones, and I hate how much I’m not fighting it anymore.
Kane is… intoxicating. It’s not just his stupidly perfect body or that lethal smile.
Normally, I’d flip out on anyone trying to boss me around. Hell, I’d make them regret it. But with him, it’s different. It’s like he’s rewired my brain without my permission, and I can’t decide if I want to slap him or drag him back for another round. Maybe both. Probably both.
I was so adamant about swearing off men, so determined to declare my independence like some crusader for emotional freedom. And yet, Kane walks in and makes me question everything with a single glance. A single touch. How did I let it get this far?
But, of course, the moment of bliss can’t last. My smile fades, replaced by the unease that’s been creeping in since the light situation. The heat in my hands… the timing… could I have caused it? Is that even possible?
I push off the door and pace the room, running my fingers through my hair.
It’s ridiculous. I’ve never done anything like that before.
Obviously. But the memory keeps looping in my mind, tugging at the edges of my resolve.
My stomach twists at the idea that I might be connected to whatever the hell is happening around me.
No. I need answers.
I grab my phone, quickly dialing Rachel’s number, as I wait for her to pick up. It only rings twice before her familiar voice comes through. “Hey girl!” she yawns.
“Hey,” I try to keep my voice calm even though my emotions are all over the place. “You busy?”
“I miss you too, depends. Are we talking emergency level gossip or I need to hide a body?” Her tone shifts and she sounds more alert now. At least I can count on her unflinching loyalty.
“Somewhere between those two.” I drop onto the edge of the bed, pressing my free hand to my forehead. “I think I might be losing my mind, and I need you to tell me I’m not.”
She snorts. “You’ve always been crazy, babe. But tell me what’s up, and I’ll be the judge of what level we’re talking.”
“Well, tonight at Kane’s—” is as far as I get.
“I knew it! Oh my God, tell me…His dick is huge, isn’t it? And if you say he didn't wrap his big ass hands around your throat, I swear you're lying. He oozes choke-you energy.”
“Rachel, seriously?” I groan, rolling my eyes even though I can’t fight the smile tugging at my lips.
“He’s hot and I might like him, but that’s not why I'm calling.” I take a breath.
“We were talking, and one of his guys came in to tell him that every single light outside shattered. Like, all of them. At once.”
Rachel’s tone turns serious. “Okay, that sounds insane… but I don’t think you’re imagining things. Maybe Kane likes you, you like him, and the lights exploded because of all the sexual tension. I knew I was onto something that first night there.”
“This is not about Kane,” I sigh and wait for her to be done laughing. I will not choose violence today. I deliberately left out the library, the kiss, and… everything else. Not because I don’t trust her, but because saying it out loud would make it even harder to ignore the mess I’m making.
There’s a brief pause on her end, and I can practically hear her opening her mouth, deciding against it, and then changing her mind again. The silence stretches just long enough to make me nervous before she suddenly bursts out laughing again.
“Bitch, it’s about time you woke the fuck up!” Her voice practically crackles with amusement. “I love you, but Kane has been drooling over you since you verbally assaulted him in the bar.”
I open my mouth to respond, but she steamrolls right over me. “Please tell me you fucked that God of a man. Because I’m telling you, if you haven’t—”
“Rachel!” I screech, my voice high enough to wake the dead. “Do not finish that sentence!”
She’s laughing so hard I can barely understand her, and despite myself, I start laughing, too. It feels good, even if I’m mostly laughing at how stupid we sound.
“Okay, wow,” she finally wheezes. “That’s… a lot. Like, a lot a lot. But seriously, do you think there’s more to this witchy stuff than you’re willing to admit? Because it’s starting to sound less like a maybe and more like a yeah.”
I sigh, dragging a hand through my hair. “I don't know,” I admit. I can feel the frustration simmering, but I ignore it. “I can’t shake the feeling that I need to figure it out. One way or another. I need answers, no matter how ridiculous they sound.”
Rachel hums thoughtfully, and I can practically see her smug little smile through the phone. “I’ve literally been telling you that this whole time, babe, but I’m glad you’ve finally come to the party.”
I roll my eyes, steering the conversation to safer ground.
Rachel fills me in on her trip home. As much as I want to laugh at her Bobby complaints, I bite my tongue and let her talk.
It’s nice to talk about normal things, even if it's only for a few minutes. We toss around a few dates for her to come back, and I’m already mentally circling them on an imaginary calendar, counting down the days.
Then she tells me she’s going out of town for work and she’ll likely be in a dead zone, but she’ll check in when she can.
“Oh! Wait,” I say, as a thought strikes me. “Before you go, can you check the office at the house? Like, really check it. Look for anything that might help. Books, journals, dusty old heirlooms, anything that might scream useful or witchy. I don’t know.”
She yawns, and I can practically hear her rolling her eyes. “You got it, Nancy Drew. I’m going to crash. I’m tired. Anything else, just text me.”
“Shit, I’m sorry. I completely forgot about the time difference.”
Her laugh is heavy with exhaustion. “Of course you did. Go figure out your witchy shit, get some dick, and call me later.”
“And hey, I love you. Be careful, okay?” she adds before hanging up.
I toss my phone onto the nightstand with a heavy sigh.
The room is quiet, but my mind is anything but.
It’s tangled in a never-ending spiral of questions, theories, and possibilities that feel just out of reach.
We’re not even going to touch on Kane. Stupid, frustrating, infuriatingly hot, Kane.
The man is a walking, talking, trap, and I walked right into it with open arms.
After what feels like hours of tossing and turning, I finally give up. Letting out a frustrated huff, I slide out of bed and grab the blanket draped over the bottom of the bed. I wrap it around my shoulders, and pad quietly to the door, making sure my steps are muffled against the plush rug.
I’m sure Kane’s high-tech security system is all rigged up, but I step outside anyway. If there’s an alarm, I’ll deal with the fallout later.
The cool air hits me, and I just stand there, letting it wash over me. Stars scatter across the sky like shards of glass, glittering against all that black. The garden is too still—like it should calm me down, but instead it winds me tighter.
Right now, I need the space and a second to breathe.
I wander through the garden, letting the chill brush against my skin, the blanket still wrapped tightly around my shoulders.
I tilt my head back and just look up at the sky.
The faint rustle of leaves adds a steady rhythm to the night, and somewhere in the distance, I can hear an owl.
For once, my brain isn’t on the never-ending hamster wheel.
My thoughts are still messy, sure, but at least they’re not drowning me anymore.
The moon peeks out from behind the clouds, and I take a deep breath, letting the air fill my lungs.
It's working to soothe more of the chaos swirling inside me.
My mind wanders back to my childhood, and I smile thinking about what it would be like to grow up in a place like this.
A castle, with endless gardens, a magical forest right in my backyard?
My imagination would’ve ran wild. I would've had secret kingdoms by the lake, forbidden adventures in the trees, and I would’ve claimed every inch of this place as my own.
I can almost see my grandmother in the garden, the two of us planting flowers, her stories weaving magic into every corner of the grounds.
And the woods? God, that would’ve been my favorite place.
She used to tell me stories about fairies hiding in the woods, and I swear her eyes would sparkle like she’d seen them herself.
The boundaries are thinner in the trees, she’d say. Anything is possible there.
Standing here now, with the trees crowding around me, her words settle deep in my chest. I believed her then. But now? There's no denying this place is magical.
I look around and realize I’m close to the spot where I left the offering the night of the ball. I can still hear his low, velvety voice in my ear, telling me to pick something special.
I see a glimmer out of the corner of my eye at the base of a tree and it looks like something shiny is nestled in the roots. “No way.” The words slip out with disbelief, and I pick up my pace. My heart pounds harder with every step closer.
I wasn’t expecting to find anything here. Hell, I was expecting the flowers I left to still be there. Maybe I imagined it and it’s just the moonlight flickering through the branches.
But as I get closer, my breath stops.
At the base of the tree, there's a dagger. My dagger. The very one I left in my bag back at the house. The one I definitely didn’t leave under this tree.