Chapter 4
Talvie
“Lumi scouted ahead,” the little moon says, but I’m too busy staring at a nightmare to respond. “The town up there has an inn—The Laisi Mula. Valkie should head there, find shelter. Maybe bathe.”
It’s a good thing she can’t actually smell me, because the only thing worse than how I smell after days on the run is how I look in this reflection. This can’t be real.
Two days of scurrying through the forest like a wretched beast, my heart jumping at every sound that could be huntsmen tracking me or wild animals ready to devour me, and this is the first chance I’ve had to see myself. I stare in abject horror at the image in the reflecting pond.
That is me, right? I lift a hand, and the woman in the water mirrors my movement.
I gawk.
“Lumi, what did you do to me?”
“You’re disguised!” the small moon informs me.
“Not like this! I look like…I look…Did you turn me into a Wilder Fae?”
“Well, not truly, of course. But by appearance—”
“Fix it!”
Lumi only hovers slightly higher, obviously as disgusted by my new look as I am.
“Lumi, I need out of this Deep-forsaken forest, and I cannot be seen in public like this! Like…like…one of them.”
“That’s the point, Valkie. You won’t be seen.”
“Of course I will! I need to find food, shelter, help. You just said something about a town. People are going to see me.”
“No,” Lumi insists, “they won’t see you. They’ll see a Wilder Fae.”
“Exactly! I am not walking around looking like a Wild One. It’s bad enough I’m dirty and scratched up. Turn me back!”
Lumi tuts. “No.”
“Lumi, turn me back! Now!”
“No. The fact that it is so distasteful to you is what makes it a perfect disguise. Lumi knows.” The sliver of waning crescent moon that she’s been holding to provide me light without drawing too much attention slides to nothing, leaving me in the dark forest.
She’s never fought me on anything before, never spoken back to me in all our time together, and I don’t know what to make of it.
I’m speechless. She can’t seriously think I would be okay with looking like a Wild One.
I know the Wilder Fae don’t like that term, but I’ve never felt it more appropriate than right now.
My beautiful brown skin is at least three shades too pale to be considered pretty at Court. My eyes, usually a vibrant aubergine, are now the plain blue of sapphires. So dull. My hair—my shimmering white hair—is now the deep blue of the midnight sky, glittering with tiny stars. And my ears…
“At least give me higher points on my ears. I can’t stand these sad low points. They don’t even poke through anymore, Lumi! I thought you were just going to change my hair color and my clothes. Not…all of this!”
“Listen, little snowdrop. All the Queen’s huntsmen search for you. Since their prejudice matches your own, they’ll be looking for a Point Fae in disguise.”
I scoff a little at that. I’m not prejudiced. I don’t…I just…I’m not one of them, that’s all!
“They’ll never think to look for a Wilder Fae.”
“Of course not,” I huff. “Why would anyone choose this?”
Lumi circles me once, somehow making it feel disapproving. “You do know that over a third of fae in all of Havansarr are Wilder Fae, don’t you? Many are your citizens in the Hinterlands.”
“Yes, of course I know that. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with them. I just…I can’t be one, okay? I know nothing about them!”
“Because you don’t notice what is around you, not because you cannot see it, but because you’ve been taught to look away. Perhaps now is a good time to change that,” Lumi says sweetly.
“I’m not—it’s not a choice, okay? It’s not on purpose. But they’re not like us; they’re not my people.”
“Aren’t they? They are of the Hinterlands.”
The question hangs between us, and for the first time since I was a child, I’m uncertain about the division between our kinds.
Lumi presses the point. “It’s not your fault, Valkie.
Lumi is not condemning you for how you were raised, little snowdrop.
Wilder and Point Fae have been kept apart for ages, a separation that continued to be enforced by your father and now your stepmother.
You’ve never known different, but Lumi senses you’re about to learn, aren’t you? ”
Grumbling, I turn again to the reflecting pond.
Turning my head this way and that makes the stars in my midnight hair sparkle.
If the rest wasn’t so horrifying, I suppose the hair could be sort of pretty, but does my skin have to be so pasty?
Mostly, I can’t get over the ears. I refuse to think of them as mine.
They barely peek from between the blue curls, and no matter how my red lips shine or my hair sparkles, I know deep in my gut that I’m not that unrecognizable woman. This Wild One.
I look downright Unseelie.
Lumi has a point, though. Absolutely no one would look for me like this. I’m not sure whether to beg Lumi again to give me a different reflection, or just to burst into tears as the last terrible days catch up to me.
Before I can choose, another image joins mine in the pond. The face of a man appears over my left shoulder, with fair skin and messy, pale hair—a Wild One in every sense.
With a scream, I whirl, ready to strike with my ice magic, ready to fight, ready to…
There’s no one there.
Panic drums in my chest. Nothing. No one.
My foot slips on the bank, plunging into icy water and throwing the reflections into shards. I scream again. The only answer is Lumi calling my name.
“Where did he go?” Frantic, I scramble out of the water, searching. Who was it? An attacker? A spy? Assassin?
“Who?”
“The man! He was right there. He practically leaned over my shoulder. Why didn’t you warn me, Lumi?”
“Lumi saw no one.”
“He was there! I saw him.” I flail my hand toward the pond.
Lumi floats low, casting her glow over the rippling water as she gives a curious hum. “Reflecting ponds do sometimes show…more. A vision, perhaps.”
“Vision? Like an omen? Oh, sweet waters, I’m going to die, aren’t I? Was that a reaper? Don’t let me die looking like this, Lumi!”
“Breathe, Valkie. You need rest; that’s all. You’ve traveled nonstop with hardly any food beyond scavenged berries. Maybe you’re seeing things in your tired state. It will all look better after some sleep. As Lumi said, there’s a village, and an inn with a mule on the sign. We go there.”
I’m too shaken to argue. My new appearance, the disappearing man, the days of freezing in the woods following the cutting betrayals, it’s all too much.
I should probably thank Lumi for all the times she looks out for me and keeps me calm, but all I can manage is a tight nod.
I just want out of these woods. I’m going to have to face people with this new, horrid appearance.
There’s a gnawing pit in my stomach that is only partly from fear of huntsmen finding me. I can’t imagine this will go well.
The afternoon sun warms the cobblestones, melting ice from steeply sloped rooftops as I edge along the outskirts of Ylvara. I learned the village’s name from several shop signs—Ylvara, the place of the wolf. The irony isn’t lost on me; I feel hunted, the weight of eyes on me from every shadow.
It’s bigger than I expected for a town in the middle of the Frozen Forest. Cautious, I stick close to the forest’s edge so Lumi’s magic can maintain my disguise.
The little moon can turn into moonstone, so I need a way to keep her with me in that form.
Unfortunately, I can’t simply drop her in a pocket since her reflections need light to work.
I need a pendant, something simple enough for a Wild One.
For now, Lumi is dim above the trees, invisible against the sunlight.
Scents of roasting meat and the clamor of merchants guide me to the market. Townsfolk crowd the streets, their arms laden as they bustle along, making my heart thud with every bump. It’s all so overwhelming.
And the people! There are all sorts, mingling and milling together, calling out to one another.
I can’t help staring. That woman has horns!
I count no fewer than four different tails.
There’s typical pale-skinned Wilder Fae, but also ones with shades of green, violet, and blue.
A girl with feathers covering her arms walks past me, swinging a basket of bread.
I tug my cloak tight around me. It’s glamoured to look as plain and patched as those on the fae outside the capital so I don’t stand out, though I’m beginning to wonder if that would matter here.
Still, I keep expecting to hear cries of “Imposter!” at any moment, and have the town turn on me. The breath is stuck in my lungs, my ears playing tricks with every sound. I anticipate sleigh runners whooshing up beside me, firm hands grabbing me and tossing me inside, carting me off to my death.
Don’t act so suspicious, Valkie, Lumi whispers in my mind.
Easy for her to say. I’ve never been great at acting.
At the edge of the market, I find a jeweler’s stall. The vendor, an older man with a lined face, observes my approach through deep-set eyes. My gaze darts away from the scrutiny. Storms below, I can’t do this.
Chin up, little snowdrop. You’re not doing anything wrong.
With Lumi’s encouragement, I take a breath and approach.
The old man arranges a pretty lapizstone to catch the light. “This would look lovely with your eyes,” he says, his voice gravelly.
Why would I want to match this ugly eye color? I must make a face, because he smiles. “Or perhaps something simpler.” He moves his hand to a row of dull but delicate chains.
“Yes, simple.” I run a finger over a few of the necklaces. “Do you have any empty pendants?”
He squints but pulls out a small box. “I make most myself. Plenty to choose from.”
Finding one that looks about the right size for Lumi’s moonstone, I pluck it from the rest.
“Do you want me to set a special stone in it?”
“No, no, that’s fine. Um, but…I don’t have any coin.”
The man reaches out to take back the pendant, but I stop him.
“Wait, would you accept a trade?” I reach for my wrist, removing the bracelet there.
It’s the only item still on me, the rest now stuffed deep in my cloak pocket.
This bracelet is the only item Beron won't recognize if he comes looking. I got it the day before he whisked me from the palace, its newness the only reason I hadn’t grown bored with it yet.
But that also means it’s the only thing safe for me to trade.
His eyes gleam. “That’s spectrolite. Where’d you get a pretty thing like that?”
My belly clenches. “Would you trade the pendant for it?”
He turns the bracelet in his hands, then meets my gaze. “I can’t trade you this for that pendant.”
A sick feeling swoops through me. I thought it would be enough. It’s all I have. If I can’t even get a simple necklace, then how am I supposed to get a room at the inn or food to eat or clothing that doesn’t look like the royal tailor made it?
“I’m not going to swindle you, girl,” the man continues. “I’ll give you a fair price for it. You take that pendant and one of those necklaces to go with it, and I’ll give you a half purse on top. What do you say?”
“I…yes! Thank you.” Relief washes over me.
He grunts and slips my purchases into a small pouch along with the coins. “Nothin’ but fair, and now you’ve coin for the rest.”
Speechless, I head to a stall selling simple clothes, selecting a plain skirt and tunic. There will be less room for mistakes if Lumi doesn’t have to mask my clothing too.
My heart is still pounding by the time I rejoin her in the trees.
“Valkie did well.”
“That man could have cheated me for my bracelet. No merchant at the capital would ever offer more than what was asked.”
“But he was fair.”
“Why? I didn’t know better. He could have bragged about the clueless girl he bested.”
“Perhaps not all would find that honorable,” Lumi muses with a hum.
Wordlessly, I hold out the necklace. Her light collects and fades into a stone in my hand. The pendant is the perfect size for the moonstone, and Lumi’s presence is warm and familiar at my throat as I drop the chain over my head. By the time I reach the inn, I feel a little more secure.
The sign for the Laisi Mula Inn & Tavern sways in the chilly breeze. Its blue and white lettering is crisp, with a donkey in the corner and whimsical flowers, fresh and inviting. By contrast, the building is dark and worn, but a warm glow spilling from the windows promises comfort.
Inside, a glowing hearth and the hum of conversations drifting from the tavern help ease the tension from my shoulders. Lumi gives a warm pulse, reassuring me.
My disguise is in place.
I have coin for a few nights of safety.
I can bathe, sleep, and fill my belly, and then I’ll figure out what’s next.
For the first time since I fled, I feel a glimmer of hope.