Chapter 19
19
He didn’t say another word as he helped her into the car, but he kept his arm around her shoulders and her head tucked beneath his chin as they were driven back home.
Her furtive glances showed his face set in hard lines, his eyes containing a faraway look that made her chest tighten.
“What the hell just happened?” she blurted before she could stop herself.
“We broke the law but didn’t get caught,” he replied.
“I’m not talking about?—”
His grip tightened around her shoulders. “I know. I don’t have any answers, Bethany. This is a first for me, too.”
She noted that his fingers trembled against her naked skin. It sent a shudder through her to think that whatever was happening affected him just as unnervingly as it did her.
“That’s it? We’re both just going to flounder without talking about it?”
His sigh held a wealth of weariness. “What do you want me to say? That I don’t know what possesses me when we touch? That I crave you beyond reason? You already know that. I want you dripping in sweat, pleading for mercy, and screaming for more when I fuck you. I want you mindless. I want you insane for me. Then I want us to repeat the cycle all over again until one of us passes out.”
An icy shiver bumped along her skin. “What I’d like to know is why that makes you unhappy.”
“Perhaps because I’ve never felt like this before. And it scares the crap out of me.”
Her breath caught. Pulling back, she looked into his face.
Darkened grey eyes stared deep into hers, letting her see the truth of his words. Her heart beat a tattoo far different and far more soul-shaking than the sex they’d just had against the alley wall.
Zach Savage was baring a little of his soul to her. The knowledge made her reel. “Zach…”
He sucked in a long, slow breath. “I’ve been your slave since the moment I laid eyes on you. Nothing pleases me more than to see you smile, see you laugh, see you happy. I’m sorry my thoughtlessness tonight made you jealous. But even when I looked at another woman, I was thinking about you. That’s what you’ve done to me, Peaches. And yes, it scares me like nothing ever has before.”
That floored her. He said it so simply, so matter-of-factly. But then no one had put her first. Ever. Not when it counted and certainly not like this. And she found it really hard to deal with.
She was still trying when he grabbed her by the waist.
“Now you need to say something before I lose my mind.”
“I think I’m falling in love with you,” she blurted.
He froze and stared at her, nostrils pinched as he paled slightly. “Jesus…” he finally breathed.
Her heart leapt into her throat. “Is that a good Jesus or a very bad Jesus?”
He shook his head. “It’s an I-wasn’t-expecting-that Jesus.”
Her strangled laughter made him raise an eyebrow at her. “Seriously? You’re one of the most dynamic, sexiest men on the planet. You’ve been the equivalent of a force-ten gale since we met, Zach. I’ve lost several metaphorical nails hanging on for sheer survival.”
He frowned. “What are you talking about?”
She laughed. “Why does the fact that you don’t even recognize just how incredible you are surprise me?”
“If you’re talking about sex?—”
“I’m talking about sex, and I’m talking about the things you say to me, the way you look after me, what you did for me yesterday. Sure, there’s a huge amount I want to know, but what I know now makes it easy for me to fall for you.”
His eyelids swept down, shielding his expression. “Don’t fall too fast, Bethany. I may not live up to your expectations in the long run.” The hard, implacable note in his voice triggered naked fear down her spine.
“Why do you say that?”
He shook his head. “There are things about me you don’t know, things I can’t tell you…”
“You can tell me anything, Zach.”
The SUV bumped over a pothole, and he glanced away from her. She watched his profile turn remote as he stared out of the window. Jaw tight, he exhaled harshly and shook his head. “No, I can’t. I’d much rather you left me because of something I’m keeping from you than because of something that would make you despise me.”
Her breath fractured in her chest. “You think whatever you’re keeping from me will make me leave you? What did I say to you this morning in your study?”
His lips firmed. “That the only way I’d make you unhappy is to push you away.”
“Yes. And if you’re already anticipating that I’ll leave, then where does that leave us?”
He turned to her again and cradled her face in his hand as the SUV slowed to a stop. “This isn’t a small thing, Bethany. It’s fucking huge and I… I can’t risk it ending us. You mean too much for me to let that happen. And yes, it sounds incredibly selfish, but give us a little more time, baby. Please?”
Her heart pounded long and hard. “I can’t wait forever, Zach.”
He nodded. “I know, and I appreciate that.” Leaning forward, he kissed her with deep reverence. “Thank you.”
They went into the house and headed upstairs. In the shower, he washed her body with the same reverence with which he’d kissed her.
But their hunger for each other raged just as strongly as it had in the alleyway and soon the atmosphere of the simple shower changed to heat and passion. Before her senses flooded with everything that was Zachary Savage, she pulled away.
“Let’s make a deal.”
Suspicion clouded his eyes. “Not if you’re about to try that thing you did with the belt again.”
“How can I? You burned it to a crisp, remember?”
“I remember. But you’ve proven how resourceful you are. Bethany, I’m pretty damn sure I’ll fuck this up in some way before I get some things right. I only ask that you don’t punish me that way.”
The deep hurt in his eyes shocked her.
She touched his face, loved the feel of his rough five o’clock shadow against her palm. “It was less than five minutes, Zach.”
A deep shudder raked through his frame. “It felt like a fucking lifetime.”
“Oh, baby.” She started to lean down to kiss his lips. Kiss him better. His grip tightened. She raised her gaze to his and saw the determination in his eyes.
He meant to extract the promise from her. Nothing else would satisfy this man who had everything and yet seemed to want her with a passion that swept her clean away every time.
“I promise I’ll never keep myself away from you like that ever again.”
His massive chest sagged with his relieved exhalation. When he grinned, he looked years younger, and the wicked twinkle in his eyes made her heart catch. “Thank you. It’s for your own good, you know?”
“Don’t get cocky, Savage. I’ve just made you a heartfelt promise. Watch your step.”
“Yeah, but you never go back on your promises. It’s one of the first things I learned about you. And when I said it was for your own good, I meant I saw how withholding yourself from me distressed you, too. That sweet cunt of yours needs constant and careful attention. I need to know that I can give it that attention whenever necessary.”
“Oh, what, so all of a sudden you’re necessary for me?”
“I’m necessary for you, just as you’re necessary for me. The thought of not having access kills me. I need you.” He kissed her.
She lived in the world’s most cosmopolitan city, yet she’d never met anyone who could create such emotional havoc using only his words the way Zachary Savage could.
“What are you thinking?” he murmured against her mouth.
“I’m thinking we haven’t discussed my deal yet.”
He pulled back and stared down at her, his eyes suddenly serious. “I know what you want, and I agree,” he blurted as if the words scalded his mouth.
“Really, you agree to reveal one detail about yourself to me every day?”
“You mean like my shoe size or which way I load my junk?” he teased, but the wariness remained.
She slapped his arm and earned herself a quick, hard kiss. “No, I’m pretty sure I know the answer to both of those. I mean, until you’re ready to tell me this big thing that could end us, you can tell me things like who your high school crush was, what you did with your first paycheck, that sort of thing.”
He switched off the shower, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her. “Well, today’s answer is easy. I didn’t have a high school crush.”
“Oh,” she murmured as she followed him back into the bedroom. “Not even a small one?”
He looked at her over his shoulder and smiled. “Does swimming count?”
She pouted. “No, it doesn’t.”
“Sorry to disappoint you, baby.” He sat on the edge of the bed and beckoned her. “Come here.”
Her heart thumped with want and need and—God, love —as she went to him. Slowly, he dried her and pulled back the covers.
She slid in and he followed.
Their lovemaking was slow, poignant, and so heartbreakingly intense that tears welled in her eyes. He brushed them away, murmuring soft words as he cradled her close. Sighing, she burrowed into him and let his steady heartbeat lull her to sleep.
She woke in the middle of the night, her stomach hollow with anxiety.
Zach’s space was empty and cold, just as it had been the day before. Trying hard not to overthink why he’d left their bed in the middle of the night, she slid out and opened the door leading out of the suite.
The hallway lights had been dimmed, and no sound came from any of the rooms. Had Zach taken another business call downstairs?
She went back to the bedroom and slipped on a dressing gown. Seeing that the door to the terrace was ajar, she went to shut it and on impulse stepped outside. Crickets chirped in the warm night and the prevailing scent of exotic spices filled the air. Wrapping her arms around her waist, she breathed in deeply.
As if pulled by some unknown instinct, she retraced her steps along the terrace back to the spot where Zach had found her earlier tonight, staring at the mound of rocks in front of the miniature tent. As she watched, a light came on inside the tent. Her breath locked in her lungs at the familiar shadow outlined against the tent’s fabric.
A thousand questions crowded her brain as she stared, unable to tear her gaze away from the scene.
What the hell was he doing out here in the middle of the night?
The anxiety in her belly mushroomed. More than anything, she wanted to storm downstairs and demand answers. She gripped the railing instead.
She’d promised to give him time. He’d agreed to a question a day. Demanding more might push him into clamming up altogether, and that was the last thing she wanted.
The shadow moved, and Bethany stepped back from the railing. Zach emerged into the night air, his head bowed and his posture weighted in a way she’d never seen before. Beneath his white T-shirt his shoulders were tense, and his movements lacked their usual animal grace.
She quickly returned to the bedroom and got back into bed. Heart thundering, she waited. But an hour later, he still hadn’t returned.
The thought that he was out there, grappling with whatever demons haunted him, made her leap out of bed again. Opening the door, she was about to head downstairs when the light from underneath the door at the end of the corridor caught her eye.
The toy room.
Mouth dry, she approached and turned the knob.
Zach jerked around and faced her, hand poised midair where he’d been stroking a leather arm band attached to the St Andrew’s Cross.