Chapter 40
Emma
T wo more weeks pass in a haze of work projects and deadlines. Each day without Miles is one in which I curse myself for caring about him. The silence and disregard cut deep, but I’m numb to the bullshit.
“Are you sure the dates work?”
“Yes, for the fourth time.” I force out a laugh.
Terrence exhales a strangled sigh. “Good—okay. I know you’re busy, but I won’t say no to help with the flowers and decorations. I don’t want to mess this up.”
I swirl soy sauce over my lunch platter. “It will be perfect.” It’s hard not to smile at the lengths he’ll go to for my friend.
The man about to hyperventilate on the other end of the phone is planning a vow renewal for him and Justice. Terrence has been stressed for a good month about getting everyone together at a secluded Mexican resort, and he’s fighting for his life to keep from freaking out at the hint of something going left. His and Justice’s mothers are already praying hard, which should tell you how determined Terrence is to put a smile on his wife’s face.
Justice ugly cries at pet commercials and will fall out like she’s at a funeral once this comes together. She deserves someone who loves her this hard.
So do you.
I force away the thought. What’s a fairy tale for some is a nightmare for others. “I’ll call the resort to square away the ceremony decorations,” I say, to his relief. “You approved the reception menu, so we’re good for now.”
“Thank you, Em. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Just keep loving my friend.”
“Always.” The smile in Terrence’s voice is loud and clear. “Hey, we might be heading over your way before June. There’s a contract I need to wrap up with a client in LA. Jay is gonna take off a couple of weeks for you two to cut up and do whatever it is you do.”
“Our business,” I say around a bite of sashimi. Bottomless mimosa brunches and getting Justice to shop someplace other than Target are the most of our good trouble. God knows I need my friend here.
Terrence laughs. “Just don’t do anything that requires me to put up bail money. Miles and I—”
“Miles?” At the sound of the name I refused to utter the last twenty-three days, a thin strip of tuna falls from my chopsticks, splashing sauce over the documents on my glass desk. “Shit.”
“You okay over there?”
“Yeah,” I mutter in a fury, scrubbing my desk to death. “What’s going on?”
“There’s a potential investor for the training facility out there. It’s been a bitch getting on his radar, but we’ll make it work.”
Terrence is hard at work creating a space for athletes and production companies to use in Austin. He’ll work close to home and expand his services without traveling around the clock. Time away from Justice was an issue in their marriage, so he took steps to show her she’s a priority.
I guess that’s what people do when they’re in love. Something I clearly know nothing about.
“You’ll get it. Let me know if I can help.” Terrence is a good guy who deserves everything that’s coming his way.
Miles and I will have to face each other at the vow renewal, if not sooner, but that doesn’t mean I can’t ignore his existence until then. One disappearance was enough to show me where I stand. The armor I always keep firmly in place will be ready.
“Did it come?”
“Yeah.” I lift the to-go bag up to the phone. “Yours?”
Justice smiles and holds hers up.
Everyone deserves a best friend who forces a girls’ night and doesn’t take no for an answer. Justice called after work and told me to clear my evening of nonexistent plans the second I said, hello. We ordered each other’s favorite food for the video call that, hopefully, does not include a hot seat with my name on it.
“You want to tell me what’s wrong now or after we eat?” Spoke too soon . Justice pulls out her Greek chicken platter from the bag and positions the phone across from her on the dining room table. “I know, Em.”
Know what?
I follow her lead with my shrimp dish, careful to sidestep any hints about my love life or lack thereof. “What makes you think something is wrong?” I uncork a bottle of merlot to wash down the lie and shrug. “Carter came by the office,” I offer.
Justice frowns, and it’s a fight to not laugh at how much she looks like a Mowry twin without trying. “Isn’t Congress in session?”
“It is.”
“Weird, but that’s not it. You’ve been distant. We haven’t spoken much in the last couple weeks, and I want to make sure you’re okay.”
Am I okay?
Relief eases through my chest on an exhale. She doesn’t know about Terrence’s vow renewal.
“Em.”
“Yes?” I snap my attention back to Justice, whose brow furrows. She eyes me with a questioning gaze, pleading for me to open up. I bite my lip and look away. I miss him, and I hate that I do.
“Don’t hide yourself, Em.” I drop my lashes to conceal any hurt that might be visible from fourteen hundred miles away. “You’re my best friend, my sister. I know when something bothers you, and it’s okay to name it. I won’t push you, but I’m here if you need me. Okay?”
A stab of guilt buries itself in my chest. I hate keeping this secret from her. Justice and I tell each other everything. The good, the bad, the messy. I wanted to talk to her about Miles, but the potential of what could go wrong kept me from shouting it from the rooftops. Everything is different now that the very thing I fought to keep from exploding in face shattered my heart in the process.
“I fell for someone.” My voice cuts through the silence. “He opened my eyes and heart to a world around me I ignored for a long time.”
“Sounds beautiful, Em.”
I brush away a tear and push out the words before my voice breaks. “Everything I thought I’d lose letting him in, I gained. Until he proved me wrong.” Damn you, Miles. The torment I’ve tried to ignore the last few weeks overwhelms me. “I don’t want to feel this anymore, Jay.”
He left me when I told him not to let go.
Tears spill down my cheeks. I don’t sob. I don’t scream. The pain weighs me down, and I don’t know how to carry it.
Justice weathers the storm with me. She doesn’t speak or tell me it’s okay. She doesn’t make promises about it working out or finding someone better. She sits with me, the same way I sat with her.
I wipe my face, embarrassed I allowed myself to feel for him.
“There’s a red-eye I can take to reach you by morning,” Justice says.
“Not necessary, but thank you. Can you do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
“I need to forget and don’t want to bring this up again.” The only way to do that is to revert to how I was before Miles and close the door to my heart for good. Love and forevers are for people like Justice, not me. “Promise me we’ll never talk about this again, and pretend I never brought it up. I need that, Jay.”
She considers my request, her internal conflict about prying for more to heal the wound evident in her stare. “Okay. I promise,” she says through a watery smile she holds up for me. “Movie time. Jason Takes Manhattan ?”
My favorite.
“I love you, Jay.”
“Love you more.”