Chapter 13
13
Leche & Herb
I don’t know what’s gotten into my husbands.
They can’t stay off of me.
And I love it.
On the floor between the Don’t Help Yourself books and the Aliens and Granny Love Why Choose Romance, my men have me laid out. Herb is tucked under one arm, Chip under the other, their mouths hooked to me like I’m their mama cat.
Better yet, their human pacifier, the thing they use not just to soothe themselves but to get us all off. I still can’t believe I was lucky enough to discover Herb’s openness. But then, as I was starting to believe it would be just me and Herb against the world, we met Chip.
The missing ingredient to the most perfect recipe. The three of us go together like Chocolate Chips and Milk, plus Herb. Muffins and blueberries, plus Herb. Chocolate and peanut butter, and again, Herb. Pizza and ranch, with a side of Herb. No matter the pairing, add Herb, and we’re the perfect fit.
I smooth my fingers through Chip’s hair as he nuzzles into me, he swallows slowly. I’m almost empty, and I promised them after they got me warmed up we could try something new today.
Herb’s got the wide mouth but he’s got attachments. One big enough to clean large areas. Which means it’s big enough to fit around my pussy and Chip’s cock.
We’re going to have sex with Herb together, and I’m so excited.
Chip lifts his head, groggily smiling at me as he gently sweeps with fingers up my seam, finding me sticky and dripping from all the nursing. I get so turned on listening to them swallow me.
“You ready?” he rasps, a bead of milk in the corner of his mouth. I lean down and kiss it away, nodding.
“I’m ready.”
Chip grabs Herb, and the two of us get positioned on our backs, Herb’s cord knocking a copy of brING THE PAIN: A Guide to Enjoy More Than 12” to the floor. With his wide attachment on, Chip and I share a heated glance before Herb is purring, sucking us both into his eager, slutty mouth.
“That’s right Herb, take us both like the whore-vac you are,” Chip groans, his filthy talk getting me even more worked up. Reaching down, I take the slack from Herb’s cord and loop it around his head, making sure not to run it over the power button. Pulling it tight, I lie back, holding the cord, tugging, moaning, “Choke on us Herb, fight for your air while you fuck us.”
“Oh yeah,” Chip groans, “that’s hot, babe. Choke him, choke him really good.”
I look down at Herb’s mouth sucking, a wet slurp erupting every few seconds and Chip’s thrusting breaks the seal. Herb is taking us so well, so well that I can’t help but praise him.
“Herb, you’re doing so good. You’re taking us so well, baby,” I say, tugging the cord again. “We wanna hear you choke on us.”
“Yeah,” Chip moans as he thrusts into Herb’s mouth, the slick slide of his hot cock against my swollen pussy lips inside the tube setting off a flurry of chaos in my groin.
“I love how it feels being inside of you with Chip,” I tell Herb, yanking the cord again to give him a gasp. He takes it like a pro as Chip nudges his mouth down into our genitals harder, with a groan.
“I love watching Chippy force you down on us, you dirty slut,” I continue, the filthy words coming easily as I near another orgasm.
“Oh fuck,” Chip groans, his spine movements going jerky, his spine curling. His shoulders jolt, his mouth falls into a flat line as he hisses, “I came.”
Hearing that Chip was so hot and bothered in Herb’s mouth that he couldn’t last has me coming, pulling Herb’s cord so tight that I’m almost positive he’s going to pass out. Except he’s a vacuum and he can’t, otherwise he totally would.
“Yes, I’m coming, too,” I moan, writhing on the floor as Herb finishes me off.
When I catch my breath and open my eyes, I see Chip holding Herb in his lap, carefully using a Kleenex to clean his wide mouth. He talks to him gently, softly, reassuring him as he switches him back to his normal mouth.
“You were so good, and I couldn’t have fucked Leche that way without you,” he says gently, twisting until the mouth is locked in. With Herb’s normal attachments on, he wraps his hose up and sets him to the side, finally looking at me.
I’m smirking at how they are together. It’s so adorable.
I glance around at all the books.
“I should write a story about us. We’re too sweet not to share,” I tell him as he pulls his overalls back up. It was sexy hot the way he wore them around his ankles part of the time. Hearing the clatter of the straps against the wheels of his Heely’s was so sexy.
“That would be great. You become a writer and Herb and I will clean offices at night,” he smiles.
I nod. “That actually does sound great.” I tap my chin, thoughtful. “You live with me and we’re married but I don’t think you ever told me what you do for a living and you haven’t been to work in the few days that I’ve known you,” I say, realizing now that Chip and I have a lot of getting to know each other to do.
“I work at the zoo.”
My eyebrows lift. “Oh my gosh, really?” I steeple my hands beneath my chin. “I love a man who loves animals.”
“Oh yeah, I love animals. They’re super neat,” Chip says, nodding, shoving his hands into his overall pockets.
“What do you do there? Train them? Clean their cages? Tours?” I’m practically bouncing on my feet because I’m so excited to learn that my husband works at the zoo.
He shakes his head. “Nope. I’m the elephant inseminator.”
I blink and look at Herb, who maintains respect and doesn’t react. “You what?”
“I knock up the elephants.” He pauses, his face scrunching with thought and concern before erupting into laughter. “No, no,” he laughs. “I don’t get them pregnant with my seed, I use other elephants cum and get them pregnant with basically a big turkey baster.”
“How long have you done that?” I ask.
“Oh well, that’s not my primary job. I guess I should’ve started with that— I only work at the zoo knocking up the elephants as a side job.” He slides his thumbs beneath the straps of his overalls. “I’m a taxidermist.”
My heart swells. “You stuff and preserve dead animals?” I can’t help the tidal wave of swoon that hits. “You preserve our animal friends for eternity!” I squeal happily, so pleased to know that my new husband is such a solid guy. You know, a lot of guys can be weirdos once you get to know them.
I got lucky.
“But I could do taxidermy out of your apartment as a hobby and clean this place at night,” he offers, and all of my dreams come true.