8. Will
CHAPTER 8
Will
W hen we get to the truck, I open the door for Millie without saying anything. I don’t want her to dip under my arm and run home, which seems like something she would do at this moment.
I’m on thin ice after everything that’s happened with us.
After last night, I wasn’t surprised to see her in her running gear. It’s what she used to do to relieve stress. Some mornings I’d join her, and we’d race from her house to the lake on the west side of town. On rare mornings when she’d stay the night, I’d kiss her slowly, beg her to stay in bed, before she’d ultimately promise me she’d bring me a latte if I let her go.
When I saw her in the diner this morning, I debated giving her space and grabbing something to go. But Grandpa doesn’t need me until later, and I do want to talk to Millie about everything.
I want to tell her I’m sorry.
And I want her to talk to me.
Will things be like they were a few years ago? I doubt it, since my plans to stay in Willow Pines for a few weeks hasn’t changed.
But I miss Millie.
So, if all we do this morning is hike in silence, I’ll be happy .
Because I’ll be with her, and being with her is better than being alone.
Millie reaches to turn the radio station and accidentally flips the input to play the CD that’s currently inserted.
“Dead God, you’re still playing this thing? It should be burned.” Millie laughs. It’s not her typical laugh, but it’s enough to give me hope we can be friends again because she’s gradually letting down her guard.
I take one of my hands off the steering wheel and slam my chest. “How dare you suggest I throw away something so precious.”
“I can’t believe you kept this CD. Who even listens to CDs anymore?” Millie finally looks my way. For the past ten minutes, her eyes have been out the window. She couldn’t sit further away, even if she tried.
“I kept all the CDs you made me, Mills. They were, are , special to me. It’s like a look in our past, you know? And plus, they are better than any playlist from my phone.”
Millie shrugs and giggles. “Mm, okay, Will. I know for a fact that most of those mixed CDs are not great.”
At that moment, Hot In Herre by Nelly comes on, and Millie laughs again.
“You can’t tell me this isn’t a classic,” I say, stealing a glance at her.
She shakes her head and leans forward to change the song.
Crushcrushcrush by Paramore comes on next and Millie says, “Okay, we can leave this on.”
“You sure? You don’t want to try a different CD?”
“They all have similar songs. Plus, I remember when I made this one for you.”
“You do?”
I flit my eyes to her. She’s pulled both of her legs onto the seat to sit under her in a criss-cross fashion. She looks relaxed, which I’m grateful for .
“It was a coming home present for you. I always tried to put together playlists that spoke to our relationship.”
“Our relationship, huh?” I smirk at her. Her cheeks flush. They always do that when I flash my dimples.
Millie reaches across the center console and tries to playfully swat at my arm, but I catch her hand with mine. Her breath hitches at our contact. I want to hold her close, interlace our fingers, but I let her go.
“Ye-yeah,” she stumbles over her words. “I had one I never gave you.”
“You did?”
“I was going to give it to you that night…” She trails off, not needing to finish her sentence because we both know what night she’s talking about.
The night I couldn’t give her what she wanted.
The night I ran instead of admitting to myself I was in love with her.
The night our relationship changed and we were no longer an ‘us.’
“What happened to it?” I ask.
“I…might have smashed it.”
She doesn’t talk more after that, and I take it as a sign to not strike up a random conversation she might not want to have. I let her have these last few moments of silence until we are stuck in the wilderness together.
Once we reach the lot near the trailhead and are parked, I unbuckle and turn to face Millie.
“This is my favorite hike,” she says.
“I know,” I say.
It’s a trail that sits near a field of wildflowers, and even though there might not be anything blooming right now, it still reminds me of memories from our past. We used to come here often. Sometimes with others, but mostly alone.
Millie doesn’t say anything else. She unbuckles and hops out of the car. I do the same, pulling the extra jacket I brought with me from the back seat.
“Here.” I hand it to her, and she only hesitates for a brief moment before she accepts it.
There’s also a backpack with snacks, in case we came here, so I reach to grab it and sling it over my shoulders.
She starts ahead of me, and I take a deep breath before following her. My goal for today is to not say or do something dumb to make her more mad at me. So, for the first few minutes, we walk in silence, the only noise around us the sloshing of our shoes in the mud. It’s a bit muddy from recent rain, but that’s why I picked a short hike. Something to get us outside, in fresh air, so I can ask her about what we’re doing about our situation.
I didn’t come to Willow Pines expecting to enter a fake relationship.
And I still don’t know how long I’m going to be back in town. When I talked to Grandpa, he told me he didn’t need me at all. But for some reason, I’m inclined to stay for a little while to make sure he’s truly okay. It’s not like anything is waiting for me back in the city anymore.
“Should we?—”
“Millie, we?—”
We interrupt each other, then laugh.
“You go first,” I say.
“Okay, I was going to ask if we should talk about last night?”
“About my mad audio skills?”
“I will push you into this mud, Will.” Millie glares. “There’s a few things, but you could fill me in on what happened with Julia.”
“Ah.” That is one thing I don’t want to talk about, haven’t talked about. But I suppose if I’m going to chat with anyone about Julia, it should be Millie. It makes the most sense. I don’t need to tell her everything, but even a small detail will loosen the knot in my chest. “We broke things off when we got back from our trip.”
“The trip when you announced you were engaged?” Millie asks.
I nod.
“Shit,” Millie says.
“Yep. It wasn’t the best timing.”
“What happened? Why did things end?”
“It’s a long story. Why don’t you tell me about how you got into running events in town?” I ask, trying to see if she will let me change the subject.
“It’s a long story,” she repeats, teasing me.
“Touché.”
We reach the top of the trail in record time, and I motion to the bench. We sit and enjoy the view for a moment before I take out the snacks in my bag. The summit of this trail overlooks the wildflower field, and although most of them aren’t blooming, there are a few sprouting. It’s peaceful, though, with it being the two of us alone here.
“How are the girls?” I ask, snacking on some chips.
“Oh, the same.” Millie reaches for a snack, then leans back onto the bench. I love seeing her relaxed around me, like the old Millie. “Florence is heading to Norway for a pre-honeymoon slash work trip. Ava is still a photographer. And Riley is good. I’m going to see them on Monday. They’re coming to help with some Valentine's Day prep.”
When Millie talks about things or people she loves, she gets super animated. Her hands fly everywhere, and her smile is so big. If it wasn’t starting to get frigid outside, and if we were somewhere warm, I could get her to ramble for hours. That is, if she wanted to even talk to me for that long.
“That’s nice,” I comment.
“What’s new in your world? Why are you back here, Will?” Millie says, turning to face me on the bench.
“I’m helping Grandpa for a few weeks,” I say calmly while I pack the snacks .
“You’re not going to be here until the spring festival?”
I shake my head. “I’ll help you while I’m here, and virtually once I’m gone.”
Millie sighs. “Why don’t you…stay?”
“I might if the festival wasn’t in two months. We should head back if you want to get back to the store.”
“You’re going to have to stop sidestepping my questions eventually, you know. You owe me that.”
“I don’t know, Mills. I’m kind of hoping you’ll forget about the hard questions and ask me something else.” The warning bells go off in my head, telling me to stop while I’m ahead, but I can’t.
“Like?” Millie hands me her snack. I take it with one hand, then grab her wrist with the other, keeping her face inches from mine.
“Will…” Millie says, holding my gaze.
I tug on her wrist until I’m close enough to whisper in her ear.
“Can I kiss you again?”
“That might not be a good idea,” she whispers.
“That’s not an answer,” I mumble, lightly kissing the shell of her ear, rubbing small circles on her wrist.
“No one is watching. We don’t have to fake anything.”
“Not faking. Don’t care.”
“Will,” Millie half whispers, half moans.
I trail kisses on her jaw, knowing it’s a weak spot. When I’m about to reach her mouth, claim her lips again, she pushes me away and stands.
“I can’t, Will.”
“Can’t but want to?”
“Same difference,” Millie huffs and walks past me.
“Not the same.” I reach out to grab her hand, needing her body next to mine, and am surprised when she lets me intertwine my fingers with hers.
We walk for a few minutes in silence, heading back toward the truck. Our arms swing in tandem as we tromp on the trail, her hand squeezing mine to help her stabilize every so often.
“How long are you going to be in town?” Millie asks, hesitantly, breaking the silence.
“I—um, not sure. More than a week, for sure.”
“So, two weeks?” Millie pushes.
“Maybe.” I want to tell her. I want to be vulnerable. Doing so would earn part of her trust back, but I’m not ready. “I haven’t decided.”
“Is it going well? The teaching?”
“Yeah, I love it. The kids are great, even if they are little shits sometimes,” I say with a chuckle. “But I don’t…I don’t have anyone in the city, Mills. Everything kind of fell apart when my relationship with Julia ended.”
“It’s hard to be mad at you when you tell me things like that.”
“Does this mean we can check off the item about you forgiving me?” I ask with a grin.
“I don’t know…” Millie trails off, her eyes on the ground ahead of us.
“Do I need to get on my knees and beg?” I flash a smirk, along with a wink, and she shakes her head like it’s the most ridiculous question. When she doesn’t say anything, I decide to push a little further and add, “Or I can get on my knees for a different reason.”
We reach the parking lot a moment later.
“Don’t push it,” Millie says, her lips curling into a smile.
“Oh, but Millie, I’m great at pushing.” She yelps as I tug her in front of me once we reach the passenger side of the truck. There’s something about feeling her body flush against mine. I can’t get enough, and whenever I’ve had the opportunity, it’s all I can envision. If I had the chance at the top of the hike, I would’ve pinned her to a tree and dropped to my knees without hesitation.
“Why do you keep putting me in this position?” Millie asks, her voice breathy .
“I’m afraid it’s a habit at this point.” I lean into her, closing the rest of the gap.
“Will, you’ve only been here for—” I distract her by trailing my hands up her arms, kissing her neck, catching her off guard. She gasps and grips my hand harder.
“Is this okay?” I ask, making sure I’m not crossing a line.
“Yes, I mean, I don’t know. Will…” Millie wriggles under my touch, and I’m extra thankful no one is around. “You’ve only been here for a day, and I’m finding it hard to be mad at you.”
“Eh, you’re still mad at me, but I don’t mind. I’ll win you over.” I kiss the other side of her neck. She releases a breathy moan.
“We need to talk about this,” Millie says as I pepper kisses on her neck.
“You’re right,” I respond, but I don’t stop.
Millie lets go of my hand and grasps my shoulders to push me back.
“Will, I’m serious.” She tries to give me a straight face, but she curls her lips inward to avoid smiling.
“Yeah, yeah, okay. Let’s get in the truck though, so I can turn on the heat.”
I take a few steps back so she can slide into the truck. I close the door for her, then head to the driver's side.
Once the car is on and I’ve pulled out of the parking lot, I say, “Okay, let’s talk.”